Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Layoffs (1)
Layoffs (1)
The company's performance is not good, it has been losing money for many years, and it may go bankrupt at any time. The employees are panicked and making plans. The company's senior leaders held meetings for three consecutive days in a beautiful tourist resort. After a full meal, he finally came up with a reform plan - layoffs. After a weekend, the layoff notice was officially issued.
All employees in various departments:
Affected by the Asian financial crisis, our company has experienced a sharp decrease in orders since last year, and now the amount of tasks on hand is seriously insufficient. In addition, various raw materials and labor costs has continued to soar, and the company has suffered losses for several consecutive months. In view of the current situation, the company's high-level meeting decided that only by making strategic adjustments as soon as possible and using excellent resources on key products that can generate profits can the company prevent the company from continuing to go bankrupt. Therefore, According to the spirit of the company's board of directors meeting, it was decided to lay off 20% of the employees in each of the company's departments, departments, production front lines and logistics.
XXX Co., Ltd.
After receiving the notice, the Production Department immediately communicated the spirit of the company meeting to employees. The existing employees of the Production Department are not counted as the chief and deputy section chief** *Total 12 people, which means 2 of these people will be laid off. The production department has three functional groups, and the production planning group has the largest number of people and is also the core part of production, because the rest are the transportation team and the warehouse. The transportation class has three vehicles and two drivers. Currently, there is only one middle-aged female worker left in the warehouse who is not in good health.
The main targets of layoffs are in the production planning group. There are 9 people in this group. In the past, when there were many orders, each person had several projects. Now, except for a few small contracts with old customers, most of them have nothing. Things to do.
Wang Yifan, the leader of the production planning team, is the only full-time college student in the production department. After graduation, he was originally going to join the technical department, but the leader felt that the quality of the production department personnel needed to be improved, so he was assigned to the production department. He started as a section member and became a team leader when his master was promoted to deputy section chief.
Zhao Qiang, who is physically strong, used to love playing basketball, but now he has switched to badminton because the main leader likes to play badminton. Even though he is tall and thick, he is very thoughtful. He knew about the layoffs before they were announced. , he was usually close to Wang Yifan, and Wang Yifan also learned about the layoffs from him.
Another person who knows is Li Zaiwei. He and Zhao Qiang worked in the same team before going to the production department. Li Zaiwei doesn't like sports but prefers reading, especially history books, "Those in the Ming Dynasty" It is said that I have read "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" no less than six times. I can memorize the opening lines of "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" word by word. I also like to use historical figures to confirm my daily conversations.
Wan Lihui didn’t like Li Zaiwei, especially the kind of person he said that was always talkative. He often said sage words, Confucius said, etc., and often ridiculed Li Zaiwei in front of him: "How much ink does this belly have to talk like this?" , Our department has no talent!" Every time Li Zaiwei heard Wan Lihui say this, he didn't bother to argue with him, and just pretended not to hear it. However, Zhao Qiang sometimes stood up to support Li Zaiwei, and Wan Lihui was afraid that Zhao Qiang and the leader would leave. She is very close, because she is afraid that he will put on small shoes for her at critical moments so as not to offend him easily.
Zhang Jiali is the most careful and perfect planner in the production department. Her production schedule is often required by leaders when they go out for meetings. It has a textbook-like effect. For this reason, she is often entrusted with important tasks by leaders. At work, her shortcoming is that she is not good at communication and is not gregarious, but she is independent-minded. Although she is not good at communication, she prefers to listen to Li Zaiwei's words, especially when Li Zaiwei talks nonsense and uses the words of saints to excuse himself.
Li Xiaoman is the easiest person to give birth to Corey. The table is cleaner than the bag. Everyone in Corey thinks she is here to provide for their retirement.
Even though she had a lot of orders, she didn't dare to give her key projects. She would just follow others and play a role, which sometimes made people angry to death. Wan Lihui once partnered with Li Xiaoman and verbally ordered Li Xiaoman to deliver the oil cleaning tickets. In the processing section, the oil ticket was sent to the lubrication class. As a result, Li Xiaoman sent the washing oil to the lubrication class, causing the lubrication worker to pour the washing oil into the machine tool. The equipment could not work normally for a week. The production department was held responsible. Li Xiaoman said that Li Hui arranged it, but Wan Lihui said it was Li Xiaoman's fault. As a result, the production department was deducted 0.5 points by the group company that month, and the bonus for each person in the entire department was reduced by about 500 yuan. Li Xiaoman was later blamed by Wan Lihui. He became a "pig teammate" and said nothing about having sex with Li Xiaoman. Li Xiaoman doesn't care about Wan Lihui but likes to talk to Dayong. He talks to Dayong when he has nothing to do. Others say that if Dayong wasn't married, Li Xiaoman might chase Dayong with a pole. Every time Dayong hears such words, he always He blushed and curled his lips, "Don't be scared, we are colleagues!"
