Who said "The world is hateful"?

Fan Ainong

In the hotel in Tokyo, we usually read newspapers together. Students mostly read the "Asahi Shimbun" and "The Yomiuri Shimbun", and those who like to inquire about trivial matters in society read the "26 Shimbun". One morning, Pitou saw a telegram from China, which probably read:

"The governor of Anhui, Enming, was assassinated by Jo Shiki Rin, and the assassin was captured."

After everyone was startled, , they talked to each other radiantly, and studied who the assassin was and what the Chinese characters were. But as long as you are from Shaoxing and don't specialize in reading textbooks, you have already understood it. This is Xu Xilin. After he returned from studying abroad, he was working as an alternate in Anhui Province and running patrol affairs. He was in a position to assassinate the governor.

Everyone then predicted that he would be executed and the family would be implicated. Soon, news came that Miss Qiu Jin had been killed in Shaoxing, and Xu Xilin had his heart ripped out and eaten by Enming's soldiers. People are angry. A few people secretly held a meeting to raise funds for Sichuan. At this time, a Japanese ronin was needed. He tore up squid and drank wine. After a generous meal, he set off to pick up Xu Boxun's family.

As usual, there was a hometown association to mourn the martyrs and curse Manchuria; after that, some people advocated sending a telegram to Beijing to denounce the inhumanity of the Manchu government. The congregation immediately divided into two groups: those who wanted to generate electricity and those who did not. I advocated generating electricity, but as soon as I said it, there was a dull voice:

“Kill the dead, and the dead are dead, so why send a telegram? ”

This is a tall man with long hair and eyeballs that are more white than black. He always looks at people with contempt. He was squatting on the mat, and I usually objected when I spoke. I had already felt strange and paid attention to him, and only then did I ask others: Who said this? Is he so cold? Someone I know told me: His name is Fan Ainong, and he is a student of Xu Boxun.

I was very angry and felt that he was simply not a human being. My husband was killed and I was afraid of even sending a telegram, so I insisted on sending electricity and started to fight with him. As a result, the majority of those who advocated power generation gave in. Secondly, we need to recruit people to draft the telegram.

"Why recommend it? Of course it is the person who advocates power generation..." he said.

I felt that his words were aimed at me again, which was unreasonable but not unreasonable. But I believe that this tragic article must be written by someone who knows the life of the martyr deeply, because he has a closer relationship with the martyr than others and has more grief and indignation in his heart, so it will be more moving when written. So they started fighting again. The result was that he didn't do it, and neither did I. I don't know who admitted it. Secondly, everyone dispersed, leaving only one drafter and one or two clerks, waiting to be published after the work was completed.

From then on, I always felt that Fan Ainong was bizarre and disgusting. The most hateful people in the world, I thought they were the Manchus at first, but then I realized that they were the second most hateful people; the first was Fan Ainong. If China does not have a revolution, it will be nothing. If we want to revolutionize, we must first remove Fan Ainong.

However, this opinion seemed to gradually fade away and was eventually forgotten, and we never met again. Until the year before the revolution, I was working as a teacher in my hometown. It was probably in the late spring. Suddenly I saw a person in the guest seat of an acquaintance. We only looked at each other for two or three seconds, and we said at the same time:——

"Oh, you are Fan Ainong!"

"Oh, you are Lu Xun!"

Somehow we all laughed, mocking each other. and sadness. His eyes are still the same, but strangely, in the past few years, there are white hairs on his head, but maybe it was already there and I didn't notice it before. He was wearing a very old cloth mandarin jacket and rag shoes, and looked very shabby. Talking about his own experience, he said that he later had no tuition fees and could no longer study abroad, so he came back. After returning to his hometown, he was scorned, ostracized, and persecuted, and almost had no place to tolerate him. Now he is hiding in the countryside and teaching a few primary school students to make ends meet. But because I sometimes felt very depressed, I also took a boat to the city.

He also told me that he likes to drink now, so we drank. From then on, whenever he came to the city, he would definitely visit me, and we became very familiar with him. When we were drunk, we often talked about crazy things that were so stupid that even my mother would laugh when she happened to hear it.

One day, I suddenly remembered the old events of the hometown meeting in Tokyo, and asked him: -

"That day you specifically opposed me, and it seemed to be intentional. What was the reason?"

"You don't know yet? I have always hated you, not just me, but us."

"Did you know who I was before that time?"

