What should I do if I have no topic when chatting with others?

Method/Steps

1. The point is not what to say, but how to say it.

The same sentence may sound different to different people, in different situations, and in different tones. Such as this. You can read this line right now. Weird, right? That's because you're not in a sad mood. This is why many people have memorized my lines or movie lines, but it has no effect. Literal copying is useless. The point is not what to say, but how to say it. This is not a method or a move, but internal strength.

2.Cold reading

Cold reading is literally called "cold reading". Girls hate household registration-type questions the most. How old are you? Where are you from? May I have your name? It's a pity that most people still only know this superficial chat mode. If you know how to cold read, you won't have this problem. Cold means unprepared, and reading means mind-reading and mind-taking. Cold-reading refers to seeing through other people's minds without preparedness, even when they meet for the first time, so as to communicate better with others. It is often used by psychologists. Psychotherapy.

For example: "Have you studied abroad?" This is a common question.

Convert to cold reading: "You must have studied abroad."

Another example: "What do you think of your personality?"

Converting to cold reading is: "If I read it correctly, you must be very popular~" This is very obvious. The first example, if it is a normal conversation, the other party will definitely answer: yes/no.

But with cold reading, the other party may have many answers, such as: How did you know? /No, why would you say that? /Then do you know which country I am in?

The second example, if it is a normal conversation, the other party will probably answer: Uh. . . I don't know what to say either. /I think my personality is pretty good.

But it’s different with cold reading: Ah! How do you know! /No, actually I don’t have many friends. Maybe you have discovered one thing, that is, cold reading must use declarative sentences. Moreover, cold reading is a guess. Since it is a guess, it will be inaccurate. But that doesn’t mean cold reading is a failure. Cold reading does not allow you to completely guess the other party's information, but it allows the other party to open up and proactively give you more information. Of course you can't just make random guesses. Instead, you use the other party's clothing, conversation, topic content, and other information to make your guess more accurate. Let’s give a few more examples: For example: How old are you? ——24—— No more. Changed to a declarative sentence: --If I read it correctly, you must be 24 years old.

--How do you know?

--Well, to be honest, someone else told me.

--Who told you?

--balabala...Look again:--You must go to Xinjiekou often.

--Why do you say that?

--Because I often see girls like you there.

--Which one am I?

--balabala.. Liars are not "experts in deceiving others", but "experts in winning the trust of others"!

How do scammers like fake fortune tellers or fake psychics deceive people? According to common sense, no one would believe what a suspicious person said when they met for the first time. But why do some people easily believe those statements that are questionable no matter how you think about them?

This is because liars tell the truth at first to gain your trust, and then they start to lie to you. If this person's words are full of loopholes, everyone will be on guard. However, because the liar tells the truth at first, it will gradually make people think that what this person says can be believed. The same goes for investment scams. Even if it is just a small profit, it will definitely make you money in the early stage. Because you do get profit recovery, you will naturally put down your guard, trust the other party, and spend more money to continue investing. After you invest a large amount of money, the other party will knock you hard and then run away with the money.

In short, the liar’s philosophy is: gain trust first, and then start cheating. The more you can make the other party trust you, the more you can deceive. As long as you can make the other party believe that you are trustworthy, you can easily deceive the other party no matter how clumsy the subsequent fraud technique is.

Therefore, skilled liars actually spend more energy on "techniques to win trust" than on the techniques of deception.

Think about it carefully, whether it is running business or receiving customers, whether it is love or education, doesn’t any form of communication start with winning the trust of the other party? From the perspective of techniques for winning eugenics, there is indeed a lot worth learning from the cold reading techniques used by scammers such as fake fortune tellers or fake psychics.

3. Keyword association method (top pile, parallel bottom cut).

This has the same meaning as @安志. Through the limited content given by the other party. to start a new topic. For example: "I usually stay at home and watch movies or something." (Movies)

"What movies do you usually watch?"/"People who like to watch movies are usually very emotional. Watch The same goes for you.” Another example: A girl said: I don’t like that bar. I got drunk there with a group of friends on my last birthday.

