Funny quotes about monks, the more, the better. Bonus points for me.

1. Knowing that you are not doing well makes me feel at ease.

2. This handsome guy, you seem like my next boyfriend.

3. Hello, aunt, I am your son’s boyfriend.

4. Don’t call me a homebody, please call me Madame Curie.

5. I really envy you for knowing me at such a young age.

6. I have been suffering from insomnia recently and wake up every 16 hours.

7. Everyone says I am ugly, but in fact I am just not obviously beautiful.

8. Don’t go around shouting that the world has abandoned you. The world does not belong to you in the first place.

11. Life is not Lin Daiyu, and it will not be charming because of sadness.

12. You have spent your entire youth reviewing your youth, but you still want to spend your entire life doubting life?

13. Please tell the prince that I am still on the road of overcoming thorns and thorns. There are still snowy mountains that have not been turned over, rivers that have not been crossed, dragons that have not been killed, and handsome boys that have not been picked up... let him continue to sleep!

14. The difference between people and pigs is: pigs are always pigs, while people sometimes are Not a human being.

15. When I love you, what you say is what I say. What do you say you are when I don't love you.

17. If I couldn’t beat you, I would have fallen out with you long ago.

18. Remember to come and marry me early in the next life.

19. Whoever makes me cry, I will definitely make you bleed.

27. When a mouse laughs at a cat, there must be a hole beside it.

28. Telling lies will always be exposed, and wearing a wig will always be exposed by the wind.

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29. The most important thing in life is not the location, but the direction you are facing. If you are a B and go all the way north, you can become an NB. If you break through the south wall and don't look back, you can only become an SB.< /p>

30. The feeling of missing someone is like drinking a glass of ice-cold water and then turning into hot tears drop by drop.

31. As a beast, I feel a lot of pressure.

32. Mom said it’s best not to miss two things, the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply.

36. Wherever you fall, that’s where you fall. Where to lie down.

37. It doesn’t matter if your head is empty, the key is not to get wet.

38. When you put on the wedding dress, I also put on the cassock.

< p>39. The biggest advantage of getting older is: you don’t want the things you didn’t get when you were young, now you don’t want them.

41. Life is like toilet paper, use it as little as possible.

45. Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person

It is not necessarily a good thing that all people stand on one side, for example, they all stand on one side of the boat.

You said... you like me? Actually... I started... Actually, I also... well, let me tell you, I actually quite like myself.

As a typical failure, you are so successful!

If you are bored, you can play with snot bubbles.

The iron fences on a university campus are all pointed, and the warning signs on them are as follows: If a boy turns over the iron fence accidentally, he will become a girl... If a girl accidentally turns over it, she will become a girl. Women...

When I first graduated: Brothers, I will have a wife later; one year after graduation: Brothers, I will have a wife later; later: Brothers, I regret having a wife; and later: Brothers, I will I have a second wife; finally: brothers, I regret having a second wife~

When I was a child, my father taught me: "The ratio of men to women in China is 107:101. If you don't study hard, you will be the one." '6'!" When I grew up, I was admitted to Tsinghua University and found that the male-to-female ratio in Tsinghua University was 7:1, and I was still the "6"!

When I hold my hand, I know that my son is ugly, and my face bursts into tears. I will leave if I don’t leave.

Journey to the West tells us: All monsters with a backing were picked up, and all monsters without a backing were beaten to death with a stick.

Our goal: focus on money and make big profits.

If you don’t have medical insurance or life insurance, don’t act bravely after dark...

Pushing the bus is a comprehensive sports and fitness program that includes Sanda, yoga, judo, balance beam and other sports. sports.

What is happiness? Happiness is when you eat fish, I eat meat, and watch others chew bones.

Many people say that marriage is the tomb of love, but it is better for love to be buried in peace than to be buried in the streets.

It is said that people have only two choices, busy dying or busy living. I think I have a third choice: busy waiting to die.

When I was a kid, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. But when I grew up, I realized that the whole world couldn't save me.

Please don’t regard my tolerance of you as your shameless capital.

It is virtue for a woman to have no talent. I must be too wicked.

Zhuge Liang had never led an army before he left the mountain. Why do you want me to have work experience?

An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is not right, it will be useless no matter how hard you try.

You have to figure out the script of your life - it is not a sequel to your parents, not a prequel to your children, and not a sequel to your friends

The beauty of knowledge lies in making people wiser. The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being so stupid that they have no regrets; the beauty of men lies in lying so that they can see ghosts in daylight.

People are not smart, so they imitate other people’s baldness.

When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even.

I am a white-collar worker: I received my salary today, paid the rent, water and electricity, bought oil, rice and instant noodles, touched my pockets, and sighed, my salary this month is white-collar again...

He is just a basin of water, poured into your pile of rice. After a few years, the clear water turns into mellow wine, and you become a pile of discarded rotten rice. It is not useless and can also be used to feed pigs. .

I never hold grudges, and I usually avenge them on the spot.

I have spent my entire youth reviewing my youth, and I have to spend my entire life doubting life.

If you were a flower, no cow would dare to poop in the future!

If you save enough four and a half yuan, and I save enough four and a half yuan, we can go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get married.

My dad expressed his opinion on my gaining weight: If I don’t have Han Hong’s life, I will get Han Hong’s disease.

You are scolding me now because you don’t understand me yet. When you understand me in the future, you will definitely hit me.

