Pure national day joke, quick, quick, quick! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

0 1. A blind man rode a bike with a lame man. The lame man looked at the road and suddenly saw a deep ditch, exclaiming: Gougougou! The blind man turned around and sang: Ole Ole Ole! So they fell into the ditch!

I miss those days very much. You wriggled in front of me and walked down the country road with your head down. When the villagers saw you, they all praised you: Oh, it's so beautiful and clean! Also praised me: what a good boy, such a small grade came out to release pigs!

03. Another chance encounter. Your big watery eyes look at you with emotion. I tried to avoid your sight in panic, but you followed me. I know how you feel, so I ran over and shouted, Whose dog is not tied?

04. You were on TV, and I saw you. It's really eye-catching and photogenic. You look so handsome, so cute, so confident and so perfect in the advertisement. I told you, you can be a model in any advertisement for pig feed!

05. The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Does nobody know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said, that's because you are calm and naturally cool.

06. I have been by your side, worrying about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you will jump out of the pigsty.

07. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and you stood in the field, dressed in rags, with dark skin and tears in your eyes, saying, is it worth shelling to steal a cabbage?

08. An old man was staying at an old friend's house because his daughter-in-law was in labor. The friend asked why? Answer: "Don't mention it! My daughter-in-law gave birth to a child and squeezed me out. "

09. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention, but God has a little temper. You have to live bravely. Without you, who can foil the beauty of the world?

10. One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest. He stepped forward and said, I'm Liu Hongtao, and the foreign guest said, I'm Fang Qi!

1 1. Not every flower can represent love, but roses do; Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplar can; Not every pig can read text messages, but you did. Congratulations!

12. In the vast sea of people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please try your best to hit your head against the wall-see? Countless stars in front of you are my infinite concern!

13. I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was swept away by the waves; So I wrote your name in every corner of the street. .....................................................................................................................................................................

14. Dear users, your phone bill balance is less than 0. 1 yuan. Please pay the phone bill in the near future: selling children, women, rice, iron and blood, houses, land and wives. Thank you for your cooperation! China Telecom.

15. Don't be crazy with me! Easy to die! Don't pretend with me! Easy to get hurt! Beat you up! Nobody! No one-on-one hit! I'll beat you into Zhang Haidi! Or mummify you! Give you some face! Beat you to death

16. Because of thirst, God created water; Because of darkness, God created fire; Because I need friends, God sent you to me, so God lost that bucket of rice!

17. Are you lonely? If so, go downstairs and buy a rope and stick, tie the rope to the stick, and wave the stick on the roof when it is windy. People want to ask you: What are you doing? Just say: I'm crazy!

18. After the bell rings, the phone prompts a voice saying: The other party is streaking, please dial again later. I can't believe it! Dial again and say: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service area, please redial later.

19. When you smile, the wolf will hang himself. At the first call, the chicken flies and the dog jumps, and when it stops, the smell is pervasive. When sweating, lice are infested, and if you don't dress up, you are uglier than a ghost. As soon as you dress up, the ghost becomes paralyzed.

20. Standing under a tall building, I feel sad, my face is wet and it tastes a little salty. Is it rain or tears? Look up at the sky: Shit, who is peeing upstairs!

2 1. Four ideals of life: 1. Tile the Great Wall. 2. Set the equator with Phnom Penh. 3. Railing the Pacific Ocean. 4. Mount Everest with elevator.

22. Four ideals of life: 1. Put gloves on the flies. 2. Wear an anti-mosquito mask. 3. Put fetters on the mouse. 4. Educate cockroaches to wear condoms.

23. The sea is full of fucking water, spiders are full of fucking legs, and peppers are so fucking hot. I don't fucking regret knowing you. I wish you happiness and keep smiling every day!

24. If your eyes blink, I will die. If your eyes blink again, I will come back to life. Your eyes keep blinking, so I will die!

25. You are handsome, you are handsome, you are the most handsome in the world, with a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp on your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are a second-generation fool.

26. Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

27. Love is empty, and I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy without money to charge your mobile phone-everything is empty in short.

28. I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters 8 yuan. Do you think the machine is broken? Looking from the face, the screen shows 5 yuan, pig head!

29. A college student was mistakenly taken into a terrorist camp. The terrorist asked: Where are you from? Say it quickly, or I'll electrocute you. The student replied: I am a TV University ~ ~ ~

30. You and I are both one-winged angels. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. I came to this world to find you, and I went through a lot of hardships to find you: TMD! Our wings are on the same side!