Okay, think about it, where can you connect and develop topics? Too many!

1. Bars I don’t like, why

2. The craziest birthday party I’ve ever experienced

3. The last time I got high

4. The story that happened next.

@安志’s answer contains many examples. I'll just be lazy. But here I will add a practice method for this method:

The first is the scene:

For selecting an item in the scene around you, anything is fine. The next step is to reenact:

Recall the items you saw. It is best to imagine the same or similar items and search in your memory. For example, if I see a bench now, I The first time I recalled the granite bench at home when I was a child.

Then think about why this similar item appears in your memory. It must have a specific reason to appear in your memory.

Recall again what happened that made you remember it deeply, and reconstruct the picture and world view at that time!

For example, I felt that the granite bench at that time was very big and heavy, and then I could make up a story that I wanted to lift it and hit my feet.

Ps: You must make the above two reactions within 3 seconds.

4. Tell stories.

80% of the conversation between two people is completed through storytelling. Here I will briefly talk about how to tell a story well. 4.1: Details. For a story to sound true, it must have details. For example: "I was lying on the bed with the quilt uncovered (details). Then I took out my phone and took a look. I still clearly remember that it was 3:15 in the morning (details). Then I turned over... . . ”4.2: Display value (optional). Stories are the best way for people to get to know you. For example, you want to let the other person know that you are rich. You can directly say: "I am a wealthy person."

Of course you can also tell a story: "I recently died tragically. My car was hit by someone two days ago. Today he called me to let me know." I went to sign an agreement. I thought to myself, what kind of agreement should I sign for repairing the car? But when I saw it, it said that if the parts were damaged during transportation, I didn't know it until then. Car parts can only be imported from Italy. They are not available in China. It’s so hard that I haven’t driven a car in the past few months.” In this way, others will naturally know that you drive a good car. And very rich. 4.3: Ups and downs. No one likes to hear plain stories. This requires you to have certain screenwriting abilities. If not, you might as well arrange it before speaking out.

For example: "Did you know? Yesterday, a girl consulted me. She said that her boyfriend's penis was too small, only as big as toothpaste. I became angry when I heard it. I told her, Don't be naive, okay? It's as big as toothpaste! Then she said weakly, "Have you ever seen the toothpaste in a hotel?" It's like setting the scene, your story needs to have a visual feel. Otherwise people will be bored. Many novels do this well.

For example: "The space on the second floor is not big, and there are a few tables here and there. From the corner of my eye, I told me that there were several hot beauties sitting here eating. I didn't I dared to raise my head and glance around, silently following my buddy to an empty dining table and sitting down.

I raised my head after sitting down.

Diagonally opposite me, at the two o'clock direction, there was a small group of three girls. One of the girls faced me.

As a mentally healthy bitch, I glanced at her habitually.

The yellow center parting is very smooth. A cool off-the-shoulder outfit. Revealing round and smooth pearl shoulders. The two long legs are white and reflective. Wearing a pair of glass sandals with transparent colorful ribbons on the soles of her feet. The ankles are round and graceful, and the ten toes are red and painted with bright nail polish. "I believe you can already imagine the scene that the novel wants to describe. 4.5: Add emotions. A good story will not work without a good way of telling it. Just imagine, if the robot WALL-E had no emotions, it would probably not be so Many fans.

Note: Don’t tell long stories when you are not familiar with them yet. The stories at this time should be short and interesting. Start telling some long and profound stories

5.EV (Elicit Value)

The focus of Elicit Value (or EV) is to find out the core of a girl. End Value, to understand what she wants from a man, but be careful not to be fooled! When she says she likes a tall man, or a rich man, it doesn't mean you have to pretend to be taller. Prosthetic limbs or going to rob a bank. You have to know that she doesn't like tall people per se, but the feeling of standing next to tall men. You need to find the core values ??behind her surface values ??(Means Value). What she wants from the bottom of her heart. For example, if you ask her how tall men make you feel, she will probably say "feeling protected and safe", that's right! What she wants fundamentally! She wants to feel protected, not just a "tall" man, so in reality, she will reject a tall man if he can't give her a sense of security.

