Lin Shengbin and his wife intercepted the message.

Lin Shengbin personally selected this tomb of nearly 30 square meters. By the artificial lake, because "they all like the lake". Every tomb was carefully designed by him-his wife's stone tablet was engraved with a guzheng. At the lower edge of the children's tomb, the pattern of the piano keyboard is made of black and white marble. The four tombstones are arranged in a cross, with Xiaozhen and her daughter Yang Yang in the middle and Changyi and Tong Tong on both sides. Lin Shengbin said, it is best to let two sons guard mother and sister.

Eight words are engraved on the tombstone: this life is shallow and the afterlife will continue.

Wen | Wei Shizhen

Edit | Zhang Han

Four white coffins are printed with different colors. Lily, football, butterflies, whales.

Representative figures are: Zhu Xiaozhen, Lin Changyi, Lin Zhenya and Lin Qingtong.

They are Lin Shengbin's wife, eldest son, second daughter and youngest son. Lin Shengbin, dressed in a black double-breasted suit, stood at the front of the funeral procession, holding photos of four people. The photo is a group photo. In the photo, Zhu Xiaozhen holds Tong Tong, and Chang Yi and Yang Yang stand on her sides.

There is no second funeral procession so long in the funeral home.

The procession came out from the side door of the farewell hall and passed through a 70-meter-long narrow corridor to the outside, symbolizing that relatives accompanied the deceased through the last journey of this life. At the end of the corridor, turn left, and then take the word "Zhi". Not far away is the cremation room.

Lin Shengbin walks very slowly. Day160th after the fire. This is the farewell he has to face.

As he said, "the rest of my life began like this, and it was a life I never chose, whether it was in the past or now." It's also a life I'm completely unprepared for. "

An arson case burned his smooth and beautiful life track. This 160 day, he tried to start another life.

Lost memory

Two nights before the memorial service, Lin Shengbin dreamed of her daughter Yang Yang, who introduced herself in English in her dream. Lin Shengbin rushed to hug her, unable to move. She has grown taller again.

Dreaming is sometimes a way to keep memory. Lin Shengbin said that he often didn't want to wake up in his dreams and wanted to spend more time with them.

The fire burned up many memories. The computer is in the study and burned. When the SLR camera caught fire, it burned out in the cupboard in the living room. Zhu Xiaozhen's mobile phone has been at the scene of the fire for too long, and there is no way to get it back. Lin Shengbin's mobile phone is broken because he fell into the waterfall with him.

Many photos are just gone. This is the last and most precious memory. Zhu Xiaozhen is not a person who particularly likes taking pictures. Most of her photos with Lin Shengbin were taken by her eldest son Chang Yi.

Lin Shengbin's family photos/Weibo, Lin Shengbin

Lin Shengbin seldom went to see the burnt house, and his family took the key away. I cried once before, and I could feel the children's voices as soon as I entered the door. "They are playing hide-and-seek in it."

The only smell that can stay is the quilts and pillows that have not been burned in winter in the storage room. Now, he will still put two pillows at the head of the bed, sleep on his accustomed side, and cover with his old quilt. Lin Shengbin always thought that the children and Jane would come back when he was asleep. It's like he and Xiaozhen are asleep, and when the door is open, the child will come at any time in the middle of the night.

He was in a trance for a long time.

My friend Ruan Yuefeng still remembers Lin Shengbin yelling wildly that night.

For the next forty days, he seldom ate, only drank water and smoked. You can smoke a whole cigarette for two days. I can't sleep. I always stay up until four or five in the morning. Sometimes I suddenly jumped out of bed without sleeping for a few minutes, "like looking for something." When you come to your senses, lie down and cry.

What can comfort him is the picture of his wife and children at the bedside. Get up in the morning and talk to them. Talk to them before going to bed at night.

physical punishment

He may even feel guilty, a feeling of "I am still alive".

This state lasted until August 2, and was interrupted by an accident.

The night before, he was accepted as a converted disciple in a temple in Yunjushan, Jiangxi. At four o'clock in the morning, Lin Shengbin left the temple for a walk. I slipped in front of the waterfall because I was in a trance. Slide down a 30-meter-high slope and fall into the pond below. Behind it is a waterfall, rushing down and rumbling. It rained heavily the night before yesterday, and the water in the pond was so deep that Lin Shengbin was washed out far away until he hugged a stone.

