Super cloud short message

Martial arts: Do you know who the song Legend is written for?

Sean: Who?

Wushu: Nezha Tooth. ..

Sean: Why? ..

Martial arts: When I miss you, you are in trouble ~ ~ ~ (heart)

Sean: ...

One day, Wu Yi and Jun Yu went to apply together. Because Jun Yu is a little hard of hearing, he asked Wu Yi to tell him the answer after the interview.

Examiner: Which character in The Journey to the West do you like best?

Wushu: the Monkey King.

Examiner: Do you believe there are aliens in the world?

Martial arts: Although scientists have not yet determined, I believe there is.

The examiner was satisfied and told Wu Yi to wait outside. Wu Yi told Jun Yu the answer. So Jun Yu went in.

Examiner: What's your name?

Yu Jun: the Monkey King.

Examiner: (Looking up and down) Are you crazy?

Yu Jun: Although scientists haven't confirmed it yet, I believe there is.

Everyone is dizzy ~ ~

Wang Ye: Do you know what color celery is?

Liu Xin: Celery has shit.

Wang Ye: Answer quickly. ..

Liu Xin: I don't know. ..

Wang Ye: Qin Shihuang ~ ~ ~

Liu Xin: ...

Well Lee: Do you know what mung beans will become after jumping off a building?

Jessie: I don't know. ..

Well Lee: It will turn into red beans. ..

Jessie: Why?

Well Lee: There is too much blood. ..

Jesse: ...

Yu Jun: Brother Wuyi .. Am I a silly child?

Martial arts: Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?

Yu Jun: ...

Well Lee takes a bus. ...

Pregnant woman: Can't you see I'm pregnant? In Well Lee, pregnant women want to give up their seats ...

Well Lee: (nervous) ... I can see that ... but the baby is not mine. ..

Pregnant women: ...

Sean: Xiaoyi, please borrow a pair of scissors from Xiao Wei!

Wushu: Uh-huh, wait a minute. ..

Well Lee room ...

Wu Yi: Xiao Wei Xiao Xiang asked me to borrow a pair of scissors. ..

Well Lee: scissors ... my scissors are broken ... (actually, I don't want to borrow them ...)

Wushu: Oh ..

Go back to Sean ...

Wushu: Xiao Xiang .. Xiao Wei said his scissors were broken ... and he didn't borrow them. ..

Sean: What? Don't borrow ... .. Xiao Wei is really stingy .. (angry ...)

Sean: Well, we have no choice but to use our own. ..

Martial arts: ...

Wang Ye and Zhao Fan are online. ...

Suddenly a message floated on the internet. ..

Zhao Fan: What is it? Online marriage ... I was born in the 1980s ... I'm beautiful ... I'm 175 ... a virgin. . . "

Wang Ye: Really, there are still virgins after 80s. ..

Zhao Fan: What are you looking at? When she says virgin, she means constellation. ..

Wang Ye: ...

Sean: Jessie, can you tell me a historical story?

Jessie: One day, there was a frog. ..

Sean: People want to hear historical stories. ..

Jessie: In the Song Dynasty, there was a frog. ..

Sean: ...

Go to a mental hospital to see patients. ...

Liang Xing: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

Patient: I want to buy a slingshot ... and destroy all the windows here. ..

Liang Xing: The patient doesn't seem to be well. ..

A month later, Liang Xing continued to visit patients. ...

Liang Xing: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital?

Patient: I want to find a job ... and rent an apartment. ..

Hang Liang: Wow ... Then what?

Patient: Then I will bring a friend to my apartment as a guest. ..

Line light: completely normal .. and then what?

Patient: Then I'll steal my friend's belt when he's not looking. ..

Liang Xing: Why did you steal someone else's belt?

Patient: I'm going to make this belt into a slingshot ... and destroy all the windows here. ..

Bright lines: ...

Jessie: A long time ago ... there were two snowmen ... One snowman said "I'm so cold" ... and then the other snowman said "I'm so cold" ... and then the other snowman said, "Let's hug." ... they hugged each other ... guess what happened?

Wushu: I don't know. ..

Jessie: Then they froze to death. ..

Martial arts: ...

Jianbo: Xiaoyu .. Why isn't Sunday called Monday? ..

Yu Jun: Xiaoyi knows. ..

Jianbo: Xiaoyi .. Why isn't Sunday called Monday? ..

Wushu: Wang Ye knows. ..

Jianbo: Wang Ye .. Why isn't Sunday called Monday? ..