Dayong's surname is Zhang. He was a fitter before coming to the production department. The leader saw that he was hard-working and willing to work, so he was transferred from the production department. . Dayong's family is from the countryside and works for his father. The conditions are not good. In the past two years, due to urbanization construction, the rural land has been expropriated. Not only was they allocated a compensated house in the city, but they also received part of the demolition money. My wife used the demolition money to live downstairs opposite the company. Rent a storefront and open a small supermarket, and the income is no less than that of Dayong. Zhao Qiang and Li Zaiwei often go to Dayong's Wife Supermarket to buy cigarettes when they have nothing to do, so paying on credit is inevitable. Every time Dayong faces his wife’s nagging, he always says that colleagues look up but don’t look down, is it because of a pack of cigarettes?
Huang Fu should be the most flexible mind among production cores. Whether it is a computer or a mobile phone, there are all kinds of stock trading software. The desk is not a work-related book but a stock trading book "Walking on Wall Street". "Memories of a Stock Trader", "Short-term is King", etc. Every time I talk about stocks to people on the phone, the loud voice can be heard next door. Wang Yifan keeps shaking his head, Zhang Jiali simply puts down what she is doing, and Li Xiao Man would also throw his cell phone on the table and mutter, "I won't go out to fight, it's annoying!"
There are two people in Corey, one of whom is in charge of external affairs, his surname is Lu, and he will be there in two years. He is retired and has been doing one thing all his life - responsible for contacting trains, sending packages, receiving goods, etc. He runs outside every day and does not see much time in the office. He does not communicate too much with comrades in the office. He mainly talks to the leaders. When I have something to do, I go directly to the leader, which is understandable because of the special nature of my job.
The last one, Ren Yunfeng, often skips work during working hours. He relies on his family background and never takes office staff seriously. At the end of last year, when he did the cleaning, he asked Dayong to clean it up for him instead of doing it himself. Wang Yifan It was originally arranged for Dayong to clean up Lao Lu's desk, but Ren Yunfeng disrupted Wang Yifan's arrangement, and Wang Yifan had to intervene. Zhao Qiang, who had long disliked Ren Yunfeng, naturally supported Wang Yifan. Ren Yunfeng pointed at Zhao Qiang's nose and said, " You, I know you are in good health, but I am not afraid of you. You are close to the leader, but I am not afraid of you snitching." It was not Dayong who pulled Zhao Qiang away and the two of them had to fight.
Now as soon as the section chief reads out the spirit of the company's documents, the task of layoffs will naturally fall to the production planning team. They will discuss the list of candidates and submit it to Corey before reporting it to the group company.
Wang Yifan cleared his throat, his voice was low but could be heard clearly. He looked around, and everyone looked at him silently, "That's what I think. Since our department has many people and insufficient tasks, It cannot be said that it is not a good thing to have extra people to do other things. Maybe we can find a more suitable way out for ourselves. Don't hide it. If anyone is willing to leave, please bring it up. If not, it will be anonymous. The two people with the most votes will submit it. What do you think?"
As soon as his words came to light, some people immediately objected. Ren Yunfeng was the first to jump out, "Isn't secret voting just about not naming names? Do you want me to leave? There is an issue of interpersonal relationships here, but everyone is working on projects and has performance, and corporate development is not about relationships, but about one's own performance, so I don't agree with the secret voting. For the past year’s performance appraisal, it’s fair to vote based on the work completion rate, don’t you think?”
Some people nodded, while others remained silent.
"Well, even if you are evaluated based on performance, you will not be in the front. Who doesn't know that your work attitude is simple and rude, and many things are not easy. Dayong wipes your ass, and you have been called out many times. , just take the last time you sent the wrong program parameters on the process card. If you didn't find it out in time, how much damage it would have caused to everyone. Also last month, you brought irrelevant people into the department to talk about things that had nothing to do with work. Secretary Shang walked by the door and took a look at you, but you didn't know how to restrain yourself. If Yifan hadn't begged you, he would have punished you long ago!" Zhao Qiang put his hands on his hips and pointed at Ren Yunfeng with one foot on the stool.
"Yes, some people don't pee and take pictures of themselves. What nonsense are you talking about!" Li Xiaoman responded. "You said appraisal based on performance, aren't you clearly talking about me? I haven't offended you yet. Even if appraisal is based on performance, there is a workload issue. Although I don't have much major workload, but which one of your names is behind it? It’s not me, Li Xiaoman. Besides, if you work more, problems will naturally arise. Why, why don’t others be allowed to make mistakes? I personally feel that my mistakes are much more glorious than those who only work on one project a year without making mistakes. You have to speak with your conscience. If I are laid off, I will go to his house to eat every day!"
