Jokes for girls around 17 years old.

This is a short message from a girl chasing a boy, one a day. I'll sort it out and send it to you! O(∩_∩)O~

1. A country's astronaut decided to go to Mars for investigation, but he was afraid of an accident, so he sent a monkey up. The monkey came back and made three moves, the first was to beat his chest, the second was to move forward, and the third was to blindfold. The scientist translated it for a long time and came to the conclusion that it was too bad, flying too fast.

2. The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace, war and found. Connect these three words and read them aloud for three times, and you will find a shocking secret ...

I farted ... Press CTRL+A here to see the secret answer \ (O)/~

3. A Shandong student and his roommate from Northeast China went to a grocery store to buy instant noodles. On the way, the Northeast China said to himself, "What's the whole smell? It's the whole onion-flavored beef ..." Once two people went to the toilet together, and it happened that the toilet stopped water supply, and there were 22 thousand gold in it ~ ~ ~ The Northeastern patted his thigh: "What a mess!" After listening to this, Shandong people turned pale and threw up with their hands against the wall ...

4. A prince fell in love with a princess, but the prince was enchanted by a witch and could only say one word a year. The prince worked hard for five years and saved five words. He ran to the princess and said, "Princess, I love you! ~ "The princess said," What, what did you say? " Prince: "..."

5. This is a true story ...

In an English class, a boy was suddenly in a hurry and asked for leave from his teacher. The teacher said, "Go ahead." The boy tried to hold back a class, which was very romantic and Xiu Yuan-like, and I felt that I would go up and down for what I wanted.

After class, the teacher asked him, "Why don't you go to the toilet when you're so choked up?" The boy replied, "You don't want to talk about it." Teacher: "..."

6. Three years ago, each of us had a puppy. Your name was face and mine was ass. Later, you were shameless. Every time I saw your ass, I thought of your face. If your face were still there, it would be as big as your ass!

7. Someone keeps a parrot. No matter how to teach it, it can only say two words "Who?". One day this man went out, and a water meter checker came, knock knock. The parrot said, "Who is it?" "Check the water meter." The parrot asked again, "Who is it?" "Check the water meter." ..... Two hours later, the host came back and found a man lying at the door, foaming at the mouth and fainted. He asked, "Who is this?" The parrot's voice came from the room: "Check the water meter ..."

8. The prisoner was executed by shooting, but the first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet. Then the second shot and the third shot were fired ... At this time, the prisoner couldn't stand it, crying and saying, "Brother, you strangle me!" It's too scary ... "

9. In the prison, a condemned man walked around restlessly. A kind-hearted prison guard said to him, "Don't be afraid, the current is very strong, and it will only take a blink of an eye without any pain." Then there was a scream from the execution ground. "What's that noise …" The prisoner asked with trepidation. "I don't know." The guard got up and looked into it. After a while, the guard came back. "Nothing, I caught up with the power failure and had to use candles." The guard said casually.

1. When riding a motorcycle, a person likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, the mouth is buckled at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he was driving under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the roadside. The police arrived:

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Policeman A: Well, he is still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push hard, and turn back.

Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ...

11. Teacher: "Can you tell me something about scientists in the 18th century?"

student: "Yes, they are all dead."

12. The rhinoceros dung beetle is in love with a mosquito. When the locust asks what the mosquito does, the mosquito says, "Nurse, an injection." The tapir patted his thigh: "Fate, I am rubbing pills in the Chinese Medicine Bureau …" < P > 13. During the Beijing Olympic Games, an African stayed in a hotel. In the middle of the night, there was a fire for unknown reasons. Africans can't care so much when they see it, so they run out naked. When the fireman saw it, he exclaimed, "My God! It' s all burnt, and you can run so fast! "

14. A young man will be recruited into the army, and an ophthalmologist in a military hospital will examine his eyesight. The young man shows that he is nearsighted while undergoing the examination. After the examination, the doctor said, "Yes, you're right. It's myopia." The young man was very happy to hear this sentence. "Dear doctor, then I can be exempted from military service?" The doctor shook his head and said, "No ... I wrote that I can take part in hand-to-hand combat.

15. Saddam's team was surrounded by American troops. After a few days, they couldn't hold on, so they sent a guard out to inquire about the situation. When he came back, he made a V-shaped gesture to Saddam. Saddam was very happy: "Great, we won!" The guard looked sad: "What, it's just you and me ..."

16. A foreigner went to the supermarket to buy something. When checking out, the cashier lady: Can you speak Chinese? Foreigner: I can understand you if you speak slowly. Cashier: can ... you ... speak ... Chinese ...

17. One day, the U.S. government wanted to see which agency was more efficient, so it found three agencies-the FBI, the CIA and the new york Police Department, and asked them to look for a rabbit in a forest. On the first day, 1 elites from the FBI came into the forest. Look for fingerprints, find footprints and smell ... 24 hours later, 1 people came out and came to a conclusion: there are no rabbits here. The next day, 1 people from the Intelligence Bureau came into the Woods to ask elephants, foxes and monkeys ... 24 hours later, these 1 people also came out and came to a conclusion: there are no rabbits in this forest. On the third day, two policemen from the new york Police Department came into the Woods and passed ten minutes. Two people were holding a badger bear with seven bleeding wounds. Badger Bear said, Please stop fighting. I said I'm a rabbit.

