Humorous stories about writers

Mark Twain received a letter. This is written by a young man. He wants to ask Mark Twain the secret of becoming a great writer. The letter said, "I heard that fish contains a lot of phosphorus, which is good for the brain." It seems that to be a great writer, you must eat a lot of fish, right? But I don't know what fish you ate and how much did you eat? " Mark Twain wrote back: "It seems that you have to eat a whale." Mark Twain said at a reception that "some members of Congress are * * *." The reporter made his words public, and members of Congress in Washington insisted that Mark Twain publish a fact in the newspaper and apologize. Therefore, Mark Twain wrote this notice: "In the past, when I spoke at a banquet, I said that some members of Congress were * * *. After careful consideration, I found this statement inappropriate and untrue. I specially made a statement in the newspaper and revised it to read: Some members of Congress are not * * * *. By chance, Mark Twain and the speaker John M Debby were invited to the same dinner party. At the beginning of the speech, Johnsy M. Debiao was eloquent and emotional. He spoke for 20 minutes and won warm applause. Then it was Mark Twain's turn to make a speech. Mark Twain stood up and said sadly, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm really sorry. Before the meeting, Mr. Johnsy M. Debiao asked me to exchange speeches, so what you just heard was my speech. I sincerely thank you for your careful listening and enthusiastic support. "But somehow, I can't find Mr. Josie Debiao's speech, so I can't speak for him. Please forgive me for sitting down. " French celebrity Bogart ridiculed the short history of Americans, saying that "Americans often miss their ancestors when they are free, but when they think of their grandparents, they can't help but stop." Mark Twain hit back: "When the French are free, they always want to find out who their father is, but it is difficult to find out." When Mark Twain was a little-known writer, he was introduced to General Grant. After they shook hands, Mark Twain couldn't think of anything to say, and Grant kept his usual silence. Finally, Mark Twain stammered, "General, I feel very embarrassed. What about you? " Mark Twain went out for a ride. When the conductor checked the ticket, he searched every pocket and couldn't find his ticket. It happened that the conductor knew him, so he comforted Mark Twain and said, "Never mind. It doesn't matter if you really can't find a ticket. " "Cough! Why not? I must find the damn ticket, otherwise, how will I know where I am going? " Mark Twain often tells people a sad past when he was a child. It is said that Mark Twain was born as twins. He is so similar to his twin brother that their mother can't tell them apart. One day, while the nanny was bathing them, one of them accidentally fell into the bathtub and drowned. No one knows which twin drowned. "The saddest thing is here." Mark Twain said, "Everyone thinks I am the one who survived, but I am not. It was my brother who survived. The drowning person is me. " Mark Twain once stayed in a hotel. He was told in advance that mosquitoes were particularly fierce here. When he checked in at the reception desk, a mosquito just flew in. Mark Twain said to the waiter, "I heard that mosquitoes in your area are very smart. Sure enough, they will come to see my room number in advance, so that they can check the number and have a full meal at night. " The waiter couldn't help laughing after listening. As a result, Mark Twain slept well that night, because the waiter also remembered the room number and went into the room in advance to do mosquito prevention work. There was once a critic who liked to find fault with details and accused Mark Twain of lying. Mark Twain replied: If you can't lie, have no ability to lie, and have no knowledge of how to lie, how can you judge that I am lying? Only those experienced in this field have the right to make such blatant and arbitrary accusations. Mark Twain was once invited to dinner. During the dinner, he said to a lady, "Madam, you are so beautiful!" " "Unexpectedly, the woman said," Sir, I'm sorry I can't answer you in the same way. Mark Twain, quick-witted and sharp-tongued, replied with a smile, "That doesn't matter. You can also lie like me. "Mark Twain was once asked if he remembered how he made money for the first time. He thought for a long time and then said, "Yes, I remember it very clearly. That was when I was studying in primary school. At that time, primary school students didn't respect teachers, didn't cherish school property, and often broke tables and chairs. Therefore, our school has made a rule that any student who breaks a desk and chair with a pencil or a knife will be beaten or fined five yuan in front of the whole school. One day, I broke my desk, so I had to tell my father that I violated the school rules, and I was either fined five yuan or beaten in front of the whole school. Father said it was a shame to be beaten in front of all the students in the school. He promised me five yuan to donate to the school. But before giving me five dollars, he took me upstairs and gave me a good beating. I think, since I have been beaten, I decided to fight again in front of all the students in order to save the five dollars. I really did it. It was the first time I earned money. "Mark Twain reached out and touched an oil painting when he visited the studio of the famous painter Whistler. Whistler pretended to be angry and shouted, "Look out! Don't you see that this painting is still dry? " "Oh, never mind, I'm wearing gloves anyway." Mark Twain replied. Mark Twain fell in love with Miss Levi with black hair and amazing beauty. They got married on February 2, 1870. Shortly after their marriage, Mark Twain wrote a letter to a friend. He said humorously in his letter: "If a person is as happy as they are after marriage, then I have wasted 30 years. If everything could be started from scratch, I would get married when I was a baby, instead of wasting my time grinding my teeth and throwing bottles and cans. "