Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - I am a boy and will be 15 this year. I have some questions that I would like answers to. I feel like I'm 15 years old
I am a boy and will be 15 this year. I have some questions that I would like answers to. I feel like I'm 15 years old
There are many of these. I have seen dozens of questions. I have answers to 15 stories. Some of them are different from this one. The ones behind these questions are from another set of questions. , except for the fourth little girl’s diary that I still don’t have an accurate answer for, there are others, but it’s troublesome to put them together
I’ll give you the fifteen I have ready-made
1. Age
I got on an express train. About 10 minutes before midnight, a man got on the train at the midway station. After the door closed, he looked like He suddenly regained consciousness and began to look around at the faces of the passengers around him.
"Excuse my ignorance, are you 28 years old this year?" He asked me, "Yes, but how do you know?"
I asked him back. , but he ignored him and just talked to others on his own.
"Are you 45 years old this year?"
"That's right."
"Are you 62 years old?"
"How do you know?"
Having been repeating conversations like this with seemingly unknown passengers, it seems that this man has the special ability to know the age of others just by looking at their faces. .
At this time, there were still about 15 minutes to go to the next stop. All the passengers in the car, including me, looked at this man curiously until he asked about the last person. Miss.
"Are you 50 years old?"
"Yes, but you will be 51 in five minutes!" the woman replied with a smile.
In an instant, the man's face turned livid, as if he was extremely shocked.
2. Extramarital affairs
A former work partner who I worked with recently transferred to my workplace because they are both married men and we have been together often. I went out to play or drink and chat, so I asked him to go to a nearby teahouse to catch up on old times.
I asked him: "What are you doing recently and what kind of dirty money are you making?" He smiled and started talking about his past experiences.
About a year ago, he met a woman who was ten years younger than him. During the Christmas holidays, he spent the 22nd, 23rd, 24th and 25th at her house. Of course, as a result of not going home for four consecutive days, his own family was almost in trouble. Besides, he also felt deeply sorry for his elementary school daughter. So at seven o'clock in the evening on the 25th, he insisted on going home, but the woman cried and begged him not to leave.
In the end, the two had a big quarrel, so he desperately left her behind and went directly to the elevator on the 11th floor and went down to the first floor to leave.
"I didn't expect..." He smiled again and said, "When I walked out of the door, she was already waiting for me outside..."
3. Bus
A couple and their children were taking a sightseeing bus to the countryside to return to their wife’s hometown. When the bus reached a mountainous section, their children kept complaining that they were hungry, so they couldn’t stop. The child's couple had no choice but to ask the driver to let them off the bus midway, and first found a nearby fast food restaurant for a meal.
When they had finished their meal, a news bulletin was played on the TV in the restaurant. The report pointed out that just now a country tour bus driving in a mountainous area happened to be hit by a falling rock and was injured. There was a tragedy in which all the people on the bus died and no one survived. If you look carefully, it is the bus they just took!
Looking at this news, my wife murmured: "If we hadn't gotten off the bus just now, That would be great..."
Hearing what she said, her husband said angrily: "What nonsense are you talking about? If we hadn't gotten off the car right now..."
Before falling, he also I understood what my wife meant, "Ah, yes, if we hadn't gotten off the car now..."
4. Baby
There was a woman in a certain obstetrics and gynecology department. A baby was born. In the middle of the night, a nurse went to check on the baby. She unexpectedly found that the baby was completely cold and was not breathing. He was dead.
After learning about this, the hospital decided to conceal the matter and replace the dead baby with an orphan baby who was only a few days old. The mother was unconscious at the time of delivery and had not yet seen her biological child, so in theory it was foolproof to replace her with a baby with no discernible characteristics.
The next day, the hospital arranged for the mother to see the substitute baby, but as soon as she saw it, she shouted frantically: "This is not my baby!"
5 , homeless person
I am a commuter who often takes the New York subway. Every morning when I commute, I see a homeless man in the subway muttering something unknown. Out of curiosity, I secretly leaned against the wall very close to him and overheard the content of his words.
An Obasan passed by him, and the tramp whispered: "Pig!"
What is this? Is it simply a bad word that compares the other person to an animal?
p>
The next person passing by was an ordinary office man. "Human!" he said again.
Well, he is indeed an ordinary guy no matter how you look at him.
After a few days with nothing to do, he went to the subway station to eavesdrop on the homeless man's musings. A thin and downcast man passed by him, "Cow!" he said.
A cow? It looks like an emaciated bird, right?
The next step was an overweight man passing by, and he said: "Vegetables!"
Cai? Shouldn't it be a pig?
After returning home, I carefully thought about the logical relationship. Maybe he was talking about that person's previous life, or something he would reincarnate into? But in the next few days, I observed his words and deeds again, and I always felt that it was not true.