Wang Ye: Jesse knows. ..

Jane: Jessie .. Why isn't Sunday called Monday? ..

Jessie: Well Lee knows. ..

Jianbo: Xiao Wei .. Why isn't Sunday called Monday? ..

Well Lee: Liu Xin knows. ..

Jane: Liu Xin .. Why isn't Sunday called Monday? ..

Liu Xin: Sean knows. ..

Jianbo: Xiaoxiang .. Why isn't Sunday called Monday? ..

Sean: I don't know .. check online. ..

Jianbo googled "Why isn't Sunday called Monday",

The results show that Baidu knows. ..

Jianbo: ...

Yu Jun: Xiaopang Jianbo .. Do you know what happens when sharks eat mung beans?

Jianbo: What will it become? ..

Yu Jun: Turn into green bean paste. ..

Jianbo: ...

Sean: Look, Xiaoyi, that man is feeding tea to the hen.

Martial Arts: That man is really stupid. ..

Sean: Why do you say that about him? ..

Martial arts: Even if the hen is fed tea, it is impossible for the chicken to lay tea eggs. ..

Sean: ...

Wang Ye: Liang Xing ... let me tell you a story ... Once upon a time, there was a male deer. He walked faster and faster ... What do you think it will become?

Hang Liang: I don't know. ..

Wang Ye: It will become an expressway. ..

Bright lines: ...

Liu Xin: Jun Yu ... Jianbo ... Do you know why the plane flies so high and doesn't hit the stars?

Yu Jun: Because the stars didn't appear. ..

Liu Xin: No. ..

Jianbo: The plane must be out of reach of the stars. ..

Liu Xin: No. ..

Jun and Bo: Why?

Liu Xin: That's because the stars shine. ..

Jun Hebo: ...

Jessie: What should I do? My mobile phone fell into the toilet. ..

Well Lee: Gee, how can you be so careless? ..

Jessie: Me neither. ..

Well Lee: Really .. Haven't you heard of' now or never'?

Jesse: ...

Yu Jun: Xiaoyi ... let me tell you a story ... Once upon a time, a white cat, a black cat and a white cat fell into the water ... The black cat saved it ... Guess what the white cat said to the black cat?

Wu Yi: Say thank you. ..

Yu Jun: No. ..

Wushu: What did you say?

Yu Jun: Meow ..

Martial arts: ...

Jianbo: Xiaoxiang .. Why do geese fly to the south in autumn? ..

Sean: Because walking is too slow. ..

Jianbo: ...

Liu Xin accidentally stepped on Well Lee's foot. ...

Liu Xin: Sorry. ..

Well Lee: That's all right. ..

Liu Xin: I don't know how to start. ..

Well Lee: Oh, that's all right. In any case, people are sometimes careless. ..

Liu Xin: But I just stepped on shit in the street. ..

Well Lee: ...

Sean: Doctor, why do you and some nurses have to wear masks? ..

Doctor: To avoid getting sick. ..

Sean: I don't believe it. ..

Doctor: Tell me about it. ..

Sean: I think you must be afraid of being recognized if something goes wrong. ..

Doctor: ...

Well Lee received a short message with only a colon .. When he saw a letter from Tan Jiexi .. he went to his room. ..

Well Lee: Why did you send me this boring message?

Jessie: That text message will waste 1 cent. ..

Well Lee: Then why did you send me such a boring message? ..

Jessie: Because I want you to know ... I'm not that stingy person. ..

Well Lee: ...

Sean sent 999 flowers to Liang Xing. ..

Hang Liang: You sent it to me three times last time. ..

Sean: nothing ... it's free anyway ... it's all picked by wild flowers. ..

Liang Xing: Ah ... what ... I picked it ... Didn't I tell you not to pick wild flowers by the roadside?

Sean: So, I find you annoying. ..

Liang Xing: My intentions are good. ..

Sean: That's enough. I can't believe it. These 999 tricks won't hurt you. ..

Bright lines: ...

Well Lee: Xiaoyi, let me tell you something. A man told a joke at the South Pole. Guess what the result is?

Wushu: I don't know. ..

Well Lee: As a result, he died of cold. ..

Martial arts: ...

Li Wei once went to buy mutton kebabs and held out four fingers and said to the boss, three mutton kebabs.

The boss understood: How much?

Well Lee held out three more fingers and said, Four. ..

Boss: ...

Jianbo is watching TV. ..

