Humorous sentences that amuse girls.

First, the process of changing the object of love: after changing to a beautiful woman, I found that my looks did not match; After becoming a rich girl, I found that consumption is not worth it; After changing to Shangguan's daughter, I found my position unworthy; After changing into a girl, I found that my posture was wrong; After changing into a lady, I found myself feeling wrong; After changing into a slut, I found that the hat was the wrong color. There is no perfect love in the world, it is more realistic to be romantic! I wish love happiness.

Second, you = eat+sleep+miss me; Pigs = eat+sleep. Substitute into the above formula: you = pig+miss me. Transposition: you-miss me = pig. Conclusion: If you don't think of me, you are a pig! Did you say you miss me now?

Three, my god, modern civilization, making a fool of yourself can make money, and it is not illegal, otherwise your ugly face will be sentenced to life imprisonment, and if you have to, the sentence will be 10 thousand years, but I like it, and I will often visit the prison!

Fourth, one day in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, teacher, the computer crashed and all our platoon died. At this time, many students said: We are dead, too. Then the teacher asked: Who else is not dead? Only one classmate stood up and said, I'm not dead yet! The teacher said strangely that the whole class was dead. Why don't you die?

Five or seven years after graduation, I finally took on a big project to build a 30-meter chimney. The construction period is two months, and the cost is 300 thousand, but I have to pay for it myself. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. Shit! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

6. Don't ask me how much I love you. Run to the sun to bask in the sun. The sun represents my feelings. Don't ask me how long I have loved you. Looking up at the lonely starry sky. The moon represents my heart!

Seven, to travel, there is a temple in the scenic spot, so I will stop by to play in the temple. When you buy a ticket, ask if you have a student ticket. The result of the conductor's answer is super classic. He said: all beings are equal before the Buddha, and there is no student ticket!

8. Weather forecast: Tomorrow your family will pay RMB from morning till night, and some will also have gold bars. At noon, they will pour dollars into euros, with sporadic checks! The weather bureau tells you to put on your helmet and hemp belt, and get ready to make a fortune!

After the bell rang, the teacher came into the classroom. He dipped his hand in saliva, slammed open the textbook, cleared his throat and said, classmates, the first lesson we are going to talk about today is hygiene from an early age. Please open your books. As a result, the children look at me, I look at you, and then put their fingers in their mouths one by one and open the books. Make a girl happy.

Ten, always let people taste the charm of waiting, and space makes people worry about beauty. Many times, the blessings between people do not need words to reflect, just like you quietly look at the message I sent you at this moment.

Eleven, the mother called her son to get up again: Jacques, good boy, it's time to get up. You have heard the cock crow several times. What does it have to do with me? I am not a hen.

The woman said: Why do you look so old-fashioned? M: If you like RMB, do you still care what year it was issued? Secretary: Boss, your wife called. She said she would kiss you on the phone. Boss: Give it to me first, and then give it to me later.

Thirteen, a strong leader speaks in dialect: rabbits and shrimps, pickles are too expensive, not ginger melons, but pig feet (comrades and villagers, don't talk now, pay attention).

14. The monitor asked: Who is the largest officer in our platoon? A: It's a platoon leader. The monitor asked again: Who's under the teacher? The recruit replied: The teacher rode the horse.

Fifteen, the husband took an orchid bowl and solemnly said to his wife: Don't break the bowl again. This bowl was left by your mother. There are only two left now, and you have dropped the others. The wife gave her husband a white look and said, then you must not be angry with me in the future. I was dumped by my mother, too, leaving me alone.

Sixteen, someone rode a bike to the street, crossed a junction and spilled his hand. The traffic police saw it and exclaimed: Good palm! Someone waved happily and replied: comrades have worked hard!

Seventeen, a drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

Eighteen, the blue sky is special to you, but I miss you helplessly; Baiyun lovely you, helpless I miss you; You stay away from the green wind, and I wait for you affectionately; Gentle rain romantic you, lonely I miss you!

Son: Dad, tell me a story. Dad: OK. Once upon a time, there was a frog. Son: No, I want to hear historical stories. Dad: OK. In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog.

One day, you squatted on the side of the road and looked at a pile of poop carefully. Smell it before getting together: is it poop? You dig with your hands: it seems to be poop; Taste it in your mouth: it's really poop! You laughed: it's a good thing I didn't step on it!

Twenty. Look at the girl across the street. The seed of lonely boy's love needs you to give me some love.

Twenty-one, the elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants in their nest climbed on the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted to strangle it.

22. The nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart! The patient smiled and said, little baby.

Twenty-three, the teacher wanted the Physical Education Commission to confirm whether all the girls were here after work, so he said to him, "Go and tidy up all the girls in the class." The sports commission is a kid, so he asked, which one? The teacher said: I know I still want you to go! (It's almost enough to handle the relationship.)

24. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull.

Twenty-five, because you are cute, I care about you very much; Cover the quilt at night to avoid cold hands and feet; There is nothing to worry about, you can supplement calcium; Don't say I'm too bad, I wish you a happy New Year's Day!

26. Remember the military training last year? You stand in the first row, and the instructor loudly orders: Count off in the first row! You looked at the instructor in surprise, and he said it again: Count off! I saw you reluctantly turn around and hug the tree!

Twenty-seven, committing fraud: a university law department will take the criminal law exam one day. The first question the professor asked the students was: What is the crime of fraud? The student replied, if you don't let me take the exam, you will commit fraud. The professor was surprised: how to explain it? The student said: According to the criminal law, anyone who makes use of others' ignorance to make them suffer losses is guilty of fraud.

28. Sleeping in class: A student sleeps in class and is found by the teacher. Teacher: Why do you sleep in class? Student: I didn't sleep! Teacher: Then why do you close your eyes? A student: I'm meditating! Teacher: Then why do you nod? Student: What you just said is very reasonable! Teacher: Then why are you drooling? A student: Teacher, you speak with relish!

Twenty-nine, once upon a time, there were two people, one named Zhuang and the other named Xiao, who disappeared one day. Zhuang happened to see a group of people fighting, so he went to pull and said, I'll find Xiao! The gang paused and said, are you faking it? Yes, I am!

As soon as Mr. Smith checked a female patient and confirmed that she was pregnant, he said, Mrs. Mary, I have good news for you. It's miss Mary. Young ladies are more upright. Oh, Miss Mary, the doctor said quickly, I have some bad news for you.

Thirty-one, wake up tomorrow, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which reads: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

In the mid-1990s, my family bought a new TV set, 2 1 inch, which was several times larger than the previous 14 inch. Watching big TV, the whole family is of course very happy, especially grandma. I remember she asked my dad: should those two broadcasters be able to see the whole body in this news broadcast?

It's hot in summer and I want to be cool. I'll teach you a secret trick: first raise your hands above your head to let your armpits dissipate heat, then touch the ground with your hands, and finally stick out your tongue and breathe hard to let your mouth dissipate heat. Do you understand?

Thirty-four But if it grows to 1cm, you have to change the iphone 4s to the iphone 5. You should be glad that your girlfriend doesn't have the same idea.

The mother was very angry with her daughter. This is the modern young people! She said to her friend. /kloc-I had a boyfriend at the age of 0/6, but I forgot my mother's 32nd birthday!

Love your obsession, miss your fever, see your blushing dream, please don't run away, I want to hug you! Ah! Money, just kidding, don't care!

One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the stupid word was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

37. I have been by your side, worrying about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you jump out of the pigsty!

Thirty-eight, the long road of life, who is not bad! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

Thirty-nine, children are considering issues related to heredity and environment. Mom interjected: This question is very simple. As we all know, children who look like their fathers are inherited. Like neighbors, that is the environment. 1, God gave me a cornucopia, and I can change it as I want. Once I accidentally thought of you and turned into a you; I can't stop thinking about it and it won't change. In the end, the room is full of you! I'm worried: how to feed so many little mice?

Forty, there is such a funny scene: Mr. Huang took his son to the bus stop and saw a No.8 bus driving into the bus stop in the distance. He immediately shouted to his son: Huang Jun, run, the 8th is coming!

Forty-one, monkeys should put peanuts in their ass before eating them. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

Forty-two, think deeply without words. Silent blessing is the truest. Silent thoughts are inseparable. Silent worry has been in my heart. Waiting silently to meet you. Silently, I miss you deeply, deeply. ..

43. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and gave her a hug. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home?

Humorous short messages that can amuse girls the most.

Humorous short messages that can amuse girls the most.

1. Due to the decrease of forest area, lions stipulate that each animal can only have one house. Soon, the rabbit was arrested, because the "three caves of the cunning rabbit" bees knew about it, thought about it, and went home to commit suicide. . .

2. Making money is "Laozi" and spending money is "son". "Laozi" is tired of making money, and "son" is not guilty of spending money. "Laozi" gets up early and is greedy for black, and "son" spends money smartly. I hope you spend properly and don't hold me back.

3. When is the spring flower and autumn moon? How hard is it to make money? I visited the supermarket again last night, and my interest in spending money should still be there. This is just a change in Zhu Yan. The geometry of saving money? It's just moonlight. May you spend reasonably and accumulate gold cups.

4. A man who doesn't care about a woman's five o'clock should find a woman he is satisfied with: First, he doesn't care if he is a virgin. Second, I don't care if I have children. Third, I don't care if I can do housework. Fourth, I don't care whether I am beautiful or not. I don't care if I was a woman before. .

