Japanese translation experts with actual combat experience come in!

I am a Japanese translator at home. I have a cursory look at your translation, but there are still some problems, at least not perfect.

For example:

70% of families have more than two cars, and 30% have more than three cars.

The original intention is:

70% of households have more than two, of which 30% have more than three. (30% of 70%, not all 30%)

But this is a mistranslation. In other words, there are also some procrastination, such as:

About 10% people in the market are interested in buying minivans.

Suggestions for modification: About 10% people in the market are interested in buying minivans.

Of course, it is easy to find faults (proofreading) for others. I will find many faults when I show others what I have turned out. So there is no intention to belittle your ability, don't get me wrong.

Generally speaking, I feel that your translation is not "meticulous", lacking in Excellence, and your words and sentences are not meticulous enough.

It is suggested that after translation, put it for a while before making changes. In the best case, translation and proofreading are done by two people. Make up for each other and find more problems.

In addition, as far as the translation company is concerned, it should put forward opinions after receiving the translator's trial translation, pointing out the problems and reasons for not adopting it, so as to show respect for the translator. Translation companies that are ill-considered in this respect had better not cooperate with them. Without mutual understanding, respect and trust, cooperation will be difficult to sustain.

I wonder if my answer will help you.