How to educate children who like to lie?

Introduction: There must be a reason for lies. They come from a wide range of sources. For children, they may come from various pressures. Parents put pressure on their children, teachers put pressure on students, classmates compete with each other, etc. Therefore, no child is born to lie. When we say that a child lies, we should reflect on our own behavior first, and we may be able to find a solution quickly. How to educate children who love to lie

1. Why do children lie?

1. Confuse imagination with the real world

Children’s imagination is rich. Many times, I will imagine some nonsense out of thin air and say it as if it were true. It’s not the child who is lying, it’s the child’s imagination. Sometimes children mistake imaginary things for reality because they cannot yet distinguish between imaginary situations and reality. Some parents often confuse their children's imaginations with lying. It is unfair to blame their children.

2. In order to attract attention

Children have the characteristic of affirming their own existence through the attention of others. If in the child's experience, lying is more likely to arouse the concern of adults, the child can Use this to get other people's attention.

3. Improper education by parents

Some children’s lying is often related to the influence of adults, especially the lying behavior of parents, which is often the direct cause of children’s lying. Parents are the authoritative figures in the minds of their children. If parents lie in front of their children, it will give their children the illusion that "lying is not wrong", or at least embolden them to lie.

4. Easily susceptible to other people’s suggestions

Parents should not ask their children in a suggestive tone, such as: Did you swallow the glass marbles in your stomach? This kind of If you ask a suggestive question, many children will answer: "Yes." ?If you ask your child patiently: ?Where did the marbles go?? The child will point to the bottom of the table and tell you: ?The marbles rolled under the table. ?

5. In order to achieve a certain wish

Sometimes, children often regard what they hope to get as having already got it. This is because the child's inner activities and thinking are not yet fully developed, resulting in "fantasy", which is not a true lie.

6. In order to avoid certain things

Sometimes children lie to avoid certain things. For example, if a child does not want to go to school, he will say: "I have a stomachache." ?This kind of lying in children is often caused by fear. Indiscriminate punishment is an important reason that creates fear and leads to lying. When a child does something wrong or behaves inappropriately, he or she will intentionally lie in order to avoid responsibility and avoid punishment or beating from parents or teachers.

2. Case: Educational Strategies for Children with Different Types of Lying

When you face a child and lie? Do you give a harsh punishment, turn a blind eye, or are you worried and anxious? In fact, children Lying is not a "moral" issue in the eyes of adults. Do not blindly criticize, otherwise, it is very likely to really push your child into "lying".

1. Fantasy lying child

4-year-old Lele no longer wants to go to kindergarten. As soon as he enters the kindergarten gate, he keeps crying, saying that there is a big tiger inside. . ?Why is there a tiger in the kindergarten? Ms. Zhang thought her son was lying, so she scolded him. But Lelezi still kept crying in the kindergarten, saying that she was afraid of the big tiger. The teacher didn't think he looked like a "liar", but where was the tiger in the kindergarten? Later, after a careful search, he found that a child was wearing a tiger-skin blouse. This was the tiger in Lele's mouth.

Experts say that children in the sensitive period of imagination will mix something they saw in books or something they did a long time ago with reality, and cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. When Lele saw the tiger skin smock, she only thought of the similarities of the tiger skin and could not tell the difference at all, so she lied in a fantasy style, not intentionally. The younger the children are, the more imaginative and creative they are, the more likely they are to lie again.

Tips: When encountering this kind of situation, parents should not blame their children casually, as this will stifle the children's imagination; they might as well tell the children what happened and what was imagined, so that they can gradually combine reality and Distinguish between imagination and imagination; at the same time, teach children to express their imagination, such as "I want", "I hope".

2. Comparative lying children

Zhou Zhou saw a neighbor kid holding a newly bought pistol by his mother. Although he was envious, he said: "Tell you, I Dad bought a submachine gun that's even more beautiful than yours. ?

