30 Very Funny Classic Quotations

1, the weather is cold, please add clothes in time, pay attention to warmth and lust.

2, the crowd looked for her thousands of Baidu, suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me.

3. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

Give me a pillow and I can sleep for a century.

5. The poor monk came from the Eastern Tang Dynasty and made a special trip to the Western Heaven to worship Buddha and find relatives.

No one can take your place in my heart, because you have no place in my heart at all.

7, people have a plenty of background, and I only have a back ~ ~.

8. I am not a fortune teller in the square. I can't tell you so many things you like to hear.

9. When a playboy meets easy virtue, it will be a heavyweight confrontation in the sexual storm.

10, brushing your teeth is a bittersweet thing, because you have a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.

1 1. Life is like a super female voice, and all that remains is pure men.

12, there is a heart hidden under the appearance of Niubi.

13, marriage is to wear a cotton-padded jacket freely, which is inconvenient to move, but it will be very warm.

14, a winding river in front of my brother; My sister has waves in her chest.

15, thank you, thank you uncle, thank you family, thank you ancestors for 18 generations.

16, my heart doesn't go with love, and I agreed to spend the night.

17, I'm a legend, don't ask which unit I work for.

18, gold always shines, but when there is gold all over the ground, I don't know which one I am.

19. Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

20. People laugh at me for not wearing anything, and I laugh at others for not wearing anything.

2 1, there are not many ladies in the world, but there are many dresses.

22. If you don't give up, you will never leave this life; If you don't like it, go to hell.

23. When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital!

24. Raise your head 45 degrees just to stop your nose, and lower your head 45 degrees just to wipe your nose, so that no one can see it.

25. The girl who looks at the sky is lonely, and the boy who looks at the sky is looking for UFOs!

As long as you live better than me, I can't stand it.

27. I found a QB on the roadside.

28. People like me who have no knowledge and education can only be proprietress in the future!

29. Facts have proved that feelings can withstand wind and rain, but they cannot withstand dullness; Friendship can withstand dullness, but it can't withstand wind and rain.

30. Gold always shines, but when there is gold all over the ground, I don't know which one I am.

30 hilarious classic quotations _ absolutely classic funny

1, I have been urging my husband to exercise and keep fit. Yesterday, I wanted to see his exercise results on a whim and said, touch my abdominal muscles. My husband took my hand and put it on my stomach, saying it was abdomen; Then I moved my hand down and said it was a chicken, but I couldn't refute it.

2. Many people say that there is a huge difference between the south and the north of China. After personal experience, I feel no difference. You can't find a girlfriend in the north, and you can't find a girlfriend in the south.

A few days ago, I quietly bought a Chinese corset for Shenma, which was very sexy in front of my husband last night. . . He said: You look like wool from Nezha, Nezha and Nezha in this dress.

4. In summer, friends go to the powder shop to eat powder. After getting the powder, he shouted: boss, please turn off the electric fan! The boss said it was too hot. Why did you turn off the electric fan? I'm afraid the meat will fly!

When eating in the restaurant, the waiter mopped the floor and the mop touched my newly bought leather shoes. He apologized to me and said, handsome boy, I'm sorry, please take your feet away. Seeing that the newly bought leather shoes were stained, I said angrily, Are you blind? After hearing this, he changed his mind and said, Ugly, I'm sorry, please stop.

6. I finally know what it means to die if you don't die. Lz takes the bank exam, just like the first subject of driving license exam. It answers questions through the computer and gives points on the spot. The discipline in the examination room is very strict. It is forbidden to use irrelevant items such as mobile phones. This is the background. Yesterday, when I was cutting the exam, a sister handed in her paper and just passed the score line. She was overjoyed. She immediately took out her mobile phone to take a photo, then prepared to upload it, and then the result was cancelled.

7. A fat girl jumped into the river on the bridge and held her hand when passing by the citizens. I think everyone guessed the latter thing. Because it was too heavy, the kind-hearted citizen also fell.

8. Lacrimosa, my lovelorn niece, I comforted her: My uncle has experienced it before. You should believe that it's nothing to be lovelorn once, and you will meet better people in the future. She sobbed and replied, You are a liar! I said, I'm your uncle. Why did I lie to you? She sneered: I mean, you haven't even been in love, you are not an experienced person at all!

At the company meeting, I briefly reported the latest sales situation to my boss. The boss said, you'd better be specific. So I held my voice and said it again.

10, girlfriend's parents don't agree with us being together. Ok, I bought a mahjong machine for my mother-in-law who likes playing mahjong, 10 Chinese for my father-in-law who likes smoking, and a notebook for my brother. All right.

