Seek super hilarious jokes and super cold jokes! ! (Don't come in if the joke is low)

1. Dr. Li from obstetrics and gynecology has been practicing medicine for many years, and through hard work, many infertile families have children.

Recently, he received a thank-you plaque engraved with four golden characters-out of thin air.

2. The psychologist asked the patient, "You hear some voices, but you don't know who is talking or where the voices come from?"

"yes."

"When did this happen?"

"When I answered the phone."

The doctor said to the patient, "I have bad news and good news."

The patient asked, "Oh, my God! What's the bad news? "

The doctor replied, "According to my experience, you can only live less than 24 hours."

The patient cried and asked, "Is there anything worse?"

The doctor said, "I've been looking for you for three days, but I can't get in touch with you."

4. The dean said to a mental patient: This time you saved a man who fell into the water, and your performance was very good. Unfortunately, he hanged himself again.

The mental patient proudly said, I'll hang him to dry!

5. An illiterate woman felt dizzy the day after her marriage and went to see a doctor.

The doctor asked: Did you eat yesterday?

I took eight birth control pills.

The doctor asked: Why not take the medicine according to the instructions?

Answer: Just take the medicine according to the instructions. It says one tablet at a time!

The doctor suddenly fell to the ground. ...

Old farmer Jiao, who has never seen a doctor for most of his life, can't bear to go to town to see a doctor this time.

Doctor: "What's the matter with you?"

Boss Jiao: "Oh, it hurts there."

Doctor: "Where do you hurt?"

Boss Jiao: "Oh, that's where it hurts."

Doctor: "Ow! Does your reproductive system hurt? "

Boss Jiao: "Hey, angry hurts, angry hurts."

Doctor: "Do you have testicular pain?"

Boss Jiao: "Hey, it hurts when it's over, and it hurts when it's over."

Doctor: "Well, why don't you have a blood test, a urine test and a stool test first?"

The doctor opened the paper and handed it to Jiao Boss. Jiao Boss looked reluctant, but gritted his teeth and went out.

After a while, Boss Jiao came back with a full face of shame. Boss Jiao said, "Doctor, I have swallowed blood and urine. I really can't swallow this shit. "

Doctor: "You go back and take medicine on time, XJ is not allowed for a month."

Boss Jiao: "What? My grandfather's surname is Jiao, and my father's surname is Jiao. Even my son and daughter are surnamed Jiao. Why can't I be surnamed Jiao for a month? "

My son has a fever. Take him to the hospital for an intravenous drip. The nurse said to her son, "Don't be afraid, aunt will prescribe some sugar water for you, and your illness will be fine!" " "My son looked at a little girl who was playing with dark brown potion next to him and said," Aunt, I want to play with coke, not sugar water! " "

1, Gao Xiao's father was hospitalized due to illness and was arranged to live in three beds. The old man living in two beds, surnamed Liu, is warm-hearted.

On this day, Gao Xiao's father was taking an intravenous drip, and the potion was almost used up, but the nurse had not come yet. Lao Liu said to Gao Xiao, "You take good care of your father and I'll call a nurse for you."

Then Liu came to the door of the ward and shouted, "Nurse, come here quickly. The third bed is almost ready."

Gao Xiao felt that the word "finished" was unlucky and quickly said, "You shouted wrong, but the medicine is finished."

Hearing this, Liu quickly changed his tune: "Nurse, come quickly, bed 3 will be finished ..."

A patient will have a minor operation the next day. He asked a beautiful female nurse, will you treat me to dinner next Saturday when I get well?

The nurse smiled sweetly and replied, Sir, I don't know. Ask the doctor who will operate on you tomorrow. He is my fiance.

A Dai is ill in hospital, and his roommate chats with him.

Roommate: What are you in hospital for?

A Dai: Tonsillar surgery will be performed tomorrow. I'm really scared.

Roommate: There's nothing to be afraid of. I had tonsillectomy in my first year of high school, and I still ate ice cream the next day.

A Dai: Really? Then what are you doing in the hospital?

Roommate: circumcision.

A Dai: Oh! That's terrible! I had this operation as soon as I was born, and I couldn't walk for a year!

When I was a nurse in a hospital, one of my jobs was to ask patients if they were allergic to anything. If there is, I will write it on the label and wrap it around the patient's wrist.

Once, I asked an elderly woman if she was allergic to anything, and she said she couldn't eat bananas. To my surprise, a few hours later, an angry man walked into the nurse's office and shouted, "Who labeled my mother a banana!" " "