Wang Cheng is a child who doesn't like reading. What famous words should I use to inspire him?

During the Songkran Festival, everyone splashed water on each other to bless them. Suddenly a man scolded: Shit, who spilled water on me? Others advised that throwing you is a blessing.

Don't do that, the curse said. Who threw boiling water at me?

Waiting for the bus

I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I chased it and shouted, "Master, wait!" "

Me, master, wait for me! ......"

This is a passenger sticking his head out of the window and saying to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

3. What a shame

Outside the delivery room of the hospital, a group of men are waiting to be new fathers. A nurse hurried out of the delivery room and said to one of them

"Congratulations, your wife is born!"

Another man threw his cigarette butt on the ground, jumped up and shouted, "How dare you! I got there before him. Why hasn't it been my turn yet? "

give/have an acupuncture treatment

A Jia went to the hospital for a health check-up, and the nurse took a needle to draw blood for him. A Jia looked at the shiny needle and couldn't help asking, "Will it hurt?" I'm afraid of pain! The nurse said, "Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than 20 years." ... "Someone said," Great, I'm relieved! "Then the nurse put the needle down and only heard a scream like killing a pig. The nurse slowly connected:" It doesn't hurt. "

Outoutwit oneself

In the bar, George is drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would steal his beer after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found another sentence added to the paper: "I threw up, too." . . .

6.it's too loud

Zhuge Liang is a master of eight stunts, one of which is ventriloquism. It is said that Zhuge Liang discussed with Liu Bei in his account this day. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. I'm really sorry. He had a brainwave and said, "Master, how about I call you a woodpecker to adjust the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang imitated the woodpecker and barked twice, then took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again. You farted too loudly just now. I didn't see it. "

7.

There is an ugly girl who has never been married and hopes to be trafficked. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her back to her original place. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gnashed his teeth and said, go! No car!

8. In Spring Festival travel rush, the train was so crowded that a gentleman stuck his ass out of the window when he stopped. The inspector at the bottom of the car found it and shouted: the fat man with the cigar pulled his head back.

9. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. I *, his niang of, who spit so round?

10. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. He said with tears in his eyes, stealing a cabbage is worth shelling?

1 1. Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

12. The weather is hot and cold, so it's hard to calm down this season. I always miss you in the distance. I would like to keep a homing pigeon and let it fly to your place every day, even if all I can do is a simple action: pull a shit on your head!

13.

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

14. A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. She didn't meet for a long time, so she asked the policeman, Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet?

15. When the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart!" "The patient smiled and said," baby. "

16. An old friend lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and put a piece of paper: let you steal it! The next day, the car was not lost, and two locks and a piece of paper were added, which read: Let you ride!

17. The teacher asked the physical education committee to make sure that all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him, "Go and clean up all the girls in the class." The Sports Commission was a little goat and asked, "Which one?" Teacher @ # ... ￥%

18. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation, rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ……

19. When surfing the Internet, friends always say that if you reply, the whole family will be happy.

otherwise ...

1:

Landlord: Chris Lee and Sister Furong fell into the water at the same time. You have a brick in your hand. Who did you hit?

Violent reply: who saves who.

2:

Landlord: I hit my dog! He did not tell me about the earthquake. During the earthquake just now, he usually slept in his nest screaming happily as if nothing had happened!

Reply: Well, after all, it's not your own. ...

3:

Landlord: Please describe China National Seismological Station in one sentence.

Answer: wise after the event, like a pig beforehand!

4:

Landlord of the Forum: Last night, when walking the dog, our big Tibetan mastiff and a bald wild dog on the edge of the grove bit each other. Fuck! Unexpectedly, the Tibetan mastiff was defeated by a grass dog! ! !

Forum sofa: * * *, before I went bald, they all called me a lion!

5:

Landlord: When I was in college, I skipped classes, failed, dumped people, got dumped, fought, made mistakes, and broke places ... Hey, I tried my best ~

Reply: Have you ever died?

6:

Landlord: I like a girl who is 6 years younger than me and is still in junior high school. This is a sin.

Violent reply: it is really sinful to remove the word like.

7:

Landlord: Tell a story that starts with KB, is funny in the middle and has a tragic ending. For example, once upon a time there was a ghost who farted and died.