3 1. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was startled and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard and said with a grimace, "It's so soft and confident!"!

32. There was a bean, which fell. It's discouraging and frustrating. This bean is me. What can encourage it to stand up? The answer is you! Because there is something called * pig encouragement bean *.

33. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. How to eat cucumber and watermelon to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.

34. Do you know why we are predestined friends? We knew each other as early as 1000 years ago. It was autumn, and you ran with me in the wind, leaving your teeth marks on me. This has become an eternal story. At that time, my name was Lv Dongbin.

Speaking of a bus driver, a passenger stuck his head out of the window, and the driver said, "Put your head back if you stick your head out. You can't keep your head down in such a big carriage. "

36. A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and suddenly ran over to ask it: I am a police dog. What are you? The ordinary dog took a disdainful look and said, idiot, look clearly, I am plain clothes!

37. I have a request: invite me to dinner. I hope you can satisfy me. Otherwise, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate. Invite me to have a good meal, or write: marriage, male or female, unlimited conditions.

38. The cannibal father and son hunted, and the son caught a thin man. His father said, let go, there is no meat! His son also caught a fat man, and his father said, let go, it's too tired! His son captured another beautiful woman, and his father said, take it home and eat your mother at night!

39. One day, we went to a wishing pool. I bent down and made a wish, and then threw a coin into the well. You wanted to make a wish, but when you bent down, you accidentally fell into the well. I was startled and muttered, How clever!

40. A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl, and the girl told the boy that if you kissed me, you would be responsible for me. The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old!

4 1. The monkey picks up a card. It wants to see what card it is, so it climbs to the branch to see it. At this moment, a flash of lightning hit it. The monkey cried and said that it was an IP card!

42. Zheng Xiding's daughter-in-law didn't see her husband, so she went to her father-in-law's house to find her. Seeing my father-in-law washing his face, he asked, Dad, where's Ding? Father-in-law is unhappy and continues to wash his face. The daughter-in-law was angry and asked, Dad, where is Zheng Xiding? Father-in-law is furious: wash your face!

43. A man and a woman must sleep in the same room at night. The woman drew a line to warn the man that it was an animal that crossed the line! The next day, the woman found that the man really didn't cross the line and immediately slapped the man: I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal!

44. A large number of people in the street are buying "welfare lottery tickets" and drawing lottery tickets on the spot. Anyone with animal designs is a winner. The bigger the animal on the design, the bigger the prize, and the more valuable the prize. After someone opened one carefully, he couldn't help laughing when he saw that he had won the first prize. He shouted, "I am a donkey! I am a donkey! ! A man next to him repeatedly chanted and said angrily, "What are you yelling at? As long as it is an animal, there will be prizes! "

45. One day, I took my two-year-old son home from kindergarten. The child is bored sitting in the back seat of a bicycle. I said, "Hey, son, let me make a word. Can you make a sentence for my father? " "Yes, you go," he said. "Delicious," I said. "What a sweet fart!" He blurted out after my voice?

46. When my uncle came home to be a guest, Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys." My mother immediately shouted angrily, "What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here, what zoo are you going to! "

47. One day after school, a little boy asked his mother, "Mom, where am I from?" Mother thinks this question is not easy to answer, but she should take this opportunity to educate her children, taking cats and dogs as examples, and seriously talk about the reproductive process. After listening to this, the son said in a daze, "How did this happen? My classmate said that he is from Shanxi. "

48. A family of three moved into a new house. Seeing that her husband and son don't pay much attention to hygiene, the wife wrote a slogan at home: "Everyone is responsible for paying attention to hygiene." The son came home from school and saw the slogan. He took out his pen and changed it to: "Pay attention to hygiene, adults are responsible." The next day, my husband saw it and took out a pen to change the slogan: "Pay attention to hygiene, and my wife is responsible."

49. The farmer keeps a pig and feeds it with chaff every day. The Animal Protection Association found out that the fine was 6,543,800 yuan. Farmers changed to feed orchids and roses, and as a result, they were fined 654.38 million yuan by the Plant Protection Association. One day, someone came to inspect and asked him what to feed the pigs. The farmer said: I don't know what to feed. I give it 100 every day and let it go out to eat by itself.

I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."