Classic funny text messages

1, "Now start the training program, the first group kills chickens, the second group steals eggs, and I will cook porridge for you!" A veteran translator: "One group shoots, the other group drops bombs. Let me show you! "

It's absurd to pull out the seedlings and encourage them, but it's foolhardy to cover my ears and steal the bell. Borrowing an arrow from a straw boat is a clever plan, and burning the boat is a decisive battle. Romance is romance, and sacrificing one's life for righteousness is dedication. If you keep looking down, you are a big fool!

3. Press 0 1 when you are lonely, 23 when you want to be happy, 45 when you miss me, 67 when you want to hug, and 89 when you want to kiss. If you press and push all the buttons, you can hear my voice!

When you receive this message, your mobile phone has been poisoned! Please get dressed in 10 second, streaking your autobiography for 3 times, or your phone will explode and you will still laugh! Take it off!

At the moment when I turned to leave, you cried helplessly behind me and tore my heart out, which made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I suddenly turned around and cried and hugged you and shouted, I'm not selling this pig!

6. A gorilla came to the zoo. It was so ugly that the tourists threw up all over the floor. One day I went and I vomited; Another day, you went and the orangutan threw up.

7. Tell you a joke: Once upon a time, there was a eunuch ..... there was none below.

Congratulations on winning the grand prize. Please come to the People's Bank of China with sabre, shotgun and soil cannon at 10 this evening.

A good sleep is the key to beauty, but can you sleep too much? Wipe the saliva off your mouth. Look! Just say you! Still looking at the phone!

10, I ran into you suddenly and was at a loss. I can't avoid your affectionate eyes. I know your heart, I tried my best to escape, but you followed me closely. I cried, whose dog is this? Nobody cares!

1 1, A: How can I live longer? B: Give up drinking. A: I don't drink. B: No color. A: I don't like women. B: Vegetarian. A: I don't eat meat! B: Then why do you want to live a long life?

12, it's like this every day: playing ball with Jordan, boxing with Tai Sen, chatting with Clinton, blowing up buildings with bin Laden, bragging with Deng Hui and texting dogs. What a bore!

13, under the neon lights, your long hair is fluttering, your eyes are deep, and the sparse stubble smiles around you. Post-modern style clothes show your unique taste. I only heard you say to another colleague: It's my turn to sleep on this land tonight!

14, your clothes are clean and environmentally friendly, your body is glittering and translucent and soft, your skin is fair and smooth, your heart is rich and colorful, your figure is symmetrical, your edges and corners are sharp, and your breath is fragrant. I like you.-Zongzi

15, maid a: "I am so poor that I have to say' yes, madam' every day; Yes, madam. Maid B: "I am even worse. I have to keep saying' no, sir' every day; No, sir. "

16, EQ test: Nine out of ten people will open it when they receive this message. It can be seen that there are many people who lack self-control in this world. You too.

17 Please go to the nearest telephone pole and say loudly to the advertisement above: "My illness has been saved ~ ~ ~ ~!" ! ! ! "

18, people are really tired when they are alive. They stood trying to sleep. They have to queue up when they get on the bus. Eating is tasteless, and they are very tired at work. Ahem! Even sending messages to pigs costs money!

19, if it's a mistake to look good … I'm all wet. If loveliness is a crime ... I have committed a heinous crime. It's hard to be a man! ... you'll be fine ~ Yes, you're not guilty ... I envy you.

20. Without wind, clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; Without the sun, there would be no light on the moon ... without you, there would be no fool!

2 1, Santa Claus laughs at me, boys and girls laugh at me, parents laugh at me, and people who read text messages giggle. ...

I heard that you were dying of thirst in the desert. At this moment, a fairy floated in. The fairy gave you a glass of bright red juice to drink. You drank it all at once, it tasted good, and you had another drink. The fairy blushed and said, sorry to have to wait for next month!

Let me ask you a riddle: all the pigs in the world are dead, so tell me a song. . . . . . . . . . . . . Forget it, "at least you"!

24. The pig cried sadly. Mother pig asked, What are you crying for? I feel stupid, said the pig. Mother comforted: don't cry, the person reading this news is more stupid than you.