Surface Values ??Vs Core Values ??To realize what her surface values ??and their relative core values ??mean to her (such as honesty, kindness, politeness, etc.) you need to know what surface values ??she needs. , but you should also think about the core values ??behind it - those are the elements that truly reflect her personality type. Surface values ??are often not as important as you think, for example, you should find someone who is 'honest'. The emotions she has experienced when people are together, and then 'kindness', 'respect for her', and other potential qualities. Secondly, find out what standards she uses to measure whether a person is honest, kind or respectful. She gives you 3 'keywords' that only have special meaning to her. From the literal meaning, you will never know what she wants to express. Core values ??= core needs. I think "core needs" is more accurate than core values. , more intuitive. You have to know what she wants before you can know what type she belongs to. There are some common needs that are generally important to all women, such as comfort, security, emotional connection, and being loved. Indulgent desires arising from sexual repression. These are not the categories you should focus on. Finding out her unique, strong, and unique needs is crucial for you to discover her own needs. Use EV Rule 1 People, all people, have their desires. It could be adventure, freedom, being respected, being pampered, or being a little girl again. It could be anything. Just remember, everyone has headaches. Rule 2 This may be a cliché. Find out what that thing is. Be careful. You can find clues and clues from her. Be smart and ask questions that will lead you to uncover clues. What you're looking for is something she's always wanted but doesn't have, something that tickles her fancy (but not something she wants because of her living conditions or anything like that). Rule 3 Tell a story. For example, you want to know about her childhood experiences. Of course you can ask directly: "Did you encounter any unforgettable things when you were a child?". At this time, the other party may not be able to remember. You can say: "I still remember that when I was a child, a classmate tricked me into the women's restroom. At that time, he told me that the teacher was waiting for me in the restroom. But I actually believed it. I walked in timidly, only to find that there was only one aunt. I was defecating. I stupidly asked her, "Have you seen Teacher Wang?" But she took me to the teaching office for questioning.

I don’t even want to talk about it. Did you encounter something similar when you were a child? "After listening to your story, she is likely to be able to associate her childhood stories from these words and tell them to share with you. Even a small story may be the golden key to keep her talking. This By telling your own story, you can induce the other party to tell her own story. More importantly, you can often discover some of her true core needs from her story (of course, you need to have the ability to tell stories. Refer to 4. )

6. Play hard to get

Use the fishing process to describe the conversation process: You: Where are you from? (Luring)

The other party: People from Shandong. (Take the bait)

You: Really! I like to make friends with people from Shandong! (Retract) But why do I have difficulty communicating with you now = =!

You: If I’m not wrong, you must have studied abroad, right.

How do you know?

You: Haha, because I lived in France for 2 years. People who have studied abroad are very aura, I can tell it at a glance. (Turning off the line) But you are the only one I am not sure about. . (Release) The function of this method is that you can have fun with the other person without losing your identity. (After all, there are too many losers these days.)

7: Open trap

If a person is interested in something, and then you take it away, when you give it to him again, it will trigger greater interest in him. Interest. The simple explanation is: including unexplained thoughts, stories, emotions or feelings in the dialogue, but there is a suspense at the end of the movie. Man left a cub on earth). You start to look forward to its continuation by adding a woman who asks you: "How was your day?" "What would you say? "Very well"? That's obviously weak. Here's how the open trap works: Her: "How was your day?" "

You: "It's really hard to explain."

Her: "What's wrong?" "

You: "That's disgusting! You don't want to know. "In this way, she will be very interested in the story. Example 2: You: "You know, you are really awesome! You let me spend 3 more minutes on you. "

Her: "Really? How am I so good? ”

You: “I’ll tell you when I get the chance.” By the way, last time. . . . "In this way, she will be extremely fascinated by the reason why "she is awesome". Therefore, this is a way to make the other party chase you and chat with her

8: Role play.