Experts analyzed that comparison was the reason why Zhou Zhou lied. This was also an unintentional lie. He just wanted to satisfy his own vanity. There are also children who lie in order to please their parents and teachers and win their praise. This is also to satisfy their psychological needs for attention and praise.

Tips: When encountering this situation, parents should praise their children's strengths more and satisfy their children's desire to be noticed; in addition, parents should set an example, be strict with themselves, and not lie in front of their children; Commitments made by others or others must be fulfilled conscientiously, admit mistakes promptly after making mistakes, and make corrections conscientiously.

3. Children who avoid lying

Once, Ms. Xu witnessed her daughter spilling milk on the ground. However, when she asked about it, her daughter denied it. He also said it was the kid next door who did it.

Experts say lying is common among older children because they have done something wrong, are afraid of taking responsibility, or do not want to do something.

Tips: For children who evade responsibility, parents should have a clear attitude, tell their children that they like honest people, and encourage them to tell the truth; when the child tells the truth, do not blame him for doing something wrong. Blame him, but teach him the correct way to deal with such problems in the future. This can not only cultivate the child's self-care ability so that he will not make similar mistakes in the future, but also prevent the child from lying out of fear of criticism. On the contrary, if parents do not guide, Instead, blind criticism will form a vicious cycle, causing children to lie at will without changing their expressions.

3. Viewpoint: Parents should review their children’s lies first

Lying seems to be a common problem among growing children. In fact, children lying is the result of improper education by parents, because children cannot distinguish the difference between reality and imagination. Psychological research has found that children under the age of 4 use whether their parents are happy or not as a criterion for measuring the right and wrong of their actions. Therefore, parents should cultivate honest conduct in their children from an early age based on their age and understanding.

Next, please take a look at what parents need to pay attention to in cultivating their children’s honesty:

1. Parents should not teach their children to lie

Many parents I don’t realize that some of my small actions have an impact on my children. For example, if you don't like receiving visitors, teach your children to say: "If someone comes to see me, just say I'm not here"; if you do something you don't want your spouse to know, also say to your children: "Don't let your mother know"; and Some parents say they can't do it, make empty promises to their children, etc. Because parents have a certain prestige in their children's minds, children think that what parents say or do is right, and they gradually learn to lie.

Parents are often unaware of the consequences of such behavior at first, and they must remain honest in front of their children.

2. Don’t punish children who tell the truth

In real life, there are often cases where children tell the truth, but their parents criticize them harshly or even punish them corporally. child. For example: There was a mother who asked for sick leave to go out to play, but the child told the real situation to a colleague who came to visit the mother. When the child’s mother found out, she beat him up and taught him to tell others if such a thing happens in the future? I went to the hospital. ?. In this way, children will gradually realize that telling the truth will be punished, but not telling the truth will be fine, and they may even win the praise of their parents.

If the child makes a mistake next time, he will try his best to hide the past and avoid punishment. Therefore, the correct approach for parents should be: after a child admits a mistake, first praise him for his honesty, and then help the child analyze the reasons for the mistake.

3. Help children distinguish between imagination and reality

Psychologists have found that only about 18% of 6-year-old children can distinguish between reality and imagination, while 9-year-olds 90% of them can understand whether the story is made up or true. At the age of 11-12, they begin to understand the issue of honesty from a new perspective. In other words, children gradually understand as they grow older: What are lies and honesty? It's going on.

Therefore, parents should help their children learn to distinguish between what is pretend and what is real when they are 3-4 years old. For example, when playing a game, a parent pretends to be a big bad wolf and the child feels scared. At this time, you can explain to him what "pretend" is. For older children, you can discuss the difference between fact and fiction with children in science fiction movies, fairy tales, and drama characters.