1 1, a great colleague in the company, cherishes his health very much, never smokes or drinks, and never eats out. Cook for yourself. Washing vegetables is afraid of pesticide residues, so I wholesale a box of Erguotou for washing vegetables. One year, he was diagnosed with severe alcoholic fatty liver in the company's physical examination.

12, everyone has different values. Some people think that iphone6 is expensive, while others are different. They think iphone6 is crazy.

13 Chatting in the office in the morning. A sales buddy said that he accompanied a client to find a girl last night, and when he met a good one, he took it away. After taking a shower and removing makeup, I found Nima so ugly. Another colleague asked me how ugly she was, just like your wife! Then the whole office was a sensation.

14, in fact, I don't like people always asking me whether I am important or my job is important. What matters is me or the game? Such a question. One is that I am really busy sometimes, and the other is that I have to devote myself to everything. Just like I can't help kissing you when I poop. Are you saying that shit is more important than you?

15, my wife used to say that she would buy a doll for me after she got pregnant. To tell the truth, she is still very curious, and she also fulfilled her promise after pregnancy. . . Fuck you, 1.8-meter-tall bear. .

16, had a big fight with my wife after dinner. My wife was very angry. I turned and opened the door: I'm not worried about the danger outside in the dark. Don't leave me! This special man left home happily, striding along the way: Nima, my brothers are waiting for me!

17, my husband and I had a fierce argument this time! I packed my bags and stood at the door looking at my husband with tears in my eyes. Who knows he just stopped drinking beer and didn't make a sound! I dragged my luggage angrily and slammed the door ... as soon as I got downstairs, my husband chased me out I know he loves me and won't let me go! Husband: Help me take down the beer bottle. ...

18, my wife doesn't like the smell of orange peel. She thinks that breaking the orange peel will leave a smell on her hands, so she created a wonderful way to break the orange without touching the smell. The steps are as follows: 1, take out an orange with a stem. 2. break the orange stalk. 3. The orange stalk made a hole in the orange peel, and then slowly peeled off the other skins. If there is no accident, I will help her break up in the second step.

19. A successful man has his own career, a beautiful wife and a good brother. God replied: Do you know the Water Margin? There was a biscuit buyer, a beautiful wife and a good brother, but he died miserably in the end.

20. An old classmate I haven't contacted for a long time asked me on QQ: Are you there? Seeing that I didn't respond for a long time, he added: Don't worry, I didn't come to borrow money from you today. I am relieved: What is it? Can I borrow money from you tomorrow?

2 1. It's very cold in our northeast now. I think Wang Chao still wears ripped jeans to work. His legs are too cold and look ugly. Out of the concern of the leader for his subordinates, I asked him: Why don't you wear long pants today? Wang Chao said: Yes, I also cut holes in the corresponding position of the autumn trousers.

22. A man decided to donate human organs before he died. The doctor asked him what he wanted to donate. He said a wonderful thing: I want to donate my penis, even if I die, I want it to be cool.

23. I feel a little sleepy when I get on the expressway. The idiot daughter-in-law just learned her driver's license and said she could drive. I sleep next to her. After a while, the second-rate daughter-in-law woke me up and said, honey, where is the brake? I suddenly woke up.

24. Aunt: Young man, can you give me your seat? Young man: Auntie, can you dance square dance? Aunt: Of course, I am the lead dancer: then stand.

25. A taxi driver pulled a man. The man said, master, remember to take the corner in front. Driver: Go straight. Passenger: The curve. Driver: Go straight. Passenger: I said it was a bend. The driver was furious: I fucking said I knew, and it was endless! ! ! !

26. As soon as a person reaches the age of 25 or 26, he will receive the main task of getting married. This task is very difficult. You should take part in various activities, blind date and dating first. Then you can get the key prop girlfriend, and then you have to take this girlfriend to carry out various team activities to make the intimacy reach the standard. Finally, you have to spend a lot of gold coins to buy various props. After these minor tasks are completed, there is also a hidden task of buying a house and a car. After buying everything, finish the wedding task. The reward is a wife! When finished, you should take your wife to fight the little monster and then reward a lovely pet. This is even more annoying! You must take out more gold coins to buy medicine and upgrade him! Pay him to learn technology! Raised for more than 20 years! ! Also be careful of a man named Lao Wang, who is a professional hacker! Alas! Tremble!

