Ask some funny jokes! Funny and classic! !

1 .. I came quietly and left quietly, waving a dagger and leaving no one alive.

2. When there is a bright moon, look up by yourself.

Heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at their age.

When you see the rough road, shout and move on.

5. There are no windtight walls and no hanging beams.

6. Confucius said: Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon! Mencius said: Confucius is right!

7. Grab your hand and drag it away! If you don't go, you will continue to drag on!

8. Is it necessary to be big? Dinosaurs didn't go extinct as usual!

9. Parents fool their children into calling education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

10 Don't talk to me about feelings. Talking about feelings hurts money.

1 1. Love is putting your heart and soul into it, and then pulling it out a thousand times!

12. The most contradictory place between lovers is dreaming about each other's future, but thinking about each other's past.

13. It was unplugged before it could be philandering.

14. The hero is very sad about Beauty Pass. I'm not a hero, but the beauty let me through.

15. Men's brains like women's hearts, but their eyes like women's appearance.

16. Women like men who are not good-looking, and don't like men who are not good-looking.

17. Is the salted fish turning over or salted fish?

18 I am not a prince. Why do girls always think they should be princesses when they see me?

19. Marriage is to wear cotton-padded clothes freely. It's inconvenient to move, but it will be warm.

20. Knowledge is like underwear, which is invisible but important.

2 1. As a typical loser, you are really successful.

22. When the boss uses you, you are a talent. When you are not used, you become a layoff!

23. If you are together for a long time, you will be divided, and if you are divided for a long time, you will be together; Drinking will drive you crazy. You will drink every glass of wine.

24. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

25. In front of China, Thailand, wearing yellow jerseys, had the demeanor of Brazil in a trance.

26. Women are made of water, men are made of mud, and Li Junji and Chris Lee are both made of cement.

27. Men who go to bars are looking for excitement, while women are mostly looking for excitement.

28. If you look like a steamed stuffed bun, don't blame the dog for following.

29. You don't know what dependence is until you drop your belt.

30. Smoke is not obedient, so we smoke.

3 1. When a man meets a woman, there is only an anniversary, not an independence day.

32. Close my eyes and I see my future. ......

33. The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

34. The sea is wide and the fish jumps, and the broken drum is open to anyone.

35. Besides love, there are radishes in other people's fields.

36. Diamonds last forever, and one goes bankrupt!

37. Lie down where you fell.

38. Interpretation is shielding, and shielding is telling stories!

39. If you fall, stand up and cry.

40. You told me to get out, I got out, you told me to come back, sorry, I got out!

4 1. No matter how ugly you are, you should fall in love and talk about a world full of love!

42. The farmer's uncle planted corn in the field and harvested a lot of corn in autumn. I planted my husband in the field in spring, and now it's autumn. Oh, I'm dead!

43. My wife said she wanted to see lightning, so I cut off the electricity with a kitchen knife.

1, planting grass doesn't make people lie down, so plant cactus instead!

2. I have a little thought, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it!

3. The difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!

It turns out that as long as people are separated, people who are familiar with each other will gradually alienate.

5, go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! 12 can't eat!

6, men fool women, called flirting; Women fool men, called * *; Men and women fool each other, which is called love.

7. The government thinks about how to tax reasonably, the boss thinks about how to avoid taxes reasonably, and I think about how to sleep reasonably!

8. Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing.

9. Love is like a ghost. Many people believe it, but few people see it.

10, how far is it forever? Get out, boy!

1 1, met a writer's signature: it may look like it, but it may not. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

12, no one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

13, I want to puppy love, but it's already late. ...

14, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.

The important task after 15 and 80 is to manufacture 08.

16, people have plenty of backgrounds, but I only have my back ~ ~.

17, gold always shines, but when there is gold everywhere, I don't know which one I am.

18, reminding everyone that it is very important to learn how to repair notebooks! Once upon a time, there was a man who couldn't repair his notebook ... and everyone knows what happened afterwards.

19, I'm not a fortune teller in the square, so I can't say so much as you like.

20. It's not that the ending of the story is not good enough, but that we are too demanding of the story!

2 1, flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.

23. It's not difficult to be single, but it's difficult to deal with people who try their best to get you to end it.

Sometimes, it's not that the other person doesn't care about you, but that you take the other person too seriously.

25. Even if you believe it, there are lies hidden in the middle.

26. Real good friends are not together with endless topics, but together, even if they don't talk, they won't feel embarrassed.

27, no other half 100 points, only two people 50 points!

28. The people who are willing to stay and argue with you are the ones who really love you!

29. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.

30. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem, but I am poor.