Role Role-playing works because it's not a real situation, so people can be more relaxed in their roles. I fell asleep too. "

Role play: "Ai Qing, please step aside. I went to bed. Turn over your cards tomorrow. "For another example, you would say: "You look so beautiful when you cut your hair short! Let's go for a walk. ”

Role playing: “Let’s go, Ling Boli, the apostles are coming!” "Role play works because the emotions it evokes are real. That is, any feeling you make to the other person in the role play is just as strong as the feelings they make in real life.

9: Humor.

It is difficult to learn in a pattern. Humor is a way of thinking. I want to explain here that humor does not depend on your topic. , but because of you. Take Zhou Xingxing to explain.

People find this scene funny because the director makes him say very ridiculous things in a very serious tone. Just kidding. This is actually an unexpected way of thinking. If you don't have this way of thinking, then what you say must be reasonable.

10: Connection. .

10.1: Shallow connection (***same topic) For example: You and I graduated from the same high school/It turns out you also like to eat mustard.

< p>In the early stages of getting along, we rely on this sense of connection to get to know each other. The more this sense of connection, the greater the chance that you will become good friends/lovers. 10.2: A sense of deep connection.

For example, you have all experienced abuse, parent divorce, suicidal thoughts, etc.

A sense of deep connection is often tied to feelings and emotions. That is to say, heart to heart. A relationship cannot escape the sense of deep connection from shallow to deep. The important thing to note is that the time and place to create a deep sense of connection are very important. You can't talk to others at noon that you fell in love with someone you shouldn't have loved. You can't tell her in the arcade that you tried to commit suicide. To create a sense of connection, you can refer to the above methods. No more explanation.

11: Body language.

Some experts say that 80% of the communication between two people is completed through body language.

I find it very strange to use words to explain body language. I still recommend everyone to watch more movies. Pay attention to the tone of voice, tone of voice, eyes, facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc.

Isn’t he so handsome~

I’m not gay, but I love him so much.

12: Silence.

The silence mentioned here does not mean that it will be over if you don’t speak. But in a normal chatting environment, there was sudden silence. For example, you are chatting with the other party and suddenly your text message rings. Then you glanced at the text message. From this moment on, you won't speak anymore. He lowered his head, seeming to be thinking about something difficult. How will the other party react? That's right, the other party will definitely ask you: What's wrong? /What are you unhappy about?

Then you say: Nothing.

Other: It’s okay. If you have anything you can tell me, maybe I can help you share some of the burden?

You: balabala... The power of this technique is that it allows the other person to chase you on an emotional level. Think about it for a moment, you and a girl are dating. After she answered the phone, she suddenly stopped talking. What's your mood? Do you want to comfort her and coax her? If you use it well. This can be a killer move that instantly brings you into a deep sense of connection. (I won’t tell most people~) It’s time for everyone’s favorite ending. I have always believed that having no topic is really not a problem. The media is so advanced now. You can easily get any topic you need. (Watching the news every day gives me endless topics to talk about.) The key lies in how you talk. Some people say that you shouldn’t talk about politics and history with girls, but you should talk about horoscopes. I said this is nonsense! When you tell her how Chanel became a slut or the love story between Chiang Kai-shek and Soong Meiling. I'm sure she'll be very interested. You know~

Zhihu user: Anzhi

The first level of pure transfer skills that I read a long time ago. Focus on the chat itself, not the chat topic. Many people don’t know how to talk to girls. Chatting often runs out of topics, and I think: there is no need to prepare topics for chatting!

Topic chatting method:

When we chat, we always want to focus on the topics we have thought about in advance, but do not pay attention to the chat itself: so we often have the following situations :Example:

Me: Have you eaten? (Raise a topic)

MM: Eat me: What are you doing? (Bringing up another topic)

MM: I’m on the Internet: How’s your weather? (Bringing up another topic)

MM: That’s okay. Me: Are you busy lately? (Bringing up another topic)

MM: I’m not busy:. . . .

(There is no more topic to talk about, because the topic will always be finished)

Me: Oh, that’s it. I just want to call you and ask what you are doing. Then you can continue to work, bye

p>

MM: Bye because at this time what you are thinking in your mind is always, what should I say? What topics do you talk about with MM? This often leads to a dead end. When you finish talking about the topic you prepared in advance, you will find that you are dumb!