27. When Ma Yun was having tea with Wang Jianlin, he received a phone call: I tied your son and prepared 654.38+00,000 cash in half an hour, otherwise I would kill the ticket! Ma Yun panicked and hurriedly asked Wang Jianlin: Do you have 1 10,000 change on you? Wang Jianlin is unhappy: You treat me like a beggar! Ma Yun said the situation, and Wang Jianlin comforted him: Don't worry! Maybe there is one in my driver's car. Let me ask!

28. Pang Langmai found a magic lamp at the seaside, rubbed it a few times, and an elf came out and said, "Young man, you saved me, and I can satisfy any wish you want." Pang Langmai thought for a moment and said, please shut up. After that, Pang Langmai continued to rub the magic lamp.

Yesterday, a customer came to the company's sales department. He was told that the down payment would be 654.38+200,000 yuan. At this time, he asked a comrade, I have a debt of 200 thousand yuan here, can I use it to offset the down payment? Suddenly all the people in the sales office ............

30. For those boys who laugh at girls who can spend Halloween without makeup, you can spend Children's Day without pants.

30 classic life quotations with great philosophy

1 Touch people's lives when facing others, and go deep into your own soul when examining yourself.

If you care too much, it will become a fetter, if you get lost for too long, it will become a pain. Too much concern will reduce the fun of life. If you look down on everything, you will get more relief from life.

A person becomes himself, that is, he has reached the peak of happiness.

The growth of every big tree must accept sunshine and tolerate wind and rain.

People who think they own wealth are actually owned by wealth.

There is a kind of fate, and after letting go, it becomes a landscape. Have a heart and insist that China is sincere. You see, I am close to heaven; You don't understand. I'm a passer-by

No matter how many people you love, no matter how painful or happy you love, in the end, you have never learned how to love, but how to love yourself.

Emotions such as sadness are a waste of short life and really unnecessary.

People who can think of others will never be lonely.

30 classic life quotations with great philosophy

The 10 plan will not change as quickly as the telephone, so leave room for yourself and others to set goals. But it must be carried out as planned.

Remedying a mistake has nothing to do with time. It's never too late to take the initiative to seek a new beginning.

12 smoking and drinking is not as terrible as people describe, but you should have the virtue of smoking and drinking.

13 Learn to express your ideas correctly and practice from now on. The more direct the better.

14 If you want to leave footprints in your life, you must take one step at a time; If you want to avoid detours in life, you must think twice before you do.

15 Your world is as big as your heart. You just expect a steamed bun every day, and that's it for you.

16 What is lacking is superficial money, essential ideas, choices in fate, courage in bones, knowledge in the stomach, perseverance in career and changes in action!

17 When you are old, you will easily let go of some things, forgive some people, be too lazy to care, disdain to be angry, and bury a lot of things you want to say in your heart. On the other hand, moderate innocence, impulsiveness, saying stupid things and stupidity are the most powerful proof that you are still young. Never demand your own growth. Growing up is a natural thing, and sometimes forgiving yourself is more important than forgiving others.

18 life needs a little adventurous spirit, otherwise you can't seize the highlands; We need a little risk awareness in life, so that we can effectively protect ourselves.

19 vanity is a woman's patent. Don't be vain It is shameful to be a man.

Being hurt can hone your mind, being cheated can increase your knowledge, being abandoned can teach you the ability to stand on your own feet, and being criticized can inspire your wisdom.

2 1 Don't try to guess what others think. If you don't have the wisdom and experience to make a correct judgment, you will usually make mistakes.

A good athlete is healthy, a good thinker is wise, a good helper is happy, a good reader is knowledgeable, a good tourist is happy and a good pursuer is successful.

You can have nothing, but you can never have nothing.

Our life is really hard. First of all, we have to bear all kinds of external pressures, and more importantly, we have to face our own inner confusion. In the struggle, if someone gives you an understanding look, you will feel the warmth of life, perhaps just a brief glance is enough to make me feel excited.

The greatest wealth of 25 people is health, the most important content of health is physique, the most critical part of physique is brain, and the most valuable thing in brain is thought.

You should tolerate those who disagree with you, so that life will be easier. It will be painful for you if you keep trying to change him. Learn how to put up with him. You must learn how to tolerate him.

Don't always feel despised, ask yourself if you have any weight first.

There is only one way to choose, and that is the way to give up; There is only one way you can't refuse, and that is the way to grow up. If you want to be more than others, you must pay more than others.

Anyone can give up, never give up on yourself!

The basis of life includes not only all the answers we get, but also all the questions we ask.

30 classic quotations of love

1. Let what truly belongs to you finally belong to you.

2. At the end of the road, there is another road, as long as you are willing to go; Sometimes, there seems to be no way, but it's time for you to turn!