3 1, only women and heroes are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

32. After seeing me, you will suddenly find-ah, handsome can be so single-minded!

33. Ask a colleague: "Did you buy PetroChina?" Colleagues said, "Bah! You just bought PetroChina. Your whole family bought PetroChina and Sinopec! "

34. I ordered two dishes in the canteen at noon. After eating the first one, I was shocked. "Is there anything worse in the world?" I cried after eating the second one. "There really is." .

When a mouse gets angry, everyone is a sick cat.

36. Life is like a coffee table. Although it is not big, it is full of tragedy.

37. Take your advice and leave me ten books!

38 years old and 0 years old, 10 years old is improving every day. 20-year-old dream, 30-year-old effort. At the age of 40, it is basically oriented, and at the age of 50, it is full of popularity. Playing mahjong at the age of 60 and wandering around at the age of 70. 80-year-old lesbians are very common, and 90-year-old lesbians are hanging on the wall!

39, boss, first come to two pounds of true love, take it back to feed the dog!

40. "Honey, I'm ... I'm pregnant for ... three months, but don't worry, it's not yours, you're not responsible ..."

4 1, we have a little difference: she wants me to turn stone into gold, and I want her to treat gold like dirt.

42. After reading the language of 10 years, it is better to talk about QQ for half a year.

43. Being lazy in bed in the morning, I took out six coins from my pocket: If all six are heads, I will go to class! Think for a long time, forget it, don't take the risk. ...

44. I spent 80,000 yuan on a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty. I went to Jianbao column for appraisal yesterday. The expert said seriously, "Which Western Zhou Dynasty did this belong to?" This is from last week! "

45. I can tolerate that my figure is fake, my face is fake, my chest is fake and my ass is fake! ! ! But I just don't tolerate money. Yes! ! ! !

46. Scholars play dead for their confidants, while women have plastic surgery for those who please themselves.

47. Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly to discover that you are really ugly.

48. personals: The requirements are as follows: A is alive and B is female.

49. Give me a little sunshine, and I will rot.

You must eat a little properly to lose weight.

5 1, shake, shake to Naihe Bridge.

52. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

Come back quickly, I can't fool you alone!

54. Life is the mouth of Song Like Zude, and you never know who will be unlucky next ~ ~ ~

55. If you fall, get up and cry ~ ~ ~

56. Besides teeth, there is love in the world.

57. A dinosaur went to the toilet when passing by Xi Jiaotong University. When she came out, she sobbed, "555, I finally don't have to worry about getting married in my life ..."

58. Life is simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

59. Asking how worried you are is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel. ...

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, mirrors are flat.

6 1, if something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first, and don't blame the earth for not having gravity when you are constipated.

62. clap your head to make a decision, and clap your chest to ensure that you leave.

We walk so fast that our souls can't keep up. ...

64, don't and the earth person general knowledge ~ ~ ~

65, come out to mix, the wife will change sooner or later!

When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me. ...

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

68, why sleep for a long time, will sleep after death? ...

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

70. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. Sorry, I'm leaving.

7 1, it's over, and you ignore me, too. I've become a dog ~ ~!

72. The bus I caught in the morning had already left when I got to the platform. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing." …

73. See you soon after graduation; Have a wife a year after graduation; Later I regretted having a wife; Later, there was a stepmother; I regret having a stepwife the most.

74. I won't hit you, you don't know that I am both civil and military.

75. I like you so much that you will die.

76. There is a grave in my heart where the widow is buried.

77. I allow you to walk into my world, but I don't allow you to walk around in my world. ..

78. Be patient or cruel.

Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum.

80. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.

8 1, I accidentally want to grow old with you.

82. The merry-go-round is the most cruel game in the world, chasing each other, but always separated by a sad distance.

83. The ideal is full, but the reality is very skinny.

84. It is inevitable to blame the hand of time and write love as love.

85. Waiting for your concern until I close my heart.

86. When I love you, you are what you say. What do you say you are when I don't love you?

87. Love hurts.

88. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me?

89. If you are doomed not to give me the expected response, then keep a safe distance.

90. Our goal: Look at money and make money from it.

9 1, go to the supermarket to knead instant noodles when you are in a bad mood (super right! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! )

92, get out of here, keep rolling. ...

93. In the dead of night, missing becomes so presumptuous.

Please don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital.

95. Zhuge Liang didn't lead a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

96. Memory is a bridge, but it leads to a lonely prison.

97. I knew you were Uber as soon as I opened my eyes.

98. I am a passer-by who you turn around and forget. Why should I spend time with you on earth?

99. Happiness is a comparative level. You can't feel it until something is at the bottom.

100, it is said that Tianya is a stranger ~ what is Tianya? Turn around and turn your back on you. It's the end of the world now ...

