Uncle, am I being tortured by dialect?

Uncle, I don’t have any talent in language. When I meet local people who speak dialects, I always have to ask them several times before I can understand them even slightly. They all say that I am deaf, which is a waste of time. Ears;

When outsiders come to this place, they cannot understand the dialect, so they often cause misunderstandings and jokes, and because of this, conflicts and disputes arise...

Uncle, let me tell you a few true stories for everyone’s amusement and entertainment;

Story 1

The old Li family has been farmers for generations. Of course, according to the old Li family themselves, their ancestors once , a group of emperors came out, that is, the Li family dynasty of the Tang Dynasty. As for whether Li Shimin was his ancestor, no one can tell;

The second son, who graduated from junior high school, went to Guangdong to work with the villagers. Unexpectedly, this boy came back during the Spring Festival and brought a Cantonese daughter-in-law who spoke the language of birds. She couldn’t understand the old Li family and spoke in a dialect that the old Li family couldn’t get used to. The future daughter-in-law would speak the language of birds;

< p> I heard that the girl’s parents did not agree with their daughter’s marriage to the Northwest, but agreed to the marriage of the two young people, on the condition that the second son of the old Li family must marry and settle in Guangdong. This time, they came back to inform the boy’s parents;

"Squeak, squeak, squeak!" When the door opened, the second son's first reaction was that he was worried about a thief and shouted:

"Who?"

"Hungry"

Someone replied;

"Zua!"

The son asked again;

I don't know, this word How to write it, you can only use pinyin instead;

"pee!"

"still wo!"

I heard it, it was his father's voice, Going to the toilet at night;

Guanzhong people are so stingy, they only use one word to express it!

This little wife heard their conversation and couldn’t understand what it meant... ...very curious!

The next day, early in the morning, my son went to the county town to buy new year's goods. There were two old people left at home, and this future little daughter-in-law;

The little daughter-in-law, Still thinking about the conversation between father and son at night:

What does "wo" mean?

Out of curiosity, the young daughter-in-law asked her future father-in-law:

"Daddy, what did you say about me last night?"

Lao Li, after seeing each other for a long time, said:

"Wo, just shit!"

His daughter-in-law asked again:

"Why is shit called wo?" , how to write ze wo? "

This stumped Lao Li. Lao Li was illiterate and couldn't read a single Chinese character. He thought about it for a long time, how to deal with it!

Suddenly, he thought of the most outrageous way and said:

"Come here and I will give you a demonstration. You already know what wo means!"< /p>

Then he said:

"Squat down!"

The little wife squatted on the ground, and saw Lao Li coming over and shaking hands with both hands from behind. He held his daughter-in-law's left and right thighs, like carrying a child to pee, and lifted her off the ground, saying:

"This is what I mean, it's just shitting!"

p>

"Daddy, hahaha, let me go, you are too hard, you are fucking me..."

Suddenly, the door burst open;

"Dad, you are messing around. How could you do this? I will beat you to death, but you still lay there in the ashes. I asked you to lie in the ashes!"

My son also picked up a wooden stick and prepared to beat him. Lao Li, his daughter-in-law asked again:

"What does lying down mean?"

What does lying down mean? It was the father-in-law who had thoughts about his daughter-in-law...

Just like that, the son picked up his daughter-in-law and returned to Guangdong, saying that he would never come back again!

?Story 2

Another year, an American delegation, accompanied by Chinese personnel, came to the rural areas of Guanzhong and walked into a village. A group of children were playing. One of the children The boy was wearing ripped crotch pants and had a tiger-like head. He was very cute;

Among the American delegation, a man named Tom came over, touched the little boy’s penis with his hand, and said with a smile:

"Wh

y, what is this?"

Tom knows some Chinese;

"Hammer!"

The little boy replied;

" What, what is it for?"

"Your mother! "

"zei my mother? what? What do you mean? "

Tom was puzzled;

I saw the child pointing at Tom;

"You pointed at me, no, no, I still don't understand!"

The child was angry, his eyes widened, and said:

"If your father doesn’t zeitize your mother, how can you be there?"

?Story 3

One weekend, uncle and I were really bored, so I signed up for a group and went on a day trip.

The car was driving on the provincial highway. Agricultural vehicles were on the road, and the driver of our car kept scolding him all the way: "Zei your mother!" , what does that zei mean? "

This time, the driver was stumped. The driver chuckled and said:

"You can't say curse words!"

Driver, Her face was a little red;

As a result, this beauty got out of the car and grabbed the driver, she must know;

The driver thought for a long time and said:

" That's what your mother meant! "

"That my mother?"

The beauty still didn't understand. A beautiful woman traveling with her might have understood. She smiled and pulled up the beauty who asked the question. Smiling, trotting, and left...

To be honest, I know very little about the Guanzhong dialect!

I don’t know the word "Zei"! It’s the most disgusting and annoying thing to say to my face. Even though I still don’t know how to write this word, I just can’t stand listening to it!

One day, I was bored. , Idle time is also idle, let me think about this word "zei" carefully!

Zei, forcefully go in and out... It's all, and it seems to be both. No!

My understanding is that I compare it to a screw and a nut, which means that the nut is a little small, and the screw with the nut is a little thick. The screw is forced to move without the consent of the nut. Rotate and force it in, that's probably what it means!

As the screw slowly wriggles, the nut gradually becomes larger. At first, the screw seemed thick, but later, the nut became bigger. The screw seemed so small, and finally, the screw fit easily in the space of the nut and fell off!

The word "zei" cost me so many brain cells. Hey, Chinese culture. It’s so profound!