Classic humorous jokes

Walking in the street, as soon as I turned around and found someone rummaging through my bag, I said angrily to the thief, "What do you want!" " "As a result, she gave me a look, said a sentence of" stealing "slowly, and then left smartly. Jokes can cheer us up. Today, let's take a look at the collection of classic humorous jokes!

Classic humor joke 1 1, went to the supermarket to buy cherry tomatoes, and saw an uncle picking over there, picking and picking a few.

I can see that this uncle wants to buy it very much, but he feels very annoyed.

So, he made an amazing move. Pick one by one and send it to your mouth. At first, the salesman didn't say anything. After a while, he couldn't stand it any more. He came over and asked him what he was doing. Uncle calmly said, I want to choose a few good ones, but after careful consideration, I think practice is the only way to test the truth. I'm testing the truth.

The salesman said coldly, but you can't swallow every truth.

2. A person wants to apply for health insurance, and the insurance agent looks at his health record.

"Have you ever been accidentally injured before?" Asked the agent.

"No, not once."

"Your medical record says that you have been bitten by a poisonous snake. Didn't you accidentally get hurt? "

"Oh, no .. It wasn't accidental that the snake bit me, it was intentional."

3. A friend went to have his teeth filled. He heard that foreign dental appliances are better and don't hurt your mouth. When the dentist pulled out the molar, he asked, are you imported?

The dentist nodded. Friends just open their mouths ... it is said that the whole process is miserable.

So the first thing my friend asked afterwards is that when you say import, you don't mean to put it in your mouth. ...

Classic humor joke 2 1, lost a 5s yesterday! Space has a dynamic! Today, a dozen friends called to express their condolences! Damn it, you need either a charger or headphones.

2. There is a new female employee in the unit, who is short and fat and likes to joke.

Today, she squatted down to tie her shoelaces. A male colleague teased her and said, This guy is squatting all over the floor. That woman said that you have a good mouth.

I once criticized my male colleagues with righteous words: that is, how can you say that about others? Can people listen to them? Thin and long is a gun, obviously a mine.

3. I read a news today that the clamshell machine is still popular in Japan, where most smart phones are straight machines now!

Then a bunch of reasons are analyzed and discussed later.

Finally, the netizen replied: Because the Japanese like the sound of "bang, bang, bang"!

My nephew can't eat well, so it doesn't matter how he coaxes me. As soon as I saw it, I coaxed my nephew into eating it, saying that he wouldn't be handsome if he didn't eat it.

Sister-in-law agreed and said to my nephew, "Your uncle didn't eat well when he was a child, and it turned out like this ..."

Classic humor joke 3 1, I almost hit an old lady on my bike today and went into shock! The old lady began: Young man, is the family rich?

Me: … No … No … Yes …

Old lady: no, no. Don't ride slowly!

I ...

I was one and a half hours late for work this morning. The boss asked me, "Why are you late?"

I lied and said, "There was a traffic jam for an hour and a half."

But the boss punished me anyway.

I asked him, "Why?"

He said, "Look in the mirror. The mat on your face is printed ... "

3. When a person sees another person sitting in front of a glass of wine, he wants to make a joke, take his wine and drink it at once.

I saw the man crying and said, I'm really unlucky-I lost my job, my girlfriend left again, and even the poisoned wine that I wanted to commit suicide was drunk by you!

Married for many years, sleeping until midnight, my husband suddenly turned around and hugged his wife tightly. Wife: This life is too short. My wife woke up and listened to her husband's words, and she was moved to tears. My husband went on to say, I can't even cover my fucking feet.

There is a big mountain in front of Gong Yu's house. Gong Yu thought it was in the way and wanted to move it with his descendants. The meandering cable stopped him and said that if he couldn't move, there would be a catastrophe. Gong Yu didn't listen, thinking that if he insisted, he could move the mountain. Where there is a will, there is a way. Finally, on the day when the mountain was completely removed, Yu Gong had tears in his eyes and suddenly there was a loud noise. A snake came out of the ground, hahaha, damn gourd doll, I came out!

The young man went to visit the Zen master and asked him to set his mind at ease. Without saying anything, the Zen master went to chop firewood first, then drew water, lit the firewood in the stove, boiled water in a cauldron, and carefully wiped the teacups one by one. The young man suddenly realized: you mean, be good at experiencing life from the details of life! The Zen master put down his work and said indifferently, I just started working here and I'm busy. Leave me the fuck alone!