The correct idea of ????chatting is: focus on the chat itself, not the chat topic, not what to chat about, but how to chat. Keyword method chat: example

Me: Have you eaten? (Raise a topic) (Keywords: eating rice)

MM: Eaten. Me: What did you eat? (Triggered by the keyword "eating")

MM: Beef noodles Me: Did you make it yourself? (Triggered by the keyword rice)

MM: I don’t know how to cook, so I bought it (keyword: I don’t know how to cook) Me: You don’t even know how to cook, you are a girl’s family Home, you don’t even know how to cook, it depends on how you get married (the keyword “not knowing how to cook” triggered the emergence of a new keyword “marriage”)

MM: I don’t want to cook, my mother used to do it ( Keywords: former mother) Me: It was before, now it is now. You have grown up. Girls have to learn to cook. Are you a wife who doesn’t cook? (Triggered by the keyword "previous" and the new keyword "grow up" appears)

MM: I haven't decided to get married yet. . . (Keyword: Marry) Me: Your mother loves you very much, right? (Triggered by the keyword mother, a new keyword appears: pain)

MM: My mother loves me very much. I am the youngest. Of course you love me (keyword: smallest) Me: Are you the youngest? Do you have any brothers or sisters? (Triggered by the keyword "minimum", the new keyword "siblings" appears)

MM: My sister is BLABLABLAL. . . . (A lot) When I got here, I found that the keywords here are almost used. I immediately returned to the keyword "marry" in the earlier conversation. You can start chatting with the keywords that appeared in the conversation of "upper upper layer"! Me: Haven’t you thought about what kind of person you want to marry yet? (Triggered by the keyword "marry") MM: I haven't decided yet BLABLABLAL. . . . (A lot) (Keywords: not thinking about it well)

Me: What are your standards? (Caused by not thinking about the keywords well)

MM: Mine It's standard. .

BLABLABLAL. . . . (A lot) At this time, I found that there are no keywords in what she said, or the keywords here are not conducive to you to expand the topic. Immediately return to the keywords in the earlier conversation to start chatting! For example, the keyword in line 6 is buy

Me: Do you like to buy things, do you like to go shopping? (New keyword shopping caused by earlier keyword shopping)

MM: I like it, I really like it (keyword: like)

Me: Then what else do you like to do? ? (Triggered by the keyword "like") MM: I like singing, swimming, and traveling (new keywords appear: singing, swimming, traveling)

Me: Oh, you like singing. Whose song do you like to sing?

MM:. . . . . Me: Oh, you like swimming. Can you swim? How is your swimming technique? Where do you usually travel?

MM:. . . . .

Me: Oh, you like traveling. Which places have you traveled to? How does it feel? MM:. . . . . Don’t dwell on a keyword all the time. Grab a keyword and start chatting. When the chat reaches a certain level, stop! Return to the previous keyword and start chatting. Chat to a certain level. Stop! Return to the previous keyword that was halfway discussed and continue the conversation. Stop! Return to the previous keyword to start chatting. Chat to a certain level. Stop! Return to the previous keyword chat. . . . . .

You will find that you did not prepare any topics during the entire chat, but the chat itself will bring you countless topics! You don’t need to prepare. You can start chatting anytime, anywhere. You won’t be stressed. You won’t be racking your brains to think about what should I talk about? Because you will have so many topics that you don’t know what to choose to talk about. The important thing is that you have something to say and you have entered a good chatting atmosphere. It doesn’t matter what you talk to MM. The important thing is, In this atmosphere, there is fun, teasing, and humorous chat. Of course, this series of long-winded words seems to have no focus and no nutrition at all. What I want to say is that this is just an example, so that AFCs who only have a few words to talk to girls can have something to say, no As for the cold spot, I won’t just keep asking. This process should be interactive. I can only say that this is just a skeleton of a chat. To make the chat interesting, you must add frames, push and pull, cold reading, and DHV Stories and routines flesh it out and make chatting meaningful.