I’m looking for some small jokes about business humor. They should have a certain philosophy and can reflect criticism, wisdom, greed, etc. It’s best to have more jokes.

Look at the combination of your requirements: embody criticism, wisdom, greed, etc., and at the same time be full of philosophy

1. A crow sits in a tree, doing nothing all day long. A little rabbit saw the crow and asked, "Can I sit there all day long like you and do nothing?" The crow replied, "Of course, why not?" So the rabbit sat under the tree. , start to rest. Suddenly, a fox appeared. The fox jumped on the rabbit...and ate it.

The moral of the story is... to sit there and do nothing, you have to sit (do) very, very high.

2. A turkey and a bull were chatting. "I really want to go up to the top of that tree," the turkey sighed, "but I don't have the strength." "Well, then why don't you eat some of my excrement?" the bull replied, "it's full of Nutritious." The turkey ate a lump of cow dung and found that it really gave him the strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating more cow dung, the turkey reached the second branch of the tree. Finally, two weeks later, the turkey stood proudly at the top of the tree. But unfortunately, it didn't take long before it was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey down very neatly.

The moral of the story is... bull shit (shit luck) may get you to the top, but it can't keep you there forever.

3. A little bird is flying to the south for the winter. The weather was so cold that the bird froze and fell from the sky into a large field. While it was lying in the field, a cow came up and dropped some shit on it. The frozen bird lay in the pile of cow dung and discovered that the cow dung was so warm. The cow dung made it slowly recover! It lay there, warm and happy, and soon began to sing happily. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came over to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird hiding in the cow dung, quickly dug it out, and then ate it!

The moral of the story is...

1) Not everyone who poops on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who pulls you out of shit is your friend.

3) And when you are in deep shit, shut your mouth!

4. Performance Master Before a performance master came on stage, his disciple told him that his shoelaces were loose. The master nodded his thanks and knelt down to tie it carefully.

After the disciple turned around, he squatted down and loosened his shoelaces. A bystander saw all this and asked puzzledly: "Master, why do you want to loosen the shoelaces again?" The master replied: "Because I play a tired traveler, and the long journey requires him to The fact that his shoes were loosened can show his fatigue and haggardness through this detail. "Then why didn't you tell your disciple directly?" "He could carefully find that my shoelaces were loose and tell me enthusiastically. We must protect his enthusiastic enthusiasm and encourage him in a timely manner. As for why we need to untie his shoelaces, there will be more opportunities to teach him to perform in the future. You can talk about it next time. "A person can only do one thing at a time." Only those who understand the key points are the real talents.

5. Parrot I went to buy a parrot alone and saw a parrot with a label on the front: This parrot can speak two languages ??and the price is two hundred yuan. Another parrot has a sign in front of it saying: This parrot can speak four languages ??and sells for 400 yuan. Which one should I buy? Both have bright coats and are very flexible and cute. The man was spinning around, unable to make up his mind. As a result, I suddenly found an old and toothless parrot with dull and messy fur, priced at 800 yuan. The man quickly called the boss: Can this parrot speak eight languages? The shopkeeper said: No. The man was confused: Then why is he who is old, ugly, and incompetent worth this amount? The shop owner replied: Because the other two parrots called this parrot Boss.

This story tells us that a true leader does not necessarily have how strong his own abilities are. As long as he knows how to trust, how to delegate power, and how to cherish, he can unite forces stronger than himself, thereby improving his own worth. . On the contrary, many people who are very capable are too perfectionistic and have to do everything by themselves, and no one is as good as themselves. In the end, they can only be the best researchers and sales representatives, and cannot become excellent leaders.

6. The Jin people Once a man from a small country came to China and paid tribute to three identical Jin people. The golden walls were so brilliant that the emperor was very happy. But the people in this small country are not kind, and at the same time they asked a question: Which of the three golden men is the most valuable? The emperor thought of many ways and invited a jeweler to check, weigh and see the workmanship. They were all exactly the same.

