Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Zhang Laohan's life

Zhang Laohan's life

Text/Qu Shanggu Liang

0 1.

Zhang Laohan is dead.

No one knows when he died.

His body was found by a fisherman while fishing by the river, and he died miserably. The fisherman was so scared that he went home without telling anyone.

Until a few days later, it was discovered that Zhang Laohan hadn't come out to brag for a long time, wondering if he would be hit by that incident, and several neighbors began to talk there. The fisherman was among them, pale and in a trance.

The neighbor saw something strange and asked him, "Have you seen Zhang Laohan?"

He nodded and said, "When I was fishing by the river the other day, I saw the body of an old man, and he died very ugly."

The neighbor sighed and said, "It's okay to die, don't suffer alive."

02.

Zhang Laohan was poor since he was a child. His parents put him in his hometown when he was very young. He lived alone for more than twenty years.

No one cares about him and no one gives him food. When you are hungry, you can only go to the roadside to pick up some leftovers and wear some clothes that others have lost. Neighbors said that Zhang Laohan was born suffering.

No one wants to get along with Zhang Laohan. He is often bullied by people of the same age or even older, as if bullying him has become a common occurrence. Zhang Laohan is getting used to it.

Zhang Laohan has been living this life in his hometown.

Zhang Laohan said that he hopes to have sex with prostitutes before he is 30 years old, and then marry his wife and have children.

But he has nothing.

No money, no house, no face value, no one wants to marry him.

03.

So he went to a small county where they worked as migrant workers. Seeing his honesty, the contractor arranged a brick-moving job for him. Zhang Laohan is trying to move bricks, but his salary is too low. He can only guarantee his normal life and can't do anything else.

One night, Zhang Laohan was bragging with several workmates on the construction site.

Zhang Laohan said, "Do you know what it's like to be a woman?"

"Woman? That's a stunner, you can't touch it. "

"oh? As if I have met? "

Zhang Laohan looked at the worker who said this and looked puzzled.

The workmate said, "Well, I haven't touched it. It's not money. "

When Zhang Laohan saw it, he immediately said, "Do you want it?"

"Yes, of course. At least I'm a man. If I haven't even touched a woman, it's not someone else's joke. "

"In other words, we all want to try what it's like to be a woman."

Zhang Laohan said, "In fact, this woman is nothing more than that. It's easy to say that she has big breasts and big ass. Come on, she still has feelings. If you meet that skinny body, really, it's not interesting at all. It is better to solve it yourself. "

"How come, Zhang Laohan, do you think that you have touched a woman?"

"Yes, touched a lot, just right, few satisfactory. I tell you, this woman is the same in bed. Although she has unlimited scenery on weekdays, she is actually not satisfied in bed. "

"Yo yo, seems to have a lot of experience. Come on, go on. "

"That's, that's, that's what I said, damn it."

When Zhang Laohan saw that they all loved to listen, he became more and more enthusiastic.

"Take the first woman I met for example. That's the little wife of a rich man. She came to me and was tied up by the man's first wife. The first wife said she should be taught a lesson. To be honest, I looked at that woman at that time, which was quite pitiful, but she was really beautiful. "

"And then what? Then what? "

"Then, then that night, she slept in my bed. I specially took a bath and put on clean clothes to sleep. I thought I would do some foreplay, and then when I finished. But I don't know, this bitch is too fierce, just like a wolf. She saw me lying in bed and jumped on me. Her plump and firm breasts make people drool. I never thought I could fuck such a talented person. "

"Mama of, Zhang Laohan, you are still so cool."

"It's nothing. While undressing, she took my hand and put it on her soft chest. Tut tut, this woman's breasts are really big and soft. I'm at least a man, and I can't stand the temptation. From the original female to the male, it became a male. "

"I tried to pinch a woman's chest, and she was extremely cooperative. Her skillful movements and freely changing posture make me a little overwhelmed. Mama of, really fierce. "

"Then what happened?"

