Dude, you are a good lobster.

I once went to the station to meet the account manager, but I was surprised to find that I also brought a beautiful woman. The beautiful woman dragged a suitcase behind the manager. The account manager introduced: This is Xiao Zhang, the financial manager. Chatting all the way to the hotel, I decisively opened a large suite, and no one objected! On the way back, the driver said, "Boss, you should open two rooms. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if you made a mistake?" Me: "Stupid, two people on a business trip and one suitcase, how can that be wrong?"

Last year, I tattooed a scorpion on my back, and gained 4 Jin a year later. Now, everyone sees my tattoo and says, "Dude, you're a good lobster."

My colleague's husband had a car accident, so I called his wife. His wife was there, took a photo of him, and sent it to Weibo. "My husband had a car accident, and he was so distressed.

My little cousin once came to my house to ask for help:" Cousin, I met several perverts on my way to study, can you pick me up from school? " Thinking of my aunt's kindness to me, I agreed without hesitation! That night, a handsome young man came face to face, and his cousin shouted, "That's him!" " I stepped forward and held it down, just about to start work. She stopped her and said to the young man, "This is my cousin, a karate master. You can't leave without my letter today ..."

Don't shake the tin foil in your hand, the flame will follow the grain, and you will stop when I knock on the table, so you can be a fairy! ! ! Does everyone know what this is about?

Dad: "Daughter, I heard that you have a boyfriend. What does he do?" Daughter: "Like you, a boss." Dad: "How old is he this year?" Daughter: "52 years old." Dad: "No, I'm two years older than me at this age." Daughter: "Never mind, Dad, isn't your girlfriend two years younger than me?" "

When I was cooking in the canteen at noon, I pointed to the egg and said, "I want this vegetarian dish." Aunt in the canteen: "Eggs are meat dishes." Me: "Why?" Aunt: "Everything related to animals is meat dishes."

One day when I was at school, I went to the Internet cafe and lost track of the time. I got home after eight o'clock. I was thinking about how to lie to my parents when I entered the door. Suddenly I heard my parents talking to someone in the house, thinking that someone at home should not hit me. Open the door and look, lie down! The head teacher's home visit ......

When I went to the company's finance department to get my salary, I saw that they were all calculating with calculators. Out of courtesy, I asked, "What are you?" As a result, a man jumped up and slapped me and told me to roll

Some people say that walking and playing with a mobile phone is easy to cause an accident, and lying in the trough scared me to start running and playing.

I had some problems with my roommate and had a few quarrels. As a result, my husband and brother came to me and asked me why? What's there to argue about? I'm told that I'm too lenient. Originally, I didn't want to pay attention to him. It was a trivial matter. After listening to this sentence, I lost my temper. What do you mean by listening to others? Is what others say authoritative? Such a brainless person. . . You arrived by courier, cash on delivery.

The boy got stuck in the bicycle chain and cried with pain. His mother was so distressed that tears were streaming down her face. The fireman's uncle came, took out his pliers and began to cut the chain. The little boy's cry didn't weaken at all: Uncle, don't cut it, it hurts! The fireman comforted the boy: the baby is a man, be strong and don't cry. Cut the chain and your hand will come out. It doesn't hurt. The boy sobbed and said: But, but, uncle, the chain will hurt. < P > One day, my friend took a nap. Suddenly received a phone call, a strange man said: "Are you Xiao Fang?" "Yes" "Do you live at No.28 Huiyuan Road? Is your money ready? " "Yes, what's the matter?" She was very scared and asked, How do you know? The man said angrily, "You arrived by express delivery, cash on delivery!" "

"You came last again!" The math teacher slapped the pointer, and she looked out of the window and was silent. "As far as you are concerned, how can you get into college in the future? How to find a job? Who will marry you? " "Sou-"A pen knocked on the platform beside the teacher, and the man in the first grade got up slowly and looked at the teacher with a straight face: "My wife, I raise it."

when I was seventeen or eighteen, I was forced by my life to collect some midnight tolls with some friends. The time and place were all chosen. Suddenly, a friend said, Brother, please keep an eye out for us! When I was puzzled, I asked: Why? Answer: You look like a good man. It's not appropriate to do this. So the landlord watched them being taken to the car by the patrol.

As a park security guard, my daily job is to ensure the safety in the park and stop some uncivilized behaviors by the way. Yesterday evening, I was patrolling when I found a girl walking into a small forest. I was afraid that she was in danger, so I followed her and found that she was urinating everywhere. So I quickly stopped it. At first, she was a little unconvinced. After more than half an hour of verbal warfare, she finally admitted her mistake, put on her pants and left. I am a security guard, and I am proud. . .

I was walking with my buddy once, and he was near the building. Suddenly, a pot of water spilled all over him. He looked up and cursed, who the fuck is so incompetent ... I haven't finished yet ... Another pot ... The buddy made a determined effort and said, Damn it, he fought with Ya and rushed into the building ... Soon the buddy came out, and I asked what happened? He said that the paralytic elevator is broken, it seems to be the 16th floor, and it's boring to climb it. It's definitely not going to work, so forget it.