"Why don't you know? When we arrived in Yokohama, weren't it Ziying and you who came to pick us up? You looked down on us and shook your head, do you still remember?"

I thought about it briefly, and I remembered it. , although it was seven or eight years ago. At that time, Ziying came to make an appointment with me, saying that she would go to Yokohama to pick up a new compatriot who came to study abroad. As soon as the steamer arrived, they saw a large pile, about ten people per day. As soon as they landed, they put their luggage at the customs office for inspection. The customs officer rummaged around in the suitcase and suddenly pulled out a pair of embroidered bows. When the shoes came, I put aside my official duties and took a closer look. I was very dissatisfied and thought to myself, how could these bird men bring this thing here. If I didn't pay attention, I might have shook my head at that time. After the inspection, you have to sit in the hotel for a while and then get on the train. Unexpectedly, this group of scholars gave up their seats on the bus again. A asked B to sit in this seat, and B asked C to sit. Before the bow was finished, the train started to move. The car body shook, and three or four people fell down immediately. I was also very dissatisfied at that time and secretly thought: Even the seats on the train must be distinguished... Maybe he shook his head again without paying attention. However, Fan Ainong was among the group of graceful and obedient people, but he didn't think of it until that day. Not only him, I am ashamed to say that among this group, there were also the martyr Chen Boping who later died in Anhui and the murdered martyr Ma Zonghan. They were imprisoned in a black prison and did not see the light of day until after the revolution, and they will always bear the torture of banditry. There are also one or two people with scars. But I didn’t know anything, so I shook my head and shipped them to Tokyo together. Although Xu Boxun came with them on the same boat, he was not in the car because he and his wife took the car and took the overland route in Kobe.

I think I shook my head about twice at that time, and they didn’t know which one they saw. It was noisy when sitting and quiet when checking. It must have been the time at the customs. I asked Ainong, and it turned out to be true.

"I really don't understand what you are doing with this thing? Whose is it?"

"Isn't it our master's wife?" He stared at him with white eyes.

"You have to pretend to have big feet when you go to Tokyo, so why bring this thing with you?"

"Who knows? Just ask her."

To At the beginning of winter, our situation became even more difficult, but we still drank and told jokes. Suddenly came the Wuchang Uprising, and then the Shaoxing Restoration. Ainong came to town the next day, wearing a felt hat commonly used by farmers, with a smile he had never seen before.

"Lao Xun, we won't drink today. I'm going to see the restored Shaoxing. Let's go together."

We went for a walk on the street, and there were white flags everywhere. . However, despite the appearance, the essence remains the same, because it is still a military government organized by a few old squires. The railway shareholder is the administrative director, and the money shop owner is the ordnance director... This military government will not last long after all. A few teenagers shouted, and Wang Jinfa led his troops from Hangzhou. But even if he didn't shout, he might still come. After he came in, he was surrounded by many idle men and new revolutionary parties, and he became the king and governor. The people in the yamen came in cloth clothes, but they had probably changed into leather robes within ten days, and the weather was not cold yet.

I was placed next to the job of the principal of the normal school, and Governor Wang gave me 200 yuan of school funds. Ainong, who works as a supervisor, still wears the same cloth robe, but he doesn't drink much anymore, and he rarely has time to chat. He works and teaches at the same time, and he is really diligent.

"The situation is still not good, Wang Jinfa and the others." A young man who listened to my lectures last year came to visit me and said generously, "We need to set up a newspaper to supervise them. But the sponsors have to borrow Mr. The other one is Mr. Ziying and the other is Mr. Deqing. For the sake of society, we know that you will never refuse."

I promised him. Two days later I saw the leaflet published in the newspaper. It was true that the sponsors were three. Five days later, the newspaper appeared. It started by criticizing the military government and the people there; after that, it cursed the governor, his relatives, fellow villagers, and concubines...

After being scolded like this for more than ten days, a news came to my home, saying that the governor was scolding you because you had defrauded him of his money, and that he was going to send someone to shoot you with pistols. .

It didn’t matter to others. The first one who was anxious was my mother, who told me not to go out again. But I left as usual and explained that Wang Jinfa was not here to beat us to death. Although he was from Green Forest University, he was not very easy to kill. Besides, I am getting money from the school. He can still understand this, but it is just a talk.

As expected, he didn’t come to kill. I wrote a letter to ask for funds and withdrew another two hundred yuan. But he seemed to be a little angry, and at the same time he issued an order: Ask for it again, no more!