18. A farmer fed the chicken the night before killing the chicken and casually said, Eat quickly, this is your last meal! The next day, I saw the chicken lying down and left a suicide note: I have taken rat poison, so you can't eat me, and I'm not easy to mess with.

19. Do you want to get rich?

do you want to get lucky?

do you want to become famous overnight?

do you want the whole world to be crazy about you?

stop dreaming!

wash and sleep!

2. During a military exercise, the landing position of a shell was far from the expected position. A soldier was sent to check and found that the shells landed in the farmland. A ragged man stood there with dark clothes and tearful eyes, and said to him: Just steal a cabbage, is it worthwhile to bombard it ... < P > 21. After the Tang Priest drove Wukong away, something happened to him. do or die remembered the incantation and called Wukong silently, but soon a voice completely shattered his hope of survival: the subscriber you called was not in the service area.

22. According to FY-3 meteorological satellite, there will be a comet crashing into the earth tonight, and the landing point will be your bed. To prevent accidents, please sleep with your ass up and fart until dawn tonight, so as to change the landing point by using gas impulse. Remember!

23. When someone just learned to ride a bicycle when he was a child, he ran into the street before he knew it. When he saw an old man walking in front of him, he felt that he was going to hit him, and he shouted, Don't move, don't move. The old man stood there for a moment without moving, and as a result, he turned around and ran into it. The old man stood up and said, you are aiming.

24. On the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd. The woman looked back and said, "Are you sick?" The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?" People in the car snickered! The woman felt angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?" The man said coldly, "Can you cure it?"

Xiao Zhao, who is p>25 or 18 years old, is a senior one this year. His only shortcoming is that he is too old. On the way to school by bus, a man in his thirties next door talked to him. He opened his mouth and said, Big Brother, where are you going? Xiao Zhao is used to such treatment, and said calmly: 3. This man: Oh, it's to see the children. Nowadays, it's very hard for children to go to school. Zhao's face twitched, but he held back and didn't say anything. Unexpectedly, this man added: Big Brother, what grade is your child in? Zhao Ben didn't want to talk again, but because of his face, he said: Senior one. The other party was shocked: Big Brother, you got married very late ...

26. The boy took his girlfriend for a walk and passed by the restaurant. His girlfriend praised: It smells good! The cash-strapped boy said very gentlemanly: If you like, let's walk in front of the restaurant again ...

27. When a man takes a bus, a beautiful girl in the bus always looks at him. He thinks: The girl may be interested in herself, but she can't help being flattered. When she gets off at the station, the man immediately follows. The girl walks in front and looks back from time to time. He drums. Is there a grain of rice on my face? The girl glared at him: You are sick! Don't wipe it when you know it ...

28. Have you eaten? You should have eaten this. If you haven't eaten, don't look at it first.

A farmer is walking on the ridge with two loads of dung. A man went up and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce a catty? The peasants didn't make a sound. The man put a little bit of it in his mouth and tasted it. He thought, If you don't tell me how much it costs a kilo, I won't tell you that your sauce stinks ...

It is estimated that you will ...

If that's the case, by the way, I didn't mean to

29. Wolf cubs have been vegetarian since they were born. Wolf parents have racked their brains to train them. Hand over the carrots!

3. Letters and numbers fight, and the numbers send 1 and 3 to form the letter B to penetrate the enemy. Not long after, 1 and 3 came back black and blue, and everyone asked them how they did this. 1 and 3 cried and answered: They are all lowercase letters except the boss A.

31. There is a man lying across the front seat of the theater, and one person occupies four seats. The lady with a seat said to him, "Sir, one person can only take one seat." He only snorted and didn't move. The young lady invited the theater manager, who said politely, "Sir, please sit down. One person can only occupy one seat." He just grunted and didn't act. The manager only invited the police. The policeman said, "Dude, you are very horizontal! Which road are you on? " The man snorted, and said, "... something fell down in the hallway upstairs ..."

32. The TV news announcer was broadcasting the news. At this moment, a piece of paper was sent to him. He picked it up and habitually said, "The following is the news that we just received ..." Then I opened the note and read: "Dude, you still have a spinach leaf on your front tooth .................................................." < P > 33. Someone rode a bike to the street and passed a road junction and spread a handle. The traffic police saw it and exclaimed: Good palm! Someone waved happily and answered: comrades have worked hard!

34. Grandpa said to his grandson: Jin Yong's works can be connected into a couplet. Grandson: Isn't it just that flying snow shoots white deer in the sky, and the man who laughs at the book leans on the garden? Sun Tzu disdained to say that J.K. Rowling's seven books can also be linked into one sentence: Ha ha ha ha ha .............................................................................................................................................. It was very quiet all the way until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, Here's an apple for you. It's delicious ... The driver thought it was great, so he took it and then took a bite. The woman asked: Is it delicious? The driver said: delicious! The woman replied: I remember I liked eating apples before my death ... The driver stood on end and ate all the apple cores! I saw that the woman slowly tilted her head to the front and said to the driver, but I didn't like it after giving birth. ......