Sean handed Jianbo a pot of carrots. ..

Sean: Go ahead, cut the carrots into diced meat. ..

Jianbo: ...

The director has a meeting with the fast men. ..

Fast men keep expressing their views. ..

The director can't stand it. ..

He shouted, "whoever makes any noise again will break his mouth!" “！ !

The fast men immediately fell silent. ..

Director: ...

The director once booked a hotel for fast men ... and wanted to ask if they had free internet service ... but he didn't know what to say. ..

So I asked each other: Excuse me, do you have any special services here?

Recipient: What ... Special purpose ... We are a regular hotel! ..

Director: ...

Jun Yu and Jianbo are ordering in the restaurant. ...

Jianbo: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour shredded potatoes. ..

Host: OK. ..

Yu Jun: = =, I don't like potatoes. ..

Jianbo: Oh? That's easy to handle, master. Don't put potatoes in the shredded hot and sour potatoes you just ordered. ..

Master Jun Yu: ...

After class 10 minutes ... Please raise your hand when the sword wave starts. ..

Jianbo: Teacher .. I want to go to the toilet. ..

Teacher: How old are you to go to the toilet? ..

Jianbo: ...

Well Lee is not attentive in class. ..

Teacher: Well Lee, if you don't concentrate on your class, I'll kick you out. ..

Well Lee: ...

One day, Yu Jun asked, Do you know what bananas will become when they fall from trees?

Wushu: rotten bananas

Yu Jun: No.

Zhang Jianbo: I know it will turn into delicious shrimp.

Yu Jun: Well, I want to eat it, but it's not right.

Well Lee: What's that?

Yu Jun: Wow, Kaka is eggplant.

Well Lee: Why?

Yu Jun: Because he fell out of a bruise.

Then Yu Jun asked: After a while, do you know what eggplant has become?

Wushu: Eggplant?

Yu Jun: If it is so simple, I will ask you.

Zhang Jianbo: It's still delicious shrimp.

Yu Jun: I'm sorry. You give me an appetite.

Well Lee: (Still shameless) What is that?

Yu Jun: Bananas.

Well Lee: Why?

Yu Jun: Because the eggplant was bruised.

Wushu: Once upon a time, there was a society of hide and seek. ....

Yu Jun: So what?

Wushu: But their leader has not been found yet! hahaha ...

Yu Jun: …

Martial arts: Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf.

Martial arts: The wolf said, "I will eat you! ! ! "Guess what?

Yu Jun: This lamb must have escaped by magic.

Sean: Look at your childish behavior ... the lamb must have fallen into the pit.

Well Lee: ... you are immature, martial arts, you'd better tell the answer.

Wushu: You idiots, the wolf ate the lamb.

Wushu: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?

Yu Jun: Rabbit ~ ~

Wushu: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As I said before, it's a fast turtle. It runs fast ~ ~

Martial arts: The rabbit doesn't want to race with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?

Sean: Right. . Tuziba

Wushu: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.

Wushu: Once upon a time ... there were three ants arranged vertically ... The first ant/kloc-0 said there were two ants behind me ... The last ant said there were two ants in front of me ... The ant in the middle said there was an ant in front of me ... There was no ant behind me ... Why do you say that?

Sean: Well, the last ant is missing. ..

Wushu: No, no. ..

Sean: Why is that?

Wushu: Because that ant lied. ..

Sean: ...

Jessie: Wei ... when your dog is sick ... what do you feed it?

Well Lee: Turpentine. ..

Two days later. ...

Jessie: It's all your fault .. I fed turpentine to my dog and it died. ..

Well Lee: My dog died of turpentine, too. ..

Jesse: ...

Sean went to eat in the canteen .. He saw martial arts on the way. ..

Sean: Xiaoyi, is the cooking line long?

Wushu: Not long. ..

Sean: Great. ..

Wushu: But it's rough. ..

Sean: ...

Liang Xing: You must turn over every 10 minutes ... so that your skin color will be even and beautiful. ..

Liu Xin: It seems that you are experienced in sunbathing. ..

Hang Liang: No, I have a lot of experience in frying fish. ..

Liu Xin: ...

Yu Jun: Take this bag, too. ..

Jianbo: I have four bags .. You didn't take anything .. Are you embarrassed?

Yu Jun: I still hold you. You can weigh 100, dozens of pounds ... what I took was much heavier than what you took. ..

Jianbo: ...

The night before the game ... fast people are nervous ... some people can't sleep. ..

