Adult Jokes

1. Bajie, don’t think that you are a night pig standing under the street lamp.

2. Whenever I miss a girl, I will put a brick on the mountain, so, This world has the Great Wall.

3. When the results of the college entrance examination came out, the teacher took a deep breath and said to me: Actually, not passing the exam is a blessing to you and the university.

4. Please don't ask him to use his brain - the left brain is full of water, the right brain is full of flour. If he doesn't move, it's all paste.

5. Lao Tzu can help you solve problems that Confucius cannot solve.

6. There is no wall that is airtight, and there is no beam that cannot be hung.

7. I lost my footing and became a big cripple. When I looked back, I slipped again.

8. I don’t like tidying up the room. They all call me the messy room hero.

Hope is like fire, disappointment is like smoke, life is like igniting fire in seven places and smoking in eight places...

You said you would wait for me to come back, and you did wait, and you even found me. Wait alone.

A celebrity is a person who others don’t know who he is before he becomes famous, and he doesn’t know who he is after he becomes famous.

It suddenly started to snow in my world, my God! Please stop brushing your hair next to me.

I like to make friends, especially girlfriends.

A fool sits and waits for death, while a wise man sits and waits for coins.

A fat man actually claimed that he was not a rough man.

I really envy you for knowing me at such a young age.

1. One day your name will appear in my household registration book!

2. Think about the salary comparison, forget it, I don’t want to live anymore.

3. After living for more than 20 years, I have been unable to do anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about this, I feel heartbroken.

4. I fought against fat and almost lost my life

5. Life is all about being born and living~~

6. No matter how ugly you are, To talk about love, talk about the world being full of love.

7. The boat hit the bridge and sank naturally~~

8. When you put on the wedding dress, I also put on the cassock~~

9. I followed Jesus prayed for a solid and stable life. He thought for a while and said, let’s talk about world peace first...

10. If you love me, say it out loud! If you hate me, just hide it in your heart all your life. Keep it in mind!

11. Do all the bad things you can do while you are young, there are only a few years left.

12. I planted a bunch of girlfriends in the spring, but now that autumn is here, no harvest~~

13. You once told me that you would love me forever. I understand love, but what is it forever?

14. Seven-year-old boys are the most terrifying creatures on earth. They have curiosity, mobility, destructive power and "protection of minors". **》

15. The most valuable thing is that people keep their word - I won’t pay back the money if I say it!

16. Summer is not good, and when you are poor, even the northwest There is no wind to drink. Fortunately, it is autumn now.

17. Although I believe in eachother, I may not believe in you~~

18. Anything I can’t let go must be because I can’t have it~~

< p> 19. Special people never say they are special, such as me.

20. I only know two things in my life: 1. Neither this nor 2. Neither that

21. **Not comfortable, not comfortable**~~

22. I know that there are always banquets in the world, but at least I want to have a good time at the banquet! Provided by Joke House

23. Explanation is concealment, and concealment is telling stories~~

24. People can’t get along with each other just by being polite!

25. Whenever I’m in trouble, I recite the Tibetan Sutra: “Oh mani moo ma coax”, translated as English is: All money go my home!

26. Kindness means that when others are hungry, I eat meat without bia ji mouth~~

27. I once wanted to be a problem As a young man, I have lived according to the rules for so many years.

1. I had a dream last night. I dreamed that Taibai Venus told me a lot of secrets! It turns out that we were both gods five hundred years ago. I cried, I remembered it all! Xiaotian, I am Erlang! Do you still remember me, Xiaotian! How have you been these past few hundred years?

2. Don’t be crazy with me, my eldest brother Qin Shihuang! Don't pretend to me, I'm behind the Party Central Committee. If you don't believe me, you won't admit defeat. Bin Laden is my uncle. He bombed first and then poisoned you. If you still refuse to accept it, the household registration policeman is my aunt and will change your household registration to a pig!

3. I *** love you so much, but you *** ignore me; I *** discharge my electricity to you, and you *** pretend not to see it; I *** prepare to jump off the building, and you *** *** Only then are you willing to look back; if you *** change your mind, my *** will just land!

4. When the shooting star falls in love with the earth, he does not hesitate to fall, just for that moment of closeness; when the cloud falls in love with the running water, he does not hesitate to fall, just to relieve his lovesickness; when I think of you, I do not hesitate to spend a dime, just to advance in advance. Let me tell you: Happy Children’s Day, little p!

5. You are dragging a pig shopping, looking very happy. I passed by and said with sympathy: "The quality of a person depends on who he is with." Before I finished speaking, I saw the pig abandoning you with disdain.

6. In Japanese, are you a pig? If you answer no, you will be flattened - dishonest! The next day, I asked you if you were a pig. Your answer was yes, and you were beaten - not modest! On the third day, I asked you if you were a pig, but you didn’t say anything, and you were flattened - even if you were a pig, you were dragged like this! ! !

7. If you still have money left at the end of the month, please read this tongue twister after me: Level 1 Difficulty: Talk nonsense to use money. Level 2 difficulty: The phone bill will evaporate. Level 3 Difficulty: Play nonsense and use up your phone bills!

8. College students = eating + sleeping + falling in love. Pigs = eating + sleeping. Therefore, college students = pigs + falling in love. From the above, college students - falling in love = pigs, that is, college students who do not fall in love are pigs.

