Jokes

1 The principal and English teacher visited a middle school in France. The principal spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated.

Principal: "Dear teachers and classmates!"

English teacher: "ladies and gentlemen!"

Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!" ! ”

English teacher-_-! After thinking for a while, he said: "Good morning!"

Principal: "Good morning!"

English teacher:... ==" Khan

2 said there is a A polar bear, because the snow was too harsh, he had to wear sunglasses to see. But he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he closed his eyes and crawled around on the ground to look for it, crawling and crawling until his hands and feet were dirty. Only then did I find my sunglasses. After putting on my sunglasses and looking in the mirror, I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda

3 A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze, and it started to get bored. He plucked out his own hair to play with, one, two, three, and finally there was no hair left, and then he died of cold.

4 Once upon a time, there was a bird, and he would pass by a cornfield every day. , but unfortunately, there was a fire in the corn field one day, and all the corn turned into popcorn!!! After the bird flew over...it thought it was snowing, and it died of cold.

5 Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hair style and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying, he flew up.

6 The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. The spider asked: Why? The butterfly said: My mother said, all day long. People on the Internet are not good people.

7 On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana in front suddenly felt very hot. He said, "It's so hot. I need to take off my clothes." As a result, he peeled off the skin and fell down. Then the undressed banana turned into a dried banana~

8 One day, the three explorers finally found it. To the "Valley of Hope", legend has it that as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to give it a try. .

The first one was a pervert, so he yelled "Woman!" woman! "If he jumped down, there would be a lot of beauties waiting for him.

The second one was a nerd and shouted "Books, books, books, books!" "Then, I jumped into the valley and got a lot of books.

The third one was an indecisive person. After thinking about it, he couldn't decide what he loved best. After an hour, he finally decided He made up his mind and felt that banknotes were the most useful, so he walked towards the edge of the valley and accidentally kicked a stone. He cursed "shit!" "Unexpectedly, his center of gravity was unstable and he fell down the valley.

9 Xiao Ming has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night

Xiao Ming's mother asked worriedly: "I have read all the books. Are you done? There’s a test tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied cheerfully: Mom, I’ve finished reading.

Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: “Good boy, you will definitely pass the test tomorrow.” It's very good

Xiao Ming cried and said, "Mom, I see, it's over."

10 The panda loved Xiaolu very much, but he was frustrated when he expressed his love. To refuse. Panda yelled~Why? Why is all this happening? Xiaolu said timidly: My mother said that those who wear sunglasses are bad boys.

One day Xiao Ming was walking on the road! My feet suddenly felt sore while walking! Why is this happening? Because Xiao Ming stepped on a lemon!

Which of the 12 Chinese characters is the coolest? T-shirt (cool)

" Say to "coin": Son. When you put on your doctorate hat, your worth will be a hundred times greater.

"Chi" said to "Jin": Sister, the results are out. You are pregnant with twins.

"Chen" said to "Ju": The area is the same as yours. I have three bedrooms and two living rooms.

13One day, a university teacher asked a student, there are ten birds in the tree, if one is shot and killed, how many are left?

The student asked: Is it a silent pistol? Wasn't the gunshot loud? 80-100 decibels. Is it illegal to hunt birds in this city? Don't commit. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: "Just tell me how many birds are left, okay? Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Are there any that are locked in a cage and hung on the tree? No." Are there other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the trees? If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a baby in the belly? Are there any flowers in the bird's eyes? Ten. The teacher was already sweating, and the bell rang, but the student continued to ask: Are there any birds that are so stupid that they are afraid of death? Can the student be confident? Say: If your answer is not deceptive, "If the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall off, then there is only one bird left; if it falls off, there is no bird left." The teacher immediately foamed at the mouth and fell to the ground!

One day on 14th, someone passed the intersection and discovered something super scary. He found that Kakashi and Sun Wukong were actually laughing!

