Who can tell me some disgusting jokes that make me want to vomit? I'm not in a good mood lately! ~

The fortune teller said to the lady: "You have a bad fate." "Why?" "Because you have bad omens." "Then can I take off my bra?" "No, you take it off If there is a bad omen, there will be two big waves in life.

"

A mentally ill person is singing in bed, turning over while singing, lying on the pillow and continuing to sing. The attending doctor asked him why.

Psycho: Idiot, of course you have to sing side B after singing side A

Drunk man: My dear, our house is haunted. I just opened the door when I went to the toilet. The light turned on automatically. After urinating, the light went out by itself after closing the door. The wife

cursed: You peed into the refrigerator again

Under the shade of a tree in the hospital, a pair of lovers were Hugs and kisses. A doctor saw this and went over to the man and said: "You are so confused. To perform artificial respiration, you should lay her flat on the ground. Go away and let me do it."

One night, a naked woman The man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!

Q: Who is the most miserable person in the world? Answer: Artillery company cooking squad soldiers! Question: Why? Answer: A cuckold takes the blame and watches others have sex.

A pair of fly mother and son were having a meal. The son frowned and asked his mother: "Mom, why do we have to eat poop every day?" The mother said: "Don't say such disgusting words while eating, hurry up while it's hot. Eat!"

One day 0, 8, and 6 and 9 met on the street. 0 looked at 8 with disdain and said: You are just fat, why should you wear a belt? 6 didn’t even look at it. 9 said: It’s cool, it’s cool, why are you doing handstands!

The reasons for poor leadership work: First, it doesn’t matter, like a widow sleeping with no one on top; second, it is unstable, like a prostitute sleeping, with people changing over time; third, there is no unity, like sleeping with his wife , one's own people always do their own thing.

There is a couple who gave birth to a girl for the first time and named them Zhaodi. The second child was a girl and named "Youzhao". The third child was still a girl and named "Zaizhao." The fetus was still a girl, but her father became angry and named her "Trick"

Dongbagou was very poor: clothing was basically dependent on spinning; food was basically dependent on the party; getting rich was basically relying on robbing; and marrying a wife was basically dependent on it. Think about it. Xibagou is even poorer: communication basically relies on roaring; transportation basically relies on walking; public security basically relies on dogs; sex life basically relies on hands.

A new life came to people, but the doctor discovered that he was. There seemed to be something in one hand. When he opened his hand, he found that it was a contraceptive pill. Then the child said: An hour ago, you wanted to kill me, so you can see that there is no way... < /p>

A man and a woman were making out. The man was very passionate, but the woman had no reaction. The man asked angrily: "Can't you have some reaction? Even the bed doesn’t scream! After hearing this, the woman quickly shouted: "Bed!" ! bed! ! ”

The world organizes space exploration. There are British, American and Soviet people. Each person is allowed to bring 60 kilograms of things. The British bring their wives, the Americans bring exercise equipment, and the Soviets bring 60 kilograms. Kilograms of tobacco. A year later, when being greeted at the airport, the reporter discovered that the British came down with their wives and children, the Americans were stronger, and the Soviets were carrying 60 kilograms of tobacco. The reporter was surprised and asked the Soviets that they all had them. Change, why are you still carrying 60 kilograms of tobacco? The Soviets said: Damn it!

In the hospital, the baby can talk right after birth. , the child said "Grandpa!" and the child said "Grandma!" and the child called "Dad!" But at this time, the child's old man was not dead! Uncle died with a cry.

A swimming coach was outspoken and had a loud voice. One day, he saw a female student in the mall. He said loudly: Put on your clothes.

I really didn’t recognize her!

During the lecture, the female teacher’s pants were unzipped. A girl stood up and reminded her: Teacher, your door is not closed! The teacher waved her hand: Leave it alone

The dean will come to visit soon< /p>

Modern beauty vows: to confuse the mind of a 60-year-old man, to seize the property of a 50-year-old man, to separate his wife and children at the age of 40, to break the waist of a 30-year-old man

To break the penis of a 20-year-old man Go around me!

Early in the morning the day after the wedding, the bride walked out of the bridal chamber in pain, holding on to the wall with one hand and covering her lower body with the other, cursing: Liar! What a liar! She said she had three marriages before getting married. Ten years of savings, I thought it was money!

The boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a line: anyone who crosses the line is a beast. When she woke up and found that the man had really failed to pass the line, the woman slapped the man hard: You are worse than a beast!

The next day, the two men and women slept in the same bed again. The woman drew the line as usual and warned. The man learned from the previous lesson and crossed the line late at night, but failed because of

nervity. At dawn Later, the woman slapped the man again and said: I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal!

The father took his son to take a bath. The floor was very slippery. When the son was about to slip, he grabbed his father's genitals to keep him from falling. The father scolded: Damn it! Fortunately, you came with me. If you had come with your mother, I would have killed you!

The son came home and said to his father: The teacher said to me today that "like father, like son." The father angrily scolded his son: You must have done something stupid today!

