Adult joke hilarious short message

1. A banana gentleman and his girlfriend went shopping.

Mr banana suddenly felt very hot, so he took off his clothes.

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Grandpa said that Jay Chou must be a good monk when he became a monk. His classics are so beautiful ~

3. Why does pangolin dig every day?

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The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! " Father earthworm said weakly, "... I suddenly want to play football."

One day, the pig said to the bear, "Can you guess how much sugar is in my pocket?" The bear said, "You guessed right. Will you give it to me? " The pig nodded, "Well, I'll give it to you two if I guess right." The bear said, "Five dollars." What a realistic bear! ! )

6. There was a very devout Jew who really wanted to win the lottery.

Every time he prayed, "God, I have been such a devout believer all my life. Please let me win the lottery once. "

Day after day, year after year, he prayed to God for an award, but he didn't win once.

Finally, once he couldn't stand it. He looked up and sighed: "God, I have been a faithful believer all my life. What should I do to win the prize? " ! "

Suddenly the sky opened, and God said angrily, "I beg you, go and buy a lottery ticket first."

7. The polar bear went to play with penguins, walked and walked for twenty years, and suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to get the gift of Arctic angel thermal underwear for penguins, so he walked and walked again, and went home to get the gift twenty years later. Then he walked on for forty years until he reached the door of the penguin's house and said to the penguin who went out, "Let's play together." Penguin said happily, "OK, go to your house to play!" " "(desolate! )

8. Why didn't Xiao Ming die when he jumped from 12 floor? ...

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9. There are five eggs in the refrigerator. The first said to the second: Look at the fifth egg. That's disgusting. I'm covered in hair.

The second said to the third: one. . . . Look, the fifth egg is disgusting. It is covered with hair.

The third said to the fourth: The fifth egg is disgusting and covered with hair. . .

As a result, the fifth one heard it and shouted, get out! Laozi is kiwi fruit ~

10, an Asian doctor came to work in a tribe in Africa. One day, the local chief angrily found him and said, "Why did one of my wives give birth to a yellow-skinned child!" " "The doctor was in a panic, thought for a moment and said," Did you see that sheep outside? All the other sheep are white, but it is black. . . "

The chief pointed a gun at the doctor and said, "As long as you don't say anything, you and my wife can forget it."

1 1. Why does an ant leave only traces when crossing the desert?

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12, Apple A: "Hello ~ ~" Apple B didn't answer. ...

Apple A: "Hello ~ ~" Apple B doesn't answer. ...

Apple A: "Hello ~ ~" Apple B: "We are apples, don't talk!"

13, the match scratched his head, went to the hospital and turned into a cotton swab.

14, a group of birds stopped in the corn field to eat corn happily. They sing, dance and play happily ~ ~ ~

Suddenly the cornfield caught fire.

Then the bird died.

Why?

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The bird thought it was snowing.

It's freezing! ! !

20. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

2 1, 4 people were playing mahjong in the house, and the police came. Why did you take five people?

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22. It is said that there is a little white rabbit running.

It ran two steps and then turned to the right.

Run two more steps and turn your head to the right.

Run two more steps and turn your head to the right.

Why?

Because it likes it. ...

23. Three vampires went to a bar for recreation.

The first vampire asked the waiter for a glass of blood.

The second one asked for a glass of cold blood.

The third said, give me a glass of warm water.

The first two vampires were puzzled and asked him, "We all drink blood. How much water do you want? "

The third one smiled, took out a used sanitary towel from his pocket and said, "I'll drink a bag of tea today." (it's disgusting! ! ! )

24. One day, two mental patients climbed a ladder to the roof.

One of them rolled down the ladder and the other stayed on the roof.

A doctor happened to pass by and asked the patient why he rolled down instead of climbing down.

The patient said I was an apple.

The doctor felt that this was hopeless, and so was the one above normal, so he asked why the one above didn't come down.

The answer above said that he was crazy. We're not old enough.

25. Why do ants and giraffes walk in the desert without footprints?

Because ants and giraffes ride bicycles together.

26. Why did Xiaoming find that the delicious food in his refrigerator was eaten by ants and giraffes?

Because the bicycles of ants and giraffes are parked next to the refrigerator.

27. One morning, a person woke up and found that his thumb and toes turned purple.

So he hurried to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital and met an intern. He asked the intern what was going on. The intern thought for a long time and said, "Well ~ ~ According to my experience, this is cancer ~ ~!"

The man asked, what should I do? The intern said there was no choice but to remove it. So the man cut off all his thumbs and toes.

Then, when he got up the next morning, he found that his other four thumbs turned green!

So he hurried to the hospital. Met an intern again, and he asked the intern what was going on. The intern thought for a long time and said, "Well ~ ~ According to my experience, this is cancer ~ ~!"

The man asked, what should I do? The intern said there was no choice but to remove it. So the man cut off the thumbs of the other four feet.

Then, another morning, when he got up, he found that his whole feet turned blue!

He rushed to the hospital again, but this time he didn't meet the intern. He met an experienced old doctor. He asked the doctor, what happened?

The old doctor looked at it and said, "Well, according to my experience, this is ........."

What is this?

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28、

Question 1! A piece of rice cake and a piece of carbon are fighting on the beach. When it is put down, the carbon blows the rice cake into the sea. As a result, the rice cake disappeared.

Question 2! A pair of very loving lovers have been in love for many years. . But at this time, boys are going to study abroad. The day before he left, the boy bought a couple's rings. He gave one to the girl and put the other on himself. He said to the girl, "honey, we will be apart for a while and meet in this place in three years." . "Then they separated. .

Three years later, the girl waited for the boy in the same place. But after waiting for a few days, I didn't see the boy, so I threw the ring into the sea angrily. . . A month later, the boy found himself waiting for the girl in the wrong place. . . He felt that he was a failure and threw the ring into the sea. . . Then, the boy walked along the seaside in frustration and saw an old uncle fishing. . . Guess what my uncle caught?

Answer: rice cake! ! ! !

29. A group of electrical appliances compete together to decide who is the king of electrical appliances. However, because there is no comparison standard, everyone decides that every appliance tells jokes, and which joke can make other appliances laugh, he is the king of appliances. So, the TV went up first, told a joke, and everyone laughed, except the rice cooker. She said, what's so funny about this? That's awesome. The TV set had to fall down in despair. The second one went to the computer. The computer told a funnier joke, and all the appliances laughed, but the rice cooker still didn't. The third time I went up, it was air conditioning. The air conditioner told an unprecedented joke, and all the appliances present were already laughing. At this time, the rice cooker was unbearable and stood up patting the table. He turned to the refrigerator behind him and said, "Fuck you, can you not open your mouth so wide when you fucking laugh?" It is very cold. "

30. There is a colleague in the unit, Mongolian, who belongs to the great god who often flies in the sky. I went home after a year off, but I still didn't come back after a few days off. The leader called and said on the phone: Leader, I am still riding on the Hulunbeier grassland to find a home. My family is a nomadic people, and now I don't know where to move ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~