4. Reward honest behavior promptly

To cultivate a good behavior habit, rewards are more important than punishments. When you find your child getting into trouble, don't get angry and ask if it was you who did it. ?In this matter, the child may lie because he is afraid of being beaten. This kind of questioning actually induces children to lie. Parents can look into their children's eyes and wait for them to tell the truth, or say, "What happened?" If a child admits a mistake or asks for forgiveness, praise him for his honesty before criticizing him, and lighten his punishment accordingly. Any behavior is easiest to correct initially. Therefore, when parents discover that their children have lied for the first time, they must take this issue very seriously and punish them in a timely manner. Generally, children will feel extremely uneasy when they lie for the first time. Even if they get away with it by luck, they will be very worried. If parents don't find out and stop them in time, the children will become accustomed to it and lie habitually.

4. Strategy: 6 tips for dealing with children’s lying

1. Replace severe punishment with care and acceptance

Excessively severe punishment sometimes cannot eliminate children On the other hand, lying behavior may cause children to continue lying for fear of being punished, or it may damage the parent-child relationship, or even hurt the child's self-esteem.

Therefore, when parents deal with their children's lying behavior, they can use warmth and acceptance, patiently guide their children, and try to let the children understand that their parents are not responsible for the problem but the person, so as to avoid killing them because of the problematic behavior. In order to understand the value of the child as a whole, you can also tell the child: Even if you make a mistake, there is still a chance to correct it. You are still the treasure in the heart of your parents, so that the child can express the thoughts and needs behind his behavior with confidence.

2. Understand and respond to children’s inner feelings

After children make mistakes, they will inevitably feel uneasy and afraid of being blamed by adults. If parents continue to blame and criticize their children’s behavior based on their own values, In other countries, children may be even more afraid to express their true thoughts.

If parents can try to understand the feelings behind their children's behavior, empathize and reflect, for example: You believe that you are worried that your parents will find out that you have done such a thing, and you are also afraid that your parents will punish you. But I know you didn’t mean it. Can you tell your parents that when a child’s heart can be understood by his parents, he will naturally be more willing to express his inner feelings and thoughts, and parents can deduce the reasons behind their children’s lies.

3. Pay more attention and care to your children at ordinary times

Sometimes children lie because they feel inferior because their academic achievements or behavioral performance are not as good as others, so they lie to satisfy themselves or gain benefits. Appreciation from others: Parents are usually too busy and neglect their children, or are too partial to children who perform better. Children may also lie to attract their parents' attention or gain praise.

If parents can pay more attention to their children, get closer to them, establish a good parent-child interaction, and let the children feel that they are loved and valuable, it will help to improve the children's self-confidence and also It can reduce the number of children who lie to get their parents' attention.

4. Find a better solution than lying

When dealing with children’s lying behavior, appropriate education is necessary. Sometimes children will choose to lie because they are worried about their parents' reaction after making a mistake or facing something they don't know how to deal with.

If parents can understand their children's feelings, think and discuss with their children in a gentle and tolerant manner, and find a better way to solve the problem than lying. This can help children to face problems more bravely in the future; it also prevents children from lying to protect themselves because they are afraid of their parents' reaction.

5. Make good use of picture books and stories as a medium for education

Picture books with short text and illustrations are sometimes closer to children's hearts than rigid preaching. Parents can choose them at the right time. Some picture book stories are used to guide children:

For example, the picture book "Liar Worm" allows children to understand: once you tell a lie, you have to use more lies to cover it up, which is actually more painful. "The Elf of Lies" uses heartwarming pictures and texts to allow children to experience the inner uneasiness and struggle of the protagonist when he lies. In the end, he finally has the courage to admit that he broke the pearl necklace and feels relieved. This reflects Recognizing the emotions children may feel when lying can also help children understand that it is better to face mistakes bravely than to avoid them!

6. Let children take responsibility for their own actions

Children lie There are often extenuating circumstances, but lying is definitely not a behavior that can be punished. Parents should explain to their children that lying is not an appropriate way to meet their needs. If they have any needs in the future, they can tell their parents directly instead of lying. Come too to the purpose.

