My mother gave up on me after the college entrance examination (Why is it so thankless for my mother to stay with me while studying full time)

Another high school student’s matricide case has occurred. Why do we say “again”? Because it just happened last month.

The two incidents have many similarities: they are both high school seniors and both are full-time mothers who accompany them to school. Since when has it become a high-risk occupation to stay with your mother full-time?

Matricide must happen by chance, but the conflict between mother and son must not happen overnight. When it comes to education, parents must bear a heavy responsibility, and they must bear at least half of the responsibility, or even more.

I am not trying to whitewash those two children, but I am saying that reading with adolescent children is definitely a technical job, and it is difficult for ordinary people to do it well. Let’s take a look at the child’s status first.

The third year of high school is the peak period of hormone secretion. In ancient times, it was possible to start a family and start a business. But now, dozens of people are locked in a cramped classroom every day, studying and answering questions day and night.

That small classroom is like a pressure cooker, generating pressure continuously every day.

Behind the classroom are slogans such as "Work hard for a year, be happy for a lifetime" and "As long as you can't die in learning, learn to death." The blackboard in front not only has a countdown reminder for the college entrance examination, but also "improve one level. Kill a whole playground in one piece" and the like. This is pressure from the environment.

All the teachers rushed to seize the class time as if they were on a drug, adding extra time and extra time. Whenever a student relaxes even a little bit, the teacher's expression will immediately become like that of Grandma Rong, which is frightening to see. If you fail in the exam, you will be asked to talk to your class teacher. This is pressure from teachers.

Every exam is ranked, and the rankings are all clear at a glance. The children themselves also know what kind of university they can attend with their ranking.

The classmates in the same class are all competing hard, secretly thinking about other people's results, and secretly calculating: so-and-so who plays well can be ranked 985 with his ranking, and the girl he has a crush on will be ranked 985th. There is no problem with her ranking of 211. The guy who always laughs at me in the class probably has just enough for one line...

The classmates who get along day and night are both friends and competitors. This is the pressure from peers.

Every senior high school student’s study intensity far exceeds 996, and most students study for more than 12 hours a day.

Unlike working as a worker, you still have time to fish. If you have nothing to do, you can look at your phone, chat on WeChat, and take a shit with pay. Children in the third year of high school study for 12-15 hours without a moment's rest. The high school students I know say that they have to memorize vocabulary words when they go to the toilet, otherwise they can't poop in peace.

This is the pressure they put on themselves. Let’s look at the status of a stay-at-home mother.

I have discussed the living conditions of stay-at-home mothers before. Full-time stay-at-home mothers are different from ordinary stay-at-home mothers.

First of all, the attention of mothers accompanying students is basically on their children's grades. They will become extremely anxious and have emotional outbursts from time to time.

The reason why I chose to study with him full-time is simply because I hope my child can get into a better school. Mother and son share the same goal, but only one of them can work hard, which makes the accompanying mother more anxious than the average person. They can easily feel powerless and out of control.

If this mother has a class and something to do, she can distract her energy and avoid being eroded by anxiety all the time. However, a full-time study mother has no other things to distract her energy, and she has to deal with the constant anxiety day and night. An outlet, otherwise she will become depressed over time.

The first outlet for anxiety is often the outburst of emotion, and once the emotion breaks out, it will inevitably break out on the child, because she has no other choice.

So the normal behavior of a mother accompanying her to school is this: Patience, patience, patience, patience, tell yourself: My child is under a lot of pressure in his senior year of high school. I have to control my emotions and don’t put pressure on him. Be patient, I can’t help it. Explode, pour out all the previously suppressed emotions to the child at once...

The cycle starts over and over again.

Secondly, people need to have a sense of value and need to be recognized for their efforts and prove that they are meaningful.

The most direct way for ordinary people to prove their worth is to get a salary, and RMB is the greatest affirmation of themselves. The accompanying mother can only look at her child's grades. And often even if the child's grades are improving, the mother will not be very satisfied with herself.

Why? Because what she wants is not just an improvement in her child's performance, but an improvement in her child's performance with her company/help.

So often many mothers who accompany students will do some unnecessary actions to prove this point.