Finally one day I couldn't restrain my curiosity and went directly to the homeless man to ask him what his ability was and how to obtain his ability. After looking at me with a determined look, the homeless man said nothing, and just put his palm on my head.
From the next day, the homeless man disappeared from the subway.
Is he a god?
Or a fairy?
In short, I finally know what that ability is, because I have obtained that ability, replacing That homeless man.
6. Go home (the first person in the original text is called a woman)
I was scolded by my boss again today, by the boss whose reputation among female colleagues was so bad. Bald donkey.
"Alas, maybe I have been thinking that the prisoner who is following me recently is also that old thief and bald man?" I thought as I arrived at the door of my house.
Although it is called a home, it is actually an old one with only two rooms, only the living room, kitchen and bedroom. Only the living room has windows, although it is really cheap.
I unlocked the door and entered the room. I was shocked. The closet in the living room was messed up!
I remembered that I forgot it when I went out after breakfast this morning. Lock the door and go to work like this...
Ah... the windows are all locked, which means the intruder must have entered from the entrance!
It feels so bad! It's really frustrating. I’m unhappy! I really want to die!
Forget it, I’m already so tired today, don’t even eat dinner, I’ll try it tomorrow!
I once again made sure that the entrance hall was locked and headed to the bedroom. Go.
7. Family
“Hey, you’re not feeling well yet?” I asked my wife, who had her back to me, why do women take so long to prepare?
"It's almost done. There's no need to be in such a hurry. Look at you, you look restless. Xiaoxiang, please stop moving."
She said it right Yes, I am born with this impatience, there is nothing I can do about it.
I took out a cigarette from my suit pocket and lit it.
"I wonder if my father-in-law and mother-in-law will be shocked when I suddenly go back to their place?"
"No way, they will definitely smile when they see that their grandson is so big. Open your mouth from ear to ear!" I replied to her while looking at my son Xiang who was sleeping soundly beside me.
"Wait a minute, okay, ah..."
"Well, what's wrong?"
"Husband, you are here!"
p>
My wife pointed at my neck, and I stretched out my hand to touch it, "Ah! I forgot!"
"Husband is really not only anxious but also reckless. Come here and let me help you."
"Husband, I love you." My wife helped me tidy up the area around my neck.
"Why are you talking about this all of a sudden?"
"What does it matter? We are a couple now!" My wife looked down to avoid my sight, as if she was shy.
"Well, I love you too." I don't know how many years it has been since I said it so openly.
Although I was a little shy, it didn’t feel bad. I held my wife’s hand.
"Let's go then!"
"Yeah!"
8. Falling
Asleep on the last tram When I woke up, I found a strange girl sleeping with her head on my shoulder.
She has long black hair, which looks quite cute, and she is not like Sadako's sinister long black hair, so she is considered a beauty.
I don’t object to the current situation. Besides, it’s still some time before the stop where I want to get off, so I’ll keep it like this for now.
After a few more stations, finally this girl and I were the only ones left in the carriage. At which station will she get off? Should I wake her up first?
While I was thinking this, I unconsciously prepared to move my body.
"Don't move..." The girl who rested her head on my shoulder said softly with her eyes closed.
"I want to continue like this..." she said.
Although it felt very subtle to say this to a man I met for the first time, I was not unreasonable enough to ask her why in this situation, so I just let her lean on me.
However, the stop where I want to get off is almost here, which is a bit worrying, so I’ll ask her first.
"Uh, which station are you going to get off at?"
"The station where I fell down?" she asked back.
"No, it's the station where you want to get off. Which station?"
"The station where you get off is the station where you fall." She spit out this unclear meaning. answer. Then, seemingly looking at the questioning look on my face, he replied: "The stop where you got off is the stop where I fell."
Is it possible... that she wanted to commit suicide?
I wanted to commit suicide by jumping off the platform at the station where I got off!
As soon as I realized this possibility, I immediately tried to tell her, "Don't fall!"
"If you get off the bus, I'll fall off," she replied.
Although this is a threat to some extent, the first thing is to prevent her from committing suicide. There is no other way. "Okay, I won't get off the car." I had no choice but to answer her.
She immediately showed a pleasant smile: "Thank you, that's the agreement. However, if you violate the agreement, you will go down together!"
Listen to her As soon as I said it, I couldn't help but feel a chill in my back, but the top priority now was to calm her down, so I said: "Yes, we agreed!"
At this moment, the tram shook violently.
At that moment, I finally fully understood her seemingly incomprehensible words and deeds.
But it was too late, she fell, and I fell with her.
9. Photographic Notes in Africa
That happened when I was shooting landscapes in Africa. I used a telescope to see the big tree on the far side (not the baobab). tree, just an ordinary tree), there were ten local people staying on top, looking down.
I followed and looked below. There were lions waiting leisurely below, and a hat fell near them. I looked at the tree again, and the people were all wearing the same style of hats.
