Who has humorous cell phone messages?

One day, the greedy dog jumped on the dining table looking for food and found a roast chicken. When he was about to eat, the host suddenly shouted, If you dare to do anything to that chicken, I will do anything to you! So the puppy licked the chicken's ass. C I'm from TV University! ! ! A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University! D A friend called me yesterday and asked if the mayor of Wuhan was called Jiangqiao. I saidno. He said that when I was crossing the river by train in Wuhan, I saw a sign saying: Welcome to Wuhan Yangtze River Bridge! I said that day, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig." So from now on, I will call you "pig"! Finally, one day, you can't bear to shout in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " "Prince F is enchanted and can only say one word a year. When the words he had saved for five years were not enough, he came to the princess and said, "I love you, princess." The princess answered only one word and the prince fainted. The princess said, "What? "G During the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, a certain unit of the 4th Division of the Air Force of our Volunteers held a swearing-in meeting before the war. Zhu De, Liu Yalou and other leading comrades attended the meeting in person. After that, a leader of the unit stood up and shouted to the audience in order to boost morale: "Are you determined?" The officers and men in the audience were passionate and shouted in unison: "Yes!" "Have confidence?" "Yes!" "Is there a coward?" The officers and men in the audience answered in unison without thinking: "Yes!" When' tis once spoken, a burst of laughter broke out on the stage, even leading comrades such as Mr. Zhu and Liu Yalou laughed. H In order to welcome the visit of the superior leader, a certain unit specially trained in advance and repeatedly taught the soldiers to answer the leader's questions with "unified caliber" in order to show their military power to the leader in front of the queue. For example, if the chief says, hello, comrades! Everyone should answer in unison: hello, chief. And so on, repeatedly instilled. After the head of the delegation came, he greeted everyone in front of the queue: "Hello comrades!" The soldiers loudly replied, "Good Chief!" "Comrades have worked hard!" "The head is hard!" The following leaders asked a few more questions from comrades, and the soldiers also responded to the leaders. Everything is normal, good. Unexpectedly, after visiting the pigs raised by the army, the chief was full of praise: "The pigs raised by comrades are really fat!" The soldiers were stunned and didn't know how to answer. When a little soldier saw that no one answered, he replied loudly, "My head is fatter!" " "Everyone really froze at once. There are an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on a plane. Halfway through, the plane suddenly ran out of gas. The captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the Americans showed their heroism and went to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live America and other countries! ! Then I jumped! The plane continued to fly ... at this moment, the captain announced that the weight was still too heavy, and one person had to jump! So the Germans stood up, walked to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live the German Empire! Jumped down, too The plane continued to fly ... At this moment, the captain announced: No, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump! China glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese rushed to hold China's hand: Good brother, I won't forget you! The people of China shouted: Long live the people and country of China! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! The French, Japanese and China people got lost in the desert, thirsty and tired. Suddenly, a god appeared in front of them. God said, I can grant each of you three wishes. The Frenchman said, "My first wish is to give me a beautiful woman". The beautiful woman appeared. My second wish is to give me a group of beautiful women. A group of people appeared. My third wish is to send me back. He returned to France. The Japanese said, "My first wish is to give me 65438+ ten thousand dollars". It's realized. "My second wish is to give me $6.5438+million. "It has come true again." The third wish is to send me back. " He returned to Japan. "He understood. "Give me another bottle of water!" Got it again. "My third wish is to return that Frenchman and Japanese to me!" It's come true again! Vague ... Walking ... Tired and thirsty ... Suddenly God appeared again. God said, "I can give each of you three wishes!" Whatever it is! This is the last time! The French and Japanese agreed to let China speak first. China said: 1. Give me a bottle of water. Give me another bottle of water. God, you can go back! K How did the best driver soldier in history defend his dignity? A driver drives a bus to run the same route every day. He loves his car, his passengers and his job ... everything is so beautiful. Until one day, a man came up from a station. This man is nearly two meters tall, strong and ferocious. As soon as he got on the bus, he shouted, "I don't have to pay!" The driver was very unhappy, but he didn't dare to say anything, because he was short and probably weighed less than half of this man. The driver thought for a moment and decided to keep silent. It's not worth risking your life for 1 yuan. Besides, it must be just a mistake. The next day, at the same station, the same passenger got on the bus again and shouted, "I don't have to pay!" " "The sound seems louder than yesterday, and the driver dare not say anything. Then on the third day, the fourth day ... a week, two weeks ... the driver swallowed his anger every time, but he couldn't sleep at night: as soon as he closed his eyes, he seemed to see the fierce face of that man again and heard his harsh roar: "I don't have to pay!" The driver is getting angry. Should he bully me like this? I'm a man too! Thinking like this, the driver can't help but have a boiling passion. He is determined to fight for his dignity. The driver signed up for a fitness training class, went to the gym for intensive training as soon as he got off work, and worshipped a famous kung fu coach to learn fighting for the teacher. Whenever he is too tired to eat, the man's fierce face will appear in his mind, and there will be a harsh roar in his ear: "I don't have to pay!" """why? ! Why? !" He let out a cry and suddenly felt full of strength again. This belief in fighting for dignity supported him and kept him in that cruel training all summer. He finally trained himself to be a strong soldier. As long as he takes off his coat, he can see his muscles as hard as steel, and every blow is enough to break bricks and stones. He felt it was time to fight for his dignity. Finally, at the same station, the same passenger shouted, "I don't have to pay!" " "The driver clenched his fist, his whole body joints giggled, and he could see the muscle explosion through his clothes. He glared at the man: "Why? ！” The man said weakly: ... eldest brother, I have a monthly ticket. I'll dig up my family for you. I hope you like it.