Jokes and big mouths

4 1: An orangutan walked through the forest and accidentally collected the feces of a gibbon.

Good orangutans cleaned up apes.

After a while, they fell in love, and people asked you how you got together.

The orangutan replied, "It's ape dung (fate)!"

There is a fat man. ..........

Jump off a tall building ...

It turned out to be .......

Fat bastard ..

There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, when he was crossing the street, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" " Since then, it has become a cucumber. ...

There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with polar bears, so he went out, but on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It's been 10 years, but the door still has to be locked, so the penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" " "Guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door?" Let's go to your house to play ~ "

45: The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" Boss: "Sorry, I still don't have it." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "The little white rabbit took out the money:" Great, I'll take two! "" "

Ming Dow Jr.: "Kang, let me ask you something." A shark ate a mung bean. What did it become? Kang said, "I don't know. What is the answer? Xiao Ming said, "Hey! Hey! The answer is "green bean paste (mung bean shark)", you idiot! 」

47: The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution. Make the lunch box blue.

48: One person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "I pull everything, eat watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!" " "The doctor thought about it and said to him," I think you have to eat shit! "

49: On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl, "Why didn't the plane hit the stars when it was flying so high?" The little girl replied, "I know, because the stars will shine!" " "

50: There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pluck their hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

5 1: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables!

There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

I shook my sausage. Wow! It's cold ~

Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?

84: A guy went to the hospital for a check-up and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I find you very cute.

85: A hunter went hunting with his hounds and wandered around the forest all day without any prey.

It was dark, but he continued riding in the Woods.

The horse suddenly said,' You won't even let me rest. You want to kill me! ? '

The hunter was startled and immediately rolled down from his horse, pulling the hounds and running away. When he ran to a big tree to catch his breath, the dog patted his chest and said to him, "You scared me to death. Horses can talk!" "

So the hunter was scared to death on the spot.

Wolf, tiger and lion, who will be eliminated when playing games? wolf

Because: Momotaro (exterminating wolves)

87: One day A took a look in a mirror. People here are too familiar.

B said; Is it? Let me see (holding a mirror), me! You don't even know me?

88: Tomato A and Tomato B go shopping.

B asks A: Where are we going?

A doesn't answer.

B asked again: where are we going?

A still doesn't answer.

B asked again.

Tomato a turns to tomato b and says, aren't we tomatoes? Why are we talking?

Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat.

one day

The white cat fell into the water.

The black cat saved it.

The white cat said a word to the black cat

Q: What is this sentence?

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"meow"

90: A: "Do you know what I did in the Internet cafe last night?"

B: "What are you doing?"

A: "surfing the internet;

B: Hmm. . "

9 1: Two flies go to eat.

Brother asked brother: Brother, why do we eat shit every day?

The big one said, don't say such disgusting things when eating! !

92: On the grass boat

Lu Su: "Is it really possible to borrow arrows like this? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a little inconvenient to say that ... Is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! ? Amethyst, can you swim? I can't. "

93: Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks and take them out.

The administrator explained, someone once fed it peaches.

As a result, the peach pit could not be pulled out, and the monkey was scared. Now, it is necessary to measure it before eating.

94: The hospital set up a 100 channel to prevent patients from escaping, but there are still two mental patients who want to escape from the hospital. Work hard at night

Over the wall. Under the 30th wall,

"Are you tired?" ,

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 60th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 99th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"tired"

"Well, let's go home."

95: Xiaoming: By a stream, four boys, Dabao, Daxiong, Dazhi and Dawei, stripped off their clothes and played with water.

Suddenly someone electrocuted the fish by the stream, and all four boys were electrocuted! Guess an electrical appliance.

Kang: hmm ... I don't know ~

Xiao Ming: The answer is "TV" (electric four chickens)! Hey hey!

Lesson 96: Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have humps?

Father Camel: Because there is no water in the desert, only the hump can store water!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have long hair?

Father Camel: Because there is a big sandstorm in the desert, we must rely on it to stop the sandstorm before we can see it!

Luo Xiao: Dad, why do we have thick hooves?

Father Camel: Because the desert is full of sand, we can stand firm!

Luo Xiao: Dad, one last question, what are we doing in the zoo?

97: The hen is hatching eggs, and an egg comes out of her ass.

Hen: "What are you doing?"

Egg: "Your fart stinks ..."

98: There is a man whose name is Du Ziteng.

Ask the teacher when you call the roll.

"Where is Du Ziteng?"

The classmate said, "He has a stomachache."

99: My girlfriend asked me to go to her house to watch a movie. When we arrived at her house,

She wrote the word "movie" on the wall with a pen.

The two of us sat on the toilet and watched.

100: One morning, an officer with a reputation for being strict asked Chen Bing, "Are you cold?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Not cold!"

The officer was annoyed: "Then why are you shaking?"

Xiao Bing replied: "Frozen!"