An hour later. ...

Kung Fu: Alas, I can't sleep. ..

Sean: Yeah, I can't sleep either. ..

Well Lee: That's right. ..

Another hour passed ... everyone was sleepy. ..

Well Lee: Everybody go to bed. ..

So .. Sean and Wushu launched an attack on Well Lee. ..

Well Lee went running with Jianbo because Jianbo wanted to lose weight. ..

Passing a high-end hotel .. The food in it floated out. ..

Well Lee: Do you like it?

Jianbo: Um ... Yes. ..

Well Lee: OK, let's do it again. ..

Jianbo: ...

One day ... Vision Wei went to the boys' dormitory to visit the fast man ... and got up and left. ...

Sean: Brother Shi, let's go after dinner. ..

Vision Wei: No, I have something to do. ..

Sean: What's the hurry? You don't even eat. ..

Vision Wei: Eat. ...

Sean: ...

Wushu: Xiao Wei ... What kind of pet do you want? ..

Well Lee: What about you?

Wushu: Er ... I want a cute puppy. ..

Well Lee: Oh ... Then I want one. ..

Wushu: What do you want? ..

Well Lee: Altman. ..

Martial arts: ...

Well Lee skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "Well Lee left in dismay.

The next day, Well Lee skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "Well Lee left in dismay again.

On the third day, Well Lee skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today!"! !

Well Lee took out the money: "Great, I'll take two!"

Yu Jun: Jianbo .. You lost the guessing game yesterday .. It's your turn to clean the refrigerator. ..

Jianbo: I already cleaned it. ..

Yu Jun: Really?

Jianbo: Of course it's true .. Everything is delicious. ..

Yu Jun: ...

Sean: You said that a tortoise has four legs. It walked through a pile of cow dung, leaving only three footprints. Why?

Martial arts: . . (Ah, cow dung, alas, you can see it is so dirty)

Yu Jun: Hey, Brother Xiang, is it? I am eating, 555555 ~ ~

Well Lee: OK, OK, tell me the answer, and I'll dub it for you if it's cold! ! ~~~~

Sean: Haha, I can't guess, because the tortoise walked by with its nose held. Of course, there are only three footprints left. Dig ha ha. ~~~~~~

Jesse lost the guessing game with Wu Yi and Sean .. He had to obey their orders. ..

Martial arts: er ... cut out the words in the newspaper word by word with scissors. ..

Jesse was dizzy when he cut down more than 500 words. ...

Sean: OK .. Don't cut it. ..

Jessie: Xiao Xiang is better. ..

Sean: Put these words back. ..

Jesse: ...

Well Lee: One night, a group of fireflies were flying in the air ... suddenly one of them didn't light up ... Do you guess why it didn't light up?

Sean: Because it's dead. ..

Well Lee: Wrong!

Sean: Why is that? ..

Well Lee: Because fireflies didn't pay the electricity bill last month. ..

Sean: ...

Wushu: Do you know why Yao Mingcan can't catch Pikachu?

Sean: Huh? Why? Does Pikachu have electricity?

Wushu: No, no, because Yao Ming is with the Rockets. He is so stupid! ! ~~~~~

Sean: .............

One day, Sean was squatting at the door wearing a black dress and a black umbrella. Kung fu asked him, "What are you doing?" Sean turned his head slowly. "Shh ... I'm a mushroom."

Sean: Let me ask you, which cartoon character is the darkest?

Martial arts: Sebast sauce?

Yu Jun: Altman?

Well Lee: Spongebob.

Sean: The measurement standard is wrong.

Yu Yi Wei: What's that?

Sean: The answer is, dream more!

Yi, Yu and Wei: Why?

Sean: Because of him, I can't see my fingers ~

Art, Yu and Wei. . . .

Then, Tan Jiexi came.

Sean: Jessie, let me ask you, which cartoon character is the best?

Tan Jiexi: Superman! Beep, beep, beep.

Art, Yu and Wei. . . .

Sean: Wrong ~

Yi, Yu and Wei He: What's that?

Sean: Because of him, I still have many dreams. . Always extend a "round" hand

Art, Yu, Wei He. . . . (Crows pass by. . .

Wushu: What is a mouse that walks on two feet?

Sean: I don't know.

Martial arts: Stupid, Mickey Mouse. What is that duck that walks on only two feet?

Sean: Donald Duck.

Wu Junru said while stealing Sean's snacks: Idiot, ducks walk on two feet!

