What should you do if your child’s ambition cannot support your dreams!

Many celebrities in the FB circle of friends are forwarding this video and feel it is full of positive energy. But when you think about it, we usually only say to three kinds of people > You are wrong about the first one It's for your partner, the second is for your subordinates, and the third is for your children. I'm less worried about the first two. After all, it's easier to deal with it as an adult. The worst is divorce or resignation, but we can't cut off the relationship with our children no matter what. , then if your child is not motivated, you are wrong

Last week, many friends forwarded a passage by Tsai Kang-yong during the final defense of an episode of Qi Pa Shuo. The debate topic in that episode was I am not motivated, and I am wrong.

Teacher Cai Kangyong’s words are relatively long. I excerpt them as follows: “I can’t tell you with confidence that your lack of ambition is a fault, but I can say with great confidence that your lack of ambition is your fault. You will definitely miss it. When you are not motivated, you are committing manslaughter because you accidentally killed your life. ”

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Many celebrities in the FB circle of friends are forwarding this video and feel it is full of positive energy, but when you think about it, we usually only say to three kinds of people > You are wrong

The first is for my partner, the second is for my subordinates, and the third is for my children. I am less worried about the first two. After all, it is easier to deal with them as adults. The worst is divorce or resignation, but there is nothing we can do about our children. If your child is not motivated, is it wrong?

I heard a joke from two young people today and share it with everyone:

"Struggle may not necessarily lead to success, but if you don't struggle~~~ it must be very comfortable."

"Wherever you fall, you'll be there~~~Sleep until you're full"

Although this is a joke among young people nowadays, I was touched by it. I believe that in today's environment, few people Some parents do not work hard and do not expect their children to go to better schools, take better classes, and have better teachers. Therefore, we teach our children earnestly and hope that they will work hard and be worthy of our efforts and become better in our eyes. Good people, we hope that our children will be motivated and make continuous progress, but if there is a gap with expectations, we will be disappointed or even blame...

Is this a familiar situation?

From the average person’s point of view, self-motivation is inherent in everyone, and is accompanied by dreams. Just like Xingye said in Kung Fu Football: "If you don’t have dreams, what’s the difference between being a man and a salted fish?" "And because of this truth, we don't allow our children to refuse our arrangements, and we can't even tolerate them being unmotivated and just want to read comics and play video games. Once we find that they are unmotivated, we will tell them that you are wrong, and They are not allowed to refute or raise questions, but when you say he is wrong, have you ever thought that what you said must be right?

I went to Xiao Ru's house a few years ago and saw that his son had been playing video games after school. I asked Xiao Ru: "Is this okay?"

Xiao Ru: "Let him be. Just don't be a bad person. Before, he stayed up all night at an Internet cafe. His father was worried and bought a whole set of computers and equipment specifically for video games. When my husband was free, the two fathers and sons played together and chatted more. You don’t have to worry about him learning bad things outside.”

If you hear this answer, you may also smile and even ask: “Is this good? What will happen in the future?”

Let me tell you, Xiaoru’s son is now working in a computer game company in Chongqing, responsible for game testing, with a monthly salary of more than 100,000.

As a parent, have you ever thought about it? The world is changing so fast. How can you confirm that your current so-called idleness and idleness will have no future in the future? And do you think a good job will still have prospects in the next 10 years or even 5 years?

When chatting with an old classmate, he said: "Since I was a child, I followed my parents' expectations and studied hard. I was admitted to Jianzhong, National Taiwan University, and National Taiwan University graduate school, and then went to study abroad. After returning to Taiwan, I worked at Renren He works at the enviable Academia Sinica and gets a high salary to do research. "

He said: "It is considered a filial piety and they live according to their parents' expectations, but they are the group of people who are most likely to be eliminated in the next five years. One!"

I looked in disbelief, and he continued: "The future era will focus on big data, but it may take a team 2 to 5 years to analyze a piece of data, but there are With AI artificial intelligence, after inputting all the information, he may analyze it and come up with a conclusion in two days, so these highly educated and highly paid researchers are the ones facing unemployment.”

