On Confucius' Crosstalk

Have you read Eat Yuanxiao by Ma Lisan? B I studied for several years. Do you know who left this book? B Cangjie creates words, and saints keep books. A: Yes! Saints not only keep accounts, but also have good martial arts. He is both civil and military. Haven't you heard of it? Oh, you don't know? A saint is a green forest with three golden darts, and the son who throws his head will certainly do it. A scale of purple and gold knives is in the world, and the heart of the Yangtze River is 800 Li. b？ Are you a saint? You are the baby in the three chivalrous swords. Answer yes! Will Cheng never be a saint? B What's the mess? The infant was born in the reign of Emperor Kangxi. When was the sage born? This is a far cry from it. Hey! I know! What year is the saint? B then I can't say. A saint was born in October, the 21st year of Duke Xiang of Lu, and in Changping Township of Lu. Changping is a mountain name, in the southeast of Qufu County. Because of this name, Shande's surname is Zhong Ni, and he lived to be seventy-three. Mencius lived to be eighty-four years old and died. You often hear: "Seventy-three, eighty-four, the ghost king doesn't ask himself to go." That's them two. After Lu ascended the throne, Confucius became the commander-in-chief of the capital. From the age of 56, he traveled around the world for 40 years, going everywhere, starting with India. B What's he doing in India? He just wants to see his friends. Who is his friend? Sakyamuni and the sage are brothers. Oh, Tathagata and sage are brothers? A Yes, it has been 2505 years since the sage was born, and it has been 250 1 year since Sakyamuni was born. The Tathagata, Lu Chuanfo, is watching a play, taking a bath, eating, listening to cross talk and watching movies with saints. B do you have this? A yes! Saints don't like to listen to plays. "The play is useless" is what the book says. He found it boring to go to the opera. He likes to listen to cross talk, and the book says "sexual similarity"-I should be close to cross talk. B I really don't understand this. After a while, when the Tathagata came back, he didn't send a letter to the saint. The sage was a little unhappy: I'll come to you first this time. How dare you see me? The sage said, "Go home! Let's go to worship Buddha! " Who's B-back? Jia Hui is an apprentice of Confucius. His surname is Yan Mingyuan, and he is also an apprentice of Confucius. His surname is Lu. The sage took two disciples there, got off the train, and the Tathagata met him on the platform. Seeing the sage clenching his fist, he said, "I didn't know Confucius had arrived, but he didn't go far to meet him. I am embarrassed to face him. " The sage said, "How dare you! How dare you! Our family came rashly, please forgive me! " Why did Huang Jintai appear? A saint has heard the play. Get on the bus together and sit down in the meditation hall. The Tathagata asked, "What will Confucius do when he arrives?" The sage said, "I want to see my Buddha, and I want to know something unknown, and I want to learn a thing or two from Buddhism." Hearing this, the Tathagata is completely wrong, and it is hard for him to say this. "Oh, what do you have to say!" The sage said, "My words are used everywhere. I heard you cut me off with my words. You shouldn't mispronounce my words! " "Tathagata," that's not true. Why did I mispronounce you? The sage said, "What if there is a typo?" For example, "I will punish your typo." "The saint said," fine you money? "Obviously, I am very stingy. I punish you for eating and drinking. I don't need it. Well, if there is a typo, I will punish you with a brain bomb (hitting your forehead with my hand). " The Tathagata thought: Well, this is a game. The sage said, "You moved the scroll. Read them. " Tathagata was very cautious and didn't dare to show it to his disciples. The first sentence of the Auspicious Sutra: "There is no Amitabha in the south ..." The sage said: "Forget it, if you don't read it, the first sentence will be wrong. What did you read about the word Namo? " "This is the south of the north and south, with nothing." The sage said, "Why do you miss Nanwu?" Tathagata said, "This is how we recite the scriptures." The sage said, "No! I'm not here. I am here. You read my words wrong. Don't! I play with you! " The Tathagata thought: Invite others to play. Close your eyes: "Fight!" In fact, it doesn't matter if the sage plays for a while. At this time, Lutz found it very cheap. He grabbed the saint's skirt and pointed to himself: "I'll do it!" " Lutz is a practitioner. Luz is so brave! "Fork on a Floating Sea" and "Ride on a Tiger at Pingjiang", that arm is so thick, and that finger is like a rolling pin, on the forehead of the Tathagata, bang! Bang! Just two strokes! The Tathagata was startled