The child learned to swear in kindergarten, and the way this parent handled it was amazing.

Author | Shui Jingyu

Recently, my best friend has encountered a difficult problem in parenting-the 4-year-old son started to say "dirty words" when he was noisy. The thing is this:

One day, my best friend took Noisy and her neighbor's children to play in the park.

the two children had a good time. But in a short time, my girlfriend heard the noise and began to curse. He kept shouting: "You are so stupid, get out of here, you big idiot!"

This made my best friend feel ashamed, so she taught the child a few words. Unexpectedly, not only did you not listen to advice, but you directly went to your mother: "Get out! Leave me alone! " I was so angry that my best friend severely spanked the child.

My best friend said, "Recently, my child always swears. Every time I find out, I will tell him sternly not to swear. Although the child will stop for a while, it won't be long before he starts swearing again."

My best friend is worried: children learn to swear at such a young age. What can they do in the future?

it's no accident that children swear. Psychologists have found that swearing is common among children aged 3 to 4.

Some parents tend to overreact when their children swear.

They don't understand how and why children swear, especially why children repeat these words over and over again despite their parents' prohibition.

One World, One Child

Wang Xiaoqian, a famous host, shared the process of her daughter swearing early:

Once she took the elevator with her daughter, and there was a stranger in the elevator. The four-year-old daughter stared at the stranger for a while, then glared at others and said, "You are really ugly!" "

Wang Xiaoqian was petrified at that time, but she knew that this was the normal development period of her children. If she severely criticized her daughter, she might be more willing to take it after she realized that swearing could make her mother angry.

But she also has to consider other people's feelings, so she can only keep apologizing to others.

Wang Xiaoqian said, "Be sure to let the children know that if you say such a thing, your mother will not criticize you, but it will make me apologize to others."

Slowly, under the guidance of Wang Xiaoqian, I stopped swearing early.

In children's minds, saying those rude words doesn't mean "insult" or "disrespect", just for fun. This requires parents not to overreact when dealing with it.

why are children full of "dirty words"?

Dr. Paul Bloom of Yale University in the United States said:

"Children's swearing is actually just a child's language learning." In other words, this is the only way for children to grow up. Only by understanding the reasons why children do this can we better deal with it.

Psychiatrists have found that the brain center that controls people to swear is not located in the language center of the higher brain (cerebral cortex), but in the lower animal brain.

That is to say, before human evolution, we may have learned to offend and attack others with words (or cries).

Of course, children also have the imprint of this natural law.

When children are two and a half years old and gradually begin to master the power of language, their mother tongue is still a novel language for them.

Rafi Kojayan, a child psychiatrist, believes that children are "vulgar" at every age. Instinctively, they are more sensitive to aggressive and offensive language.

Teacher Sun Ruixue, an expert in children's education, wrote in the book "Catching Children's Sensitive Period":

"As children grow older, he finds that language itself is powerful, especially some words, like a sword, will produce a powerful effect, and the most powerful words are curses, so he began to use them casually and happily."

But children are not born to swear. Parents' guidance determines whether they say it for a while, keep saying it, or stop saying it.

what should parents do?

First of all, avoid the "forbidden fruit effect".

A study by Barnard College's Child Development Center found that the more parents don't let their children talk, the more curious they are.

curiosity and rebellion are human nature. Children are no exception.

although we have the right to ask our children not to say those taboo words, it is easy to backfire if we are too strict. In the face of the ban, children will have an impulse to break it.

besides not being too strict, what else should parents pay attention to?

Didier Prix, Ph.D. in developmental psychology, said, "The most effective way is to let children know what real swearing means."

So, what should parents do?

1. Learn to use "rebellious parenting rules".

The rebellious parenting rule is a collection of experience and wisdom of 75 preschool education experts in nearly 4 years of teaching practice. It is completely based on the growth law of children.

Tell your parents that they can rebel appropriately when it comes to parenting. Simply put, it is to allow children to say ugly things.

Bad words are always powerful. When we hear swearing coming out of children's mouths, we often fly into a rage or ask our children nervously, "Where did you learn this sentence?"

From a child's point of view, it's so interesting that just a swearing word can make mom and dad furious! Children enjoy the shocking effect of these words, so they will use these novel words to attract the attention of adults from time to time.

Try the "Rebellion Rule" and set your child free. Then please be "slow" and stay calm, and don't let your baby get pleasure from your reaction.

simply respond in the same tone as usual. If adults don't react violently to swearing, children will gradually lose interest.

2. Set an example and demonstrate the correct emotional expression for children.

Even a gentle adult may jump out with one or two swearing words when he meets with bad luck. It is understandable that we vent our emotions through this powerful expression.

However, older children will imitate the swear words spoken by adults. If we don't want our children to "follow suit", we need to set an example ourselves.

Try using words such as "bad" and "excessive" instead of some swearing words to vent emotions, or try idioms such as "flying into a rage", which can also make children feel novel.

3. Give children more accurate information and teach them to understand those mysterious words.

I remember that after my daughter went to kindergarten, she liked to talk about "shit and urine" for a while.

three sentences are consistent with "you are a stinky poo". Especially when playing with friends in kindergarten, the frequency of "swearing" is particularly high.

I didn't criticize her. I just gave my daughter a scientific enlightenment. Go to the bookstore to find some picture books about the human body and share them with my daughter.

Tell my daughter how the body works, and tell her some new words, such as "buttocks" is another way of saying "buttocks".

When I seriously shared these "shit and fart" popular science knowledge with her, I obviously saw my daughter's eyes shining.

After that, the number of times she teased people with "shit and fart" decreased significantly.

So, when you hear a child say something ugly, don't get angry first. You can explain the meaning of this sentence and dispel its mystery.

When children's curiosity drops, they don't always mention it deliberately. After all, children have too many more interesting things to do.

4. Children can also be given a choice to say those "dirty words" in another place and time.

For example, my daughter once liked to say something related to defecation at dinner, but it was not acceptable to her grandmother. So, I told my daughter like this:

"If you want to say that word, go to the bathroom; You can say it as many times as you want, but don't say it when everyone is eating. "

This method can not only save other people's ears, but also give children the right to express themselves freely.

Dr. Raduch, the co-author of Positive Education and an expert in the field of children's development, believes that children's swearing is usually fleeting.

We have to explain to our children why we don't use them. When they understand, they will stop talking.

Therefore, we don't have to be nervous, anxious or worried when we hear children swearing.

Calm down, learn to analyze the situation, and guide children to tell the reasons behind it, which can better help them through this special period.

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