What are the cold jokes that make people spend the winter in advance?

It was scary at first, funny in the process and sad in the end. A ghost farts and stinks. There was once a man who had three hobbies: 1 drinking, 2 perming and 3 smoking. Sometimes he did all three things together: drinking, drunk smoking and accidentally perming his hair. There is a neighbor who likes stock trading. Once, he became a millionaire overnight. I said, what's going on? He said: I am a billionaire, 1, and a man goes to the toilet. As soon as he closed the door, he listened to the next door and asked, are you there? He said, yes, but he thought, who is next door? Do I know him? Strange! Then the next door asked, what are you doing here? He said angrily, damn it What can you do here? ! The next door asked, when are you leaving? He thought: this person is probably a mental derangement! He said with chagrin, just pull and go! ! At this time, the next door asked again, will you come to me later? The man was surprised: Cao! So it's gay! He cursed: Fuck you, pervert! The next door said, well, hang up first and call you back. There is an idiot next to me! Always fucking talk to me! ! 2. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming to her with open arms and hugging her. He walked on one foot. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home? Ge You once went to the toilet, and Ge You invited a friend to dinner. He went to the toilet on the way, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: It has been like this ever since I became famous. Friend: Often? Ge You: Yes! It is often that the people next to him suddenly turn around and shout, "Isn't this Ge You?" 4, lucky 52 true joke, Li Yong laughed down! PART 1: A couple, guessing the name of food, the wife gesturing to guess her husband. The word "steamed bread" popped up on the big screen. Wife's description: round, white, edible husband: ..........................................................................................................................................'s husband seemed anxious and blurted out: "Mimi!" " Li Yong laughed himself down. . . . . Once I asked for money to go home by bus. When I got on the bus, I found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. When I was in a hurry, I took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid. I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and keep the money that the next passenger should have put in the slot for myself. The driver agreed. The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned: "Why?" Without a few words, I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about the rest." The other party stared at the driver, and the driver nodded by default. So, I got a dollar. According to the law, and soon received eight Zhang Yiyuan money. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Why? Dude? " I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round: "What are you talking about?" I said, "Give me the money!" Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this kid do?" The man was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted, "What are you busy with?" Give the money quickly! "The big fellow soon fell. I saw that he took out his wallet from his pocket and handed it to him. He said with a sad face, "Boss, that's all I have on me. There are many of you, so I have no doubt. 6. I was chatting with a group of female colleagues this afternoon, and suddenly someone said I was not a man. I said, if you say I'm not, I'll show it to you. One of the girls smiled and said, you pay ~ ~ ~ ~ ~. Hear the good news! I worked hard today and ran a dozen customers! Back to the company. It is three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only one miserable dish and one soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach was growling, so he had to order a big plate of fried three beans with meat and a big pot of radish soup to eat! Unexpectedly, after work, my stomach is like the engine of a cross-country jeep! -The intense piston movement started! In a flash, puffs of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to a place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly in embarrassment, but immediately it became a rapid-fire puff! My stomach is so swollen! Just then, my girlfriend called and said that she had arrived home, and asked me to go home quickly. Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see my embarrassment! ..... On the way home, I deliberately tried to fart a lot. Almost home, my stomach feels much better. I think there should be no more problems. I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looks a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you." Before entering the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth and said that she would give me a surprise! He took me to a chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I want to fart again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfold and made me swear! Then I ran to the other room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, put all my weight on one leg and let my fart out. This fart not only rings, but also smells like rotten eggs. I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it hard to get rid of the bad smell. Just when my mood improved, another fart came again. I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and the smell is even worse this time. In order not to suffocate myself, I fanned the chair cushion with my arm, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible. When everything is about to return to normal, another fart can't wait to come. So I stood up, bent down, pursed my ass and leaned back! Let it out. This fart is really first-class Even the newspaper behind me was blown to the ground in 1998 in ............ I listened to my girlfriend's voice in the other room. I dare not open the blindfold because I have to keep my promise not to peek. I can only keep farting in the dark, in order to quickly discharge all the gas in my stomach without making the room more smelly! I unbuttoned my trousers, took off my underwear and pants below my stomach, exposed my ass, groped for the door of the balcony behind me, almost extended my whole ass to the balcony, and began to fart wildly ..., ah! Much better! After that, I danced and fanned the chair cushions all over the room, praying that the stench would dissipate quickly ... In this way, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions for the next ten minutes. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants and arranged my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to give me an elegant smile. When she approached, I had a satisfied smile and warm eyes on my face. My girlfriend first apologized for taking so long to call me, and then asked me if I had secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend took off the cloth that covered my eyes and said to me, "What a surprise! My girlfriend insisted that I bring them to see you today. They say you are very graceful and handsome in the photo! Here! You see, the five people sitting at the table are my good sisters, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! " At this time, I was extremely shocked and horrified to find that there were a lot of girls sitting on the table opposite me, while there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to this birthday party that surprised me very much. Now, every one of them looks at me with an indescribable expression on his face, as if he had found a Martian ... So the dog licked the chicken's ass. 9. The female colleague of our unit went to the bank by bus yesterday, and there was a young woman dressed brightly on the bus. A pervert passed by and stood behind her, touching her back and forth. The woman was furious, turned around and swore: You squeeze J8! ! At this time, the car was quiet. Dull for a few seconds, the color man replied: 1 j8 was laughing in the car. Our colleague said that several boys wanted to help the girl, but they were all too happy. Later, as soon as they arrived at the station, the pervert got off at 10. When I was shopping, I suddenly felt a stomachache, so I went into the hot pot restaurant on the corner 199 and wanted to borrow the toilet, but I couldn't find it on the first floor, so I ran to the second floor, which was still under renovation. But I found a toilet door stuck. There is something wrong to be repaired. Please don't use it. I really can't help it. I don't care about this. There's nobody around anyway. I took off my pants and squatted down to go to the toilet. That was a loud noise ... so cool! ! When I finished, I went downstairs and found no one there. Strangely, it's dinner time. Just now, I said downstairs at the wedding, why did you go to the building all at once? Even the waiter and receptionist were gone ... so I approached the bar and asked, "Is anyone there?" Why is there no one? At this moment, I saw a waiter coming out from under the bar and saying, *! ..... weren't you there when shit fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan just now? You are very lucky 1 1. The escaped prisoner escaped from the prison where he was held 15 years. He broke into a house looking for food and money, only to find a young couple lying in bed. So he ordered her husband to get out of bed and tied him to a chair. Then he tied his wife to the bed, kissed her on the neck for a long time, and then went into the toilet. When the fugitive went to the toilet, the husband said to his wife, "Listen, this man must be a fugitive, just look at his clothes." He must have been in prison for too long. He hasn't seen a woman for years. I can see it from the way he kissed your neck. If he wants to sleep with you, don't resist, don't complain, do as he says, and meet his demands no matter how much he abuses you. He must be dangerous. If he gets angry, he may kill us all. You must hold on, baby, I love you. "The wife said," he didn't kiss my neck, but whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, he thought you were cute, and asked me if I had vaseline at home. I told him it was in the toilet. You must hold on, baby, I love you too ... 12. In a remote mountain area, a woman is naturally fond of showing off. Shortly after the marriage, her man went out to do business, and the woman was having an affair with her lover in the house. Halfway through, listening to the footsteps outside, the woman hurriedly put on her lover's sheepskin coat and hid in the backyard sheepfold. The man came back to pull the woman to have sex, and the woman refused. The man was so hungry that he went to the backyard to catch a sheep. It happened that this sheep was faked by that woman's lover. After sex, the man went back to his room and got up in the middle of the night to catch sheep to vent. In the morning, the man got up, thinking back to last night, thinking that the sheep smelled, went to the backyard, grabbed the sheep and was about to act. The sheep suddenly stood up and said, "Are you fucking crazy? Am I the only sheep in the sheepfold? " 13, when I was in high school, a buddy in my class was born in 198 1, and he was very old ... Here's what happened when he took the bus: when he was a sophomore, this buddy took the bus to school. When he was bored, a 35-year-old man next door talked to him. This guy may have been treated like this many times, and he is not very surprised. His answer was quite calm: "Three Middle Schools". The man's second sentence: "Oh, went to see the children?" It is difficult for children to go to school ... "The buddy's face twitched and he didn't say anything. The third sentence: "eldest brother, how old is your child?" "That buddy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he slipped a sentence:" Senior one "At this time, the classic appeared. The man stared at his buddy in surprise for ten seconds, and then said, "Brother, you got married very late!" " "There is a city dweller who especially likes to eat sweet potato leaves. Once I went to visit my relatives in the countryside and bought some bundles of sweet potato leaves for my relatives. Also loudly said: "this is delicious in the city, and it is the best in the hot pot;" You country people can't eat. Several children said, "Sister, the sweet potato leaves here are usually used to feed pigs." ..."

Hope to adopt