25. Money can buy a house, but it can't buy a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

26. Are you wronged? Are you lonely? Do you think you don't understand? Don't be sad, even if the whole world abandons you, my door is still open for you-this is a stray dog shelter, welcome you!

Recently, the corn I planted has always been eaten by crows. I made an ugly scarecrow, which was useless. I have to hang your picture. The crow not only dared not steal it again, but also sent it back! Thank you!

28. That night, I dreamed that I had a pair of wings and could fly at will. I tried to flap my wings, gently pushed open the window and flew in front of you ... I kicked you hard and said, get up and stop dreaming!

29, cowardice is not your nature, patience is not your destiny, silence makes you into trouble, reserve is your heart disease! Whoever dares to disrespect you again, I will let you bite him!

Although you are eager to follow me, although I don't want to refuse you, I still want to say: puppy, don't follow me, I really just have a white radish in my hand, not an extended version of meat buns!

3 1 is real gold, never afraid of fierce flames; Is a pine tree, never afraid of the long cold; Haiyan, never afraid of lightning that cuts the sky; What an idiot, staring at the text message!

32. There are stars all over the sky tonight, and each one is an eye; Where did you cheat? I'm worried about you! The wind is very tight recently, so be careful! Now remind you that you owe me!

33. The vampire bat came back covered in blood. Many bats are envious and ask him where he found the blood. It took the bat to a big tree and asked, "Do you see that big tree?" The bat replied: I saw it! It says: Shit! I didn't see it!

34. I decided to replace all my savings with steel jumpers, more than 300 pieces. I have nothing to play, but I can still listen. If you dare to mess with me, I'll hit you with steel, and your head is wrapped in a bag to show you the power of the rich!

35. Quiet mind is a kind of state, which tells you a good way to adjust your mood: buy a watermelon, you can stab it with a knife, cut it open and shout loudly: I want to kill the melon! I kill melons!

I've always wanted to say something to you, but you know its weight. Once I say it, maybe we can't even be friends, but I can't control my feelings ... when will you invite me to dinner?

37. It's wet on rainy days, and my mood is so wet ... Every night, you just stare at the cold window and look at it every time. I came over and said to you gently: Wang Cai, go in, the bone donor won't come today!

38. Tip: Wrap the mobile phone in zongye and cook it in a pot for 60 minutes. The battery life will be doubled, the signal will be enhanced, and you can smell zongzi when you make a phone call! Wish you a happy Dragon Boat Festival!

39. Happy Children's Day! Indulge yourself, don't hold back! It's hard to know that you usually pretend to be an adult after the festival, eat your hands if you want, and wet your bed if you want. Who cares who bites! Happy Children's Day!

40, June 1, give the remaining childlike innocence a holiday. Suggestion 1: climb naked in the room; Recommendation 2: streaking in bed; Suggestion 3: Try to walk around in open-backed pants. I wish you a happy June 1st! Every day is Children's Day!

4 1, when fashion falls in love with the earth, it will fall without hesitation, just for that moment; When clouds fall in love with running water, they fall without hesitation, just to relieve the suffering of lovesickness; When I miss you, I will not hesitate to pay a dime just to tell you: Happy June 1st, little P-boy!

If you like me, send me a message. If you like me, just call me; If you love me, then keep silent!

God gave me a cornucopia, which will become anything I want. Once I accidentally thought of you and turned into a you; I can't stop thinking about it and it won't change. In the end, the room is full of you! I'm worried: how to feed so many little mice?

44. Write a poem for you-there are small raindrops floating in the sky, which seem to laugh at my stupidity. Why are you so selfish and cruel that my poems are full of sadness? Who knows that only a fool can read this poem!

45. It's raining lightly in the sky, as if laughing at my stupidity. Why are you so selfish and cruel that I miss you? Rack one's brains to write a poem, full of sadness, who knows Only pig head and * * *, staring at the screen to see this poem.

500 years ago, you were a worker of my parents. I fell in love with the way you chopped at the window that day. Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time!

47. I heard that you are so poor that you have only money left. I sympathize with your pain. I am rich, except money. I am willing to help you at all costs and exchange my wealth for your poverty. Give me all your money quickly and let me suffer for you. Amen!

48. After in-depth observation, I found that I fell in love with you! How I want to travel through the eastern time and space, face to face with you, get a legal report and tell the truth: I love you, CCTV!