I met Sister Furong, fell in love with Sister Furong and married Sister Furong. ...

8:

Landlord ya: chatting with those idiots who go to work every day makes me feel that my future is very bleak. ...

Be happy ~ because it's not terrible to play the piano for cows. What's terrible is that a group of cows play the piano for you every day!

9:

Landlord: A female vendor selling pineapples in Nantou, Shenzhen, bit off my uncle's penis in desperation. ...

Reply: Hum! You won't let me live, and I won't let you enjoy life! ! !

10:

Landlord: Actually, Newton was just lucky to discover the law of gravity. If I had been born 300 years earlier, I could have done it!

Answer: He was really lucky, because it was an apple that hit his head, and it was either durian or coconut that hit the poor landlord's head. ...

1 1:

Landlord: Do you want to make your uncle miserable or your brother miserable?

Violent reply: Uncle, your brother is out.

12:

Landlord: Urban management adds new weapons to catch stray dogs!

Violent reply: the same root is born, so I want to fry too fast.

13:

Landlord: Why do more and more people don't want children?

Violent reply: Senior officials sent by Beijing said they should start with dolls.

14:

Landlord: I saw a male netizen today, and the other party has been hinting at going to bed. I want to ask: is it because netizens go to bed when they meet now?

Violent reply: don't netizens go to bed when they meet? Are you kidding? Everyone is busy.

15:

Landlord: A student, with the lowest grade every year, often fights with others. According to the leader's request, the teacher wants to give students better final comments. How to write?

Violent reply: The student has stable grades and strong hands-on ability.

16:

Landlord: Through the incident of drinking mineral water to death in Hainan, we can see that food safety in China is worrying, and mineral water can also kill people? Is there no sign of QS?

Violent reply: weak, is QS going to die?

17:

Landlord: Dude, do you want Chris Lee or Zhang Ziyi?

Violent reply: neither a rooster nor a pheasant.

18:

Landlord: Which is more economical, dogs or people?

Violent reply: Auntie, even if you can treat men as dogs, do you dare to treat dogs as men?

19:

Landlord: My wife gave birth to a baby girl, which is very cute. Please give my daughter a nice name. My last name is Cheng.

A mature chicken thinks of Han.

20:

Landlord of the forum: I have1000000, and I want to buy a car. Please give me some advice.

Forum reply: You can sell 30 QQ cars and drive in teams, with S-type cars and B-type cars for a while.

2 1:

Wang married Chen. Please comment in four words.

Forum reply: You are getting better!

22:

Landlord: Do you think I look like Wu Bai?

Forum reply: Only half like it! (250! ! )

23:

Landlord: Give me a woman and I will create a country!

Well, I'll give you a sow, and the price of meat will fall next year!

24:

Forum landlord: Guess which country I am a mixed-race _

Forum reply: China people+deformed steel!

25:

Landlord of the forum: My girlfriend always says that she has small breasts, which I think is ok. Ask GG from the forum to help me identify it ~

Forum sofa: There are two pimples on the back!

26:

Landlord: If I have 100 million RMB, I can get a loan to buy a house in Tomson Yipin!

Forum reply: Yes, but you have to borrow money to pay the property fee first ~

27:

Landlord of the forum: He vowed today that I am a part of his life and I am a part of his body. He can't live without me ~

Forum sofa: That's what my ex-boyfriend said. Later, I learned that I am as dispensable as his appendix, ears and six fingers!

28:

Landlord: I am so rich, what kind of car should I buy for the nanny?

Forum reply: that depends on what relationship she has developed with your husband ~

29:

Landlord of the forum: The damn barber shop cut off my head! Let's do some bad actions, and ask that the bigger the injury, the better, and the smaller the action, the better, because I am going alone.

Forum basement: Late at night, the moon is dark and windy, quietly and gently, hanging alone in front of the barber shop. ...

30:

Forum landlord: What should I do if I lose my memory?

Forum reply: Isn't this cool? I wake up every morning and find different women sleeping beside me ~

3 1:

Landlord of the forum: When you were a child, did you imagine what kind of scene would make you show off in front of everyone when you grew up?

Forum bench: Pick a cart of dung and go to the street to see who is not pleasing to the eye and throw it at him head-on!

