Find a joke!

One day, on the vast Australian grassland, two cows were discussing the European mad cow disease.

One cow said to another cow, "I heard that mad cow disease in Europe is terrible." I wonder if we have it here? "

Another cow shouted, "Are you crazy? Are we kangaroos? "

The use of cowhide

The teacher asked the students, "Who can talk about the use of cowhide?"

Niu Niu scrambled to raise her hand: "You can make leather shoes and belts ..."

Bingbing then replied, "You can use it to blow!"

Teacher: "Xinxin, you are the best. Please answer. "

Yan Yan pondered for a long time and said, "The biggest use of cowhide is to pack beef ..."

The teacher fainted.

I am a male.

A girl went to the pasture as a trainee to milk cows, and everyone else squeezed a bucket. She just squeezed.

Anxious, suddenly the old cow said, "Miss, I am a male!" " "

I am guilty.

A man went to church to confess.

The priest said to him, "Everyone is guilty. What's wrong with you? "

The man replied, "Dad, I stole a cow from someone else. What should I do? " ? Can I give you the cow? "

The priest replied, "I don't want it." You should return that cow to its owner. "

The man said, "But he saidno."

The priest said, "Then help yourself."

As a result, when the priest came home that night, he found his cow missing.

One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

The bus is so crowded that there is a woman standing at the door.

A GG pushed out of the car from the rear,

Say "sorry, get off" to the woman, and the woman will move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed over.

As a result, the woman was so fierce that she scolded "You are crazy!" You're crazy! ~ ~ ",still super loud, noisy!

You want to see the whole car.

GG was silent for a long time. When he got off the bus, he couldn't bear it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

3. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! Main beat

A soldier's chest said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier.

4. The miser was on a business trip, and he was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup.

. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too!

One night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night, so I sent a short message to my friend and sister: "If you are depressed, chat with me for a while."

Yes, my sister wrote back: "OK, what do you want to talk about? It's up to you to decide the topic. " I thought about it and answered happily, "Then let's talk more seriously.

For example, the topic-your weight! "After a short silence, the two sisters sent back a short message, which said," This is too heavy.

Then let's talk about superficial topics, such as your IQ! "

6. The miser was on a business trip, afraid that others would steal the wine he had just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup.

. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited too!

7. A pupil confessed to his long-cherished teacher. The teacher said it was wrong, but he wouldn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it.

I don't want children. The pupil said: I will be careful! "。

8. Once gin and vodka went hunting deer in the mountains, two greedy men caught two deer. Take a plane when you go back.

The captain said worriedly, "So many deer are overweight!" Both of them disdainfully said, "What are you afraid of? Last year, so did we. "

After shooting so many deer, I flew back! "Captain ao however, they had to let them on the computer.

The plane flew smoothly for a while, suddenly shook and finally fell down. The two men stood up with dust on their faces.

Vodka looked around and whispered to Juniper, "Boss, it seems that we fell here last year!" " "

9。 A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called a meeting of the patients in the hospital at the meeting.

The dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people will meet them at the door. Zaihuan

When greeting, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. As soon as I cough, everyone plays drums together.

Palm, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready,

We can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, everyone has no buns to eat. Remember.

have you finished? "The patients in the audience shouted together:" Remember! "

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the popular patient was already standing at the door.

At that time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Visiting leaders

Infected by the warm atmosphere and with a smile on his face, he applauded and walked into the hospital with everyone. See the leader has entered the doctor.

When the hospital director stamped his foot, all the applause stopped and it was neat. Only this leader is still playing drums with a smile.

The dean felt very satisfied when he walked forward. Suddenly, a disease as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcome crowd.

People, strode to the front of the leadership, picking up Yuan gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily-"Your ya don't want to eat?

Steamed buns? ! ! ! "

10, a fly mother and son had lunch together one day.

The son asked the mother fly, why do we eat shit every day?

Mother fly said angrily, don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it's hot! !

1 1. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted, you and him!

Mom has never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

12, the night is dark and windy. Pig Bajie kissed me with Sister Chang 'e on the moon. Suddenly a black shadow passed by, and Pig was anxious.

Busy carrying a rake

After chasing him out, he came back after a while and said, damn it, Yang Liwei. ......

13, the earthworm family was bored that day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two and went to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this is the way.

Good method, just cut yourself into four sections and play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. earthworm

Mother cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! " Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to kick me. "

ball

14, a gambler took 1000 yuan from home to gamble, and a few hours later, he came back.

His wife quickly asked, "Did that big bill have a baby?"

"Yes, yes," said the gambler sadly, taking out two 10 yuan bills from his pocket. "Unfortunately, they

Our mother passed away. "

15, what animal likes to ask why?

Passerby: I don't know.

It's a pig!

Passerby: Why?

16, seat belt

The stewardess announced to the passengers, "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. The plane will arrive soon.

