Tell jokes alternately

Six-year-old John is spoiled. His father knows this, but his grandmother dotes on him. He hardly ever left her side. When he wants something, he either cries or loses his temper. Then on his first day at school, he left his grandmother's loving arms for the first time.

When he came home from school, his grandmother greeted him at the door.

"How's school?" She asked, "How are you? Did you cry? "

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, the teacher cried!"

But the teacher cried.

Six-year-old John is spoiled. His father knows this, but his grandparents still spoil him. The child hardly leaves his grandmother. What he wants is either crying or making noise. On the first day of school, he left his grandmother's arms.

John was out of school, and his grandmother met him at the door and asked, "How was school? How are you doing? Did you cry? "

"Cry?" John asked, "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did."

I didn't fall asleep.

When a group of women got on the bus, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed that a man seemed to be asleep and worried that he would miss his stop, so he nudged him and said, "wake up, sir!" "

"I didn't fall asleep," the man replied.

"Didn't fall asleep? But your eyes are closed. "

"I know. I just hate to see ladies standing next to me in crowded cars. "

I didn't fall asleep

When a group of women got on the bus, all the seats on the bus were taken. The conductor noticed that a person seemed to be asleep. He was worried that the man would miss his stop, so he nudged him and said, "wake up, sir!" " "

"I didn't fall asleep." The man replied.

"Didn't fall asleep? But your eyes are closed? "

"I know, I just don't want to see a lady standing next to me in a crowded car."

3. Where is my father?

Two brothers are looking at some beautiful pictures.

"Look," said my brother. "How beautiful these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger brother, "but in all these paintings, there are only mothers and children. Where is the father? "

My brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously, he is drawing."

Where's father?

Two brothers are looking at some beautiful oil paintings.

"Look," said my brother, "how beautiful these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger brother, "but in all these paintings, there are only mothers and children. Where did dad go? "

My brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously, he is drawing these pictures."

The doctor lives downstairs.

"Doctor," she cried, skipping into the room, "I want you to tell me frankly what's wrong with me."

He looked at her from head to toe. "Madam," he said at last, "I have only three things to tell you. First, you need to lose nearly 50 pounds. Secondly, if you use one tenth of rouge and lipstick, your beauty will be improved. Third, I am an artist-the doctor lives downstairs. "

The doctor lives downstairs.

"Doctor," she shouted after rushing into the house.

"I want you to tell me frankly what happened to me."

He looked at her from head to toe, and then loudly said, "Madam, I have three things to tell you." First of all, you need to lose about 50 pounds; Secondly, if you use one tenth of rouge and lipstick, your beauty will change. Third, I am a painter-the doctor lives downstairs. "

5. Which woman?

One night, I drove my husband's car to the shopping center.

When I came back, I noticed that his car was covered with dust, so I cleaned it up. When I finally entered the house, I called out. "The woman who loves you.

Most people in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield. "

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

Which woman?

One night, I went shopping in my husband's car.

When I came back, I found the car body was covered with dust, so I scrubbed it for a while. When I finally entered the room, I shouted, "The woman who loves you the most in the world just scrubbed your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

6. Advice for "children"

Give some advice to people who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old, never move to a retirement community. Everyone else is in their 70s, 80s or 90s. So, when something needs to be moved, lifted or loaded, they will shout, "Take the child away."

Advice for "young people"

Here I want to give some advice to those who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old,

Never go to a retirement community. Because everyone there is seventy or eighty years old or eighty or ninety years old. Whenever they want to move, lift or load something, they shout, "Let the little one do it."

7. A mean man's party.

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Go up to 5 meters and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it with your foot. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Oh, dear," he replied, "you won't come empty-handed, will you?"

The miser's treat.

A notorious miser finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said, "You go up to the fifth floor, find the middle door, and then ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it open with your feet. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Your hand has been taken as a gift. God, you won't come empty-handed, will you? " The miser replied.

8. Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, I have lost my beloved dog!

