Chatting about mood books with great interest in qq.

Chatting about mood books with great interest in qq.

1. Be the boss's assistant. Employees have a holiday on New Year's Day. The proprietress and I are sorting out the warehouse. The ground is relatively clean ... I just sat there packing ... I finally packed all morning. Get up. Everyone knows that. Sitting on the ground, I always tidy my pants after getting up ... so my boss's wife and I are both tidying my pants. Because it's familiar. I tightened my belt by the way. At this moment, the boss came in ... watching each of us tidy up our clothes. The point is that I haven't fastened my seat belt yet ... the boss's face is livid. ...

There is a girl in the office who is very tough. It's very cold recently. Look at her sitting on a stool and shaking her feet. Ask, what's the matter? A: It's urgent. Q: Why not solve it? Answer: Keep it and keep warm.

As soon as Xiaoming got home, his father asked: Didn't you get punished by the teacher for coming back so late today? Xiao Ming didn't speak and nodded. Dad asked: Why? Xiaoming: The teacher asked me what 2+3 was, and I said it was 5. Dad: Right? Xiaoming: Later, the teacher asked, What is 3+2? Dad: Isn't it fucking the same? Xiao Ming said: Dad, that's what I said ...

4. My passwords are very simple, with my girlfriend's initials and birthday ... so ... I have developed the good habit of changing my passwords frequently.

5. This man gave up his studies, work and blind date because of World of Warcraft ... My sister was angry: it was just a game. The man replied: although the woman is good, she can't let me play for 4000 minutes for 30 yuan ... After listening, my sister angered: If you can play for 4000 minutes at a time, I will post it to you.

6. The beauty called her husband: "Husband, my car was hit!" The husband quickly asked, "Are you all right? Whose responsibility is it? " The beauty replied, "It's no big deal. It should be my responsibility. " The husband asked again, "Isn't the other party responsible at all?" The beauty replied, "There is no responsibility at all." The husband felt very strange and asked, "What car did the other person drive?" The beauty replied, "The other side is the wall." On the other side is the wall ...

7. A newly pregnant colleague once took a taxi home from work with another female colleague, and suddenly there was a 1 big bend, and the two were crowded together. Colleagues said: alas, the three of us are all crowded together. The driver said in horror, aren't you two people coming up?

8. My Chinese name is Guoer, my English name is Pass, my Japanese name is Bukzi, my Korean name is Smecta, my Indian name is Goalsan, and my Russian name is Bigotrovsky.

9. A friend said, "I have studied hard for every exam for more than ten years. For what, for myself? " ! Not only to improve the average class score, but also to save face for the teacher, first evaluate the grade director and let the principal go to the Education Bureau for a meeting to save face. I feel scared and sweaty every time I copy it. Did I mention complaining? ! I'm so selfless. What else do you want from me? Quotations from funny Weibo

10. Sometimes when I write a Chinese paper, I always feel that I am British. When I was doing my English paper, I felt that I was from China again. When I faced the math test paper, I suddenly found myself an alien. ...

1 1. A man applied for a job, and the female manager asked him what his major was. The man said, "The lower body is special." Female manager: "Rogue, dirty …" The man said angrily: "Who is rogue and who is dirty? I said what happened to my leg ... "

12. Who is Lu Wentao? Who is the "Lu Wentao" ranked first in search hotspots? This brother is the brother on the first floor of Renren. He always occupies the sofa and leaves messages to touch the dog's head on the second floor. A few days ago, he didn't want to lose his footing. Because of the error of 0. 1 second, someone else occupied the sofa and touched his dog's head on the second floor. Netizens finally caught him, and quickly attacked him, setting off an upsurge of "touching Lu Wentao's dog's head".

13. Yesterday, a Chaoshan male guest asked the female guest "You must have a boy". I asked, "What if your wife can't have a boy?" He said: "We Chaoshan people must have boys." I asked, "Can't you have a boy for divorce?" He said: "We Chaoshan people don't divorce, but we must have boys." I asked, "What if we just can't have boys?" He said: "It is our Chaoshan tradition to have boys.

14. A tiger caught a cold and wanted to eat a panda. The panda cried and said, "You have a cold. Why did you eat me?" "The tiger said," as the advertisement said, if you have a cold, you will eat white and black!