He stood straight in the water and waited for a while. When he saw his white T-shirt was dyed red, he reached out and touched it. He felt nothing but blood all over his hands. He felt calm, without fear and without calling for help.

I don't know how long it took. My second brother-in-law, Zhu Qingfeng, climbed down the hillside along the bamboo and surrounded Lin Shengbin with his hands. Seeing that Lin Shengbin was still dull, he shouted at him, "You must hold on!" Lin Shengbin gradually regained consciousness and climbed down the slope. When he stepped on his foot, it hurt like hell.

For a long time, his family were afraid to ask him why he fell off the waterfall, for fear that he would make a short-sighted decision. They just come to the hospital every day to take care of Lin Shengbin's diet and daily life, and don't talk much. They stayed late. Three months later, my brother Lin Shengfeng lost more than 20 kilograms.

Life in a hospital bed is hard. The night he was taken to the emergency room, Lin Shengbin dreamed that the children would come to see him. Two sons were running with sweat, and Tong Tong ran and fell down. He woke up in a hurry.

Besides psychological pain, physical pain has also been tasted by him. Lin Shengbin's spine fracture, forehead, right arm, right hip and other places of fracture and contusion. In the first week, I began to cramp my thighs as soon as I fell asleep. Smoke once an hour. The family looked distressed: "A big man screamed in pain."

"I really hoped that I would just walk away." He fell asleep on drugs and was in a daze all day.

On that sleepless night, Lin Shengbin felt like drowning, unable to breathe, and finally surfaced to breathe and moved on. He frequently sends Weibo, telling his thoughts about his wife and children. One day, he turned to a comment and criticized him for "selling poor sympathy." He cares. He began to restrain his catharsis. "I'm afraid everyone will get tired of listening to it too much."

Emotions always need to find an outlet. He found some movies and books and cried while watching them. He watched Manchester by the sea, and the hero of the film suffered the same thing as him-three children died in a fire. When the hero said his lines, "you don't understand, there is nothing in my heart."

Still photos of Manchester by the sea

Lin Shengbin felt the same way. He said, "That's a brand for life." .

He refused the suggestion of seeking the help of a psychiatrist because "a psychiatrist will make him forget". "I'd rather endure such pain," he explained his stubbornness in an interview with People Today in June this year. "I don't want to forget or let go." He often has a long silence in that interview. In the face of him, it's hard to say words of comfort, and he knows it. He often loses himself. "Only time can help others." .

And time, as he said, after his wife and children left, "time is getting slower and slower."

"I should face it"

Many people told him that everything would be fine. How can it be okay? Lin Shengbin said: "Heartache will never get better."

Sometimes he also wants to find a reason, why me, how so unfair? Friends around him told him the cause and effect of past lives, and he also listened.

Although people come to see him almost every day: family, friends and volunteers, "but no one can communicate with him deeply." Xu Huajian said.

Xu Huajian is the youngest son of Lin Shengbin. After Lin Shengbin fell off the waterfall, he quit his job in his hometown to take care of his childhood playmates. He became a driver in Lin Shengbin. After leaving the hospital, Xu Huajian lived in Lin's rental house and became the person who had been with him for the longest time since the accident.

He told reporters that during most of the day, Lin Shengbin kept silent: "It seems that many people are accompanying him, but in fact no one can accompany him."

When the family is busy, Lin Shengbin "also tries to fit in".

Friends often take Lin Shengbin out to play. Communication between men is always a bit rough and clumsy. When Lin Shengbin is in sorrow, his friends often tease him with jokes. His friend Zhou Zhengqing said, "He smiled, too, but that smile was only a moment."

No one mentioned Zhu Xiaozhen's mother and son. Even in some cases, when Lin Shengbin took the initiative to mention it, men would rudely interrupt her, "You should cheer up. You have no right to be sad now. When everything is handled, you can be as sad as you want. "

"I often think I can face it," Lin Shengbin said. "But something, a scene, suddenly brought me back to my original shape."

Seeing his sister's daughter coming back from school, wearing the same school uniform and dance costume as Yang Yang, he immediately lost his mind. My brother's children sit and watch Cpaing, which my son often watches. He will suddenly feel that his son is sitting there.

Therefore, the family is extra careful to avoid all the possibilities that make him feel touched by the scene and put away all the small objects related to the children. This Mid-Autumn Festival, the Lin family did not get together. The four old people didn't eat together. What did they do at dinner? "You can only cry together when you meet." .

Brother Lin Shengfeng and sister Ting Yun accompanied Lin Shengbin.

