“I am a male M, and I have low self-esteem to the core of my being.

I once participated in a discussion in an Alphabet Smooth Circle group.

During the discussion, some people forcibly linked male sex with those derogatory words, such as breeders, beasts, female supremacy, paying money to kowtow to female sex, etc., but everyone seemed to be dissatisfied with this Taking it for granted is not the kind of taking it for granted that "two people agree to play games", but taking it for granted that "that's just how men are".

So I replaced the male M with the female M, and replaced the female supremacy with the male supremacy. This time, someone immediately stood up and stopped me, saying that I was insulting women, even if it is a female M, Don't belittle it like that.

Another interesting phenomenon is that from a macro perspective, when a male S and a female M go out, in most cases in the circle, the expenses are paid by the male S; but conversely, when a male M and a female S go out, The expenses were still paid by the male M.

You are surprised that I used the word "even", right? That means that some of your ideas have become deeply ingrained in your mind.

From this point of view, male M seems to be the most neglected group in the entire spank group, with the least voice and sense of existence. They themselves seem to be afraid of speaking out for themselves, and they always act like the little ones who make mistakes. Animals are eager to dig a hole to hide themselves.

So, what this article wants to explore is:

1. In the current environment, why is it more difficult for men to face themselves than for women?

2. Why do we take their inferiority for granted to some extent?

3. Why can’t they get the same amount of consideration as the female M?

Dickens said that the formation of a person's personality is related to his family; the formation of a group's personality is related to society. Therefore, to find the answer to the male M group personality, we have to look at this issue from a social dimension.

What kind of society is China?

Since ancient times, it has been a Confucian culture, a patriarchal society that pays attention to "loyalty, filial piety" and "three cardinal principles and five constant principles". We often say that the basic unit of a society is the individual, the citizen; but in traditional Confucian culture, the basic unit of society is the family.

That’s why there is a saying of “cultivate one’s self, manage one’s family, and bring peace to the world” and the saying “how can one sweep the world if he doesn’t clean one house”, which means that if you can’t manage things at home well, you can’t do big things if you want to. possible.

But note that these words are all said to men, and they are all requests for men, not for women.

The core of the so-called "family" in our traditional culture is the male blood relationship of "father and son", which is different from mother and son, mother and daughter, and father and daughter. The latter is just a "natural blood relationship" , while the former is "the blood relationship of society".

What the hell? It sounds a bit difficult to understand, right? It’s okay. You just need to think about it. Even today, in most families, is it still the mother who has the final say on small things and the father who decides on big things?

Is there still a lot of "preferring boys over girls" phenomenon?

Do many families still think that only by having a son can the family continue?

If so, then it can be said that the "father-son blood system" is not only the inheritance of natural life, but also endowed with rights and symbolic meanings by our culture.

But if the father is the father, what does this have to do with the male m?

Don’t worry, the relationship is huge. All our discussions today are inseparable from the "patriarchal society", but before that, I want to talk about sharing the same joys and hardships with men. The female m.

Our great socialist thinker (manual k9 head) Marx believes:

“In the patriarchal social system, women are ignored, powerless, and traditional. Customs and the guardians of all ancient forms of thinking and will are the eternal brakes on the progress of civilization."

Oh, it feels pedantic and sour, right?

48What are you talking about! Women in our country have been liberated long ago!

Really?

Foucault once solemnly warned that there are many forms of repression, and it is by no means just a form of prohibiting speaking and restricting doing. When people think they have gained freedom and liberation, they are precisely controlled more firmly by power and are further suppressed.

Since the 1990s, with the liberation of women to a certain extent, women have been freed from the image of being backward, weak, and ignorant, but they have fallen into a new round of image imprisonment.

Since then, no matter in novels, films, screenwriters, or advertisements, female images have been linked to beauty, sexiness, body, and sensibility. This seemingly affirmative value appeal has also pushed male images away. To the other extreme - the male image is always associated with fame, wealth, glory, rationality and success.