"What do you mean? I don't have a lot of projects to give you a chance to practice, or how to grow. , there are so many projects that you always make mistakes, and Dayong has many projects, so why haven’t you heard of Dayong’s mistakes? Let me tell you, professionalism and professionalism must be included in the assessment, and it must be a comprehensive assessment. I’m done. ." Huang Fu's words also make sense.
Li Xiaoman took over Huang Fu’s words and said, "Professionalism, what a joke! Does talking openly about stocks at work count as professionalism? People with high professionalism don't have a clean professional book on their desks, right? ? Go wherever you should go, why are you talking so much nonsense?" Huang Fu was so angry at Li Xiaoman that he stood up, spread his legs, and looked at Wang Yifan. Looking at them expressionlessly. "Okay, Li Xiaoman, let's tear our faces apart today. It's true that I read books, but I am also after work. I don't always ask this person to wipe my butt for me. I just take out the mirror and leave the mirror when I have nothing to do during work hours. Take a look at Zhang Jiali’s work as shown on the right. How can the quality of work in the same environment be so different?”
Before Li Xiaoman could speak, Zhang Jiali immediately said, “No, don’t argue.” Come on, I didn’t say anything!”
Lao Lu, who was really impatient after reading it again, stood up and waved his hand, “Everyone, please stop making noise and listen to me, Lao Lu, babble a few words, okay? "The atmosphere where there was a fierce argument just now suddenly became quiet, and he looked at Lao Lu inexplicably, "I am getting older, and my eyesight has become worse and worse in the past few years. I was thinking of filing a report to retire early by the end of the year, but now Since there are going to be layoffs, count me as the only one. I will lose two dollars during the layoffs. My children have taken care of everything and are still filial. I will get my pension after two years until I am 60 years old.”
Lao Lu. The words immediately made the air still, and everyone was stunned. When they realized it, Lao Lu had slowly taken out a cigarette on the chair. Zhao Qiang, who reacted quickly, immediately took out a lighter and lit it for Lao Lu. Dayong walked up to Lao Lu and said, "Master Lu, you know, I can't speak. Please forgive me if I have offended you in the past. From now on, I will definitely give you a 20% discount when you buy cigarettes from my wife's place!"
Lao Lu’s high moral integrity seemed to have saved Ren Yunfeng. He walked up to Lao Lu, grabbed Lao Lu’s hand and shook it hard. Seeing this scene, Li Xiaoman also grabbed Lao Lu’s left hand. She Without Ren Yunfeng's enthusiasm, it was obvious that she was deeply moved and worried about her future.
Wang Yifan coughed dryly as preparation before speaking, "Master Lu has set up a bright mirror for us, but we are still attacking each other here. How embarrassing! In this way, Master Lu, I will remember what you just said. , but you can't help everyone. Layoffs are a helpless thing. No one wants to be in trouble. Through layoffs, everyone should reflect on their usual work attitude, professionalism, and service quality to prepare for future work. Of course, I don’t want to lose one or two in our department, but this task still needs to be completed. Let’s continue, considering the three aspects of work attitude, professionalism and service quality.”
“I want to say! The work attitude, professionalism and service quality are still outstanding. Secondly, I think it belongs to Dayong. If Dayong hadn't discovered and corrected the program error in time last time, our department would have excelled in the group company, right? "Zhao Qiang turned around and looked at it? With Dayong.
"I think Zhao Qiang's work attitude, professionalism and service quality are good. Zhao Qiang is in good health, so he has a heavy workload every time, and he always works overtime and only leaves at the end. Everyone said that he is right Right? ”
“How can discussing layoffs be like selecting advanced ones?” Li Zaiwei said this in an unusual way.
"Yes, I'm off topic, what did I just say? This is the problem in our department. Whenever we talk about a problem, we go off topic." Wan Lihui responded.
"If you don't go off topic, why don't you just say a few words and make yourself look like an outsider?" Huang Fu shouted.
- Related articles
- Urgent! English long jokes with translation
- The funniest events in the world
- What strategies are used in English teaching to improve classroom teaching efficiency?
- Siamese cat joke
- What does it mean to eat jiaozi?
- Copywriting for the coming of the first rain in spring 2022
- Which artists have caused heated discussions due to their grand performances?
- Recommend several humorous stories in classical Chinese and their translations.
- An Shoubao's quip about prostitution
- I have a very good girlfriend, and I tell her everything, but today I found that she told others what I told her, and I was a little sad. What happened to my best friend?