When I was young, my brothers and sisters often went to the mountains to cut wood together. The firewood is getting heavier and heavier on my back. My brother often helps him throw away some and some. It's a long way home, and brother and sister are always inseparable.

The road is the same now.

Lin Shengbin is very grateful for this, for fear that his relatives are worried and dare not immerse themselves in it. He doesn't have many opportunities to release his emotions. Many times, he sat in the room and cried, and he could vaguely hear the sobbing of his parents outside the room. He is afraid of crying. Know that once they are sad, the old man will be sad with them.

He seldom cries in front of people. The last time, he received a parcel from a netizen-an elaborate crystal photo album. He opened it unguarded: the netizen matched the words in his Weibo under the picture.

Looking at the photos and words, Lin Shengbin burst into tears.

That night, he entered the room with a crystal photo album and closed the door. The next day, the family wanted to take the photo album away, but he refused and hid it under the pillow.

"He said," Xu Huajian cried when he recalled this scene. "He said, I should face it, not hide it. I want to feel them by my side ... "

support

He believes in the existence of the soul and that his wife and children can see him, so he can't help being bad. If he is not good, they will be sad. He can only believe what his friends say and turn grief into strength. It may be better to help others. Think of them as a transmission of sex.

After conversion, he will go to some temples. There is a Yong 'an Mountain in Fuyang, a suburb of Hangzhou, and there is a Wukong on the mountain. Temples still live on rain, and nuns in temples rarely go down the mountain.

After visiting the temple, Lin Shengbin helped the nuns to dig a well.

He looked normal, and the mind of the nun abbot began to lose sight of his story. Two people chatting, Lin Shengbin know her mind from the northeast. When she came back, she sent her five boxes of Marshal Huang apples from her hometown. It's the hometown flavor she hasn't eaten for a long time. "The best I've ever eaten."

Later, she heard about Lin Shengbin's experience. She didn't directly comfort Lin Shengbin, but said the reason why she became a monk: she wanted to make money very much, but when she got rich, her father left because of illness. She told Lin Shengbin that she didn't have the courage to face the pain of where you would go next time.

She said that one day we will leave and prepare for death and separation.

Lin Shengbin listened in silence.

Once, he said to his heart that he missed them at night. The brain listened and said nothing.

165438+1At the end of October, the reporter of People of the Day saw an artificial well that was nearly completed in Gokurakuji. Shenda 18 1 meter. Once completed, the water in the mountain lake can be pumped up and supplied to the faucet of the temple. The construction of this well requires about 80,000 yuan of labor.

"Helping them dig this well is more like helping ourselves." Lin Shengbin wrote in Weibo, "Since I can't let go, I will turn this yearning into this purity."

He will go to the welfare home and what he wants to do during the Jiuzhaigou earthquake. Lin Shengbin thanked netizens again and again on Weibo. He knew there were some unpleasant comments, "I hardly read them."

He was once called the perfect victim. He has his own self-control and dignity.

Since August this year, Lin Shengbin has avoided the related topics of nanny Mo Huanjing in every interview. "When I mention her, my heart is blocked." That's the only answer he gave when facing the question. He doesn't want to talk about her, Buddhism is jealous, and he can't let go. All he can do is silence.

What supported him was the progress of the case.

He never gave up, waiting for the trial of nanny arson. He doesn't intend to file a civil lawsuit against nanny Mo Huanjing.

When chatting with reporters, he often asks, will you still pay attention? Will you continue to pay attention?

He is afraid of being forgotten because he needs an explanation. "They must give an explanation. Only in this way can I come out slowly in my life. " He needs to pull himself together and look for the truth.

The funeral is a short pause until it is explained.

"They are buried in the ground, and I am at ease."

funeral

160 days later, he felt that he could and should bear this farewell.

165438+1October 27th, the day before the memorial service, the rehearsal continued until the evening. Lin Shengbin stood in the middle of the farewell hall. Command the staff to conduct the final rehearsal: lighting, flowers, music, screening ... to ensure foolproof.

He walked to the front of the four portraits in front of the hall and pointed out that the painting of his eldest son Chang Yi was not good-unlike the other three portraits, Chang Yi in the photo stood in front of a blackboard, and the portrait was huddled in a corner on the far right side of the composition.

"Change it, this one is put together with the other three, which is not harmonious." Lin Shengbin sounded more like he was dealing with business.

