Joke, joke, ancient joke

The material comes from the recent events in Southern Tang Dynasty.

0 1

Li Bian, a martyr in the Southern Tang Dynasty, was young, with no achievements and low prestige. Although Zhu Jin, Li Decheng, Zhu Yanshou, Liu Xin, Zhang Chong, Chai Zaiyong, Zhou Ben, Liu Jin, Zhang Xuan, Cui Taichu, Liu Wei, Wei Jian, Wang Wan and others are competent for their jobs, they all have heavy troops in their hands, guarding the localities and the court respectively.

Li Bian always feels that he looks immature and can't be convinced, so he plans to change the color of his beard and sideburns to make himself "old" quickly.

His method is not to dye his hair, but to take Dan medicine, and his hair will turn into frost overnight.

Later, the above-mentioned cattle people went to the court to see the "old revolution" with gray hair and awe-inspiring. It was really awe-inspiring and did not dare to have infidelity.

02

Assistant Minister Zhu Gong Farmon studied in Guangling when he was in school. The teacher is very strict. Go home for dinner after school at noon every day, and the afternoon school time is fixed. If he is late, he has to hit the board.

Although Zhu Gong listens to the teacher very carefully, there is always a vicious dog in his way home. Whenever he passed by, the evil dog barked at him.

One day, when the vicious dog barked at him again, Zhu Gong adjusted his clothes, bowed to the vicious dog twice and said to it in a pleading tone, "Please don't bite me, let me go to school early, or the teacher will beat me."

Because he was too sincere, Zhu Gong said "tears communicate", but the evil dog kept barking.

It is puzzling that the evil dog died suddenly at home that night.

03

At the beginning of the Holy Yuan Dynasty (the title of Li Bian, a martyr in the Southern Tang Dynasty, 1937 10/February 943), the emperor led the officials of the civil and military forces to "visit" the warehouse in the palace and said, "Take whatever you want."

Other officials are "overloaded", but Jiang Tingfu (I don't know what his official position is, and his position is not high) only took a fine silk home and took nothing else. From then on, the emperor looked at him with new eyes and promoted him constantly, and he finally became a scholar.

04

He Zhu Jing, the general of Zhenguo, is good at ejection, brave and decisive. Before his development, he was a boy from Li Shuaijian's family in Hubei.

Li Jian was stern and resolute, and "fruitful". Even a small mistake between the left and right and the servant will not be forgiven by him

He Zhujing once frolicked with his companions in the small hall at dusk. An old man took Li Jian's favorite inkstone and said to the boys, "Who dares to break him?"

He Zhu Jing replied sharply: "Life and death are life, I dare!"

When I took the inkstone, I smashed it on the stone steps. There was a loud noise and the inkstone was suddenly shattered. Others were too scared to look at it.

The next day, when he learned the reason for breaking the inkstone, he was very angry and ordered the arrest of the boy He.

Li Furen has always been very clever, knowing that he and Zhu Jing are incompatible, and that he will be very important in the future, so he hid him in the backyard.

Although more than ten days have passed, Li Jian is still very angry.

One day, Li Jian was sitting alone in the small auditorium. A crow kept yelling at him, and his voice was very harsh.

Li was annoyed, brushed his clothes and went to the backyard gazebo. The crow followed him and kept yelling at him. Li ordered his family to expel him in many ways, but he couldn't escape.

Li Jian flew into a rage and said to the left and right, "Isn't that boy He Zhu Jing a good slingshot shooter? Tell him to kill this beast quickly, and I will forgive him! "

When He heard the news, he came and said, "Inject pills with bullets, but shoot them with strings." Li Jian kept his promise and really pardoned him.

As an adult, He was demoted to a primary school, and later made meritorious military service and was promoted.

At the beginning of Jianlong, he moved from Zhu Jing, Jiangxi to Ezhou. On the day he arrived in Ezhou, he also saw a crow in the pavilion. He shouted to the crow, "Did you save my life before?"

After taking out the food and putting it in his palm, the crow "turned over" and pecked at it in his palm.

05

When Zhang Yi was a guest of the emperor's younger brother, Fang Ya was frank, liked to get drunk and "bully" others, and many people were afraid of him.

One day, when Zhang Yi was having a banquet in Zhaoqing Palace, Chu Jun took out his favorite jade cup, poured wine for Zhang Yi himself, and then toyed with his own jade cup, which was very "reckless".

Zhang Yi was furious at once, pushed her seat away and shouted, "Your Highness, this is not only a violation of virtue, but also a violation of the purpose of benevolence of sages!"

With that, he took the jade cup from Chu Jun and smashed it on the temple pillar. Everyone here turned pale with fear. Chu Jun knew he was wrong and thanked him again and again.

06

At the beginning of Yuan Zong's reign in Southern Tang Dynasty, Excavate either hung out with concubines all day, or held banquets and played ball games. He often plays the Shuidiao words of drunken musician Yang Huafei.

On one occasion, Yang Huafei only sang "The son of heaven in the Southern Dynasties was very romantic" and sang it four times in a row.

When singing for the fourth time, Li Jing finally understood his intention, and immediately poured the wine in the cup on the ground, exultation, and thick gold silk, in recognition of his dare to speak.

From then on, he "reformed" and devoted his time and energy to politics, eventually making the country prosperous and the people safe.

07

Bachelor of Hanlin is often outspoken. His powerful people never look him in the eye. Someone asked, "Why do you have a good time at home after work?"

Chang Mengqian answered simply: "Drink the curtains and think about it."

08

Chen Jishan made a lot of money and became a local tyrant. Was removed, built villa forest pool, no longer an official.

He doesn't study and doesn't associate with people. He held a hoe all day, set up a small nursery, planted 1000 pearls in the ground like a vegetable, and then picked them one by one. ...

09

Han Xizai, a calligrapher in China, is wild and uninhibited. Whenever he gets paid, he doesn't leave anything, and he can't stay if he wants to. It's all shared by several little wives.

Dressed in patched clothes and carrying a basket in his hand, he pretended to be a beggar, and asked his favorite pupil, Shu Ya, to take his business card and beg in the yard of his little wife one by one.

Han Xizai, a northerner, came to Jiangnan to be an official. When he became a senior official, he was often too busy to attend to his maid and concubine.

Maid-in-waiting concubines could not bear loneliness, so they had an affair.

Cuckold him and write a poem to commemorate him:

Describe an affair with his woman.

Lao Han doesn't mind.