How to make others feel important?

William james said: "The most profound driving force in human nature is the importance of hope. The most ardent need in human nature is the desire to be affirmed by others. "

In real life, some people have communication barriers because they don't understand or forget a very important principle-making others feel important. They like to express themselves and exaggerate themselves. Once things succeed, the first thing they show is how much credit and contribution they have made. Isn't this to let others know that you really don't matter? Invisible, they hurt others. One day, I was waiting in line at the post office at the intersection of 32nd Street and 8th Avenue in new york to post a registered letter. The clerk behind the counter is obviously impatient with his work-weighing, taking stamps, changing change and writing receipts are all the same monotonous jobs year after year. So I said to myself, "I hope that clerk likes me." In order to make him like it, I must say something nice-not myself, but him. "I asked myself again," What's he worth praising? "Sometimes, this is really a problem, especially when the other person is a stranger. However, praising this employee in front of me doesn't seem to embarrass me. I immediately found something I could praise him for.

When he weighed my letter, I said to him very eagerly, "I wish I had your hair."

He looked up and smiled at me. "Oh, it's not as delicious as before!" "He replied modestly. I told him that although it may not be as beautiful as before, it is still in good condition. He was very happy, chatted with me for a while, and finally said, "Many people praised my hair. "

I'm sure this gentleman will walk with the wind when he goes out for lunch. When I go home at night, I will tell my wife about it, and I will look in the mirror and say to myself, "How beautiful this hair is!" " "

I once mentioned this in my speech, and someone asked me afterwards, "What do you want from that person?"

What do I want from that man? I want something from that man!

If we are so selfish, once we don't get any benefits from others, we won't express any appreciation or sincere gratitude to others-if our souls are not much bigger than wild sour apples, how poor our hearts will become.

Yes, I hope to get something from that gentleman. But that thing has no price, I have it. I got the pleasure of helping others, and this feeling will always exist in my memory after things change.

There is an extremely important rule in human behavior, which is to make others feel important at any time. If we follow this rule, we will probably not cause any trouble, and we can get a lot of friendship and eternal happiness. However, if we break this rule, it will inevitably bring endless trouble. As the famous philosopher john dewey said, "The most profound driving force in human nature is the importance of hope." First of all, william james, a famous psychologist at Harvard University, said: "The most ardent need in human nature is: the desire to be affirmed by others." I have also pointed out that it is this demand that distinguishes human beings from other animals; It is this demand that produces rich human culture.

For thousands of years, many philosophers have thought deeply about this issue. They only came to one conclusion. This rule is not new, it can be said that it is as old as history. 2,500 years ago, Sol Roya Hester taught his disciples this principle in Persia. 2400 years ago, Confucius in China also earnestly persuaded his protege; 2500 years ago, Laozi, the ancestor of Taoism, said this sentence in Hanguguan. 500 years before the birth of Christ, the Buddha taught all beings on the sacred banks of the Yokogawa River. Even Hindu classics record this ... this is probably the most important rule in the world: "Treat others as you want them to treat you."

You want to be recognized by your friends and need others to know your value; You want to have a very important feeling in your own life world. You don't like cheap and insincere compliments, but you are eager for sincere compliments. You like friends. As Charlie Job said, "Praise others sincerely and generously." We all like this.

So, let's sincerely follow this eternal law-treat others as you want them to treat you.

So, when should we do it? Where to do it? How? The answer is: anytime, anywhere.

For example, if you order French fries in a restaurant and the waitress brings you potatoes, we can say, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I prefer French fries." The waitress might reply, "No, it's no trouble at all." She will be happy to change potatoes. Because we have paid our respects to her.

Besides, we can also use many daily expressions to eliminate the monotony and busyness of daily life, such as "I'm sorry to bother you …", "Could you …", "Would you like to …", "Would you mind …" and "Thank you".

Let's look at another example.

When we started classes in California, Ronald Roland was our lecturer and also taught art classes. He once told the story of Chris, a student in a primary school handicraft class.

"Chris is a quiet, shy boy and lacks self-confidence. He seldom attracts attention in class. One day, I saw him working at his desk, so I went to talk to him. There seems to be an invisible flame in his heart. When I asked him if he liked the course, the expression on the shy boy's face, who was only 14 years old, changed a lot. I could see that his mood fluctuated greatly, and he tried to hold back his tears.

"'You mean, I didn't do well enough, Mr. Roland?'

"'Oh, no! Chris, you're doing great.

"That day, when I walked out of the classroom after class, Chris looked at me with his bright blue eyes and said firmly and forcefully,' Thank you, Mr. Roland!'

"Chris taught me a lesson that I will never forget-our inner self-esteem. In order not to forget myself, I hung a sign in front of the classroom: "You are very important". In this way, not only can every student see it, but also remind me at any time that every student I face is equally important. "

It is no exaggeration that almost everyone you meet thinks that he is better than you in some places. Therefore, the best way to touch their hearts is to subtly show that you sincerely think they are important.

Donald McMahon is the manager of a gardening design and maintenance company in new york. He told me such a thing:

"On one occasion, I did garden design instead of a famous connoisseur. The host came over and made some explanations, telling me where he wanted to plant a heather and azaleas.

"said:' sir, I know you have a hobby, that is, you have many beautiful and good dogs. It is said that you will win several blue ribbon awards in the exhibition of Madison Square Garden every year. " "

The effect caused by this small compliment is very great.

"The connoisseur replied,' Yes, I get a lot of fun from keeping dogs. "Do you want to see them?"

"He spent almost an hour showing me all kinds of dogs and prizes, and even explained to me how pedigree affects the appearance and wisdom of dogs.

"Later, he turned to me and asked me,' Do you have children?'

"'yes.' I replied,' I have a son.'

"'Oh, does he want a puppy?' He asked.

"'Of course, he will be very happy.'

"'Well, I'm going to give him a puppy.' Experts claim.

"He told me how to raise a puppy, but he stopped halfway. It may be difficult for you to write it down. I will write you a note. So he came into the room and gave me a description of blood and reproduction. He not only gave me a puppy worth hundreds of dollars, but also squeezed 75 minutes out of his busy schedule for me. This is entirely because I sincerely praise his hobbies and achievements. "

Disraeli, who once ruled the British Empire, said, "Talk to people about themselves and they will be willing to listen for hours." So, if you want others to like you, please remember the twelfth principle:

"Let others feel important-and be sincere. “