The future is changing rapidly. , people of our generation can feel it best. 10 years ago you couldn't imagine surfing the Internet on your mobile phone, 5 years ago you couldn't imagine shopping on your mobile phone, and 2 years ago you couldn't imagine live broadcasting on your mobile phone. So how can you be sure that your expectations for your children will not be alienated by the world in five or even 10 years? Far behind?

In that episode of Weird Stories, I actually agree more with what Teacher Ma Dong said: "It's good to be self-motivated, and there's nothing wrong with not being self-motivated. Everyone's growth is in stages. Everyone will encounter growth bottlenecks. It may not be that the children are not working hard enough, it may be that they have encountered a bottleneck. We will only tell employees and children, "Soldiers who don't want to be generals are not good soldiers." ", they were all very proud that they stood in the center of the stage and accepted applause, but they never thought to tell them, "In fact, it's good to be soldiers", "In fact, it's also good to stand on the side and applaud." When they encounter difficulties and confusion, instead of asking our children to keep improving and working hard, why can't we sit down and be a person who listens to them, or even a person who tolerates their "slight degradation". No one is not eager to make progress, and no one wants to be the one who has the worst luck among his friends. Sometimes a child does not succeed, does not become a gifted student, and does not rank among the best in grades. Maybe it is not because he does not work hard.

My two children started Taekwondo in elementary school and are now black belts. In various competitions they have participated in over the years, they have won bronze medals, silver medals, gold medals, trophies, etc. More and more, but of course there will still be irregularities, but I tell my children every time that all frustrations and triumphs do not need to stay for too long, people just have to look forward, and if they get the ranking, they should celebrate the day happily. Returning to normal, without gaining a name, the sadness is the end of the day, there is no need to worry, because the world will not be bright because of your success, nor will it be dim because of your failure. No matter what the result of the game is, I will definitely take them to have a big meal after the game and buy them their favorite extracurricular books. I told them that the honor and disgrace of success and failure need to be tempered and precipitated over time before they can radiate more brilliantly. Light, temporary success or failure cannot determine your life. Don’t be arrogant when you win, and don’t be discouraged when you lose. As long as you are interested, we will continue to play.

Having written this, do you think you should teach your children an ability >> so that they can look at setbacks and failures in many aspects, so that they will not fall into the trap of "always pursuing happiness" "On the road to the goal", I don't know how to turn around and think about it, and I don't know how to slow down or stop.

The method is very simple:

When our child does not do well in the exam, we can say to him: "It doesn't matter, try harder next time, don't look at the score." "It's too heavy."

We can also talk to them about how we went from being a bad student to being a bad student, or from being a bad student to being a bad student.

In order to let children understand love, we can tell the story between ourselves and our significant other, talk about how shyness and hormones fight against each other in adolescence, and talk about our original confusion and frustration, pride and rebellion. , what was my state of mind at that time.

Is it okay to simply share your heart with your children? Don’t keep asking and motivating children with textbook-like inspirational stories, and don’t brainwash them with the children of Lao Zhang’s family next door, because education is not brainwashing, let alone a direct selling motivation conference.

Can you change the angle and method? Because there is no theory that proves that top students will be happy as adults, while bad students will be unhappy as adults, right?

Finally, what I want to tell you is to discover and cultivate children's interests. Only the self-motivation based on interest will have continuous motivation. You can't ask a person to be constantly motivated in things that he has no interest in, just like many office workers who stick to their posts just to make a living and live a life of no progress for decades.

You should think about it carefully. When you ask for your children, should you ask for yourself first? If you don’t make progress yourself, why should you ask your children to make progress for you and succeed for you? And when you encounter setbacks, difficulties, and are temporarily unable to hold on to your dreams, you might as well stop and take a rest, fill up your tank or take a breather, look at the surrounding scenery, and then decide whether to continue rushing or to turn a corner. In this way, Your life will be full of surprises.

* This article is published with the authorization of Pretty Mommy Little Qi’s Qili World. Reprinting without permission is prohibited.

"This article is the opinion of the carefully selected author of the cooperation and does not represent the position"