Are there any jokes that are both scary and funny?

Once upon a time there was a man who had a girlfriend. He loves her more than anyone in the world.

But one day, his girlfriend left him mercilessly without even giving him a reason.

Watching his girlfriend go shopping arm in arm, he was in great pain and lost his mind.

Finally one day he killed his girlfriend.

He was going to kill her and then kill himself. But when I was dying, I felt the value of life.

Since then, he has been haunted by nightmares every day, in which his girlfriend is naked and has long hair.

Red tongue hanging on the ground, fingers like a hook to kill him.

Nightmares tormented him like needles, and one day he found a Taoist priest and begged to get rid of him.

The Taoist asked him to do three things.

First, give his girlfriend a good burial.

Second, burn the pajamas that his girlfriend wore before her death.

Third, wash away the hidden bloody clothes.

Everything must be finished before midnight, or you will be killed!

He did everything carefully according to the orders of the Taoist priest, but he couldn't find the bloody dress.

Not here.

It's almost midnight. Beads of sweat dripped from his face and wet the carpet.

He found the bloody clothes in the middle of the night, but no matter how he wiped them, he couldn't wash them off.

At this time, there was a sudden strong wind, lightning and thunder. The window was shaken from side to side by the strong wind, and the glass was broken.

This crack is even more terrible. Suddenly all the lights went out and the whole room was dark.

In the lightning, I saw my girlfriend wearing bloody pajamas, with blood dripping in her eyes and a ferocious face.

He pointed at him and snapped, "Do you know why the blood won't wash away?"

He was too shocked to say a word. His girlfriend continued: "Because you didn't use Diao brand washing powder, you idiot."

Eggs. "

(2) Meet a female ghost at night

It was late at night, and a taxi driver decided to take another passenger home, but there were not many people on the road.

There are fewer people. The driver drove aimlessly and found a white shadow shaking in front of him, waving to him. It was very quiet.

There are people overnight, and this situation has to remind people of a kind of unwilling person.

All I can think about is ghosts! ! ! But in the end, the driver decided to give her a hand, and the man got on the bus, which was very miserable.

And the hoarse voice said, "Please go to the cremation factory." The driver trembled with excitement. Is she really ... isn't he?

I can think further, but I dare not think further. He regrets it, but now he must send her to him as soon as possible.

The woman's face is comely and pale, and she has nothing to say all the way, which makes people feel creepy. The driver really can't go on.

Go, close to where she is going, he made an excuse and stammered, "Miss, I really didn't.

Sorry, it's hard to turn around ahead. You can walk there by yourself. It's very close. "The woman nodded and asked," that?

how much is it? The driver quickly said, "Forget it, forget it, you are a woman, but it's so late, you can't come here." .

Yi, forget it! ""How dare you? " "That's it!" The driver insisted.

Women can't help it. "Well, thank you!" Say that finish, opened the door. ...

The driver turned to start the car, but he didn't hear the door closing, so he turned around ... how did that woman disappear so quickly?

He looked and sat down, no! There is nothing in the front, back, left and right of the car! Did she just disappear?

The driver's curiosity, so he wanted to find out. He got out of the car and came to the open door.

"Did that woman walk too fast, or did she just ..." He was about to collapse and left here with bloody palms.

He touched his shoulder and turned around. The woman stood before him, her face covered with blood, and she spoke.

"master! Next time you stop, please don't stop by the ditch. ...

(3) There are two people.

In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path. Strange to say, people often have accidents there. Soon a young couple

Men and women were accidentally knocked down by bicycles and died on the spot. One night, five-year-old Xiao Zhi and her mother passed by on their way home. Xiao Zhi suddenly said, "Mom, electricity!"

There are two people on the pole. "Mother took his hand and walked away quickly, saying," Don't talk nonsense, children! "But it soon spread, and one day,

A reporter came to interview Xiao Zhi and asked him to take him to see the place where the car accident happened. Xiao Zhi generously took him there. The reporter asked: "Where is it?" Xiao Zhi Zhi

Pointing to the above, the reporter looked up and saw a sign hanging on the telephone pole, which read: everyone is responsible for traffic safety.

(4) three ghosts complain

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God is very

Unfortunately, there are too many people living in heaven now, and they are all full. But there's another place! You say, let the people who die the worst go to heaven.

Don. So, the first ghost began to say ... I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night! One day, I was in a building.

Clean the glass outside the building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over.

Yes! I'm dying! But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved.

Yes! So I want to climb up after I recover! Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! but

Yes, my life should not be decided. A tent blocked me. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life!

I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ... I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure! But it's just a little water

Flowers. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be.

* Husband. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing, and I thought, * Husband!

So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death! As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so the room was full.

Yes, I went into the kitchen and found that the refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows to laugh?

Myocardial blockage, laughing to death!

The third ghost said ... I'm a punk, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out! Just finished

Things, the husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I just

Hide in the refrigerator! I don't understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator and threw it from the 13 floor! This is how I contact people.

I was killed by the refrigerator!

(5) The toilet is haunted

Chu Yang wants to visit the countryside. When chatting with relatives, relatives told him that there were ghosts in the toilets here, but you didn't accept ghosts.

I won't hurt you. May be the cause of acclimatization, at night, Chu Yangxiang's stomach hurts like hell. No way, Chu Yang had to be afraid.

