What is the crab effect?

The crab effect is called "crab fight syndrome" or "crab syndrome" in the United States. It is described that crabs can easily climb out of an open rattan basket. Pack a few more, and no one can climb out. If nothing else, the result of pulling each other's legs.

In China, people are used to using the "crab effect" to describe the interpersonal relationship of an industry/company. "They don't like to see other people's achievements and outstanding performances, and they are even more afraid that others will surpass themselves, so they try their best to destroy and suppress others every day. If an organization is subject to such people, over time, there will be only a group of crabs that contain each other and do not make progress. " In the recent resignation letter from HP employee Guo to CEO, Dr. Sha is a typical crab.

Feng heard that crab fight syndrome was originally used by Americans to describe the bad relationship between husband and wife and friends. "If the people closest to you are used to hitting you and belittling you; In front of them, you can't see your own value and can't develop yourself smoothly. He/she is a crab holding you back. What they did was devastating to you. "

Let's talk about crab syndrome. The reason is that some time ago, Feng called a foreign friend and was scolded by her for no reason. In fact, every time I call her, I'm scared. I wonder if she will be in a bad mood again, complaining about grabbing white. It's a pity to lose this so-called friend. We have known each other for many years. Let's go on like this. It's really awkward to get along. At the same time, I saw several divorced couples, and the big contradictions accumulated and worsened bit by bit. I remember that they once bickered, used harsh words, lost their minds, and had an attitude of never giving up until they completely degraded each other's dignity.

From an independent personal point of view, if a person can go on calmly and happily, why bother to find a like-minded "partner" to criticize your existence? What is the meaning of human unity?

So I started a discussion when I was chatting in the office. The theme is, under what circumstances can you criticize your spouse? There is no doubt that at that time, American colleagues unanimously raised their hands to vote. Under no circumstances can they criticize anyone, let alone their spouses.

Let me give you an example, "If she/he is considerate, diligent, healthy and slim before marriage; Selfish and lazy after marriage, obesity is complicated. You can't stand it, won't you say it? "

Colleagues said, "First, if she/he has habits that you can't stand, why don't you find out before you get married?" I don't know why I got married. ""Second, even if you get married, if you find a habit that you can't stand, first see if you can convince yourself to adapt to it. If you still can't get used to it, why not get a divorce? "

The first wind is hard to say. It seems that in the United States, the social atmosphere encourages people to fully understand a person before marriage, and it will take two or three years to know it. After living together for more than 6 years, there are not a few cases in which Feng proposed to break up. Once a woman called the radio station about her boyfriend, saying that he was 30 years old and had never lived with a woman. The host immediately said, "You are miserable. You have to sacrifice yourself to educate him. " Please note that the host here uses "sacrifice". In my time, before I got married, I didn't know much about the person I married, and I couldn't even tell what marriage and family were all about. It is common to sneer and blush before and after marriage. My college roommate's husband once described her atrocities against him, saying, "Peel my skin, rip out my only self-esteem in front of her, throw it on the ground and step on my foot." Another sister said that her husband often reads jokes online and encourages people to skip sentences, but he has learned many skills to hurt others. He was embarrassed to use it on outsiders, so he took it home and practiced it on her. The second point is advocated by sisters who are becoming more and more independent on various websites at present-rather than finding the relationship destructive and deep-rooted, it is better to leave early. However, is the future partner necessarily constructive? In our generation, how many people who grew up in a specific environment are used to caring and respecting others? How many people are willing to realize that they may be a crab?

Generally speaking, it is common to be belittled or belittled by people close to you in China. I was ridiculed by my parents and teachers when I was a child, by my classmates and playmates when I was older, by my colleagues and friends when I worked, and finally by my spouse. The closer I get, the more depraved I become. Being in such an environment for a long time, I gradually developed an advantage and a disadvantage: the advantage is that I have a thick skin and a face like fine steel's; The disadvantage is that it is no wonder that people's bad habits are derogatory and it is difficult to grasp the discretion of jokes. Humor, which is used to in China, may be regarded as rude words here.

Of course, "derogatory meaning" itself is constructive, and the so-called "advice at the most unpleasant time is helpful" Therefore, the habit of belittling people is often beautified and excused by the parties. But ask yourself, how many unpleasant words will be used to guide you? After supporting S, Zhuge Liang used it to comment. In the final analysis, it involves communication skills. If it's advice, why should it be unpleasant? Can't you express it in other ways if you know that the unpleasant result will not be adopted in the end?

The most thought-provoking thing is that colleagues agree that if you know someone is destructive, you should always be on guard against being dragged by him/her-never treat him/her as a friend. People who can't be human are not worthy to be called friends.