When I was in junior high school, I had my first period. Because I didn't understand and didn't prepare in advance, I got a stool of blood. Fortunately, the stool is dark red. After class, I took advantage of everyone's activities and secretly changed the bench in the back row. Three years later, I was admitted to a key high school with a boy in my class. When reporting for duty, the boy looked at the new campus and said with emotion that he finally came out. You see how bad our junior high school environment is, just say what the bench is smashed into. Damn it!

The fifth paragraph of the classic humor joke Math teacher: "There are three glasses of wine on the table. Let me buy your father a drink. How many cups are there? " Student: "There is no cup."

Math teacher: "What? Don't you understand what I mean? I repeat, there are three glasses of wine on the table. Let me buy your father a drink. How many more? " Student: "There is really no cup." Math teacher: "Do you know math?" Student: "Sir, you don't understand my father's temper. He won't put down his glass when he sees wine on the table. "

The teacher found a student's name in the exercise book: Mu (1 2 3).

The teacher asked, "Whose exercise book is this?"

A student stood up and said, "It's mine!"

Teacher: "What's your name?"

Student: "Mulinsen!"

Teacher: "Then how did you write your name like this?"

Student: "I used multiplication and division!" " "

Classic humorous joke 7 1, Lao Li sat in front of his house to enjoy the cool, watching the road pass through the fields in the village, which was very spectacular.

After a while, he saw a car coming, stopped at the side of the road, got off a man, dug a hole on the side of the road, and then returned to the car.

After a while, another man got off the bus and filled in the hole again.

The car went on for a while, and the man came down and dug a hole. After a while, another person filled in the hole. In this way, every time the car goes, he repeatedly digs, rests and fills the pit. Lao Li is very confused.

He couldn't help running over and asking, "What are you doing?"

Two workers replied, "The three of us are making a plan to green the expressway. The person in charge of planting trees today is ill! " "

2. A certain gentleman is in hospital. On the first day, he was examined by an ophthalmologist, the next day by a laryngologist, the third day by a respiratory system and the fourth day by a digestive organ. On the fifth day, a man came into the ward with an iron drum, a piece of cloth and a brush. The patient asked nervously, "What should I check today?"

The man paused, then smiled and said, "No, I'm here to clean the window."

When asked why you pick your nose with five fingers in turn, please don't answer me that "each finger feels different when digging."

Please don't say to me with envy every time: "It's good to have small eyes, the teacher won't find you dozing off in class!"

8 1) Husband: "Husband, I have bought all the cosmetics you want. Please buy some for me!"

Wife: "Of course, this big bag of washing powder is for you!" " "

2) Me: You were really happy when you were a child. You can eat foreign fast food, so I have to take steamed bread to school.

Wife: Steamed bread is green food. How nutritious! Look at you, how smart you are to raise steamed bread. You can catch up with me.

3) Me: I had a hard time as a child. I have to cut cattle after school.

Wife: I am more bitter than you! After school, I will also go to the countryside to collect grass and feed my rabbit (my wife's pet). Think about it, how tired it is on such a hot day.

Me: But besides mowing the cows, I have to help my mother grow vegetables.

Wife: You are very good. Everyone is helpful. I am in pain. The strawberries I grow have to be watered and mowed every day, expecting them to grow up without help.

Me: How many strawberries did you grow?

Wife: A pot.

4) As soon as a woman passes, her skin relaxes and her stomach begins to get fat.

One day, I pinched the meat on my stomach and said, "I have gained weight, and I have three circles on my stomach."

Husband smiled: "You will be Audi after one more lap!"

5) My wife was watching a blind date program, and when she saw a very fat female guest holding hands with the man she was in love with failed, she said to her husband, "This woman likes you, do you want it?"

Husband: "I don't like fat people."

Wife: "What will you do if I gain weight?"

Husband: "What can I do? I will put it in my hand. "

Wife: ...

Classic humor joke 9 Zaizai happily came back from school and asked his mother, "Where did Dad go?"

Mother saw Zaizai's excitement and asked strangely, "Is Dad at home? What do you want with dad? " "I asked my father for fifty cents."

"Why?" Mom asked.

"Before taking the math test, my dad told me,' If I get a score of 100, I'll get 1 yuan, and 80 will be given to 8 cents.' Today, I got 45 points in math. "Aberdeen replied.

My mother was surprised and asked, "What! Mathematics is only 45 points? "

Zaizai proudly said, "Yes, it has to be rounded off mathematically, so Dad has to pay 50 cents."

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