32:

Landlord of the forum: Why does pol.ice sound the siren when catching bad guys? Aren't you afraid that horrible bosses will hear you and run away?

Forum sofa: Generally, the superior unit will inform the subordinate unit in advance before coming to check ~

33:

Landlord of the forum: Why do children born have the same surname as their fathers?

Forum sofa: Because the money spit out by ATM belongs to the cardholder.

34:

Landlord of the forum: Handsome is useless-it is not eaten by a chess piece in the end!

Forum reply: Handsome guys have companies, guns, horses, cars and unrequited love ... What's wrong with handsome men? ! !

35:

Landlord of the forum: collect the malicious words with the least dirty words.

Forum reply 3 1: Did your mother throw people away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you?

36:

Forum Leader: Why did President Hu's visit to Japan leave the Japanese side cold, and didn't even hang the welcome slogan at the airport?

Forum sofa: How to hang it? Warmly welcome old Japanese friends to China?

37:

Landlord: Isn't it hot for you women to wear bras in summer?

Forum reply: We will be hot without you. ...

38:

Landlord: I bought a new manor. How big is it? It scared you to death-I drove for two and a half hours! ! !

Forum sofa: Well, I used to have such a broken car.

Once in a history class, Xiao Chen fell asleep because of boredom. The teacher suddenly went to Xiao Chen's desk, patted the table and said, Tell me, who killed Yue Fei?

Xiao Chen applied for panic: what? Yue Fei? He died? ..... I didn't kill him.

Wei Xiaobao went to eat in the school cafeteria and found that pork chops were not very fresh. He went to the cook and said, "Master, I found that this week's pork chops are not as delicious as last week." The master said, "nonsense, this is last week's pork chop!" " "

In school, a roommate skipped classes all the year round and squatted in the dormitory. One day, I came back from a meeting with the lower berth. Found him out. I glanced at the table and said, "The cigarette end hasn't been completely extinguished, so it shouldn't have gone far." The lower bunk touched the monitor and said, "There is still a residual temperature. I should have just left." . At this time, I heard my buddy lying in bed helplessly shouting: "S_B, lying in bed without even looking, pretending to be Sherlock Holmes!"

There are so many people in Beijing that office workers don't have to wear makeup. Whether by bus or subway, people are crowded. You wipe me, I wipe you, Estee Lauder on my left face, Mentholatum on my right face, I also wipe a big treasure, but I wipe Nivea when I go out.

Reasons for being late for work: I had a dream this morning, in which some friends and I were hijacked. When everyone was thinking about how to get out, the alarm clock rang. I got up to get dressed. It suddenly occurred to me that if I slip away, will the rest of my buddies be killed? Brothers are like brothers. I can't leave my brothers, so I lie down and sleep ~

The husband took home a vacuum cleaner and said excitedly to his wife, "I bought you the best vacuum cleaner in the world." As he spoke, he cleared the coffee and soot from the carpet in the living room. "Believe it or not, as long as I press a button, these rubbish will disappear immediately, otherwise, I will eat them."

The wife listened and said calmly, "It seems that you must eat."

"Absolutely not!"

"Yes, because there is a power outage today."

A commercial plane crashed and all the leaders were killed. The investigation team asked the old farmer at the scene: was no one alive at that time? The old farmer smiled and said, Yes, there is. At that time, someone held my leg and said that he was not dead, but as you know, cadres won't tell the truth, so I buried him anyway.

Husband drove out.

My wife listens to the radio at home. When she heard the report, she quickly picked up the phone.

Wife: honey, I just heard on the radio that there is a car reversing on the expressway. You must be careful.

Husband: Which one is it? I think hundreds of cars are going backwards.

I drove out to eat with my colleagues, and there was no parking space where I ate, so I had to park on the side of the road. When asked if he would give my friend a ticket, he said nothing. He took a ticket out of the box and stuck it on the window. It is safe to come back after dinner.

One day, the teacher shouted at the noisy class as usual: "No-no-noisy! Everybody be quiet, okay? ! "Nobody paid attention to him in the class, and the teacher left as soon as he tossed his head, ready to complain to the principal. When the headmaster and teacher came back to the classroom angrily and were about to start cursing, they were surprised to find their classmates holding them quietly.