"Do you like my angelic face or devil's figure?" "I just like your sense of humor."

Broadcast gymnastics starts now: ╔囧╗╔囧 ╝╚囧╝╚囧╗╔囧╗╔囧╝╚囧╝╚囧╗╔囧╗╔囧╝╚囧╝╚囧╗╔囧╗╔囧╝╚囧╝ ╚囧╗╔囧╗╔囧╝╚ 囧╝╚囧╗╔囧╗╔囧╝╚囧╝╚囧╗╔囧╗╔囧╝╚囧╝╚囧╗

This girl is really cool in her clothes and looks really bad. fire.

This girl, first of all, there is a generation gap between us, and secondly, you don’t have a cleavage. How can we communicate?

Looking for the saddest song? Best answer: "Socialism Is Good"

The person who overdrafted the phone bill by 900,000 will be sentenced to life, and the person who killed someone in the car will be sentenced to life; the person who maliciously withdraws 170,000 from an ATM will be sentenced to life, and the person who embezzled tens of millions will be sentenced to 10 years. . ——Wonderful China.

When people do something good, they always want the gods and ghosts to know about it, and when they do something bad, they always think the gods and ghosts don’t know about it. It’s too difficult for us to make things difficult for the gods and ghosts.

Lei Feng did good things without leaving his name, but he recorded everything in his diary.

The two most terrifying sentences in the world, one is, "I love you so much, why don't you love me?" and the other is, "I am doing this for your own good."

Behind every successful Ultraman there is a little monster who is silently beaten.

A good woman is like gasoline, once she has it, she has power; a bad woman is like an airbag, once she uses it, there is a crisis.

People cannot take money into the grave, but money can take people into it.

Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately - in the end he killed all his students.

2008 was so abnormal, everything was abnormal! At this critical moment, the Chinese men's football team stepped forward and proved to the world that the Chinese men's football team is still normal!

How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting inside the toilet or waiting outside the toilet

Shanghai is very envious when they see that Chengdu has designated the bus victims as murderers. How they want to say that the building was the one who was killed. The workers pushed it down.

Smiling at you is purely polite

Advertising on the subway: Is it crowded? Buy a car! Advertisements on taxis: Traffic jam? Take the subway!

I haven’t seen my wife in 4 years. She gave birth to a big fat boy for me last year... I really want to go home and see him.

A Beijinger lamented: Beijing’s subway is so crowded that a pregnant woman had a miscarriage last Monday. Shanghainese said without hesitation: The subway in Shanghai is called crowded. Last year, a girl was squeezed and became pregnant.

The most mysterious department in history: relevant departments; the most mysterious person in history: insiders; the most authoritative person in history: Brick Even if you are a piece of shit, you will one day meet a dung beetle. So you don’t have to worry too much about yourself today.

The important task of the post-80s generation is to create the post-08 generation.

People have a background, but I only have a back view.

I am not a fortune teller in the square, and I can’t tell you as much as you like to hear.

Flowers often belong not to the people who appreciate them, but to cow dung.

The difference between a lie and an oath is: one is taken seriously by the listener, and the other is taken seriously by the teller.

Being single is not difficult. What is difficult is dealing with those people who try their best to make you end your singlehood.

Only women and heroes have trouble, only wives and jobs are hard to find.

Don’t complain about life all day long. Life won’t even know who you are, let alone listen to your complaints.

If you are still young after visiting brothels, please use Huiren Shenbao.

Marriage notice: The requirements are as follows, A is alive and B is female.

The family calls the beast to coax a woman like a QQ, at least two hours a day, and after a certain number of days, she can be in the sun...

Is work boring? Just toss a coin and play, go online if it's heads, go to sleep if it's tails, work if it's upright, work hard if it's tilted, apply for overtime if it falls to pieces, if two coins fall, throw it every day!

Comrades: Don’t speculate in stocks. The risk is too great. It’s safest to make tofu! When it is hard, it is dried tofu, when it is thin, it is tofu brain, when it is thin, it is tofu skin, when it is not cooked, it is soy milk, and when it stinks, it is stinky tofu! A sure profit without a loss.

Other people’s money is my personal belongings.

First line: Jinsha River, Jialing River, Heilongjiang, Jiangjiang can be invested! Second line: Laboratory building, teaching building, dormitory building, you can jump from building to building! Hengpi: Unprecedented

People say that you walk on more bridges than you walk, eat more salt than you eat rice, and today I fart a lot, so "My farts and your shits have weight." "This sentence came out spontaneously.

If a pair of twins (male) and a pair of twins (female) marry each other, will the children they give birth to be the same?

That day I looked at your sexy body infatuatedly, twisting naked in front of me and gently touching your skin. I couldn't resist your temptation: Boss, I want this fish!

You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, I am thin because you are sick, I am smiling because you are strong, and I am rich because of you. Sold...the pig!

Did you know? I miss you every day and miss you every night. I think about it when I eat, when I sleep, and when I work. I really want to say to you...pay the money back quickly!

You are kind like a cat, you are loyal like a dog, you are cute like a bird, you know the way like a horse, you are brilliant like a butterfly, you are diligent like a bee, you are similar in everything, and you are like a bee. No wonder everyone calls you...a beast!

If there is no wind, the clouds will not move; if there is no water, fish cannot swim; if there is no sun, the moon will not have light; if there is no you... stupid people will not exist