Wechat Classic Humorous Pieces Selected

Life is a big dye vat, with pains and joys. Everyone hates sadness and is close to happiness. Let's use jokes to create happiness that everyone likes. Next, I have carefully prepared the Selected Classic Humorous Essays of WeChat for everyone. Welcome to watch!

Wechat Classic Humorous Pieces Selected (Classic)

1. If you are healthy, it will be a bolt from the blue.

My boyfriend and I went to the park to play. On the edge of the park, I saw a pair of mandarin ducks swimming in the water. I am envious. I can't help feeling this situation. I grabbed my boyfriend's hand and said affectionately, "Dear, let's swim in this ocean of love forever like this pair of mandarin ducks, shall we?" After listening to this, her boyfriend laughed with a "poof", and then inexplicably said, "How can Yuanyang swim into the ocean? Unless it is hit by a stick! "

The teacher said that if you want to commit suicide by jumping off a building, it's okay. Take your time and try every floor from the first floor to make sure you don't want to die. . .

4. Always quarreling, the woman suspects that the man is having an affair, on and off for one night! This morning, a naked tattooed man came in by elevator and went straight to the man. "Are you X? If you mess around outside again, I'll kill you! " The man ran down from the elevator, and the strong man shouted, "Don't let me hear any sound in your house again!" " When the elevator closed, the strong man patted his chest and said to himself, "God, you scared me to death. If you don't do well in this exam, I really feel sorry for your father. Your tattoo is also posted, and the underworld is also installed! "

At noon, my Fujian tutor said in the laboratory that there is a porn guide here, let's have a look. We are excited to have a look: anti-fraud guide. .....

6. I sweat easily, even if the air conditioner is on in the big shopping mall. Once I went shopping with MM and happened to pass by the jewelry counter. I may sweat too much. The salesgirl thoughtfully handed me a tissue and said, "That's all right, sir. We can still make a 50% discount on this list price. . . "

7. The flies in Beijing are angry! I want to ask: "Why can there be three flies in Nanchang's public toilets, while we have two in Beijing?" ! ! "The Nanchang fly glanced at it:" Who made your Beijing hukou so expensive! "

In order to verify whether my father really quit smoking as he said, I left the gas on when I went out this morning.

9. The biggest difference between eastern and western cultures is that we orientals never shout: Amitabha!

10. Just now my elder sister came to ask my elder sister what aggression is. I replied that if you see a strange corn coming to kiss your sister, it's an act of aggression (this is on the TV show my grandmother watched). My father heard that a strange corn came to kiss you. This is aggression. You deserve it!

1 1. An employee of a company left his job because he had a bad stomach and could not digest the cake painted by his boss.

12. Leader: Xiao Liu, in the morning 1 You are still working overtime. You have worked hard! ! Answer: It's not difficult at all. Is it difficult? The students were watching the video played by the political teacher with great interest when the head teacher came over and said two urgent things. Many students unconsciously "coughed". The class teacher saw the students' reluctance and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, it's advertising time now, and it will be more exciting after the advertisement."

13. Periodic table of elements on the tip of the tongue. We are preparing eight documentaries: the first episode "Gifts from the Chemical Industry"; The second episode "The Story of Bleach and Melamine"; The third episode "periodic table of eating elements"; The fourth episode "The Secret of Gelatin"; The fifth episode "Purification and Refining of Waste Oil"; The sixth episode "Non-toxic Pesticides"; The seventh episode "I have an appointment with Chinese cabbage"; The eighth episode "We are not afraid"! (@ Waking Crow)

14. After dating a beautiful woman, the doctor took her home and passed by a flower shop. The beauty picked up a bunch of red roses and asked the doctor with a charming face, "Is it nice?" The doctor answered honestly, "It looks good." The beauty asked again, "Is it really beautiful?" The doctor must have nodded, but he still didn't act. The beauty finally couldn't help reminding him: "I think it looks good, too. I like it very much." The doctor said sincerely, "If you like it, observe it for a while."

15. There is only one kind of worry when you are not full, and there are countless kinds of worries when you are full.

Wechat Classic Humorous Pieces Selected (Selected Articles)

1. flat-chested and poor for three generations, the waist is destroyed for life. Big face is not a disease, but thick legs are fatal.

2. There are still 100 days, dear! There are 100 days of pure freshman girls coming! There is also a 100 day sophomore discount promotion, dear! There's still 100 days, buy one and get one free, dear! There's still 100 day old woman coming off the shelf ~ dear ~! Hang in there ~ honey ~

I'm Feng Shujuan. Two years ago, I married a woman in rich Africa and became a local chief. Unfortunately, he was killed last month for tribal rebellion. Now I am competing with his ex-wife for inheritance. I have to get pregnant quickly and pretend that the child is his own flesh and blood in order to successfully get the inheritance. Now find a man who focuses on the essence. We will give 1 million when we meet, and 4 million when we have children.

4. Quarrel can't beat my wife, so I will secretly raise my wife's electronic scale 1 kg after each quarrel!

5. Because words are not easy to recite, English is still like junior high school; Because the vocabulary is basically not increasing, you can forget it completely after drinking two bottles of beer; Because words are always forgotten after memorizing, I once suspected that I had soy milk in my head; Because of the words, in that place, even if you are crazy, crazy, you will forget it after reciting it.

6. My love is the adults who dazzle Bao Zheng, and the mighty dynasty Mahan stands in two rows. What kind of Weibo is funnier and what kind of lens is the most helpless. I am the most beautiful boy in the Song Dynasty, and my amazing appearance was born at an early age. After singing the most dazzling Bao Qingtian wind for a long time, I will never understand my daytime handsomeness. You are the most beautiful boy in my heart. There is a blue sky in the world. Singing the most dazzling Bao Zheng wind, the bright moon shines on you every year.

7. I decided to tidy up the house well. Take out all kinds of rags and brooms to start cleaning. Suddenly I remembered that Huineng, the sixth ancestor, said, "There was nothing, so there was no dust." So I washed and slept.

8. When taking the bus, the bus driver suddenly stopped, left a person in the car and ran into the convenience store alone. Everyone waited for a long time, wondering, and then he bought a bottle of coke and ran back. After several stops, he stopped and ran, making the passengers even more speechless. As a result, the driver came back with a can, which turned out to be "another bottle". . .

9.

10. "Mr. Gongsun, come and see, our government has photographed the annular eclipse, which is so clear." "ah! Really clear! Looks like a month? Hey, I'll go, my Lord. You seem to be using a front camera? "

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