3, 3 Love is actually a habit. You are used to having him in your life, and he is used to having you in his life. I don't feel anything when I have it, but once I lose it, it's like losing everything.

Every step of life needs to pay a price. I got what I wanted and lost what I didn't want to lose. But all the people in this world, who is not like this?

5. If you miss something, you will meet something new. Fate is, neither too early nor too late, just right.

6. As if nothing had happened, it turned out that this was the best revenge. Why do you want to prove something to someone who is not worth it? Live better for yourself.

7. The biggest advantage of maturity is that I don't want what I didn't get before.

8. In this city, I believe there must be someone who thinks the same thing with similar frequency and arranges to meet me at a lonely exit of a station.

9. When a small thorn sticks to you, it hurts more than anything in the world.

10, because it is dull, our love sometimes drifts away from the original warm harbor; Because of curiosity, our journey will turn at a casual intersection. Just when you want to turn around, you will hear love crying in a low voice behind you.

1 1. You always like to put things off until the next day. You can't always procrastinate like this. One day, you will have a lot to do, and the rest of your life will not be enough for you.

12, the only thing that can save you is yourself. You don't have to dwell on external judgments, fall into the eyes of others, and distort yourself to please the world.

13. If we can love bravely, forgive bravely, be happy generously because of others' happiness, and be smart enough to know that there is enough love around us, then we will complete the completeness that other creatures have never known.

14, there is only one way in the world, and no one can go except you. Where does it lead? Stop asking. Let's go. When a man doesn't know where his path will lead him, he has climbed higher than ever before.

15, time didn't wait for me, but you forgot to take me away, so we were scattered in the strange wind and rain and forgot each other from now on.

16, many times, we live too tired for three reasons: we can't let go. Can't let go of people who are far away, things that have happened, and things that have been lost; Can't let go of a period of time, can't let go of a memory; I can't let go of success or failure, glory/humiliation and everything that doesn't belong to me. After years of rendering and the ups and downs of a sea of people, we know that letting go will be easy, letting go will be free, and the person who lets go first will be the happiest.

17. If I were a tear, I would fall on your lips and stay in your heart. If you were a tear in my eyes, I would never cry, because I am afraid of losing you.

18, now I understand that a person can be sad without emotion, words and expressions.

19, there are always countless people passing by in life. Not every encounter can be condensed into being together, and not every invitation can be transformed into knowing each other. Life is so long, there are so many variables in life, and sometimes the person you think will accompany you all your life can only accompany you for a while. Fortunately, we always keep a little hope for eternity, so as not to miss the next time love comes.

20. The sky loves the earth, but it is too far away from the earth. Therefore, whenever the sky misses the earth, it will rain cats and dogs.

2 1, when you can learn, you learn; When you can do something, you do it; When you can fall in love, you can fall in love again; When you can get married, you can get married again. When the environment does not allow, you can't force it; Then, don't give up. This is the philosophy of life that a person should have.

22. I won't think too much about the future, because the future is produced by the present. If we can take care of the present, then we can take care of the future. The future will not come for no reason, it will start from this moment, and the next moment will also start from this moment. If this moment is beautiful, quiet and happy, then the next moment will be more quiet and happy.

If one day I can't help asking, you must lie to me. No matter how reluctant you are, don't tell me that the person you love most is not me.

24, even if, in front of this man, everything is fine, everything is fine, he doesn't love you, this shortcoming, you will never change.

25, love is like a luxurious feast, often dressed up to attend, but the result is always full of wolves. And the next feast is coming, but you still have to dress up.

26. If you don't love me, I will be old.

27. I've been looking for that feeling, that feeling of holding a pair of warm hands and moving on in a cold day.

28, love is like picking fruit, picking it too early, the fruit is immature, bitter and astringent, and it is difficult to swallow; Picking too late, the fruit is fully mature, either falling from the branches or being seized by others. Picking fruits at the right time is not only a kind of wisdom, but also a kind of fate. It is not easy to pick a lovely fruit in this life. It is a kind of nature to hold the fruit in the palm of your hand when it is the most abundant. .

29. I just hope that after three years, five years and ten years. One day, when we meet, we can still recognize each other. You shout, I miss you so much. At that moment, I will burst into tears.

30. If you love someone, you will only have her (him) in your eyes and her (him) in your heart. How can you be tempted by others? What distance, what loneliness, what temptation, what helplessness, what impulse. In the world of flowers, if you don't love enough, there are many excuses.