However, Ainong got a new piece of news, which made me very embarrassed. It turns out that the so-called "fraud" did not refer to school funds, but to a sum of money given to the newspaper. After a few days of scolding in the newspapers, Wang Jinfa asked someone to send 500 yuan. So our teenagers held a meeting, and the first question was: Should we accept it or not? The decision said: Accept it. The second question is: Should I scold you after I accept it? Resolution: scold. The reason is: after receiving the money, he is a shareholder; if the shareholder is not good, he will naturally be scolded.

I immediately went to the newspaper office to ask whether this was true or not. It's all true. After a few words about not accepting his money, an accountant became unhappy and asked me:

"Why doesn't the newspaper accept the equity?"

"This It's not equity..."

"What is it if it's not equity?"

I won't go on. I already know this. If I say something that will hurt us again, He would accuse me of cherishing my worthless life too much and being unwilling to sacrifice for society, or he would read in the newspaper tomorrow the record of me trembling with fear of death.

However, it happened that Jifu wrote a letter urging me to go to Nanjing. Ainong also agreed, but he was quite sad and said: -

"It's like that here again. It's uninhabitable. You should go quickly..."

I understand his silent words, Determined to go to Nanjing. I first went to the Governor's Mansion to resign, which was approved naturally, and a snotty receptionist was sent. I handed over the accounts and the balance of one dime and two copper dollars. I was no longer the principal. The successor was Fu Lichen, president of the Confucian Church.

The newspaper case was settled two or three weeks after I arrived in Nanjing, and was destroyed by a group of soldiers. Ziying was in the countryside and had nothing to do; Deqing happened to be in the city and was stabbed in the thigh with a sharp knife. He was furious. Naturally, this was quite painful, and he couldn't blame him. After being furious, he took off his clothes and took a photo to show the one-inch-wide stab wound. He also wrote an article describing the situation and distributed it everywhere to publicize the tyranny of the military government. I think there may not be anyone who still collects this kind of photo. The size is too small, and the stab wounds have been reduced to almost nothing. If there is no explanation, people who see it will definitely think that it is a nude photo of a crazy romantic person. If you meet Commander Sun Chuanfang, you might be banned.

When I moved from Nanjing to Beijing, the school superintendent of Ainong was also managed to get rid of the principal of the Confucius Church. He became a love farmer again before the revolution. I wanted to find something small for him to do in Beijing, which he really wanted, but there was no chance. Later, he went to an acquaintance's house to send food, and he also wrote to me from time to time. The poorer his situation became, the more miserable his words became. Finally I had to leave this acquaintance's house, so I drifted around. Soon, he suddenly received news from his fellow villagers that he had fallen into the water and drowned.

I suspect he committed suicide. Because he is a good swimmer, he will not drown easily.

Sitting alone in the guild hall at night, I was very sad and suspected that the news was not accurate, but I felt that it was extremely reliable for no reason, although there was no evidence. There was no way at all. I only wrote four poems, which were later published in a daily newspaper. Now I will almost forget them. I only remember six sentences in one poem. The first four sentences are: "Talk about wine to the world, Mr. Xiaojiu people, the big circle is still drunk, and the drunkenness sinks." I have forgotten the two sentences in the middle, and the last sentence is "The clouds of old friends are gone, I am waiting for Qingchen."

Later I returned to my hometown and found out some more detailed things. Ainong had nothing to do first because everyone hated him. He was in trouble, but he still drank, which was invited by his friends.

He rarely interacts with people anymore, and the only common ones he sees are a few younger people he met later. However, they seem to be unwilling to listen to his complaints more, thinking that telling jokes is less interesting.

"Maybe I will receive a telegram tomorrow. If I open it and see, it is Lu Xun who came to call me." He often said this.

One day, some new friends invited him to go to the theater by boat. It was already midnight when they got back, and it was stormy again. He was drunk, but he wanted to go to the side of the boat to relieve himself. Everyone tried to dissuade him but refused to listen. He said he would not fall. But he fell. Although he could swim, he could not get up again.

The body was salvaged the next day and found in Lingdang, standing upright.

I still don’t know whether he slipped or committed suicide.

After his death, he had nothing but a young daughter and his wife. Several people wanted to raise some money as a fund for their girl's future tuition fees, but as soon as they made the proposal, some tribesmen came to fight for the custody of the money. In fact, there was no such money yet. Everyone felt bored and disappeared invisibly.

I wonder how his only daughter is doing now? If you are still in school, you should have graduated from middle school.

November 18th.