"Haha, what an unlucky guy, my hat happened to fall near the lion, and I can't pick it up now." I smiled and turned the telescope in another direction.
10. Naisai
I usually go to the bathhouse every day, and it is even more routine to go to the sauna to have a good sweat before taking a shower.
About a minute after I entered the sauna, a man also came in. Let’s see who can stay longer. I will never go out before this man goes out. This is also me. Unique habits.
Ten minutes later, the other person was a fat man who looked to be at least over 100 kilograms.
After 15 minutes, I was sweating like a waterfall and still not giving up. I can hold on, damn fat man!
After 18 minutes, the fat man finally recovered. He stood up unsteadily, staggering out of the sauna as if he might collapse at any moment.
Win! I couldn’t help but pose in victory pose in the sauna!
…………………………………………..
When I regained consciousness, I found myself in a strange room, with an old man looking at me. That old man was the service person at the toll counter in the bathhouse.
He said to me: "When I went to check, I found you outside the sauna, sitting down against the door, unconscious!"
It seems that I I'm suffering from heat stroke. I seem to be a little too pushy.
Abo continued to sigh: "It's really tiring for my old bones to carry you here. Please pay more attention next time!"
I thanked the old man again and again. Just got home, drink a beer and rest.
11. Younger brother
I once had a younger brother. Although my memory of the past has been very blurry, the most profound memory I have is when I shared the candies my father gave me with my younger brother. That happy memory.
It's just that good times don't last forever. My younger brother died a few months after he was born, but he still lives in the hearts of every family member.
Diary
In August 2012, I found a suspicious diary at home.
First of all, let me explain that my wife, who got married 6 years ago, picked out a house and bought it. However, my wife and two daughters died in a shipwreck the year before last. Although the two daughters died two years ago, Later, he washed up on two different coasts, but was still not rescued.
A few days ago, I hired a carpenter to renovate my wife’s room, and he handed me a diary that he said was found in the ceiling of my wife’s room.
That diary is indeed my wife’s handwriting. I opened it and looked at it:
7/15: From today on, I want my husband to live with you. (That day was my wife and I’s wedding anniversary.)
9/21: It’s because of you that I am who I am now.
12/9: Despite this, I will never leave you, my husband.
2/23: It’s almost over!
2/29: Can you understand?
I immediately felt extremely frightened and moved immediately. Gone to a very far place.
13. Yumi?
When I got home from school, I went to the kitchen and poured a cup of barley tea. While drinking it, I thought about my mother’s body hidden in the storage space under the tatami floor. thing.
At that time, I saw my father coming out of the next room and said to me: "Yumi? Your mother has another man and wants to abandon you and leave this home, so I had a big fight with her." After a fight, I accidentally killed her..." After saying this, she was already crying.
I had no intention of going there to report my father, but I planned to live with my father like this.
I was about to go back and change clothes, but in the room I found three fragments of a notebook with something written on it. It was my mother's handwriting. I tried to piece together the words on the fragments.
"Yumi? Run away, dad, you have lost your mind."
If it were you, would you believe your dad or your mom?
14 , Dreams
I am a man who has understood the way of dreams. I have the special ability to fully act in my sleep and make my wishes come true. Therefore, my dreams every night are completely complete to me. The only flaw in paradise is that I will lose my sense of smell and taste among my five senses.
For me, it has gradually become a routine for me to write down the contents of my dreams that I have not forgotten every morning in my "Dream Notebook".
Every time I read, it always makes me relive the incomparable happiness. Whenever I talk about my dreams with my brother who sleeps next to me, and show him my dream notes, he I will always be extremely envious. At this time, I would always tell him: "That's because you haven't practiced enough!"
In order to quickly record the dream, I also put the notebook and pen next to the pillow without telling my brother tonight, and lay down on the bed.
When I came back to my senses, I found myself on a battlefield, with the sound of guns and bullets flying everywhere. "Haha, it's not bad to have a dream like this. Let's go on a killing spree!" I picked up the gun scattered at my feet and started to aim at the target and shoot wildly.
But surprisingly, it didn’t feel very refreshing, so I concentrated and started thinking about the next dream.
Seeing my gun gradually transform into a Japanese sword from the inside out, I felt very comfortable in my hand, and I immediately raised my sword to slash at the enemy in front of me.
It felt so good! I didn’t expect that hacking people could be so common. I slashed without mercy until the enemy was stabbed like a honeycomb. Seeing him scream and fall down with strong blood, I He continued to stab without caring.
Soon I finally felt fully satisfied. Well, I could almost leave the dream and wake up. I had to write this down in my dream note as soon as possible.
15. Curse
I finally obtained the legendary "Curse Book" from somewhere.