15. A child went to the shop downstairs to buy drinks. The shopkeeper gave him a bottle, and then the child said there was no money. The shopkeeper angrily threatened: "No money to find your mother!" "The child was so scared that the bottle cap fell to the ground. Pick it up and have a look: another bottle! So he gave the bottle cap to the shopkeeper and left happily. Let the shopkeeper look blank. ...

16. When Lao Wang entered the age of no doubt, he felt more and more that his ears were useless and went to the hospital for treatment. Lao Wang: "Doctor, my ears are getting worse and worse. I can't even hear my own fart recently. " Doctor: "Take this medicine and see, the situation may get better." Lao Wang: "Can my ear disease be cured?" Doctor: "That may not work, but it can make your fart louder."

17. Yesterday, I got the ticket. In front of me is a migrant worker. All the trains he asked were answered, "No!" He was at a loss: "How to go home for the New Year!" When he saw that I successfully got the ticket booked online, he smiled happily, as if he had found a savior. Just ask this young lady later! When you leave, tell him to register online, pay online, and so on He was puzzled and said, "I, I won't ..."

18. The so-called review, explained by economics, is the standard prisoner's dilemma. If we don't review when we reach an agreement, everyone will: but out of the dominant strategy, everyone chooses to review, and as a result, everyone's overall interests are damaged ... What's more, under this Nash equilibrium, everyone has no motivation to change the existing state ... so everyone is painfully reviewing ...

19. In high school, during a math exam, everyone was busy writing, and I suddenly wanted to fart, but because it was too quiet around, I wanted to cough and cover my fart. Who would have thought that after coughing, a fart came late and the whole class burst into laughter. The math teacher smiled and raised his glasses and said two words, time difference.

20. The mobile phone didn't ring for a month, so it was repaired today. As a result, the maintenance master said that the mobile phone was not broken, but no one called in for more than a month. I knelt down to the master and begged him to stop. ...

2 1. Remembering that someone said that they would make a sequel to flying swords of dragon gate, called flying swords of dragon gate, I prayed to myself not to make the third episode.

22. I once went to make-up exams and met a classmate on the way. He asked, "How many subjects did you fail?" I said, "Two subjects, and you?" He said, "I didn't fail any subjects." I said, "Awesome!" Later, I went to make up the second subject and found him coming out of the examination room. I asked, "Didn't you say that you didn't fail a subject?" He said, "Yes, I failed in one subject and everything else ..."

I walked with a girl yesterday. She said it was cold, so I said to her, "Have you ever heard a joke? A man and a woman were walking, and the girl said it was cold. Ordinary young people take off their clothes for her to wear, and literary young people untie their clothes and hug her in their arms. " Two young people said, "If you learn from me, it won't be cold when you jump." Then she smiled for a while and said, "Another silly young man told a joke."

24. When I was taking an elective exam at noon, I received a phone call from a strange number, hung up, and sent back a text message. What happened? What about the exam? "I received a text message." Then I'll send you a courier tomorrow. Have a good exam.

25. I always insist on taking a bath with cold water. After wiping my body, I habitually wash my body with a basin of cold water. I somehow lost my mind last night. After washing clothes, I took a basin of water to wash my feet. As a result, I fell on me. I feel dizzy. Today, I was lying in bed, drying clothes on the radiator.

26. In junior high school, a deskmate always told me jokes about the Erqi Road Forum more than once. He always laughs. Besides, I used to tell him most jokes ... it was a difficult time, and LZ was worse than death.

27. Back in Gong Jin, Xiao Qiao got married for the first time. She was very beautiful. Feather fan black ribbon scarf, talking and laughing, arrow in the knee. ...

28. Get up in the morning, turn on your cell phone and see the heavy snow. So I wrapped myself up and went to work. I found the sun shining all the way. Something's wrong. Turn on the phone again and take a closer look: damn, it turned out to be 24 solar terms of heavy snow.

29. Once, our class committee went out for a drink, and our monitor got drunk. He crawled back to school on the ground, so we went to help him. Unexpectedly, he said, "Don't worry about me, I'm walking against the wall. It's safe."