10 1, pure, fictional, chaotic and beautiful.

102. Don't say wish me happiness after you leave. Who are you to wish me happiness?

103, there are some things that we know are wrong, but we must insist because we are unwilling; Some people, we know that we love, but have to give up because there is no ending; Sometimes, we know there is no road, but we are still moving forward because we are used to it.

104, be nice to yourself, because life is not long; Be nice to the people around you, because you may not meet them in the next life!

105, you will never see my loneliest appearance, because I am the loneliest only when you are not by my side.

106, remember what should be remembered and forget what should be forgotten. Change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed.

107, except tears, it is time. The longer the time, the weaker the conflict, just like tea that is constantly diluted.

108. Complaining is God's greatest offering from human beings and the most sincere part of human prayer.

109, the price of wisdom is contradiction. This is a joke about life in the outlook on life.

1 10, girls in the world always think they are proud princesses (except for a few extremely ugly and very smart girls).

1 1 1. If the enemy makes you angry, it means that you are not sure to beat him.

1 12. If a friend makes you angry, you still care about his friendship.

1 13, Ling Huchong said, "Some things are beyond our control, so we have to control ourselves."

1 14, I don't know what I am doing now is right or wrong, but I didn't know this until I finally died of old age. So what I can do now is to try my best to do everything well and then wait to die of old age.

1 15. Maybe some people are hateful and some people are despicable. And when I put myself in his imagination, I realized that he was more pitiful than me. So please forgive all the people you have met, good and bad.

1 16. The fish said to the water, you can't see my tears because I am in the water. Water says I can feel your tears because you are in my heart.

1 17, happiness should be accompanied by sadness, and the rain will clear up. If rain remains after rain and sorrow remains after sorrow, please let us face this parting frankly. Smile to find an impossible you!

1 18, death teaches everything, just like the results announced after the exam-although it suddenly dawned, it was too late ~!

1 19, when you were born, you were crying and people around you were laughing; When you died, you were laughing and everyone around you was crying! Everything is reincarnation! ! ! ! We are all in samsara! ! ! !

120, few women are suitable for men before marriage, but many women are suitable for them after marriage.

12 1, among thousands of people, meet the person you meet; In thousands of years, in the wilderness of time, neither earlier nor later, we happened to catch up.

122, everyone has potential energy, but it is easy: covered by habit, blurred by time and consumed by inertia.

123, life is only a few decades. Don't leave any regrets for yourself. Laugh happily, cry if you want, and love when you should. It's meaningless to suppress yourself.

124, peacetime: when fantasy and reality face each other, it is always very painful. Either you are knocked down by pain or you step on it.

125, true love does not pay attention to excitement, ostentation and extravagance, prosperity and howling.

126, in life, people keep leaving or entering. So, what you see, what you can't see; Remember, forget. In life, there are gains and losses. Therefore, the invisible see; Forgot, remember. However, does invisibility mean non-existence? Remember, will it never disappear?

127, we really live very hard. First, we have to bear all kinds of external pressures, but also face our own inner confusion. In the struggle, if someone gives you an understanding look, you will feel the warmth of life. Maybe just a brief glance is enough to make me feel excited.

128, I don't think about whether I can succeed or not. Since I chose the distance, I only care about hardships; I don't think about whether there will be cold wind and rain behind me. Since the goal is the horizon, all I can leave to the world is my back.

Regret is an emotion that enervates the spirit. Regret is a bigger loss than loss and a bigger mistake than mistake. So don't regret.

130, sunrise in the East China Sea and sunset in the West Mountain, one day sad and one day happy; People are comfortable when they are not entangled in things.

1. A gentleman is beautiful as an adult, but a villain is loved.

2. Married men don't go to bed and their wives don't go to school.

My mother is full of charm in the protagonist of the work.

If there is love in the sky, it will be old. Oh, my God!

5. How much sorrow can you have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

6. I met a doctor for myocardial infarction, but I felt the harmonious heartbeat of the sacred unicorn.

7. Books are scarce when used, and there is not enough money to spend by the end of the month.

8. I was born useful, and the mouse son can make holes.

9. Two heads are better than one, and they all smell the same.

10. Ghosts knock at the door in the middle of the night, and pedestrians on the road want to die.

1 1. Such a bright thread slept soundly with Li Bai at the foot of my bed.

12. Who hasn't died since ancient times, it's your turn next.

13. Qian Shan Wanshui is always in love, and it is not good to give one more.