49. Pick up the phone, but put it down. I wonder if you still care about me now? You are in the apprentice, with soldiers on guard and German shepherd escort, and you will never see each other. I have to send you a short message: reform well and try to reduce the sentence!

50. There are six kinds of pigs in the world. Those who are kept at home are called domestic pigs, those born in the mountains are called wild boars, those who look at blessings are called stupid pigs, those who laugh at them are called stupid pigs, those who ignore me are called dead pigs, and those who don't return my blessings are not as good as pigs-

5 1, I am not superstitious, but I firmly believe that April Fool's Day is not appropriate. The sound of wind and rain, the sound of reading, is the sound true? Family affairs, state affairs and everything in the world must be verified! April Fool's Day is coming. I wish you success and don't be fooled.

52. Every time a drunk tries to enter the house, his wife can't help opening the door. One day, the drunk was drunk again. As usual, he went to the door and began to knock. The door opened and a voice came out: Next stop, Fuxing Road.

53. I accidentally broke the refrigerator door and the air conditioner came out. It's getting colder and colder. It is estimated that the refrigerator will not be repaired until next spring, so you must put on more clothes and keep warm during this time!

54. Don't think that building a city is settlement; Don't think that sowing seeds is a bumper harvest; Don't think that the summit is conquest; Don't think that I have forgotten you. At a critical moment, such as today, on this special day, you are my first thought.

55. Please choose Valentine's Day wishes: A: chocolate+roses B: buffet+candlelight C: movies+snacks D: all of the above. Choose d? That's how pigs are selected.

56. Work is boring, making money is a difficult ideal, but it is ambitious. When we have money to drink soybean milk and eat fried dough sticks, we want to dip in sugar, buy two bowls of soybean milk, drink one bowl and pour one!

57. When something happens, you will be too busy to get dizzy; When I'm fine, I'm bored; My favorite thing to do is to miss you and send you messages, because another fool has seen my news.

Solve the riddle on the lantern: you stand with the pig. (Hit an animal) Answer: Elephant.

59, the wind lifted your long hair, you look more chic! The waves beat your feet, and you look more innocent! You face the morning glow in the east, just like a spray! It's hard to see that you are a fool if you are not an acquaintance!

60, the child's father, I send you a text message telling you to pay attention to your health, I want to have a ninth baby with you!

6 1. On this warm and romantic day, a little pig hides in the house and draws a ball, which is round. Happy round egg, pig!

62. When one person's world seems lonely, two people's world is warm. Since I met you, I found that my heart will be with you, rain or shine. It's very kind of you to come all the way, umbrella!

63. The tortoise and the rabbit race, and the pig is the referee. Do you think the tortoise runs fast or the rabbit runs fast?

64. pig hunting notice: a purebred white pig was lost. Features: smart, considerate, holding a mobile phone to read short messages, loving pigs, and returning the information to the owner quickly after reading it! Master misses you now!

65. I want to call you on this special day, but I'm afraid you will misunderstand me. I really want to blow you a kiss, but I'm afraid you won't believe me. After thinking about it, I had to quietly send a message to say hello. Have you been fooled today?

66. A fat woman said to her friend, I often go swimming. It is said that it can lose weight. Friend: Nonsense, look at that whale!

A few days ago, my mother traveled to Chinese mainland and found an interesting advertisement for breast augmentation: It's no big deal! It's good to be a woman!

68, a river spring water a Jiang Tao, a mountain is higher than a mountain. Send a message to the straw bag, the straw bag must take out his mobile phone, take out his mobile phone and look down, and find himself an idiot.

69. God said to grant me a wish. I said I want world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said to make this person more beautiful. On reflection, he said, I'll look at the globe again.

70. At that moment, I saw my thumb move, and a short message flew to your mobile phone 10,000 times faster than Xiao Li's flying knife and appeared in front of you. You immediately turn cloudy and sunny, smile!

7 1, the pig is very powerful. He sleeps until ten o'clock every day, and every five bowls reach the bottom. No one can match the weight. Where is the pig? I'm snickering and reading text messages.

72. Teach you a happy spell; An Sizhu An Sizhu, An Sizhu, An Sizhun Bamboo, Congratulations on learning Shandong dialect; I am a pig, I am a pig, I am a pig, I am a stupid pig.

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