Parents of international students, you are not the protagonist.

[liuxue86.com] provides news about studying abroad for China students who are about to study abroad: Parents of international students, you are not the protagonist, reported in May 18. According to some surveys, parents who send their children to study abroad feel more stressed than those who send their children to study in China. This is not only reflected in the economic pressure caused by expensive tuition fees, but also in the psychological pressure caused by poor communication with children. Some experts say that many international students and their parents have formed "three gaps", namely, the space gap, the generation gap and the cultural gap. Instead of waiting for the formation of the "three ditches" to make up for it, it is better to prepare early. I hope that the experience sharing of the three parents interviewed by the reporter can give some reference to the parents of prospective international students.

It is better to help children build self-confidence than to improve their grades.

Zhou Chenggang, President of Beijing New Oriental Future Overseas Consulting Co., Ltd.

"My children's grades have always been average, and I never thought about going to Peking University Tsinghua." After consulting with his son, Zhou Chenggang finally decided to let his son go to the United States for an undergraduate course.

"My son followed me to study abroad for a while and at home for a while, which made both Chinese and English have problems. I am a graduate student in Australia. He is in preschool and his English is improving rapidly. I quickly sent him back, his English has slowly forgotten, and his Chinese is not bad. Later I took him to England, and his English improved again. Then I went back to China to start a business and brought him back. By the second grade, he had been able to keep up with Chinese. After emigrating to Canada, his mother took him to Canada, but his English couldn't keep up. After studying for a year, I finally caught up. My mother said I should go back and bring him back. After this toss, he lost confidence in the third day. " Recalling his son's growing experience, Zhou Chenggang said frankly, "I think I hurt him. His father wants everything. I hope he is good at English, mathematics, physics and chemistry, and finally nothing. "

"I asked myself what I really want?" Later, Zhou Chenggang decided not to let his son take the college entrance examination because his son in middle school had no confidence. "Parents' meeting in China will announce the ranking of children first. Many parents will point to my son and tell him not to sit with him. My wife was very sad to hear the news. He didn't change slowly until I brought him to an American school. "

Zhou Chenggang found that his son actually joined the basketball team of an American school for the first time because he was good at sports. "When he was in a domestic middle school, as long as he went to play ball, the principal immediately called and said that your child would lower the class average." Although my son has been unable to keep up with middle school in America, he is beginning to have confidence.

Zhou Chenggang would especially encourage his son, "Actually, you are good. You are 1.8 meters tall, Shuai Shuai. Girls like you. Although my grades were not very good, I played well. Math is not so good, but playing the piano is not bad, which is what girls like best. "

When applying for an American university, Zhou Chenggang admitted that he also wanted to go to a prestigious school. "I haven't been to a top prestigious school. I hope my child can go, but I know he can't, which will definitely bring him more confidence. So we applied to schools ranked 40 to 80. I said I don't expect you to go to a good school, just reach the middle level. Participate in social activities and community activities as much as possible. "

On the plane to send their children to college, Zhou Chenggang and his son had a "man-to-man talk" about the problems they might encounter in the United States, from how macro foreign society works, how cultural values and learning models differ, to how to handle issues such as sex, drugs and alcoholism carefully, "Tell him what the bottom line is and what not to touch."

speak from experience

● Never criticize children too much. When a child has no self-confidence, when a 18 or 20-year-old child has no self-confidence in adolescence, how can you let him go far?

● Children studying abroad need not only financial support, but also moral and emotional help from parents and guidance of values.

"As long as you explain the truth clearly, let him do it."

Dany, Payne, Zi Cong, graduated from Beijing 10 1 Middle School and was admitted to Berkeley University in 20 13.

"From small to large, no matter what my son wants to do, as long as he makes the truth clear, we will let him try." Dany said that this is the concept they have been adhering to in family education.

When he was a freshman, Payne suddenly said that he liked biology and wanted to study this major in college. "I don't think this idea is solid, but I won't jump to conclusions for him directly. Children have their own thinking system, even if I say it is impossible, he will not believe it. " Dany's method is to make children identify with themselves. "I found an opportunity to let my son participate in the project of tissue culture of the Institute of Botany, Chinese Academy of Sciences. My son was busy teaching for a semester and came to the conclusion that he was not the material for biological research. "

"What I care about is what kind of environment the child lives in, what kind of people he associates with and what degree of support I can provide him as a parent at the important stage of his life." As soon as Dany went to primary school, she had the idea of letting her son study abroad. But when he finally chooses a school, it is up to him. "Although I hope my son can go to Carnegie Mellon University, he prefers Berkeley." Dani respects his son's decision "He went to Oxford for a summer course for the first time, and when he came back, he said he didn't like the atmosphere there very much. I went to the University of Pennsylvania during my freshman summer vacation. After the course, I visited 10 universities. When I visited the Fourth College of Arts and Sciences in the United States, he called me and said,' Mom, I can't live here for four years'. She knows her son too well. "That college of arts and sciences is very famous, but it wants to keep her son who likes watching football games and socializing in that quiet and elegant ravine for four years."