What to do? The envoy is still waiting to go back and report. Isn’t it possible that such a huge country doesn’t even understand this little thing? Finally, an old minister who resigned said he had a solution. The emperor invited the envoy to the main hall. The old minister confidently held three straws and inserted them into the ears of the first golden man. The straws came out from the other ear. The second golden man's straw fell directly from his mouth, while the third golden man's straw fell into his stomach without making any sound. The veteran said: The third golden man is the most valuable! The messenger was silent and the answer was correct.

This story tells us that the most valuable person is not necessarily the most eloquent person. God gave us two ears and one mouth, originally to let us listen more and speak less. Being good at listening is the most basic quality of a mature person.

Get rid of your own smell!

A pigeon keeps moving.

It feels that every time it lives in a new nest, there is a strong strange smell that makes it breathless, so it has no choice but to keep moving.

It felt very troubled, so it complained to an experienced old pigeon.

The old pigeon said: "It's useless for you to move so many times, because the strange smell that bothers you is not coming from the nest, but the smell of yourself. ."

Fable Apocalypse: If you are not in tune with the team, the problem comes from yourself!

Some people will constantly complain about the faults of others and accuse others of their shortcomings. They feel that the surrounding environment and people are always against them; or they think that they are "high-minded" and ordinary people cannot understand their rich and profound thoughts. . In fact, they don't realize that the real problem comes not from their surroundings, but from themselves.

People like this must try to recognize themselves and reflect on themselves seriously and deeply.

And an organization does not need to regret losing such a "pigeon".

More and more research shows that leadership skills are not innate, and people can acquire this ability through acquired efforts. Therefore, if leaders want to successfully change their employees, they must first change their own leadership traits.

For leaders, excellent management skills are still necessary. Leaders possess this management ability not to control and order employees, but to support and help employees develop and grow.

In this ever-changing era of global competition, instead of pursuing “advanced” management methods and means, companies should look further ahead and lock in the talents and enthusiasm of employees. This is what the company needs. There are endless treasures, and companies must find appropriate ways to release them. The only way to achieve this goal is to shift management from controlling employees to believing in employees' potential and inspiring employees' enthusiasm.

7. Resignation A said to B: "I want to leave this company. I hate this company!" B suggested: "I applaud your revenge with both hands! You must give it some color if you destroy the company. Look. But it’s not the best time for you to leave now.” a asked: Why? b said: "If you leave now, the company will not suffer much loss. You should take advantage of the opportunity in the company to try your best to attract some customers for yourself, become an independent figure in the company, and then suddenly leave the company with some customers, The company will suffer heavy losses and be very passive. "A thinks what B said is very reasonable. So he worked hard and everything came true. After more than half a year of hard work, he had many loyal customers. When we meet again, b asks a: Now is the time, if you want to jump, act quickly! a smiled calmly and said: The boss has had a long talk with me and plans to promote me to assistant general manager. I have no plans to leave for the time being.

In fact, this is also the original intention of b. A person's work is always just for his resume. Only when you pay more than you get and let your boss truly see that your ability is greater than your position will you be given more opportunities to create more profits for him.

8. Three people were chosen to be imprisoned for three years. The warden gave each of them a request. Americans love smoking cigars and ordered three boxes of cigars. The French are the most romantic and want a beautiful woman to accompany them. The Jew said that he wanted a phone to communicate with the outside world.

Three years later, the first person to rush out was an American, with cigars stuffed in his mouth and nostrils, shouting: "Give me fire, give me fire!" It turned out that he had forgotten to get fire. Next came the French. I saw him holding a child in his hand, the beautiful woman holding a child in her hand, and a third child in her belly. The last person to come out was the Jew. He held the warden's hand tightly and said: "In the past three years, I have been in contact with the outside world every day. Not only has my business not stopped, but it has increased by 200%. To express my gratitude, I will give you a labor truck." Schless! ”

This story tells us what kind of choices determine what kind of life. Our life today is determined by our choices three years ago, and our choices today will determine our life three years from now. We must choose to be exposed to the latest information and understand the latest trends, so as to better create our own future.