5. "Dad, shall we go to the circus?" "I don't have time." "Listen to the children, there is a naked aunt dancing on the tiger." "Well, I haven't seen a tiger for a long time."

6. A friend's husband is a lawyer who specializes in divorce proceedings.

7. Friend: "Husband, don't fight a divorce lawsuit in the future. Breaking up the family is a bit immoral. "

8. Husband: "Split a pair into two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds."

9. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

10, let me tell you a secret. Please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

1 1. Urgent reminder: there is tornado weather recently. Be sure to take two dumbbells weighing 10 kg when you go out to avoid being swept to the west by the strong wind. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

12, driving to work with my buddies, met the police at the intersection. I was called by the police because I didn't wear my seat belt. The police said that I would be fined 50 pounds for not wearing my seat belt. As soon as my buddy heard that I was going to be fined, he explained to the police: Comrade, I'm sorry, I forgot to wear my seat belt after drinking some wine at noon. . .

13, pS: It's six o'clock in the morning! Stop writing! Stop writing! Too sleepy! In fact, women should be coaxed, not spoiled-this is the experience accumulated by men from long-term life! Coaxing is not cheating, although coaxing and cheating are often linked, called coaxing. But there is a difference between coaxing and cheating. Men coaxing women are actually similar to adults coaxing children. Smart men know women's weaknesses and the truth that "women are easy to coax". They often regard a woman as a child with a mouth. Women always need praise, your kind words and your exaggerated appreciation. To paraphrase one of my long words!

Sentences that amuse girls.

1, please be my baby.

2. Nothing suits you better than your love; No decoration is more charming than your love;

If it really exists forever, let me love you every day forever. If it never existed, let time stop, at the moment I fell in love with you.

I think I will still love you as much as I do now in fifty years.

5. Is it funny? It's weird not having you around. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?

6. Your name fills my heart ... Let me love you forever! ! ! ! !

Your words have been locked in my memory. You can keep the key for me all my life.

I hope the last person I see before I go to bed is you. ...

9. A bean fell. It's discouraging and frustrating. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called "pigs encourage beans".

10, do you think that I am poor, humble, short, and without charm, I have no soul and no heart? You think wrong. My soul is as rich as you, and my heart is as rich as you. We stand at God's feet, and we are equal!

1 1. A hen is sitting comfortably with an egg. Suddenly, an egg emerged from its bottom. The hen asked in surprise, "What's the matter? Why did you run out? " Small egg said, "You ............., you ....................., you fart!"

12, I just don't want to give anyone a chance to be with you! !

13 Although I can't satisfy your greatest material life ... I can satisfy you with my heart. ..

14, love you to know the sweetness of love. .......

15, fly, the white dove I miss floats across the sea of clouds, with my message, and sings a song in my heart for you with the pigeon whistle!

16, I swear ... fifty years later ... I still love you as I do now. ...

17, my cat is very furry. Can you help me take care of it? ...

18, an agricultural college graduate returned to his hometown and saw an old gardener transplanting fruit trees. I am surprised that seven apples can be harvested on this tree according to your dry method. The old gardener said, "I'm surprised, too. Because this is a peach tree. "

19, 13 was lost in my heart, and you pulled me out of loneliness.

I'm willing to spend 10 million years waiting for you to laugh like a warm sun in early spring.

2 1, the original waiting can be so beautiful, because I love you.

I never want to hurt my friends, but I am always careless. My intuition tells me that you are angry. If it is my fault, please relax and give a little forgiveness!

23. Without your love ... living goals will be difficult to recover!

24. I know that love needs freedom to be happy, but I prefer to be with you and accompany you through life.

I love you until the end of the world.

26. Frankly speaking, I like you very much. Your eyes, walking posture, happy expression, coquetry and even the way you sleep fascinate me! But what annoys me most is that you don't catch mice and you keep losing your hair!

27. If a drop of water falls from the sky, it will be a tear I miss you; If two drops of water fall from the sky, it is that I love you and am ecstatic; If there are countless water drops in the sky, it is … stop dreaming, it's raining!

28. I want to sublimate a short poem about your love into a long life essay.

29. Think about watching the sunrise and sunset with me.

30. For you, rain or shine will never change.

3 1, no matter the ends of the earth, as long as you need me, I will fly back to you.

I only hold your hand in this life ... because you are enough in this life. .....

Besides loving you ... I can't think of any reason to keep me alive. .....

34. I will change my style and gently surround you. ..............

I have surrendered to you unconditionally, so you can sign a love contract.

36. I want to grow old with you.

37. Drink the wine of love you brewed. If you don't have a refill, you will be thirsty for life.

38. I don't know when I started, but I have learned to rely on it.

39. Just because you are so beautiful, I dare not declare that I love you.

40. If we don't love enough in this life, the afterlife will last forever. ....

4 1, in every night with you, I am no longer too lonely.