Besides, the best gift Dani and her husband give their children is to cultivate their love for sports. Cong Payne likes sports since he was a child, especially ice hockey and baseball, and has persisted in 10 for many years. "When I first played, some parents said it was not business. I don't think doing anything without hobbies is doing nothing. He likes roller skating and is good at baseball. Ice hockey can just combine the two characteristics into one, and it can further cultivate physical function. I didn't expect my son to contact ice hockey from the third grade and soon fell in love with the sport. "

"When I first joined the team, the children were very young. Most parents want their children to play forward. The striker is the most dazzling star on the field. My son doesn't seem to care, and we are also very pessimistic about it. Some parents instill personal heroism in their children and should try to shoot directly. I told my son that it is more important for defenders to organize attacks. If someone else has a better chance than you, be sure to pass the ball around. The victory of the team is the most important. " Dani found that while growing into an excellent defender, his son's character and moral character have also been cultivated. "There is a saying in the ice hockey circle that' the goalkeeper is the girlfriend of the defender'. My son once had a' savage girlfriend', Edie, a French-Canadian goalkeeper. The child has a bad temper. After being scored by the opposing team, he often throws a pole and slams the door. I have observed that my son will definitely clap Ai Tie's helmet and say a few words after his team loses the ball. A season with Eddie taught my son to take care of others. "

Dani said that his son has been engaged in ice hockey for more than 700 hours, not including the time on the road. "It is very hard to cope with mid-term and final exams and competitions. Sometimes it should freeze at 6 am or at night 1 1, and he learned how to manage time. " So Dany won't add pressure to her son's studies. "Parents should learn to balance themselves. You can't have it both ways. " Dani firmly believes that these subtle abilities can make his son's future study abroad and even his life smoother than his grades.

Later, Payne started a land ice hockey club at school, which was soon upgraded to an elective course. He is responsible for finding equipment and being a coach. Now my friends and I have established an entrepreneurial project called "Kan Kan Sports" to help China students learn English in sports. "His own English was formed in the process of playing ice hockey."

speak from experience

● As a parent, we must first have a mature concept of studying abroad, get rid of vanity, fame and fortune, and think clearly about the purpose of sending our children abroad.

● The role of parents is to guide and never turn yourself into a protagonist.

● Parents should know where the children's limits are and where their specialties are. Help children infinitely enlarge their strengths and weaken their shortcomings.

● Taking children to the training class is better than recording their growth, getting to know them better, helping them sort out their experiences and improve their character. American admissions officers also want to see "what kind of child is this?"

Pay attention to where children complete the socialization process.

Pu Xiaojun, director of human resources of Fortune 500 companies, has a daughter studying in Northwest University.

Pu Xiaojun, who once served as the director of human resources in many Fortune 500 companies, hopes that her daughter can find a career that will make her happy. As a mother, what Pu Xiaojun can do is to create a relaxed growth environment for her children.

"Her classmates went to the Olympics and learned the piano, but she didn't. I didn't teach her English before the second grade of primary school. " Because of work, my daughter followed Pu Xiaojun to the United States for a year in the second grade of primary school. Before leaving, at the request of her daughter, Pu Xiaojun gave her an oral conversation class.

Pu Xiaojun said that her daughter is very self-disciplined. "She didn't help her study since she was a child, but she decided to go to the United States to study. I usually comfort her when I take the SAT, and her grades are good enough. Don't spend any more time brushing points. SAT is just a tool after all. "

"In high school, one day my daughter suddenly said that she would take an examination of Tsinghua. I was noncommittal, but asked her why? " Pu Xiaojun believes that it is not important where to go to school, but where to complete the process of socialization. She hopes to make her daughter think thoroughly by asking more questions. "My daughter later studied with her classmates in Tsinghua for a period of time, and thought it was more like a continuation of the high school lifestyle. She decided to study abroad. "

When applying for studying abroad, her daughter with excellent grades wanted to go to Harvard and Columbia University, but Pu Xiaojun objected this time. "Daughter into such a competitive school, may not be very healthy. So I suggested that she grow up before going. Northwest University is more friendly. "

When recruiting talents for enterprises, Pu Xiaojun came into contact with many returned overseas students. "I have no thoughts, or my way of thinking is too narrow, and my grades may be good, but my degree of socialization is very low. I didn't make good use of the resources of foreign schools, nor did I expand my experience by studying abroad. " Pu Xiaojun hopes that her daughter can jump out of these restrictions and have a global vision and mind.

Pu Xiaojun encouraged her daughter to volunteer in Africa, "to see how people live in that land and how that country works." In extracurricular activities, Pu Xiaojun will also give her daughter advice on how to make good use of people with different cultural backgrounds and personality characteristics. "She participated in the global village project, which is a very big student activity in American universities. She was a leader when she was detained at Northwest University. When my daughter chatted with me, she said how strict the Germans are, and the French are sometimes unreliable. I will advise her on how to use people and how to put different opinions together. "

In her junior year, Pu Xiaojun began to ask her daughter what she planned to do in the future. After thinking for a long time, my daughter felt that she wanted to study law, hoping to make some contribution to the rule of law in China. "This is her decision after studying philosophy and mathematics. These accumulations are also very helpful for her to study law in the future. Mathematics makes people think clearly, and philosophy can simplify complex things. " While sharing the learning gains with her daughter, Pu Xiaojun will also give her advice at the right time, such as suggesting that she study history again.

speak from experience

It doesn't matter where you go to school, what matters is where you complete the process of socialization.

● Learning how to think is more important than mastering knowledge, which is sometimes an obstacle.

( liuxue86.com )