The avoidant attachment you've always misunderstood.

The avoidant attachment you've always misunderstood.

Fear and avoidance are confused?

Fear is that you will shrink back when you encounter something, and the reason for shrinking back is fear of being hurt. But while shrinking, I also long for love and warmth. Will care about you very much, will wait for your information, and will fall into anxiety. In fact, when you are in love, it is very sticky. I'm afraid you will quarrel with him and communicate with him.

Avoidance type, the reasons for retreating are more uncomfortable, impatient and the sense of boundaries is violated. The specific performance is that you just write impatience on your face and tell you that he is impatient. And always need a lot of personal space, always don't take you to play, would rather play with good friends than with you, always let you do your own thing.

It seems that he actually feels good to be single and generally doesn't need intimate relationships. The person you like will never get or lose, but not you. After each communication, you feel old and understand, but you feel that he is farther away from you.

They really wanted to run away when they ran away.

Imagine, say anxiously, you go! You stay as far away from me as possible, I don't need you anymore! What's the subtext: You really broke my heart. You'd better come and coax me now. I need you to coax me!

So I was anxious and angry, and the next day I found that my boyfriend didn't even send a text message, and the whole person was blown up! The kind that won't be coaxed! So as an anxiety, you will naturally feel it. When you avoid running away. I also hope to chase myself.

So I had the motivation to do something wrong and say something wrong, and I really chased it. But did you find that he ran faster when you chased him! Yes, avoidance really needs personal space.

Their emotions are easily superimposed, but they don't like to show their emotions. They like to carefully bury their emotions and are very disgusted with others questioning their emotions. They think that mood swings are shameful, incompetent and synonymous with fragility.

So you want to communicate, you want him to share his feelings with you. It's like directly humiliating him and publicly punishing him. Generally, they will exclude you from their world first, and then deal with their emotions silently. This process is actually accompanied by reflection. They may feel that they are not doing well enough, but they won't admit it. They will tell you that it's your fault.

They really wanted to run away when they ran away.

But their minds are fragile. Really don't realize what you screwed up? No, they think admitting mistakes is also an open punishment! But he won't change. In fact, the main observation is whether you change or not, because everything has two sides.

Unless you are really right in this matter and extremely in line with his values, he will think that this is a slap in the face and there is something wrong with you. He will see if you are willing to change. You have changed. He has changed. You haven't changed. He felt unfair and unbalanced.

But as anxiety, there are many ways to deal with emotions, such as pouring out, complaining and venting to others. In short, it will soon go away. But the feelings of avoidance should be digested while hiding, and the process of digestion is very slow. And while digesting, I'm still thinking, it's all your fault, which made me work so hard. You are really annoying. Chasing again at this time is undoubtedly a certain death. What's he thinking? Why are you following him? Do you want to give me two more knives?

They long for peace, not passionate love.

As far as anxiety is concerned, it is not profound to talk about a relationship without abusing me to pieces. Love is fierce, ups and downs, quarrels and good compound switching.

But escape is not. First of all, avoid directly understanding the above process as that you want to hurt me unilaterally. There are always unruly people who want to hurt me every day, and then you attack me fiercely. In order to avoid it, attacking me violently is 1000 yuan!

Avoidance really needs an emotionally stable partner. No matter how bad you are, as long as you are avoided and recognized, it is all good, but your mood must be more stable than his, and it is best to digest it yourself. By the way, it can calm his mood.

Seriously, you don't need a partner to escape. Their own life is like a self-sufficient ecological circle, with work worth working hard and one or two friends to talk to. They work harder and live seriously than anyone else. They put all their energy into themselves and how to become a better person, but they know in their hearts that they can't devote themselves to intimate relationships like others and don't know how to love others correctly.

Then he wants to stay away from others and not give them trouble, but what he can't improve is a stable mood.

Avoiding doesn't mean I don't understand you, but I hate the way you complain.

Sometimes, complaining is just a means to relieve anxiety. I really didn't think too much. But avoiding it will feel stressful. Actually, running away will want to help you.

Like some things. If you can't do it well, you will notice it when you avoid it, and then you want to help you silently. He doesn't expect you to thank him. He just doesn't want to see your anxiety and inferiority. But if you start complaining and venting at this time, the avoidance is really annoying.

In fact, sometimes I complain when I run away from myself, but I really don't know how to comfort others. If you complain, you are waiting for him to get rid of it. He really won't let go, and he's also disturbed by your emotions. At this time, you may see impatience hanging high on your forehead.

Avoiding is not unwilling to communicate, but not wanting to be forced to communicate by you.

In the concept of avoiding thinking. Communication should be natural, and two people should be based on mutual understanding and peace of mind, preferably when both people are in a good mood. Naturally, I spoke.

So I want to communicate by avoiding. Like doing something he used to like. Adjust his mood to a relaxed range, and then talk things over naturally.

What if he doesn't want to work with me? At this time, it shows that he is not ready to communicate. He still has emotions. You may not have them, but his emotions have not been digested. You have to wait until the other person is out of breath before communicating.

Besides, they don't like the way of communication that you unilaterally ask him to change. On the surface, it is communication, but in fact, you are seeking your own rights. If you insist when he doesn't want to communicate, he will feel that you are in his heart. I definitely don't understand this. You are sure to hear many negative conclusions and even become more angry.

5 avoidance doesn't need how good you are, it needs understanding and recognition.

This is his greatest requirement for love.

Some people who are good-looking and have a little talent, avoid chasing some beautiful people with family background, and make you mistakenly think that their standards must be particularly high. As a result, one day he happened to be with a girl who was plain but always had a shallow smile.

Most other ordinary people will avoid it, and they will experience people with different personalities when they are young, but in the end they just want to spend their lives with someone who knows themselves, recognizes themselves and gets along comfortably.

Anxiety may be a feeling of anxiety about the world itself, or it may be their love. There will be all kinds of requirements, because they think that knowing themselves and recognizing themselves is not the first priority, filling their anxiety, satisfying their vanity and conquering their desires are all ahead.

But to avoid it, they need a quiet person to cheer themselves up, don't be a demon, don't ask so many questions, don't always release pressure, and they will be satisfied.