I used to go to school outside, and my sister would take me to her house every Sunday ... Every time my brother-in-law saw me, he would say that the robbers had come again, because every time I left, I would sweep away all the milk powder and delicious food from her house, including Laoganma and pickles!

My sister invited me to dinner and told me to go to the restaurant four hours in advance to help her get the number first. I thought this restaurant was so delicious that so many diners had to get the table four hours in advance. I thought this sister was so thoughtful. Nima … When I went to the restaurant, I found that it was the last day of the restaurant holiday coupon! I just want to say sister … we can do a lot of things in four hours! I'll treat you to dinner!

When I was a child, I magnified firecrackers and liked to blow up cigarette cases and plastic bottles. On a whim, I threw one into the cesspit of the public toilet. There was a loud noise, and an uncle rushed out of it without mentioning his pants. He flew into a rage and grabbed me. He looked at me for a while without hitting me. He just pushed me to the ground and said, "Boy, if I hadn't seen you being blown up all over your face, I would have cut you to death today. < P > I drove a golden cup to deliver the goods. The road was not easy and I was in a bad mood. On the way back, a Mercedes-Benz kept chasing me and honking its horn. I thought to myself: Grass mud horse, the Mercedes-Benz you drive is awesome, so I won't let you overtake! After passing three intersections, Mercedes-Benz caught up, and the buddy shouted to me: Brother, you dropped your spare tire! Me: ........................

I liked the school beauty in high school. So I wrote a love letter and confessed to him. However, the school bearer also likes her, so I was bullied for three years, and I was moved by the school beauty during the three years. Today, we are getting married, and the rogue who bullied me is also present with his wife. Later, I learned that the rascal who bullied for three years was my wife's own brother. This is very sexy! Very sweet and provocative short sentence, you have lived in my heart

☆, too many people have too many stories, too many people have too much sadness, too many days have too many ups and downs, this is the so-called life.

Listen to me, men. We women are not like toys, we can play and throw away when we want. We are not toys. When we chase after us, we call them babies, and when we catch them, we will abandon them. Hehe, remember that we women are not easy to mess with.

☆ Sometimes people are like this. Is there love in this society? You love her, and she loves others. This is love. People are sweet. ! ! !

☆, I don't even know who the person I love is, maybe I haven't met the right one!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆; After a while, it passed; So, we became a man with a story.

☆, how much true love can go on in the world? How many true loves die at the wrong door? How many true loves have died of ridiculous eight-character incompatibility? How much true love died when both sides didn't have the courage to say it How much true love died of money? How many true loves died at the hands of parents?

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆973 The real lyrics, ordinary singing methods, have been excavated. Nowadays, young people's minds, feelings of mistakes, superiority, a rain, a phone call, and flowers have misunderstood young people's hearts.

☆, in fact, to talk about men's bad here, you have to think about whether you did something bad there, why you were good to you before, and then you changed. There must be something you did wrong. Think more about each other's good, so maybe it will be better.

☆, love, what is it! In this world, you can only rely on yourself, there is no such thing as love! !

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆973 But I don't know. Who are you? Ha ha. I hope you are happy.

☆, she really loves you more than I do! You have deleted everything from me, and I am still like a fool. There is no reason to break up.

☆ The best is always what you think, and what you think is often not suitable for you.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆973 Pig head, as long as you are happy, it is enough. I will always miss you, and I will live alone!

☆, a man who once loved most, we finally missed each other. I still hope that his current family can live a better life!

☆, some people are reluctant to give up, I think he is not for one person but for some benefits, because doing things makes people feel chilling. Disappointed. My buddy's graduation message

At school, there are some people we can call our buddies. Let's see what messages my buddies have when graduation is coming:

On that summer vacation night, after the stroke of twelve o'clock, we had a heated discussion about Haizi .........................................................................................

I will always think of you when I am absent.

There are thousands of words on my mind, and there are still a few words to finish-

Your free and easy figure in front of the table tennis table; Your flexible and witty figure on the softball field; There are also scenes of burning the midnight oil to study for the postgraduate entrance examination, and ......

The only time in four years that I felt generous when I gave you * *. But I have to leave at last. I sincerely hope that my sister-in-law can tidy you up more smartly, and don't always be slovenly.

when we meet tomorrow, will you be well dressed and comfortable!

I hope you can always remember me!

Being your home makes me feel ashamed and angry when I first arrived ...

Although wandering is very bitter, the journey is full of ups and downs, loneliness is not a siege, but man, I appreciate this name, which represents a kind of freedom and a romance. The scenery is always different when browsing. Every bunch of beautiful mountain flowers in sandals, you will meet her. Then weave a wreath and you will win your heart!

You and I are like-minded. When we play around, we always laugh. It can be said that you are so proficient in English history, and I am still struggling on the border. What about you, from ruin? Damn it!

I envy your talent most among my classmates. I give you such generosity by being eccentric to God at regular intervals. Take good care of yourself and you will succeed (love, career).