I've been lovelorn recently, and I can't laugh. Listen to some jokes that can be teased.

( 1)

Little x went to the bird market again. Found a parrot with a price tag of 3 yuan money.

So he asked the seller: Why is your parrot so cheap?

Vendor: My parrot is stupid! Shit, I've been teaching for a long time. Up to now, I can only say one thing-"Who?

Huh? "

Xiao X thought it was cheap anyway, so he bought it.

When he got home at night, he thought, "I don't believe in teaching, and I don't believe in teaching!" " So little x taught it to say something else all night.

But in the morning, the parrot still just said, "Who is it?" So little X got angry, locked the door and went to work.

After a while, a plumber (Z for short) came.

Little Z, "Knock, knock ..." (knocking at the door)

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: plumber.

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: plumber.

Parrot: Who is it?

Little z: plumber.

In the evening, little X came back. I saw a man lying on the ground in front of my house, foaming at the mouth.

Little x: yo ~! Who is this?

I hear the parrot in the room: plumber.

(2)

Xiao X especially likes parrots. One day he went to the bird walking market and found a parrot with a price of 30,000 yuan.

Curious, he asked the buyer: Why is your parrot so expensive?

Buyer: My parrot is very clever! I'll say anything.

Little X bought it as soon as he heard that he was so clever.

He was very happy when he came home at night. Just play with this parrot.

X: I can walk.

Parrot: I can walk.

X: I can run.

Parrot: I can run.

X: I can fly.

Parrot: You are bragging!

(3)

A man kept a parrot. The parrot was so strong that all the other birds in it were killed by it.

Later, the master brought back an eagle and put it together. When the owner came to see it again, the parrot's hair was already hanging outside the cage.

The host said, "Not this time."

But a closer look, the eagle died, and the parrot said naked:

"This grandson is really something. He can't beat Yating without taking off his arm. "

(4)

There is a bird lover who likes parrots very much. One day, he passed by a bird shop and found a parrot being auctioned inside.

Nautilus,

He decided to buy this parrot because its fur is beautiful, so he shouted, "I am willing to pay $65,438+00 for this parrot!" "

Then someone bid: "I am willing to pay 20 yuan dollars!" "

The bird lover didn't want to give the parrot away, so he called 30 yuan ... but another voice.

It was like fighting him until the bird lover called 200 yuan. ...

The man was happy to buy a parrot, but it suddenly occurred to him: I spent so much money on this parrot. If it

If I can't speak, won't I lose a lot?

So he went to ask the boss, "boss ... can you talk?"

Then he heard the parrot shout, "Can't talk? ! ? ! Who do you think was bidding to you just now? ! ? !

(5)

A bird dealer has three parrots. A customer came to have a look, pointed to the first parrot and asked the price.

"1000 yuan." The bird dealer said.

The customer asked in surprise, "Is it so expensive?"

"Of course, because it can use Windows."

"What about this?" The customer pointed to the second one.

"2000, because it can use UNIX"

"Oh, what about the third one?"

"3000。 Will it ...? " The bird dealer shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I don't know what it will be." He pointed to the front.

Two parrots, "but they all call it' CEO'."

(6)

A man was walking in the street and saw a businessman selling parrots. Seeing that the parrot was beautiful, he asked the businessman if the parrot could talk.

The businessman said, "Of course! Don't trust me. You hold its right foot. "

The man shook the parrot's right foot according to his words. Only the parrot clearly said, "Hello! Hello! "

The man was very happy. The businessman said, "Hold his left foot again."

The man shook the parrot's left foot as he spoke, only to hear the parrot clearly say, "Goodbye, goodbye ..."

This man is happier. He bought this parrot at once.

After returning home, I am in heaven. Touch the parrot's left foot for a while. Touch the parrot's right foot for a while.

The parrot also obediently said: Goodbye. Hello.

It suddenly occurred to him: What would it say if I put its feet together?

As soon as he grabbed the parrot's foot.

Only the parrot said loudly, "xxxx! You want to throw me to death!

(7)

A young man received a present on his birthday. That's a talking parrot.

But it was soon discovered that the parrot was foul-mouthed, very rude and had no manners at all.

He is determined to change parrots. Say polite words to it every day, teach it elegant vocabulary and play soft music, but

It's no use. This parrot is still full of foul language.

He shouted at the parrot angrily, and the parrot shouted at him even louder.

Once, he was so angry that he threw the parrot into the refrigerator. A few seconds later, he heard the parrot flapping its wings, shouting and cursing inside.

Scold.

Suddenly, it was quiet and there was no sound at all. Half a minute passed, but there was still no sound. He's worried that parrots will give

It's freezing. Open the refrigerator at once.

The parrot came out calmly, stood obediently on his arm and said in a very sincere tone, "I'm sorry I offended you."

You are angry. I have done something wrong before. I decided to repent and stop swearing. Please forgive me. "

Young people are surprised at the change of parrots. Before he could say anything, the parrot added:

"What did the chicken do wrong?"

(8)

When the big fool entered a country, he took a parrot.

The customs officer stopped him and said, "Sir! You have to pay taxes on this parrot. "

"How much should I pay?"

"Live 50 yuan, and the specimen is only 15 yuan!"

At this moment, I heard the parrot croak, "What a fool! Don't be stingy! "

(9)

One day, I had a whim and wanted to buy a talking bird to raise, so I went to a bird shop and watched it as soon as I came in.

When a parrot is lying in a cage, motionless, with one foot still hanging on the cage, just curious to ask the boss, look.

Stick a piece of paper outside the cage that says "I'm not sick", "My foot is not hurt" and "I'm not dead"

"I just like lying like this", so I thought this parrot had a lot of personality and bought it home. ....

For the next week, I taught this parrot to talk every day ... "Call Dad" and "Call Dad", but it didn't respond. It only sleeps once a day and remains the same after two or three weeks. This angered me, so I threw it into the chicken coop to vent my anger.

When I went to see it the next day, I saw a parrot holding a chicken and saying "call dad" and "call dad" ........

( 1 1)

A magician worked on a small cruise ship for a year or two.

In the past two years, he has the same program every night, and the audience likes him.

But because the audience often changes, there is no need for him to rush to learn new tricks.

However, after several years, the parrot sitting in the back row finally saw the flaw of the magician's trick after long-term observation.

Start exposing the magician's tricks in public.

For example, if a magician makes a bunch of flowers disappear, the parrot will shout "behind him!" Behind him! "

This made the magician fly into a rage, but he was helpless. The parrot belongs to the captain. He can't touch it.

One day, the ship leaked and sank.

The magician managed to swim to a board floating on the water and caught it. The parrot stood at the other end of the board.

The two of them stared at each other all the way without saying a word. So I drifted on the water for three days.

On the fourth morning, the parrot finally looked at the magician and said,

"Come on, I gave up. Where did you turn the boat? "