and said to himself, "A bag has stood up! When I opened my eyes, I saw the saint sitting there and Luz standing in front of me. Tathagata was very unhappy and thought: This is a game between us. You shouldn't let your apprentice retaliate against me! " Ah! Kong Laoer! "Why is Kong Laoer? Armored bullets are urgent. " Do you have a typo? "The saint said," I don't read much, but I use good words. The Tathagata said, "What if you have the wrong number?" ? "The sage said," Gentlemen come and go, and you play me. " Tathagata said, "Good! Let me ask you a word, next to the word fire, with a sweet word above and a wooden word below. The sage said, "I miss coal. The Tathagata said, "What does a gray word mean at the foot of the mountain?" ? The sage said, "This is charcoal." "Tathagata," no! You made a mistake in these two words. Mountain ash should be pronounced coal. Is coal a mineral? Coal was dug out of the mountains. Will this sweet (dry) wood turn into charcoal after burning? " The saint said, "this ... wow! Left like this from the beginning. Tathagata said, "Did you just leave?" ? Then you are mistaken. Do you want to teach, others read it wrong? I have to play this. "The sage thought: Don't be melodramatic with others. The Tathagata said to himself, "If I let my apprentice play you, it is obviously that I am stingy. I'll put a spell on you. My brain bullet can blow your head off a thousand miles away. "B have so much energy? A yes! He did it. What's the name of the Tathagata? Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? B I don't know. His name is Shi Yun. What did the sage write when he wrote this book? Which book? A "University": "Poetry: Bunky travels a thousand miles. "A head in Bakili, poked its head thousands of miles away! B is there another sentence "only for the people"? A: Ah! It was blocked by the locals, or it would be pushed out for hundreds of miles. When the Tathagata was chanting, Yan Hui saw that it was going to be broken. He came and took the sage and said, "Master, run. "Three people ran away, the Tathagata pinched the tactic, read the spell, and when they opened their eyes, there was no one. They asked their disciples, "Where are they?" The apprentice said, "They ran away." Say, "Wow!" (Make it look like a Tathagata) Why don't you look at the Tathagata in the temple! That is to say, the sage missed the play and was slow to worry. Do you have a bag on your head? B remains. It was played by Luz. What's going on here? First, Ye He Xiuer ran away. Dare not stay in this place, hurry back by car, when buying tickets, the sage lost his wallet again. I got off the train and had no money. I am trapped in Chen and Cai. In Chen and Cai, Confucius was deprived of food. Where is Chen Jia? Chen Zhou, Henan. Cai Jia? B shangcai county, Henan province. A hum! Chen is Chenjiagouzi. What about Cai? Bega Caijiaqiaozi. When trapped, the three of them lived in a hotel, eating, drinking and smoking. How much is this? What does St. B smoke? A pale face. There are many saints. Have we ever smoked white flour? A did, but saints don't smoke white flour, so it can't be written in that book. Which book says where it is? Isn't there such a sentence in the Analects of Confucius: "Two sons and three sons keep me as a secret? "I have nothing to hide!" That's what the sage said to his disciples: "You think I'm addicted, so I smoke for fun." What if there is no money? I had to pawn it. The sage said that a gentleman is always open-minded, and some things are not accepted by pawn shops, so he has to sell them, even his beloved chatterbox, the phonograph. There was a chatterbox then? Why not? If there were no chatterboxes, there would be nothing in the book. Which book is it in? Isn't there a saying in The Analects: "I heard his words, but I didn't see him." That is, I always listen to him and see no one else. That is a chatterbox. Isn't the chatterbox left by foreigners? Which foreigner? This is left by saints, handed down from generation to generation ... to EMI, this is EMI company. The more I listen to it, the more vivid it becomes. When Saint A was most bitter, three people were hungry for several meals and didn't eat anything, so that Saint A coughed. Luz was so hungry that she fell asleep, but she couldn't bear to sleep. Or Yan Hui, so hungry, people have never been vague. Still the same. How can later sages boast of Yan Hui: "I can't bear to worry about it in a mean alley, and I won't change my pleasure when I go back. What a wonderful thing! Retreat. " The sage also said, (Tianjin pronunciation) Confucius said: Yan Hui is a mouse gnawing at his own feet-be honest. Did the saint say that? A sage likes to say one-liners. The sage said, "Disciple, come on, let's go outside for activities!" " "Lutz said," master, don't save some