"What's the matter? Why has everyone become so embarrassed? " The teacher secretly rejoiced and couldn't believe it. "Is there anything wrong?" There was silence. "come on Monitor, you say! " The monitor stood up shyly and muttered with his head down: "Old teacher, you said,' If one day you come into the classroom and find the class quiet ... you will die and show us ...'"

In the afternoon at the Drum Tower, a Korean uncle asked me how long it would take to walk from the Drum Tower to the Great Wall. I said I couldn't walk there today. Beijing is a big city.

Uncle said firmly in broken Chinese: "Seoul is bigger than Beijing!" " "

I want to say, well, you go west from here, along the Fifth Ring Road, and you will arrive soon. Uncle left contentedly.

After he left, I remembered, alas, I didn't tell him to get off at the Badaling Expressway exit.

This guy may come back next week, alas, I am so unkind, Smecta ~

Once, I picked a mobile phone last time and thought about returning it to the owner, so I found a phone number in his mobile phone and called it (the phone number is the owner's sister). When the other party got through, I said, what's up, brother? So I said, are you the sister of the owner of this mobile phone? Your brother lost his cell phone, and I found it! She listened and said, oh, wait a minute. Then I hung up. In about two minutes. The phone rang, and as soon as I answered it, I heard that the other person was a woman and said, Brother, you found your mobile phone!

I bought a bottle of vitamin C recently. These pills are so big that they get stuck in my throat every time I take them. I have to drink a lot of water to swallow it. I didn't want to get stuck again today, so I broke the pills in half and ate them.

So I got stuck twice.

My cousin was forgetful when he was a child. Once his father was pestered by him and slapped him.

I just cried.

Then I decided to go to my mother and tell my father.

So he walked around our big house and then went back to his residence to see his father.

At this time, he rushed to hug his father and cried, "Dad, mom hit me."

Freshman has an advanced math class, which is an open class, so we are a big classroom. Once we ran out of chalk in our classroom, we asked a classmate to go next door to get some, so the boy in the back row went out, and a few seconds later he appeared at the front door of our classroom. "Teacher, give me some chalk. . . "Petrochemical teacher: Oh, there is no chalk in other classrooms, is there? Then you go back, then he goes out from the front and comes in from the back door: Teacher, there is no other classroom. . .

The furthest distance in the world is not the ends of the earth, nor where you are going, but I am standing at the door of a bus, but you can't get on it. ...

A bride asked the master of ceremonies: How much does it cost to hold a wedding? Moderator: It depends. Well, generally speaking, the more handsome the groom is, the higher the charge. Upon hearing this, the woman shyly took out 5 yuan's money and handed it to her. The MC looked back at the groom, and then calmly found 4 yuan and 5 yuan. ...

Smoking is an art of life; Looking for a cigarette is an attitude towards life.

Late at night, the child began to cry. Mother is ill and can't be persuaded. Father picked him up and prepared to sing a lullaby. At first, my wife begged for mercy: let the child cry.

During the morning self-study, Mr. Zhang walked into the classroom and was very happy to see the children studying consciously. He stepped onto the platform and suddenly saw a palm-sized note on it. He opened the envelope and saw that it was written in neat fine print:

Hello, teacher Zhang! Time flies, the years rush, the stars change and the seasons change. The autumn wind is cool, everything withers, all fruits are fragrant, and all grains are abundant. Study hard every day, dare not relax, revitalize China and have a bright future. The teacher's kindness is unforgettable, in my heart forever, leisurely in my heart, heaven and earth and * * *. As the saying goes, many people forget things since ancient times, just because they are in this mountain. Let's not talk about gossip. Let me ask you: You borrowed my red pen when you were studying and correcting your homework in class last Friday morning. When will you return it?

There is an old man with gray hair and bright eyes. He often wears an old-fashioned Chinese tunic suit, much like a national cadre in the 1950s. Every morning, he gives an international radio station a program to learn English every day. The program was broadcast live, early in the morning. Radio International is near Babaoshan, far away. So the old professor will go there before dawn every day. One day, the old professor got up late. Don't be late. Take a taxi.

"Master, go to Babaoshan."

In the early morning fog, the host felt cold.

The old professor looked serious and said nothing all the way. Master flew all the way, and it's a long way. It's going to be broadcast live soon.