Take off. "After the plane took off, a stewardess's voice came from the loudspeaker." Please fasten your seat belt.

Some. Sorry, we forgot to board the plane for breakfast today. "

18, the teacher asked the students to make sentences with the word "wrinkle".

Xiao Qiang wrote: My father's eggs have many wrinkles.

The teacher wrote a comment to parents: don't show it to children everywhere, it will have a bad influence.

Xiao Qiang's father replied:

The child was careless and missed a word "face".

19, my mother often said to the sheep: "You can't swing in a skirt; Otherwise the little boy will see the inside story.

Pants! One day, Yangyang said happily to his mother, "Today I played on the swing with Xiaoming, and I won!" mother

Mother said angrily, "didn't I tell you?" Don't put on a skirt! " Yang Yang proudly said, "But I am good."

Brilliant! I took off my underwear inside, so he couldn't see my underwear! "

20. I was fired today for the following reasons:

1, working too hard, one person did the work of two people, making China another laid-off worker.

2. Being too handsome makes some lesbians have no mood to go to work.

They are all 20 years old and still single, which proves that their emotions are not rich enough.

4, never flatter, not filial to the leader.

5, too smart, too strong working ability. Sooner or later, they will take our jobs.

6. Love making friends too much and have strong social skills. In fact, the reason is the same as the last one, afraid that I will gather people to seek power and usurp the throne.

7, never made a mistake at work, abnormal human.

2 1. The centipede was bitten by a snake.

Sent to the hospital for emergency treatment,

The doctor diagnosed and said:

Amputation is necessary for the spread of anti-virus liquid!

The centipede thought: fortunately, I have many legs!

The doctor comfort way:

Dude, relax,

You will be an earthworm in the future.

22. A little tiger came slowly.

Red face asked the little squirrel:

"Excuse me, can I eat you?"

The little squirrel thinks this question is quite funny: "Is this your first time eating animals?"

The little tiger is even more embarrassed: "Yes, mom is not at home."

"What did you eat before?"

The little squirrel asked curiously.

…………

"What? Speak louder, I can't hear you! "

"eat milk!"

Say that finish, the little tiger's face is redder.

The little tiger said that the little squirrel took off his clothes and put two big breasts on it ~ ~ ~

23. At the art festival, we are going to do a terrible group dance-

It is necessary to have violent and difficult movements such as rapid falling and high leg lifting.

As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after practicing for a few days.

Some are covered with green,

Some muscles are strained ... my right leg is badly injured.

It doesn't work at all!

Go to class on the third floor today,

Jesus Christ,

I just

Lift your right leg, one step at a time.

The most irritating thing is-walking,

Listen to the two girls behind him mutter:

"Schools in big cities are more formal,

If this were in our hometown,

Polio can't go to school at all!

24. A person went to Shaolin to learn from a teacher.

The master pointed out that martial arts should focus on internal forces.

You should practice your internal skills first,

Then practice external skills.

Say that finish,

The master took out a pipe and asked him to blow into half a jar of water.

For example, when you can blow water out of the water tank,

Prove that internal strength has reached the highest level.

So he practiced hard day after day,

Three years later,

Without success,

But he thought: since Master said so, there must be a reason!

So I continued to practice.

After ten years like this, it still doesn't work.

Finally, he was disappointed,

Decided to stop practicing and get ready to go home.

I met his father when I got home,

His father asked him:

Say you studied with the teacher for ten years. How's it going?

He felt humiliated,

Then he lowered his head in dismay and sighed.

When he looked up, his father had already left. ...

25. Yi Ding, why are you talking in class?

Write your name 100 times!

Children don't change after repeated education,

Look at Xiong Linkui, the deskmate.

Remember once ~!

26. The telephone of the Federal Bureau of Investigation rang.

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?" The other party asked.

"I called to report my neighbor Tom. He hid marijuana in his firewood. " The informant said.

"We will investigate." The FBI agent said.

The next day, the FBI went to Tom's house.

They searched the hut where the firewood was stored, split each firewood,

I didn't find any marijuana, so I scolded Tom and left.

Tom's phone rang.

"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI help you cut wood? "

"Split." Tom replied.

"It's your turn to call. My garden needs ploughing. "

27. The king of a country chose his husband, pulled a cow to the river and said, whoever can make the cow nod first and then jump into the river, I will marry the princess.

He ...

A butcher went up to the cow and said, isn't it great? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again, do you know me? The cow shook her head.

The butcher stabbed the cow's ass, and the cow jumped into the river in pain.

The king thought the butcher was rude, so the butcher asked to try again and the king agreed. The cow was pulled to the river again.

The butcher stepped forward and said to the cow; Do you know me? The cow nodded.

The butcher said again, can't you return Niu B? The cow shook her head.

The butcher said with a smile; Do you know what to do? The cow turned and jumped into the river.