energy. Why not lie at home and walk on an empty stomach? The wise man said, "What are you doing in the hotel? Let's go out for activities. When you meet acquaintances, get together. Anyone who gets along with us a little bit will give us a ticket and we will go back. Ordinary friends will also invite us to dinner. "Luz thought, Yes, aren't you hungry all the time?" Let's go "Three people came out. Walking in the street, the sage swallowed a mouthful of saliva when he saw something delicious. If it tastes good, it means no money, alas! Confucius said: Money can't see the size of baked wheat cake, and money can't see the size of baked wheat cake. Which book is this in? You haven't read this book. Walking down the street, there is such a tea shop selling all kinds of snacks. There are zongzi in May Festival and moon cakes in August Festival. It's the Spring Festival, and Yuanxiao is sold, not only raw, but also cooked. There is a pot boiling there, and there is a sign at the door. There is a newspaper on it, which clearly reads: "Sweet-scented osmanthus stuffing for glutinous rice dumplings, plus a penny for this number. "How delicious it would be when the sage saw that Yuanxiao was cooked like a steamed bun. Ask Luz, "Do you have any money?" Lutz said, "No! Finance has been out of my control, please ask my brother. Ask Yan Hui: "Do you have money?" "Yan Hui said," where is it? I want money, how can I be hungry? "When the saint touched his waist, he had no money, only an old money tied to the pencil box. At that time, people used brushes to brush pens. Isn't he horizontal? The saint added another vertical one. You should read it again: "Ten pence. "The saint's handwriting is so good that you can't see that it was added later. The sage took the pen to solve the money: "Go!" Three people came in. The man wiped the table: "What would you like to eat, sir? Is it glutinous rice? Eight-treasure porridge "The sage said," Eat Yuanxiao. " The man said, "can I get you three bowls?" The sage said, "No! With Tenuto, "said the man," how can we fill you with ten? "The five of us are in a bowl. If you want to eat three, we can give you nine. " The sage said, "No! Ten! " The man said, "Can't you fill it out?" The sage said, "I am four! All three of them! " B: Why does it smell like a saint? Yes, did the sage say "three"? That's another word. The more you eat, the more fragrant you get. Do you think Luz's appetite, these three Yuanxiao not only failed to solve the hunger, but also hooked it up, and there was no money to eat any more. Luz said, "Dude, how much is Yuanxiao soup?" The man said, "soup is free." Lutz thought, it's as sticky as almond tea. "Give me three bowls of soup." The sage drank well: "Brother, soup." A man drank more than 30 bowls of Yuanxiao soup, and the sage also called, "Dude, fill the soup." The man said, "Don't drink, our Yuanxiao is a fried dumpling. You three should find a place to have tea. " The sage said, "No more. Go! " Leaving an old money made the man angry: "Sir, how much do you eat if you stay?" "Ten." "How much did you pay?" "A dollar." The man said, "We each have a penny." The sage said, "Nonsense! Oh! If you locals eat, it's only a penny for ten, and it's only a penny for us to come from afar. What is your reason? " The saint shouted, and the shopkeeper came over and said, "sir, if you have no money, you will eat for nothing." You have to say that all the people who come from afar are locals and eat a penny. " The sage said, "What is the proof?" The shopkeeper said, "There is a newspaper at the door." The sage said, "Good! Let's go Read the newspaper. " What is Saint B doing? A: He added a vertical to people. Pointing to the door: "Read." The sage said, "I can't read." Why can't St. B read? A saint told him to study, just to block his mouth with a big steamed bun. The shopkeeper couldn't read, which made him: "You three are dressed so cleanly and can't read?" I can't blame free food. I don't think you sound fair. Let passers-by read it. If a penny is ten, it's free for you. If it's a penny, you can give us change. Listen to this: the sweet-scented osmanthus fruit stuffing with a penny added to this number ... it's ten o'clock. "I was so angry that I changed my smiling face and bowed to the saint." Please, sir, this is a mistake in our newspaper. Maybe someone played a joke on us and added a vertical bar to us. Fortunately, we won't lose much money if you three eat. Come on, you three. "This way, you can go, saint, don't go, ok! Reason and tide wait for no man: "A penny is worth a penny? "We who come from afar, not covering her mouth to come to you for dinner? I tell you, this is the compassion of our students. " B: Then why don't you have mercy? Cross head with curly hair, I eat 1000! Do you want to wrap it?