The old professor grasped the master's shoulder anxiously: "Hurry up, hurry up, it will be dawn soon!" " " ……

A girl who thought she was gorgeous had a car accident, lying in the hospital and sighing in front of the mirror, "Beauty is unlucky since ancient times."

Clinical response: "Don't worry, you will live a long life."

Timid Ayue visited the German castle with the delegation. The castle is full of evil wind. Ah Yue asked the deacon of the castle standing by in fear, "Are you haunted here?"

"Nonsense!" The deacon was furious: "I have served here for 300 years and have never seen a ghost!" " "

On Teacher's Day, I gave my math teacher a smiling tiger cigar and put firecrackers in the tobacco leaves, which startled the teacher.

In the second year, cigars were sent, and the teacher cut them with scissors instead of firecrackers; The teacher is very heartbroken. I gave the teacher another cigar. It exploded again. . .

-When I was on the bus yesterday,

The bus driver kept staring at me,

As if I didn't buy a ticket.

-What would you do?

It's simple,

I kept staring at him, too,

It's like I bought a ticket (didn't buy it)

A priest came to the prisoner who was about to be executed and said to him, I want to tell you a word from God. There is no need, cried the prisoner. I'll meet his father in person later.

A year ago, freshman had a course called appreciation of ancient literature. One day I looked down at a poem on the table.

Yue:

Why do you need a long sleep in your life?

Will sleep after death.

Open your drunken eyes

Look at that poor professor.

So I felt guilty and looked up at the professor who gave a passionate speech.

He asked emotionally, "What is hibiscus?" ! ! ! ! ! "

Everyone at the bottom looked up and replied with one voice, "Sister ..."

"Yes, hibiscus is a kind of flower ..."

1 Notre Dame de Paris is short of a bell ringer, and that's yours.

2. How far your thoughts are, how far you roll; You can roll as fast as the speed of light

3. When you go out, there are no birds in hundreds of mountains and no footprints in thousands of paths.

4. Which school did you graduate from? Your annoying degree has been completed as a postdoctoral fellow! !

I want to bite you, but unfortunately I am a Muslim.

8. When you were born, were you vomited three times and only caught twice?

Your teeth are like stars in the sky, brightly colored and far apart.

10 I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face at once.

1 1, you are Korean, and your whole family is Korean!

12 You just bought PetroChina. Your whole family bought PetroChina and Sinopec.

A thief sneaked into a mansion and rummaged through it. When he was ready to leave, the master came back. The thief hurriedly grabbed a sack beside him and put it on his body. He crouched in the corner of the living room, afraid to get out of the atmosphere. The host entered the room drunk, saw something in the corner of the living room and went over. He repeatedly touched his pocket and kept muttering, "What is this? Huh? " The thief was very uncomfortable and impatient, shouting, "Pumpkin! Idiot! " After hearing this, the host couldn't help complaining: "Why didn't you say so earlier? Let Laozi guess for a long time! "

Stop the ball:

The defender who stopped the ball at the foot 10 mm was a Brazilian player.

The defender who stopped the ball at the foot 10 cm was a Spanish player.

The defender who stops the ball at 10 decimeter is a German player.

The defender who stops the ball at 10 meter is a China player.

dribble

The player who can take the ball from his baseline to the other half is a Dutch player.

The player who can take the ball from his own baseline to the other's baseline is a Brazilian player.

It is China players who can steal their players' feet and bring them into their own goals.

pass the ball

The players who can accurately make a long pass 50 meters away and find teammates on the court are British players.

The player who can hit a delicate 2 1 within 5 meters is an Argentine player.

A player who can pass the ball within 5 meters and the defender and striker kick one after another every 50 meters is a China player.

Tang Priest: Donor, I am from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. Please stay here for one night ... huh? Donors? Donor, would you please open the door? Fuck!

Tang Priest: Wukong bastard! Don't do this! Those benefactors are not monsters. How can you persist in teaching and kill people at will? ! ..... oh? Are they businessmen who buy land in Gai Lou? Amitabha ... Wujing, help me hold the five Buddha crowns for my teacher; Wukong, lend the golden hoop to the teacher! No, Bajie, give me your rake! blackguard ...