"What happened later? Later, I began to get down to business. That woman is really rude. She asked for it many times in one night, and I was exhausted. She is still full of energy. Now I finally know why the first wife took this woman away. If this goes on, the man will die sooner or later. "

"It seems that the woman's skill is really good. Meeting a man like Zhang Laohan is really a virtue accumulated in his last life. "

"Yes, and she not only has a good figure and good technology, but also makes people want to hear her breath. It's a pity. "

Zhang Laohan said with a sigh.

The workmates asked curiously, what a pity.

He said, "It's a pity that that woman disappeared for no reason. I tried to find her, but I couldn't find her. Also gave up, after all, women, just have fun. Who can move the true feelings, don't you think? "

"Sure enough, this woman is dissolute."

04.

Zhang Laohan said this, and he smiled.

Laughing strangely, no one knew what Zhang Laohan's smile meant at that time.

Maybe only he knows about it.

But maybe, even he doesn't know.

The workmates just looked at him with envy, envied his sexuality, envied that he had touched a woman, tasted the taste of a woman and seen the coquettish of a woman.

Zhang Laohan is very satisfied with the envious eyes of his workmates.

That night, Zhang Laohan slept soundly.

The next morning, Zhang Laohan still got up early to move bricks as usual, but at this time he had a halo envied by others.

He thought that in this way, he could have a place on this construction site and gain a foothold. But who knows, before long, there will be trouble.

A man said to Zhang Laohan, "I heard that you have slept with many women and are still bragging outside."

Zhang Laohan was so scared that he quickly said, "I didn't. Look who's talking nonsense. "

In the afternoon, Zhang Laohan was beaten. I was beaten for no reason, I don't know why.

After that, Zhang Laohan never mentioned this matter again.

He is afraid of being beaten again because he has been bullied by others since he was a child.

05.

Zhang Laohan has been here for five years, and every day he thinks about earning money, whoring, marrying and having children.

One day, the contractor paid them.

Zhang Laohan said, "Five years. This money should be enough for me to go whoring once and then go home to marry my wife. "

He is always dreaming, and his fantasies are particularly beautiful.

So he really did it.

He took the money in his hand and the few clothes he had in recent years and went to the place where he heard that he could go whoring.

He stood at the door, watching people go in and out.

People who go in have the word "sexual desire" written on their faces, as if they can vent their unhappiness here.

People who come out have the word "satisfaction" hidden on their faces, as if they really meet their physiological needs here.

This, he thought, was where he dreamed of whoring. Do you want to go in and realize your dream?

He is struggling. He is considering it.

He is afraid of being strangled, but he is unwilling to be lonely. After all, he has dreamed and fantasized for so many years.

After thinking for a long time, he carefully looked at the place in front of him and the people coming and going, and turned and left.

People around him looked at him with strange eyes, and he didn't care.

Go ahead by yourself.

06.

He went back.

Thinking about getting married and starting a family.

This is what you want.

After returning home, he took the money and went to the local matchmaker. He said he wanted to marry a daughter-in-law and hoped that the matchmaker could help him.

The matchmaker took his money and promised him that he would find him a beautiful girl who would have a baby.

He saw the matchmaker say so.

Happy as a child.

He thinks he can finally find happiness in his life.

A few days later, the matchmaker brought a girl, who was handsome and in good shape, and had everything she wanted.

The girl has a good impression of Zhang Laohan.

The two men briefly discussed the wedding under the matchmaking of the matchmaker.

The day before the wedding, the girl told Zhang Laohan that she hoped Zhang Laohan could give her the money.

Without further ado, Zhang Laohan nodded in agreement.

He really gave all his money to the girl.

On the wedding day, Zhang Laohan went to his aunt's house and married a girl. As a result, there was no home and no girl.

Zhang Laohan was in a hurry and went to find the matchmaker.

But again, there is no result.

Zhang Laohan walked home without thinking. He never imagined that things would come to this, which was completely different from what he thought.

The neighbors also knew about it, but they didn't say anything.

After all, it is not a glorious thing.

07.

It just didn't take long.

Zhang Laohan is missing.

Later, the fisherman said that he saw his body in the water.

Finally, Zhang Laohan died.

end

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