The frog and the kangaroo went to whore the chicken, and the kangaroos finished their work in twos and twos. They heard the one, two, and three from next door all night long! One, two, three Hey! Kangaroo is so envious! The next morning, the kangaroo said: "Brother Frog, you are so awesome!" The frog said: "Fuck! I didn't jump on the bed all night.

The vagina and anus are adjacent, and the guide said to the anus: The one-eyed dragon goes in and out. You didn't come out to help, An An said: Every time it comes, two grenades are hung at the door of my house. It scares me to death. How can I dare to come out?

The emperor saw the concubine's sad face and called for him urgently? The imperial doctor gave a prescription: Eight strong men! When he returned to the palace, he saw eight thin men kneeling in front of the palace. The imperial doctor: Medicine scum! >

A female soldier pretended to be a male soldier and went to the front line. After being injured gloriously, she was sent to the operating room for rescue. After the surgeon came out, he excitedly said to the leader: It was too tragic! His lower body was blown away, leaving only one piece. I sewed it up.

The teacher took the students to swim and changed into swimsuits. A piece of pubic hair was exposed from the edge of the teacher's swimming trunks. A student asked: "Teacher,

What is that? The teacher lowered his head and saw that he was embarrassed, plucked out the pubic hair and said, "That's a piece of thread."

The husband wanted to travel far away and have fun with his wife. The wife said: Menstruation is coming. . The husband wanted to pluck the penis again, but the wife complained again: "Hemorrhoids are broken." The husband was furious and said, "If you talk about someone with oral ulcer again, I will kill him!"

The girl bought a banana, put it in her back pocket after getting on the bus, and reached back to grab it from time to time. After a while, a young man patted her shoulder: Miss, please let go, I'm getting off the car.

The Minister of Family Planning went to the countryside to conduct a census and asked the old farmer: Do you know why close relatives cannot get married? lOld farmer He answered with a simple and honest smile: He is a relative, hehehehehehe...hehe, he is too familiar to start with!

I have known you so far, and you should be very clear about your position in my heart. Except for you, everyone else is a piece of shit in my eyes

But you are different, because you are. . . Two piles of shit

Admission notice: Congratulations, you have been officially admitted to the barbaric department of Oxford University in the United States. Please bring all your dementia and other difficult and complicated diseases to report to the American Shit Hall, Daydream, Illiterate Road, Mentally Retarded Street, Beijing

Top-secret documents of the 16th National Congress: In order to improve the quality of the people, the State Council decided to eliminate I criticize the ugly, imbecile young man. You should immediately pack your things and go out to avoid me. Don’t thank me, just leave quickly and pay attention to your safety!

Sending text messages back and forth between you and me is called letter communication, frequently sending text messages to each other is called letter climax, sending boring text messages to others is called letter harassment, only receiving but not sending is called letter indifference, and only making phone calls without writing text messages is called letter letter. inability.

A and B quarreled, and A scolded: "Your mother should have strangled you to death when you were born.

B retorted: "Your father should have shot you. On the wall!

An American boasted to a Chinese: We eat chewing gum in China without spitting it out, and we recycle it into condoms for export to China. Chinese: What’s this? We don’t throw away condoms after we use them. We recycle them into chewing gum and export them to the United States.

I have been your friend for so long and you have always cared about me.

But I often cause you trouble. I really don’t know how to repay you...

So... in the next life you will be a cow or a horse... I will definitely pull grass for you to eat...

Starting from tomorrow, the city government has decided to remove all ugly things that are detrimental to the appearance of the city. mentally retarded young man!

Pack your things quickly and go out to avoid the limelight. Don’t tell anyone that I informed you, remember!

Two sea turtles made love on the beach and met again a year later. The male turtle came to the beach early the next year and found the female sea turtle already waiting there. She was very happy and anxious. When he wanted to come forward, the female turtle yelled: You didn't even turn me over even after you were so fucking happy, I've been hanging here for a year!

When I met God that day, he promised me a wish. I said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to handle. I took out your photo and hoped that he would make you more beautiful. God took your photo and said, "Take the globe and let me see it again."

My wife has an operating system. Once installed and uninstalled, it is very troublesome. Mistress It's the Internet, the scenery is endless, you can keep spending money, Xiaomi

It's the tablecloth, you can change it every day as long as you are interested

On behalf of the Party Central Committee, the State Council, the National People's Congress, the Central Military Commission, Hong Kong and Macao The Taiwan Office has made a strong protest to you: Why is there no Taiwan on the map of China you left behind when you wet the bed last night? ! ! Remember to make it up tonight! ! !

The ant married the centipede as his wife. After the wedding night, he asked the ant what he thought. The ant said angrily: It's not wrong to open one leg, and it's not right to open another leg... Damn, I’ve been pulling my legs all night!

The name of a gambler is different in each country. In Japan, it is called Guangguang Yinzi, in Russia, it is called Susliva, in South Korea, it is called Jin Desu, and in the United States, it is called Jin Desu. John Yossen, known as Su Anyi in China and Rivalbes in Germany.

A man was constipated when he went to the toilet. Suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and there was a sudden storm. "Brother, I'm so envious of you, so fast!" "What are you envious of?! You haven't even taken off your pants yet!!"