Sean: Little goldfish, don't talk when you commit a crime. . . . .

Sean: Let me ask you something. A turtle fell into the river. What is this?

Kung fu: Lotus?

Sean: No.

Well Lee: What's that?

Sean: Ross (no turtles)

Well Lee: ...

Sean: Next question,

Ahem, another turtle fell into the river. Let me give it a name.

Wushu: White Rose?

Well Lee: Red roses?

Sean: No, it should be wild roses (and no turtles).

Wushu Well Lee: = =

Well Lee: Let me ask you, who must be eliminated in the wolf, tiger and lion competition?

Jessie:?

Boss: Lion.

Well Lee: No! wolf

Boss: Why?

Well Lee: Because of Momotaro.

Jesse & Boss: ...

One day, Kuairen was resting in the castle and found Yu Jun not in the living room.

So they called Jun Yu Lou.

Go to the front of the house and listen to Jun Yu.

Yu Jun: Take off your coat. You are so white and tender, with a faint fragrance. If you lick it and take a bite, my heart will fly out of the clouds.

Everyone: the child is so young ... (there is a picture in my head that is not CJ ~)

Yu Jun: Ah, Zongzi, my favorite.

Everyone: Silence is good.

Jianbo ordered 12 eggs, but only 12 eggs were delivered home, so she went to the store owner. ..

Jianbo: Boss, I ordered 12 eggs. ..

Boss: Yes, that's right. ..

Jianbo: Then why only sent 10? ..

Boss: Oh, yes .. Two of them are broken, so we threw them away for you!

Jianbo: ...

One day, Sean, Xiaoyi and Wu Qiong came to a deep forest and suddenly met a demon. The devil said, "it's your bad luck to meet me, but I can give you a chance." As long as you find ten round fruits and eat them in one minute, I will send you back, otherwise, I will kill you. After a long time, Sean came back and got ten apples, but he ate them all. Sean ascended to heaven, and then June Wu. He found ten strawberries, and when he ate the ninth, he suddenly began to laugh wildly. Then, when the time came, he ascended to heaven. After arriving in heaven, Sean said, "You are so stupid! You could have finished eating. What are you laughing at? Yu Jun said, "Because when I ate the ninth watermelon, I saw Wushu carrying ten watermelons!

Sean saw that Jianbo was tied up by Jun Yu. ..

Sean: Yu Jun .. What are you doing? ..

Yu Jun: I must tie him up. ..

Sean: Why, Xiao Pang is great. ..

Yu Jun: You don't know ... if I let him go ... he will eat my snacks immediately. ..

Sean: ...

Girl: (blushing) Brother Wuyi ... Actually ... I like you for a long time. ..

Wushu: Hehe .. Really?

Girl: hmm ... what do you think? ..

Wushu: (shy) Actually, I am ... I am ... very good. ..

Girl: (excitedly) What about you? ..

Martial Arts: (Sorry) I like myself, too. ..

Girls: ...

Sean: Xiao Wei ... Do you hold a grudge?

Well Lee: How come? I never hold grudges. ..

Sean: Really, I can't. ..

Well Lee: Generally speaking, I hold a grudge and report it on the spot. ..

Sean: ...

Liu Xin broke up with his girlfriend. ..

Girlfriend: Xinxin .. Forget me. ..

Liu Xin: This is ... but I ... .....

Girlfriend: You don't have to say anything .. Remember to forget me. ..

Liu Xin: But I never remember you. ..

Girlfriend: ...

Seeing Jun Yu's bullying martial arts. ...

Hang Liang: Yu Jun. Don't do this. ..

Yu Jun: What's wrong? ..

Liang Xing: Don't rely on the strong to bully the weak. ..

Yu Jun: But I didn't know Xiao Yi was weaker than me before I bullied him. ..

Bright lines: ...

Sean: Xiaoyi, do you know what the happiest thing is?

Wushu: I don't know. what do you think?

Sean: That is to find a quiet afternoon, make a cup of Longjing, sprinkle some pepper noodles and sip it through a straw.

Wushu: Huh?

The kitchen in the dormitory is on fire .. Wuyi calls 1 19 quickly. ...

Wushu: Fire! Fuoco!

Fireman: (⊙ o ⊙) Ah! .. where is it? ..

Martial arts: where .. you are stupid .. my house, of course. ..

Fireman: If you say so, how can we get to your house? ..

Wushu: That's strange. Don't you have a fire truck?

Fireman: ...

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