Afraid, I crustily skin of head went to the toilet. Chu Yanggang squatted down and heard the ghost's voice: "Do you want red toilet paper or white toilet paper?" Chuyangxiang

Knowing that he couldn't accept ghosts, he replied, "I always use newspapers." Well, it seems that Chu Yangxiang has dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang came again.

He ran to the toilet, but this time, he was no longer afraid. Seeing Chu Yang backward, the ghost held out his hand and said, "Youth Daily or Central Day?"

Newspapers? "

"I always use sports newspapers."

In the evening, Chu Yang went to the toilet for the third time.

"Youth sports or central sports?

(6) Ghost mobile phone

I used to call, but I didn't press the number like this. I inserted my finger into a perforated disk and dialed it.

Once upon a time ......

Xiaoming's home phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in. .....

One night at midnight 12, the phone rang and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver.

The other end of the phone said in a sad voice, "Is this 444-4444?" Can you help me?

Call the police 1 19? I am so miserable! .......」

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, not me!" " ! 」

The man said, "I can only call 444-4444, not others." 」

Xiao Ming was scared to death and hung up the phone quickly.

You can only call 444-4444? Is it a ghost? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again, and Xiao Ming was afraid to answer it.

But the phone kept ringing ... Xiaoming had to pick it up.

Man: "Excuse me, is this 444-4444? Can you call 1 19 for me? I'm fine.

Damn it!

.............., my finger is stuck in the telephone dial!

damned

Two men walked home after a Halloween costume party. ..

When they passed a cemetery,

On a whim, I want to go through this cemetery.

When they were halfway through, they were frightened by the sound of drumming.

The sound came from somewhere in the dark, and they trembled with fear.

Then they found an old man chiseling a tombstone with a chisel.

One of them said, "My God, sir, we thought you were a ghost.

It's so late. What are you doing here? "

The old man scolded, "* * *, they misspelled my name. ! ! !

(8) Jack-o 'lantern

On a dark night, a man drove through a graveyard at night. The breeze blew, and the surrounding sounds rustled, making people feel creepy and numb.

At first. Just then, he suddenly found a little red light flashing in the distance. His first thought was "jack-o'-lantern". So, he trembled.

Pick up a stone slowly and throw it at the light. I saw flames swaying behind another grave. He was even more afraid and picked up another stone.

I threw my head into the fire and saw the light fly to another grave. At this point, he is close to collapse. So I picked up another stone.

Throw away the lamp. At this moment, I heard a voice from behind the grave: "Shit, who is it?" Shit is not fun. A pack of cigarettes cut me three times.

Time.

9) Dolls

There is a taxi driver who works in a taxi company. One night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by darkness; neglect

However, I saw a dimly lit building on the wasteland ahead. He was wondering when there was such a building here and saw one on the side of the road.

The young lady motioned to go home in his car. After the young lady got on the bus, he closed the door and started driving. After a while, he felt very strange.

Miss, why don't you talk? As a result, he looked back at the mirror. There are no young ladies. There is only one doll sitting there. He was scared to death. Catch it.

I picked up the doll and threw it out of the window. I was seriously ill for three months after I came home.

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After his illness, he returned to work in a taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him, "You are really not interesting enough. A beautiful lady came over. "

Complain that she tried to take your car last time, but she just threw the doll in and you closed the door and drove away.

(10) On a dark and windy night, on the longest ... most terrible road. ...

The taxi driver drove there. ...

A woman beckoned to get on the bus by the roadside. ...

Well ... it was quiet all the way. ...

Until the woman spoke. ...

She said, "The apple is for you ... It's delicious ..."

The driver thought it was great ... and took it ...

Then I took a bite. ...

The woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "Delicious!"

The woman replied, "I liked apples very much before my death ..."

Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked with fear and turned white. ...

I saw that woman slowly turn her head forward, ....................................................................................................................................................................

Want to know what she said? ………………………………………………

"... but what about me? After giving birth, the baby doesn't like eating.

One night in the middle of the night, according to the book, I dialed 12 zeros to call the underworld.

So I dialed 12 zero.

There's really a sound coming. It's a woman.

"The number you dialed does not exist."

Old bear wanted to keep a diary, and found that the diary had been used up. He wanted to go out and buy another book, but it was already twelve o'clock at night. He looked for it in the dark street by bike. After searching for a long time, he finally found a bookstore that was not closed. He went in and saw a diary. He likes it very much, so he asks his boss how much it costs:

The boss said in a low voice, "This is imported, and the price should be set in 70 yuan."

The old bear said, "It's so expensive, but I have to pay 50 yuan."

The boss said, "It doesn't matter, even if you are at 50 yuan."

The old bear said happily, "Thank you, boss."

The boss said in a very low and gloomy voice, "When you buy it back, don't open the last page, or something terrible will happen." Don't blame me for not reminding you! "

The old bear said, "Well, I see."

Old bear bought his diary home. He opened the package and put it on the table in front of the room window. He wanted to take a bath before he came out to write a diary ... After taking a bath, Lao Xiong found that the window in front of the desk was actually open, and the wind was blowing the diary page by page ... When the last page was approaching, Lao Xiong went to stop it, but it was too late, and the last page was blown up. A terrible thing happened ... I saw the old bear let out a scream because he saw the last page, which read:

(Please pull down)

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................. pulls again. ...

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Keep pulling ....

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Almost. Pull a little more. ...

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Well, I have to pull a little at the end. ...

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