9. The heaven is affectionate, the earth is affectionate, I am the affectionate one waiting for you. I can't sleep alone and miss you: love you + miss you + hope for you + miss you + wait for you = I can't live without you, the one I love is you---Xizhilang cici jelly!

10. God, bless me, bless those who forget me, don’t contact me, don’t call me, don’t send me text messages, don’t miss me, don’t miss me. Drop your cell phone into the toilet. Amen! By the way, rinse it with water!

11. It rains in every city, just like I miss you wherever I go. Missing is a kind of fruit, sweet and sour, abundant in the night, full of memories and uncertainty. I miss you so much that I want to crush you to death~~~

12. What’s going on? I called your cell phone just now. After the ringtone rang, the prompt sounded: The user is eating grass, please do not disturb! I couldn’t believe it, so I called again and said: The user you called has been sent to the slaughterhouse, please share it later! Nothing happened to you? !

13. The sky without you / is not blue / the days without you / upset / life without you / is really difficult / when can I really have you / my dearest. . . . . . Stop being beautiful, it’s not you, it’s the money!

14. If your ears are itchy, it means that someone misses you; if your eyes are itchy, it means that someone wants to see you; if your lips are itchy, it means that someone wants to kiss you; if your body It's itchy. . . . Stop thinking nonsense, it’s time to take a shower! ! !

15. I saw you that day. You were sitting in the sun, feeling so uncomfortable. I asked you what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: "Keep your voice down, no one will call me an idiot when I get tanned!

16. Cupid's legend: An arrow piercing the heart means love at first sight, and two people will love each other at first sight. The arrow pierces the heart, and the three arrows represent luck. . I will send you all the arrows.

Sister Nisi. Sangzui material is connected to Wodiyin, Wosisi sister Sangzuixi is exchanged for Nidiyin, oil is inversely carried by Senwojiu, and the inverse part is carried by Wosenwojiu in Nanguo. Wotiantian is left and Mengmeng Island is inversely short. Sang Shule. Wow, love!

18. Do you know? I dreamed of you again last night. We were leaning against each other, and you looked at me. , I looked at you. Suddenly, you raised your head and said three words to me affectionately: "Woof, woof, woof!" ”

19. I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky was so blue and the water was so clear. You were so cute swimming in the sea, and I poked your back with the small branch on the shore: yo , this little bastard is quite tough!

20. I am a green onion, who dares to use me to dip it in the sauce?

K His ancestors overcame difficulties and crossed the North. I drank water behind the toilet, ran over my legs on the train track, and even kissed a piglet. You name it, I kissed you anyway!

21. One day you win a prize and fly for free. Sad: Plane crash. Hi: There is a parachute. Sad: Can't open. Hi: There are haystacks on the ground. Sad: There is an iron fork on it. Hi: Didn't fall on the fork. Sadness: It didn’t even fall on the haystack. . .

22. Hey! Last night I dreamed of you swimming in the water. When I saw that I was so anxious, I shouted to you to come up quickly. I didn't expect that you ignored me and actually raised your head and glared at me: "Why are you shouting? Have you never heard that dead pigs are not afraid of being scalded by boiling water?"

23. Could it be that you are the little novice adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple who was unparalleled in swordsmanship and martial arts at Mount Huashan back then? The cockroach Xiaoqiang once rolled over was crushed by Wangcai, his imbecile pet dog. A turd ball?

24. Melatonin said that if you want to skip classes today, you can skip professional classes. Hui Renbao said that if he ran away, I would run away. Dabao said, did you escape today? Hao Di said that if everyone ran away, they would really run away. Colgate says our goal is that no one comes to class!

25. Tianjin version: "Ni Jie Si rushes to the machi?" "Sang Fa Yuan Da Guan Si Qi!" "Four yuan high is four preparations high?" "Yuan Gao!" "Yuan Gao , So awesome!” “It’s awesome! I’ve been blocked!”

26. The three most popular words during the Iraq War: peace, war, found. Read three words together and read them aloud three times, and you will solve a historical mystery.

27. If autumn goes away, I will wait for you on the snow. If the world goes away, I will love you in heaven. If you go away, I will miss you in tears. . . If I leave. . . . . . The feed is in the trough, don’t starve yourself!

28. Not every flower can represent love, but roses can. Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplars can. Not every pig can receive text messages. But you did it!

29. I 10 can't stand it anymore. I miss you so much. I want to see you every day. Leave it to me. I will never let you down and let you stay by my side forever. 5 I love you to the point that I will never be half-hearted. I swear I will only raise one little piglet for you!

30. Being ignored? Being bullied? No one loves you? It doesn't matter! Even if no one in this world loves you, cares about you, or values ??you! My door is still open for you! Chengdu Mental Hospital gives you a five-star home!

31. When I miss you, I can’t sleep alone. When I love you, I have a lot of thoughts. I am lonely in the days without you. I would like to turn into a lovesick bird and fly through thousands of mountains and rivers. Shit a bunch of shit on your head, yeah!

32. Missing is like chocolate, bitter! Sweet! I dare not miss you! I'm afraid I'll miss you! I dare not say that I miss you, for fear of missing you even more! Actually, I really, really miss you so much that I turned into a pig!

33. These may be the last few days I send you text messages. I am hesitating whether to tell you that I am going to Japan and the procedures have been completed. I won't forget you, really. I have bird flu, so I am being infected by the party. . .

34. When the devil is banging on the glass in front of your window, the toad is getting into your bed, the poisonous snake is swaying above your head, and the earthworm is on you