Funny text messages, top ten dreams of women, help.

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel. He digs a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on ... The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole just after you dug it?" Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 2. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? 3. Motorcyclists like to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle their buttons at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. When the police arrived ... Policeman A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman b: ok ... one, two, push, it's back. Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ... 4. I got up in the morning and saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! The dormitory is on the 6th floor. I climbed up and found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key, climbed up again and found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open, I'll close it for you. "6. Anonymous had a quarrel with her husband, and I felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was sleeping, I squatted on his head and farted so that he could smell it. I didn't expect that I pushed too hard and directly pulled a pile of shit on his face. It's funny, but it's also disgusting. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him wildly ... 8. A gentleman rented A Jin Tianyi in a rambling bar, and when he saw the second page, he burst into tears. I don't know which damn day, he drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote-this is the murderer ... 9. Every time the wife quarrels with her husband, the wife has to go to the toilet for a long time, many times, and the husband wants it. It seems quite Japanese? The wife said: brush the toilet! My husband asked if flushing the toilet could be fucking solved. The wife said: I don't know, anyway, every time I use your toothbrush. 10, funny translation of some dishes in China (English)-"Mapo Tofu"-"Tofu made by Freckle"; -Four Happy Meeting Balls-Four Happy Meatballs; Beef on iron plate Beef with wrinkled skin Sashimi Chopped strange fish; -"Guan Bao Ji Ding"-"Chicken Not Having Sex"; -"Sweet water surface"-"Sweet water surface"; -"Xunzi"-molecules. 1 1, before marriage:-He: Long live, finally arrived! I can't wait! -She: Can I go now? -He: No! Don't even think about it! She: Do you love me? -He: Of course! -She: Will you betray me? -He: No, what makes you think that? -She: Will you kiss me? -He: Yes! -She: Will you hit me? -He: Anyway! -She: Can I trust you? -Read from the bottom up after marriage! -12, that's the smell. Once upon a time, there was an old man who liked to drink the soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. -but no matter how well his daughter-in-law does it, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such terrible soup! "At first, my daughter-in-law always submitted to humiliation, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. -she sprayed pesticides into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! That's the smell! "-13. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I am dead, God help me!" " "When the light came on, I saw a voice from the sky:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." 14, X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there?" X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel." Friend: "Ah? When did he ... "Colleague:" Last week. " Friend: "I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a lift …" Colleague: "Never mind, just go down and find him?" Friend: Ah, you are really joking. Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below. Friend:. . . . This is inconvenient. . . . Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 15, last week someone bought a can of good wine and put it in the corridor. The next day, I found that it was one fifth less, so I posted the words "No stealing wine" on the barrel. On the third day, the wine was two-fifths less. He was very angry and posted the words "heavy punishment for stealing wine" On the fourth day, the wine was still stolen, only one-fifth of it was left, and my lungs were almost mad. When his friend knew it, he said to him, "Idiot! You won't stick the word' urine bucket' on the bucket to see who steals it, will you? " He felt reasonable and did it. On the fifth day, he cried: the bucket was full ... 16, seven dollars. A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast. The stall owner was annoyed: "Elder sister, it's nothing if you give counterfeit money. At least this is a stamp. You really drew this bill! Forget drawing, to say the least. You can draw ten pieces, five pieces or seven pieces! " 17, I had a drink with some friends one night, and several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, so we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him. 18, I need a beating-the barber shop met a buddy. After sitting down, the master asked him if he wanted to wash his hair. He hesitated, agreed and chose shampoo. Master carefully washed his hair twice. Back in his seat, the master wiped his head and asked, "What are you doing?" This guy looked in the mirror for a long time and said, "I want to shave my head ..."-19, Gastrointestinal diseases-An old man went to see a doctor and told him that there was something wrong with his stomach. The doctor asked him, "Is your stool regular?" -"Very regular, defecate on time at eight o'clock every morning." -"What's your problem?" The problem is that I don't get up until nine o'clock every morning. -Doctor: "..."-