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My little dog can't read.

My dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh,

Honey, I lost my precious puppy!

Mrs Smith: But you should put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My puppy can't read. "

9. Soon after an old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States, she went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk carefully checked every bill to see if it was true. This made the old lady impatient.

Finally, she couldn't hold on any longer and said. "Believe me, Sir, believe in money. They are real dollars. They are directly from the United States. "

They were brought directly from America.

An old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States and went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked every banknote to see if it was fake.

This made the old woman very impatient. Finally, she couldn't help saying, "Trust me, sir, and please trust these bills, too. These are real dollars, and they are brought directly from the United States. "

10. He is really a big shot.

-My uncle has 1000 people.

-He's really something. What does he do?

-The maintenance man in the cemetery.

He is really a big shot.

There are 1000 people under my uncle.

-He's really a big shot. What do you do?

Graveyard keeper.

1. thirsty pigeon, thirsty pigeon

A pigeon was thirsty and saw a glass of water painted on the billboard. She didn't expect that it was just a photo. She flew past with a shout and accidentally bumped into the billboard, shaking herself badly. She broke her wings, fell to the ground and was caught by a bystander.

Enthusiasm should not exceed caution.

A dove was so thirsty that she saw a water bottle painted on the drawing board and thought it was true. He flew over at once, only to find that he hit the drawing board, broke his wings and fell to the ground, making it easy to be caught.

In other words, some people want to get what they need in a hurry, and if they act rashly on impulse, they will encounter misfortune.

2. Goats and shepherds Goats and shepherds

A shepherd wants to take a lost goat back to his flock. He whistled and blew his horn in vain; The stragglers didn't notice the call. Finally, the shepherd threw a stone and broke its horn, begging the goat not to tell his master. The goat replied, "Why, you stupid guy, although I keep silent, the horn can talk."

Don't try to hide what you can't hide.

Many goats were driven to the sheepfold by shepherds. A goat was eating something delicious and left alone. The shepherd picked up a stone and threw it out, just breaking the horn of a goat. The shepherd was afraid and asked the goat not to tell his master. The goat said, "even if I don't say it, how can I hide it?" My horn is broken, which is an obvious fact. "

This story shows that an obvious crime cannot be concealed.

3. Donkeys and grasshoppers Donkeys and grasshoppers

A donkey was very happy when he heard the cries of some grasshoppers. Eager to have the same melody charm, what kind of food is required, and they live to give them such a beautiful voice. They answered, "Dew." The donkey decided to eat only dew and soon starved to death.

When the donkey heard the grasshopper's song, he was moved by the wonderful song, and he wanted to make the same wonderful sound, so he asked the grasshopper enviously what he had eaten to make such a wonderful sound. The grasshopper replied, "Eat dew." The donkey ate only dew and soon starved to death.

This story tells people not to expect what they don't deserve.

4. The lion and the mouse who repay the kindness

A mouse ran past a lion and woke it up from sleep. He stood up angrily, grabbed the mouse and prepared to kill it. At this moment, the mouse piteously begged, "As long as you spare my life, I will definitely repay your kindness." The lion smiled and let him go. Shortly after this, the lion was caught by some hunters, and they tied him to the ground with strong ropes. The mouse recognized his roar, came over and bit the rope with his teeth, and let him out, shouting:

"You laughed at me for being able to help you, expecting to get any return from me. Now you know that even a mouse can cheat a lion. "

The lion fell asleep and a mouse jumped on him. The lion suddenly stood up, grabbed him and prepared to eat him. The mouse begged for mercy and said that if he saved his life, he would repay him. The lion smiled contemptuously and let him go. Soon, the lion was really saved by the mouse. It turned out that the lion was captured by hunters and tied to a tree with a rope. Hearing his cry, the mouse went over and bit the rope, let the lion go and said:

"You laughed at me and didn't believe I could repay you. Now it is obvious that the mouse can repay you. " This story shows that when fate changes alternately, the strong sometimes need the weak.