This is the most significant feature of the patriarchal system, the binary opposition between genders, the so-called "men are in charge outside and women are in charge inside", or men represent spirit and will, and women represent emotions and body.

In the patriarchal society we live in, we have been taught since childhood that upright men, especially various "male figures", are not allowed to show "lust", "weakness", "surrender", These characteristics, these characteristics of lustful kitsch can usually only be expressed through the female body or the villain.

This is why female M is relatively easier to be "understood" by the public, because the image of women we have been instilled already has those qualities, and female M is just amplified, which also explains Understand why there is always such a weird argument that "women are essentially M".

But is this "understanding" a good thing? I don’t think so. We don’t know that behind this “understanding” lies a stronger gender opposition and ignorance of public opinion.

Male M is the victim of this confrontation and ignorance. To use a slogan often quoted by Western anti-patriarchal social groups:

Men are the most profound and ignorant victims of the patriarchal gender system.

It is true that being strong, rational, and eager to make achievements are the inherent strengths of most human beings. However, not every human being or every man desires wealth, honor, success, and indestructibility. Men also have it. Weak, sexual impulses, sensibility, desires for S and desires for M.

However, the gender binary opposition instilled in the patriarchal society from childhood has continuously amplified men’s external characteristics such as masculinity, career, and wealth. The result is that men’s inner emotional power has been drained away, and they have become in conflict with themselves. Opposing beings.

In recent years, the idea that a man should have a house and a car when marrying his wife, and that male idols should be effeminate and neutral, are the extreme backlash of this kind of cultural indoctrination.

In this social environment, normal expressions of human nature have been endowed with diametrically opposed political identities such as "normal" and "abnormal", "correct" and "incorrect" by patriarchal discourse. The desire to conquer can be understood, but the desire to surrender cannot be forgiven.

As a result, men have no choice but to be strong and shoulder the national dignity and heavy-duty mission condensed from the blood and tears of the ages. These deep-rooted gender discourses keep men firmly in the flames. On the pillar of shame, no one can be spared.

Are you a man? Do you like to kneel at the feet of women? Oh, I'm sorry, you are a disgrace to men.

I once wrote a push post discussing the topic "What if your child likes spank?". One of the comments said:

"What if my son is an S , I will teach him to cherish and care for each other, and if he dares to do M, I will break his legs."

Please savor.

Why break his legs? Probably because he is a M, he will kowtow to the woman S he likes, which seems particularly embarrassing.

This is precisely the embodiment of the deep-rooted value of "gender opposition" in a patriarchal society.

Does this mean that in our society, a society where patriarchal concepts are still deeply rooted, all men who do not conform to its image setting are actually despised to the ground and are not even called "men" If they have no qualifications, they should naturally be called "beasts" and "beasts" like at the beginning of the article?

And does a man who is "expelled" from a patriarchal society also mean that he cannot be understood at all? He cannot be forgiven by society, his fellow spanks, or even himself.

Perhaps this is the reason why men hate themselves.

Beauvoir said that if you love someone, you should love their differences.

Li Yinhe said that just as there are heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual sexual orientations among men, men’s spiritual temperament should also be diverse.

In my opinion, whether S or M, they are all answers obtained after dialogue with their own spiritual world. There is no better or worse. Men’s pursuits and desires can also be rich and colorful. , it’s definitely not just “making money, becoming a high official, buying a house or a car, and becoming famous”.

I hope that one day, not only rational, domineering, strong and successful men will be admired and praised by people, but also men who dare to face their own desires and face them gracefully, honestly and naturally. Gain corresponding understanding and respect.

I know this is very difficult. This is not an achievement that can be achieved by one person's efforts. This is a problem of the social environment. But Wang Xiaobo once said, "In addition to a realistic life, people should also have a poetic world."

That poetic world exists in our minds, and I feel that at least there, we present it to One's own can be the authentic self, rather than a hypocritical shadow that has been regulated.