The most classic joke in history

1, my wife asked me, Why did you marry me in the first place?

I smiled. Harm the people. ?

2. In high school, a classmate talked about the situation in the Middle East in a chat and suddenly picked up a sentence: Hussein, the monkey country of Jordan. burst into laughter

3. There are ducks screaming in the street? Collecting duck feathers? Chatting with acquaintances. Speaking of an acquaintance who caught a cold, he shouted? Caught a cold? .

4. The most classic thing is that once I watched Tao talk about his anecdote when he was the host. He never said that the opening ceremony was a curtain call ... What impressed me most was that he said that once he hosted a party, he calmly walked up and said affectionately: Friends, have you seen the Yellow River? Do you know it is our mother river? After introducing the Yellow River affectionately, he said: Let's listen to Song of the Yangtze River.

I remember I went for an outing with my colleagues. My colleague got married, and then we had a barbecue. Colleague shouted to her husband: honey, peel this onion ~ ~ I don't know if it's too exciting or something ... The result is: old onion ~ ~ you peel this male ~ ~

6. I remember when I was in junior high school, I had a class about the Great Northern Wilderness. The teacher asked us to read the text. Is there a sentence? Hunting roe deer for fish, pheasant flying into rice cooker? . I accidentally let it slip when I was reading the text at the same table. Did I read it? Hunting roe deer for fish, pheasant flying to bed? I almost fainted from laughing, but she didn't realize it yet and asked me seriously what happened.

7. I:? Master, help me figure out when I can get rich. ? Master:? When you are 89 years old, you will get everything you want. ? Me:? Master, is this really the case? The master smiled and said, Yes, you can burn whatever you want. Ammonia water.

When I was a cashier, a woman once took a pack of sanitary napkins to pay the bill. After checking out, I originally wanted to say: Please walk slowly? The result was accidentally said? Please enjoy yourself.

9. I went to the hospital to check that I was really pregnant. I came out and called my husband happily.

Me: Honey, I'm pregnant.

Husband: Say whatever you want to eat. Don't cheat on eating and drinking here.

10 There was a couple who liked durian very much, but they were afraid to smoke durian for their five-year-old son, so they hid in the kitchen to eat durian. At this time, the five-year-old son pushed open the door and shouted, well, you are eating shit behind my back.

1 1. My friend shopped online, but the goods were not delivered for five days. I contacted customer service in a rage. You have no credibility! It's been five days and it hasn't been delivered yet! ! I want to complain to you! ! ! ? Customer service busy reply:? Please wait a moment, dear. I'll check the transaction records. ? After a few minutes, the customer service attitude is still kind: dear, the original delivery place is written with your email address! Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. ?

12, married for many years, slept until midnight.

The husband suddenly turned around, hugged his wife tightly and said, wife, this life is too short.

Hearing her husband's words, my wife woke up and was moved to tears.

My husband went on to say, I can't even cover my fucking feet.

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