Because I know I can't live without you, and I will cherish it even more. ....

I think I will accompany you to the market every day in the future. ..

44. No matter in this life or in the afterlife ... I just want you. .....

I'm going to halve my rights and double my obligations. ....

46. I would rather not be free for you.

I didn't know until I met you that there is a feeling called attachment and a feeling called love.

48. One day, the lame and the blind went out in the same car. The blind ride, the lame watch the road. Suddenly, the lame man found a deep ditch in front of him and shouted: ditch, ditch, ditch! The blind man sang back: oh, oh, oh, oh! They fell into the ditch together.

49. I don't want a short tenderness, as long as you accompany me for a lifetime.

50, a woman is ugly, but loves to wear powder. Every day before going out, she will put on a thick layer of powder. People on the road will laugh when they see her. But she said with a straight face, "I stopped laughing when you laughed, and the powder fell off."

5 1, I love you with my old sadness and my childhood loyalty. ...

52. I just need a harbor to rest. ...

53. I wonder if loving you is a thoughtful reason?

54. Only you know my mood, and only you can bring it to me.

55. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was startled and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard, smiled darkly and said, Pan Ting, you are so confident!

56. I can't write love letters, I can only write "heart" ...

57. People always get old. I hope you will still be by my side then.

Since you appeared, I didn't know that someone's love is so beautiful. ...

59. How many times of spring rain, how many times of wilderness wind, and how many times of expectation and waiting can call back your familiar face.

60. If you are cold, I will hold you in my arms; If you hate it, I will wipe away your tears ... if you love me, I will broadcast it to the world; If you leave me, I will bear it silently.

6 1, I will keep you in my heart.

62. People always get old. I hope you will still be by my side.

I don't believe in eternal love, because I will only love you more every day.

64. In this life ... if ... I can't have you, I will hate myself. .............

If you are cold, I will hold you in my arms; If you hate it, I will wipe away your tears ... if you love me, I will broadcast it to the world; If you leave me, I will bear it silently. ....

66. You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world to find you, and I went through a lot of hardships to find you: TMD! Our wings are on the same side!

Humorous personality signature that can amuse girls most.

A collection of humorous personality signatures that can amuse girls the most.

1. Due to the decrease of forest area, lions stipulate that each animal can only have one house. Soon, the rabbit was arrested because of the three caves of cunning rabbits. The bee knew it, thought about it, and went home and committed suicide. . .

Making money is my father, and spending money is my son. I am tired of making money, and my son is not guilty of spending money. I get up early and get greedy, and my son spends money smartly. I hope you spend properly and don't hold me back.

3. When is the spring flower and autumn moon? How hard is it to make money? I visited the supermarket again last night, and my interest in spending money should still be there. This is just a change in Zhu Yan. The geometry of saving money? It's just moonlight. May you spend reasonably and accumulate gold cups.

4. A man who doesn't care about a woman's five o'clock should find a woman he is satisfied with: First, he doesn't care if he is a virgin. Second, I don't care if I have children. Third, I don't care if I can do housework. Fourth, I don't care whether I am beautiful or not. I don't care if I was a woman before. .

Dad, shall we go to the circus? I have no time. Listen to the children, there is a naked aunt dancing on the tiger. Well, I haven't seen a tiger for a long time.

6. A friend's husband is a lawyer who specializes in divorce proceedings.

7. Friend: Husband, don't engage in divorce proceedings in the future. Breaking up other families is a bit immoral.

8, husband: tear down a pair to do two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds.

9. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

10, let me tell you a secret. Please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

1 1. Urgent reminder: there is tornado weather recently. Be sure to take two dumbbells weighing 10 kg when you go out to avoid being swept to the west by the strong wind. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

12, driving to work with my buddies, met the police at the intersection. I was called by the police because I didn't wear my seat belt. The police said that I would be fined 50 pounds for not wearing my seat belt. As soon as my buddy heard that I was going to be fined, he explained to the police: Comrade, I'm sorry, I forgot to wear my seat belt after drinking some wine at noon. . .

13, pS: It's six o'clock in the morning! Stop writing! Stop writing! Too sleepy! In fact, women are meant to be coaxed, not spoiled. This is the experience that men have accumulated from long-term life! Coaxing is not cheating, although coaxing and cheating are often linked, called coaxing. But there is a difference between coaxing and cheating. Men coaxing women are actually similar to adults coaxing children. Smart men know women's weaknesses and the truth that women are easy to coax. They often regard a woman as a child with a mouth. Women always need compliments, your kind words and your exaggerated compliments. To paraphrase one of my long words!