Open it, and the first sentence in it is: "If you follow the steps recorded in this book, you can successfully curse and kill the object you want, but if there is a mistake in the steps, ,
Then this killing curse order will come back to the caster! Even so, do you still want to continue?”
Nonsense!
It’s because of me There is an enemy that I can never forgive, so I went through all kinds of troubles to get this cursed book. I started to read and follow the instructions in the book:
"1. Please close the door first. With your eyes, concentrate on recalling the face of the person you want to curse. "
That guy's face... I can't forget it even if I want to. I immediately closed my eyes and recalled his facial features. What?
"2. Then please carefully imagine how to curse him to death."
I immediately recalled all the painful ways of death that I could think of in my mind. What next?
“3. Please open your eyes for the last update.”
Answer:
1. A: The man’s ability is not to see The other party's age, but life span. The woman will be 51 years old in 5 minutes, and there are still 15 minutes until the next stop, which means that everyone on the train will die in a major train accident within the next 5 minutes.
2. Answer: She jumped directly from the 11th floor and died in front of him.
3. Answer: If the family had not gotten off the bus at that time, the bus would not have stopped and delayed some time, and it would not have been hit by falling rocks.
4. Answer: The mother killed her child with her own hands.
5. Answer: The homeless man’s ability is to see “the last thing someone ate”. Did he say “person” to someone in the first place?
6. Answer: As mentioned in the article, when the protagonist returned home, the door was locked, but it was unlocked in the morning. This shows that the intruder was at home at this time.
7. Answer: The child who was "still moving" at the beginning is already fast asleep in the next scene. This is because he was force-fed an overdose of sleeping pills by his wife. The wife reminded the protagonist that he had forgotten and arranged the things around the protagonist's neck to hang himself. The rope is a subjective narrative of a family committing suicide with their son.
8. Answer: The head of the female "person" who rests her head on the protagonist's shoulder is broken.
9. Answer: "They all" wear the same hat, which means that no one's hat fell off, which means that the original owner of the hat that originally fell has been eaten by the lion.
10. Answer: The narrative protagonists are different before and after the dividing line in this article. The first part is the protagonist at the beginning, and the second part is the fat man.
After the fat man went out, he leaned against the door and passed out, making it impossible for the protagonist in the previous part to get out. The old man in the bathhouse only found the fat man suffering from heat stroke, which means that the protagonist in the previous part was still in the sauna at this time.
11. Answer: There is no baby who can eat candy balls just a few months after birth. The person who really killed his younger brother was the young and ignorant (or knowledgeable) protagonist at the time.
12. Answer: Pay attention to the date of the last entry in the diary in the article, which shows that the article was written in a leap year. However, during the 6 years (-) of the protagonist's marriage to his wife, only one year was a leap year, which means that it was originally supposed to be The wife and daughter who died the year before last are actually still in the protagonist's home (dead or alive).
Note: The formula for leap year is: when the year is not a hundred, the AD year is a multiple of 4 is a leap year; when the year is a hundred, the AD year is a multiple of , it is a leap year, and the AD year is a multiple of , then No leap (return to ordinary years). This year is not a leap year.
In addition, although it is not mentioned in the original annotation, its deeper meaning should be that the shipwreck of his wife and daughter was planned by the protagonist (for insurance money or the like), but it is possible that only the daughter was killed and survived but was beyond recognition. His wife (who may not have survived) quietly comes back to hide in her home, preparing to take revenge on the protagonist (the second chapter of the diary begins).
13. Answer: Yumi herself is a patient with multiple personalities, and her mother was killed by her other personality. The note was written by her mother to her father. The spelling should be: "Run away, dad." , Yumi? Lost her mind." The question in the note after her father called Yumi indicated that the uncertainty was caused by Yumi's inherent personality.
Note: In Japanese families with underage children, mothers usually address their husbands in the same way as their children.
14. Answer: From the beginning, it was stated that there is no sense of smell or taste in the dream, so why can you feel the "strong blood"? Apparently the reason is that the protagonist confused the dream and somnambulism, confusing it. He confusedly assassinated the person (younger brother) sleeping next to him.
15. Answer: From the first step to the third step, there is no second instruction to "open your eyes", which means you have to close your eyes and directly perform steps one and two. , to open his eyes, the protagonist has mistakenly performed step three before step two.
- Related articles
- Is there any good way to simplify the absolute value of mathematics?
- How to write a joke?
- How to train instructors in military training?
- How to make yourself humorous?
- What is the middle part?
- Zhang Mu, a traitor of the women's volleyball team, believes that it is painful to turn to Japan in order to defeat Zhu Ting.
- Snow mountain is obviously closer to the sun, why is the temperature lower above it?
- If you are looking for a joke, make sure it is super funny. If it is not funny, don’t post it.
- Psychological analysis of laughter level
- Lin Hisajiro Nakamura incident.