Zhu Xiaozhen's mother and son's photos are scrolled on the electronic screen, and each photo has been strictly screened by Lin Shengbin.

After watching the big screen several times, my sister Ting Yun couldn't help crying silently. Lin Shengbin walked past her with a straight face, without stopping his eyes. His eyes swept across the big screen and looked around the whole hall.

The memorial service was prepared for a month. Different from the ordinary mourning ceremony, there were no wreaths and elegiac couplets at the scene, and they were replaced by contiguous reeds. Lin Shengbin introduced to me that it was carefully selected by him to "create artistic conception". He said that his wife's literature and art must like it.

In Lin Shengbin's eyes, Zhu Xiaozhen is literary and intelligent. All three children are older. She finally has some time of her own, and she wants to study Montessori education. I often play guzheng and practice calligraphy in my spare time. My wife is eager to learn, and my son learns English. She will also learn to chat with foreigners one-on-one on the computer.

Talking about this, Lin Shengbin seems very calm-only at certain moments, when he looks at the photos on the screen for a while, his eyes will get wet.

"I hope to make (the memorial service) perfect and leave no regrets." He looked ahead and said.

Every once in a while, he will walk out of the hall alone and go to the outdoor open space. Light a cigarette or take a quiet walk.

Say goodbye to ...

165438+1on the morning of October 28th 10, Lin Shengbin stood in the inner room of the cremation room, facing the silvery white cremator, welcoming four sets of ashes of his relatives. Opening the metal door, four bodies were carried out from the conveyor belt in turn: the skeleton of the adult was very clear, and the skeleton of the first mate, mainly the spine, was still there, and the human figure was vaguely recognized. Other ashes scattered around, slightly yellow. The child's skeleton is much smaller, and the bones about the length of the palm are arranged one after another.

Lin Shengbin watched the staff collect the ashes one by one and cried. A vacuum cleaner was turned on and moved slowly on the conveyor belt, making a "buzzing" sound, which almost drowned out the cries of relatives. The remaining ashes are sucked into the instrument, then poured into the bag, wrapped in red cloth and put into the urn.

Lady with four urn, in turn, joined the spirits.

Zhu Xiaozhen's parents didn't attend the funeral. Since the accident, two elderly people have had gastrointestinal problems due to long-term use of sleeping pills. Worried that they couldn't stand the stimulation, the old couple listened to the child's dissuasion.

At noon 12:30, the Taoist priest counted the auspicious time and put the ashes in the grave. The workers daubed the edges with high-quality cement and then covered them with marble lids.

Lin Shengbin personally selected this tomb of nearly 30 square meters. By the artificial lake, because "they all like the lake". Every tomb was carefully designed by him-his wife's stone tablet was engraved with a guzheng. At the lower edge of the children's tomb, the pattern of the piano keyboard is made of black and white marble. The four tombstones are arranged in a cross, with Xiaozhen and her daughter Yang Yang in the middle and Changyi and Tong Tong on both sides. Lin Shengbin said, it is best to let two sons guard mother and sister.

Eight words are engraved on the tombstone: this life is shallow and the afterlife will continue.

Lin Shengbin remembers that once he and his wife talked about who would leave first, and they made an appointment for this so that they could know each other in the afterlife. Before cremation, Lin Shengbin went to the farewell room to see four relatives for the last time. He marked everyone's hands with a marker. He left a small piece of ashes to make bracelets for his wife and children.

At the end of the funeral, the guests released balloons to express their grief.

Blue and white dots float in the sky in turn, farther and farther away and disappear. Several balloons were caught by branches in the process of floating, and counted just four.

Lin Shengfeng found a plank, reached into the branches, and released the balloons one by one. Lin Shengbin stared at the four balloons in the distance until the gray clouds covered them.

That night, it soon got dark. It was not until Zhu Xiaozhen's mother-child crossing ceremony was completed in the temple that Lin Shengbin had the first meal of the day in Zhaitang. His tone softened a little and he said, "Everyone should eat more." He filled a bowl of vegetarian dishes neatly and ran out.

After dinner, he put down his chopsticks. Begging a friend around me to change a piece of turf for his wife and children's cemetery.

"Find two bigger maple trees, ok. Please bother. " ……

"See. Bigger and thicker, right? "

"Yes, just like you." Lin Shengbin's unexpected teasing made everyone at the table laugh.

Lin Shengbin leng for a second, also smiled.

In Weibo, he wrote that the road for one person seems too long, but I will walk well.