Why do relatives make people feel disgusted during the Chinese New Year?

During the Chinese New Year, I was busy cooking and resting, and made personalized training strategies for 20 17 private education families. I'm sorry, everyone. I'll update one today.

Today, I will talk about the problem that everyone faces when they go home for the New Year, and it is also a problem that our generation must face: visiting relatives. There must be many relatives who are disgusting and annoying.

Many times, we all know that it is not easy for our loved ones, and we also know our antipathy. But sometimes we can't be so calm. Contradiction leads to conflict, and conflict leads to disgust. In my opinion, antipathy is understandable, but because of antipathy, it belittles the other party, magnifies their own demands, and then ignores the roots of wholeness and contradiction. This is a manifestation of low emotional intelligence, and it just reflects that young people do not have enough experience to make their emotional intelligence backward compatible.

In my opinion, the root of the problem is as follows.

1 the contradiction between the increase of social mobility and the deep-rooted traditional concept of relatives living in groups and holding groups. -The question of relatives

Our generation of young people are experiencing a vigorous wave of urbanization. It is also experiencing an era in which big cities are intertwined to extract resources from neighboring cities. It is the choice of most young people to move from rural areas to cities and from small cities to big cities. The increase in social mobility has exposed young people to new thinking and new lifestyles. Their life has changed from "the stability of life" to "the brilliance of life". The attitude towards success is no longer "being a big official, making a fortune, having children and being a parent". Knowing the diversity of success, some people gradually understand what they want.

Because relatives are old, the local resources and means of survival have been stereotyped, and they can't experience the social baptism of great mobility like young people, so their thinking naturally stays in the past social concepts. They like to hold groups, like relatives to support each other, and like racial reproduction and growth. At this time, contradictions arise, conflicts arise, and resentment arises. Such as "entrusting relatives to do things", "forcing marriage", "mercenary" and "looking down on older unmarried girls". Behind these appearances, contradiction is the most fundamental problem.

For example, one of my aunts has lived in her hometown for many years. She has experienced wars and landlords, and everything she has experienced is almost isolated from the world. No WeChat, no smart phone, never heard of calling a car by mobile phone, and never heard of a gun appointment. In her mind, she always thinks that having children and grandchildren is a blessing. At the same time, because one of her daughters is unhappy in marriage, she always thinks that it is right to marry a good man while the girl is young and beautiful. I can't help it This is the contradiction.

2 the contradiction between the rapid development of teenagers' knowledge and the slow improvement of their own ability and emotional intelligence. -Young people's problems

We will find that some young people can handle the first contradiction well, but some young people can only escape, hate or even worsen the contradiction. Why? This is the second contradiction. There are differences between young people and young people in their abilities.

Young friends in many cities, due to their own cognitive problems, will regard the knowledge brought by society as the improvement of their abilities, which is very dangerous. I know many friends don't like to hear such words, but it's true. What do you talk to your parents and relatives when you go home, Kan Kan? Maybe you are just one of the screws, and so am I. ..

With the great social change, young people's energy, resources and contacts are limited, and the ability and emotional intelligence acceleration brought by big cities are also limited. This brings about contradictions. This contradiction will make young people ignore their own problems and feel even more disgusted with their loved ones. But I can't find a solution.

Give a counterexample: my cousin is excellent and has a high emotional intelligence. When she went abroad to study in a university, she found that her parents were out of touch with herself. She even found a high-end private tutor to train her parents and explain the ideas of modern young people online. I'm doing this kind of private education myself now, so I don't advertise. ) She told her parents about the official WeChat account, live broadcast, games, VR, diversified life and slash youth. Now parents can basically keep the same thinking as young people. My cousin later graduated from Wharton and now works in marketing for a luxury cosmetics company in the United States. Every time she goes home, she is very happy. Her parents understand and support her. When some relatives put forward the idea of "not getting married at this age", her parents only need to smile with her to understand. In the face of problems, we should solve them, not just resent them. Our parents can take pains to solve it. There are so many relatives that we can't communicate with each other. Then, we can choose to accept but disagree and nod but disagree. Do it. At this time, it is a question of personal emotional intelligence.