9. Tiger Two people met a big tiger in the forest. a quickly took off a pair of lighter sneakers from behind and put them on. b was so anxious that he cursed: "What are you doing? I can't outrun the tiger even if I change my shoes!" A said: "I just need to run faster than you." In the 21st century, the biggest problem is not having a sense of crisis. crisis. In particular, companies such as telecommunications, banks, insurance companies, and even civil servants, which we thought were very stable and secure, will face many variables as they are about to enter the country. When more tigers come, have we prepared our running shoes?

10. Rushing for the exam. A scholar came to Beijing for the third time to rush for the exam and stayed in a store where he often stayed. Two days before the exam, he had three dreams. The first dream was about growing cabbage on the wall. The second dream was about a rainy day. He wore a bamboo hat and held an umbrella. The third dream was about having sex with his beloved. The cousins ??took off their clothes and lay together, but back to back. These three dreams seemed to have some profound meaning, so the scholar rushed to find a fortune teller to interpret the dreams the next day. When the fortune teller heard this, he slapped his thigh and said, "You'd better go home. Think about it, isn't it a waste of time to grow vegetables on the high wall? Isn't it unnecessary to wear a hat and hold an umbrella? I took off my clothes and lay on the same bed with my cousin. , but back to back, isn't there no chance?" Upon hearing this, Xiucai was disheartened and went back to the store to pack his bags and prepare to go home. The shop owner was very strange and asked: "Isn't it the exam tomorrow? Why did you go back to your hometown today?" After the scholar said this, the shop owner was happy: "Oh, I can also interpret dreams. I think, You must stay this time. Think about it, isn’t it good to grow vegetables on the wall? Doesn’t wearing a bamboo hat and holding an umbrella mean that you are well prepared this time? Doesn’t it mean that you are ready for anything when you are naked and lying on the bed with your back? Is the time coming?" When the scholar heard this, it made more sense, so he took the exam in high spirits and won the top prize.

Positive people are like the sun, which shines brightly wherever it shines. Negative people are like the moon, which is different on the first and fifteenth day of the lunar month. Ideas determine our lives. What kind of ideas we have, what kind of future we have.

11. Camel The baby camel in the zoo asked its mother: "Mom, mom, why are our eyelashes so long?"

The camel mother said: "When the wind and sand come, The long eyelashes allow us to see the direction in the storm." The little camel asked again: "Mom, why are our backs so hunched? It's so ugly!" The camel mother said, "This is called a hump, and it can help us. Storing a large amount of water and nutrients allows us to endure the conditions of no water and no food for more than ten days in the desert." The little camel asked again: "Mom, why are our soles so thick?" The camel mother said: "That's okay. It keeps our heavy bodies from sinking into the soft sand and makes it easier to travel long distances." The little camel was so happy: "Wow, we are so useful! But mom, why are we still in the zoo and not going to the desert? What about hiking? ”

I was born to be useful, but it’s a pity that no one is using it now. A good mentality + a successful textbook + an unlimited stage = success.

Everyone’s potential is unlimited. The key is to find a stage where you can fully unleash your potential.

12. Divide porridge. Seven people once lived together and divided a large bucket of porridge every day. The terrible thing is that there is not enough porridge every day.

At the beginning, they drew lots to decide who would share the porridge, and one person took turns every day. So every week, there was only one day when they were full, which was the day when they shared the porridge among themselves. Later, they began to select a person with high moral standards to share the porridge. Power tends to corrupt, and everyone began to go out of their way to please him and bribe him, which made the whole clique become a mess.

Then everyone began to form a three-person porridge committee and a four-person selection committee, but they often attacked each other and started arguing, and the porridge was all cold in the mouth. Finally, I came up with a method: take turns to share the porridge, but the person sharing the porridge has to wait until everyone else has finished picking the last bowl. In order not to let themselves eat the least, everyone tries to share it equally. Even if it is not equal, they can only accept it. Everyone is happy and harmonious, and the days are getting better and better.

For the same seven people, different distribution systems will lead to different atmospheres. Therefore, if a unit has bad work habits, it must be a mechanism problem. It must be that it is not completely fair, just and open, and there is no strict reward for hard work and punishment for laziness. How to formulate such a system is a question that every leader needs to consider