In addition, you can also make a three-part agreement with your child. If the child makes a mistake or violates the agreement, the parents will not beat him or scold him, but will give him other alternative punishments, such as reducing the time to watch TV and not being able to Have a snack and let your child learn to take responsibility for their actions.

5. Parental experience: What happens after a child lies?

Sometimes I think, everyone knows that lying is bad, but why do some people still lie repeatedly?

I think most of the reasons children lie are because parents are too strict with their children. They don’t allow their children to do this or that. If they don’t obey, they interfere and criticize harshly. In fact, children also know that parents’ wishes are good, and which parent doesn’t want their children to be the best. But sometimes, in order to avoid being blamed, children will find ways to make up lies. Why do children in this period lie?

1) If they don’t want to walk, they say they have a stomachache and can’t walk.

My son has been very fond of acting for a while. When he steps on a toy, he screams "ouch, ouch" and it hurts. These are all actions that hope to gain the attention of adults. The child’s true thoughts are: Dad, please play with me for a while, Mom, you need to give me more attention and encouragement. ?

2) Bullying other children, but saying that he is being bullied. This is his attempt to escape condemnation.

For example, if his grades are unsatisfactory and he gets into trouble because of his naughtiness, he knows that if he tells the truth, his parents will be angry, blame him or even beat him. If he told the truth the first time and was criticized by adults, he would probably start lying the second time. In this case, parents should point out his mistakes, but never use excessive words to cast a shadow on the child.

3) There is another reason that deserves our most attention, which is to imitate adults and learn to lie.

There is a joke: A father is teaching his children not to lie. When the phone rings, the father sees the number and doesn’t want to answer it, so he asks the child to say he is not at home. The child picks up the phone and says: My dad said he was not at home. ?.

Careful children observe how adults interact with each other every day. No matter how hard you try to guide your child to be honest, it won't make much difference if he sees his parents lying every day and regards this form of communication as a correct, normal part of life.

4) When a child tries to lie, they feel guilt and shame.

But when parents are too busy or distracted and ignore their feelings, children will slowly improve their lying skills. Therefore, when children after the age of five or six start to lie, parents should pay a certain amount of attention and let them observe their own feelings and reactions. When someone knows what they are hiding, they will feel a sense of relief.

Let children feel that their parents can trust them, respond calmly to their mistakes, understand and respect their ideas, and then they will slowly learn self-discipline and honesty. How can parents prevent their children from lying?

(1) Parents should set an example and not lie in front of their children. As the saying goes: Beating and scolding is the worst policy, preaching is the middle policy, and personality influence is the best policy.

(2) Do not use negative methods such as scolding and corporal punishment to treat children. Because this will make the child less likely to admit his mistake and correct it after making a mistake, and will just keep lying to avoid punishment.

(3) Encourage children to admit mistakes. After understanding why your child made a mistake, teach him to take responsibility for his actions. When a child honestly admits a mistake, give him praise to enhance his sense of responsibility and let him realize the value of "honesty".

(4) Don’t be overly authoritarian or have too high demands on your children, let alone judge your children’s success or failure by your own standards. This will put too much pressure on your children. When children cannot bear the pressure, they will Lying to relieve feelings of guilt. It is not terrible for children to lie. What is terrible is that parents are deceived by their children's lies. They let the lies pass over and over again, thus encouraging their luck mentality and developing the habit of lying. Therefore, parents should communicate with their children more and take the initiative to understand their children's behavior. inner world. Parents should not be too impatient when it comes to their children's lies. They should first understand the situation and then patiently persuade and educate them. Only by understanding the motivations behind these lies can they prescribe the right medicine. Parents should patiently analyze the harm of lying to their children, so that they can understand that as long as they bravely admit they have done something wrong, they will still be a good child after correcting themselves. In particular, let the children understand that there is no need to lie at all.