They will always monitor whether their children are playing with mobile phones and whether they are distracted. They have no idea how crazy it would be for their children to be caught by their mothers just after relaxing after studying all day long.

They will take great care of their children's health. When the child stays up late, some mothers who accompany them will "share the joys and sorrows" with their children. She will stay up until the time the child learns; some mothers who accompany them will urge her from time to time: "Your health is important." You go to bed quickly!

If the child doesn't sleep and neither does the mother, it will cause stress to the child and make them feel guilty. And the mother's constant urging of the child to sleep will make the child feel extremely irritable and unable to concentrate on learning.

Mothers who accompany students will also try their best to make various nutritious meals that are bland and urge/force their children to eat them...

In a word, most of them The accompanying mother doesn't know how to communicate with her children, and the children often don't have time to communicate with her, so she can only use various methods to increase her presence and prove her worth.

Song Qian, the accompanying mother in "Little Joy", is such a typical example. She specially installed a piece of glass in her daughter Yingzi's room so that she could observe her daughter's learning status at any time. Yingzi doesn't like eating bird's nests, but Song Qian always likes to cook bird's nests for her.

In Song Qian's eyes, her daughter's good grades all depend on her meticulous care. In fact, Yingzi had good grades and was admitted to Peking University and Tsinghua University. It was precisely because of her mother's behavior that she collapsed and wanted to jump into the sea.

Finally, mothers who study with them tend to have a strong sense of sacrifice.

After all, he quit his job and devoted himself to studying with me. My mother was always a little unwilling to accompany her to study. They will feel that they have made such a big sacrifice for their children, and if their children still fail to improve their grades, they will feel sorry for their efforts. Some mothers will really cry and accuse their children at the same time.

When mothers try to use guilt to inspire their children’s drive, the result is often the opposite.

It is normal for high school students to have ups and downs in their grades. Even top academics cannot guarantee stable performance every time. The decline in test scores has already made the child feel very sad. He also has to deal with the mother's emotions and tears, which really forces the adolescent child to burst out.

The protagonists of these two incidents are boys. The main reason may be that when boys are angry, their destructive power tends to be outward, so they attack their mothers. Many girls, including some introverted boys, attack themselves inwardly with their destructive power. They are more inclined to harm themselves than to harm their parents.

Imagine a mother who places all her value on her children. She often has emotional outbursts due to anxiety. She always uses the excuse of "being good for you" and "caring about you" to show her presence in front of her children. feel.

As for the adolescent child, on the one hand, he was under tremendous pressure at school. Not only could he not relax after he came back, he was also responsible for comforting his anxious mother. He was tired of dealing with their meticulous but slightly unnecessary care. .

Children will have emotions, and so will mothers.

Both parties are the other's only emotional outlet. You can imagine that scenario, and the result must be disastrous.

If the above three points are taken into account, then it is definitely better to study with you than not to accompany you. Children don't want much, just a study environment where they can concentrate on things. As for what to eat and when to sleep, the children are almost adults, so how can they still not know how to take care of themselves?

To be an effective mother accompanying a senior in high school, you must first learn to "pretend to be deaf and dumb" and control your impulse to communicate closely with your children and care about them. When your child comes home every day, give him a hug, if he can still accept it, or just say hello.

If the child has the desire to communicate, the mother should be a patient listener!

Most adolescent children do not need any advice and suggestions from their parents. The mother only needs to look into the child's eyes, listen carefully to what he has to say, and nod in the middle to express understanding and approval, and she will be able to achieve full marks.

Mothers can prepare nutritious food for their children, but they must also allow their children not to eat it. The scene in "The Hidden Corner" where Zhu Chaoyang's mother forced him to drink milk probably brought back many people's childhood memories.

Don’t take your child’s grades too seriously. Moms who accompany you to study should always remember that if you are anxious, your child will be more anxious than you. Any words or deeds that increase pressure on children will not really help improve their performance.

If you can't do this, you should go to work honestly and earn money to give your children extra lessons! Being a full-time escort often hurts others and hurts oneself. Basing one's success on another person's hard work will eventually make people feel out of control.

These tragedies could have been avoided.