15 A long time ago, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Hahaha, a female ghost farted and died.

16 A female alien who was engaged in biological research came to the earth. After walking around, she felt that human genes had a lot to learn from, so she captured a man and wanted to have sex with him. The textual information on human genes was brought back together. But the spacecraft was too small to take him away, and the data was too huge to be taken away at once. When she was anxious, the computer help system of the spacecraft said: "This man has a small stick on his body that can solve all your problems..." Then she suddenly realized it, smiled and said to the man with saliva: "... . . . Give me the USB drive!”

17 There was a boy who was crossing the road and was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body and said, "It turns out that I am stuffed with red bean paste, not meat." "It's stuffing"

18 Brother, stop touching it! If you touch the top and bottom, the hair will fall off. Such tender skin will bleed when you touch it! How do you want me to sell it in the future? These peaches are all fresh, just forget it if you don’t want to buy them!

19 Once upon a time there was a little lamb. One day he went out to play and met a big bad wolf. The big bad wolf said: I will eat you! ! ! The lamb was shocked! Guess what happened? As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.

20 Once upon a time there was a swordsman, he was very cold, his heart was very cold, his sword was very cold, and finally he died of coldness

21 Once upon a time there was a tiger chasing a deer on the road! The deer was frightened, so he ran faster and faster, and finally it turned into a highway

22 There was a tomato that was hit by a stone and smashed, and another tomato fell to pieces again, and it also broke. There was one tomato, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, countless tomatoes smashed to pieces, and the last tomato also fell, tap, tap, tap! Ketchup!

23 The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf effortlessly destroyed the thatched house, the wooden house, and the brick house. The three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but they were still caught up by the big bad wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, "It's up to you." We give up, do whatever you want.

At this time, the big bad wolf smiled evilly and said with saliva: Then tell me where is Little Red Riding Hood?

25 The elephant was defecating in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help singing: Yalasuo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

26 When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the train will remind you: Wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you play tuba by the river without any paper, don't worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

On 27, two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in a remote mountainous area. When they took a 15 yuan note and bought 1 yuan candied haws, it was good. They cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

28 Someone’s newly installed phone happened to be returned from a movie theater, so people often called to ask about the movies being shown. At first, he always explained nicely that the phone no longer belonged to the movie theater. Now It's already his, please don't call again. As time goes by, he feels annoyed, so when he receives such calls, he simply says: "You dialed the wrong number!" This also saves some saliva. One day, a familiar voice came from the other party: "Excuse me, what movie is showing now?" He said as usual: "You made the wrong number!" After a while of silence, the other party replied: "Is it a domestic film or a foreign film?

29 A man climbed out of the school and was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why didn't you go through the school gate? The principal replied: Metersbonwe, don't take the ordinary way. The principal asked again: How did you climb over such a high wall? Huh? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible.

The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, "Xtep, it feels like flying." He entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked: Why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster uniform, and the principal said: You can wear whatever you want. On the 4th day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said, "Man, just keep it simple. I will give you a serious offense." The principal said, "Why?" , M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory

Life at 30 is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4,000 yuan from me and said he wanted to have plastic surgery, but now he doesn’t have it at all. I know what he has become, Oh 4000 yuan.

31 Note to robbers: Our staff only understand Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. It is best to bring a translator. Thank you!

32 Are you blind? You can’t see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head!

33 I think I should lose weight. I donated blood last time.

34 Tourist: Master, is the thatched house over there a toilet? Monk: Except for that thatched house, the rest of the place is a toilet.

35’s hair is gone, and the dandruff is even better!

36 Shit and piss are good brothers. One day Shit was hit by a car while crossing the road, and piss said: I I really want to poop...

37 Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss training class, and they asked me to wear loose clothes during training. Isn't that reasonable? If there are loose clothes, why should I sign up?

38 My wife and I have not spoken for 18 months, and I have no chance to interrupt her.

39 Thief A: How much money did you rob today? : No, you’ll find out by reading the newspaper tomorrow.

40 Standing taller means peeing further

41 Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42 Wear other people's shoes, walk your own way, and let them find it.

43 Late one night, a young woman was passing by a mental hospital when she heard a "wow" sound from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so frightened that she ran away, and the man behind her was chasing her. No, there was a dead end ahead. The woman was desperate, and she knelt on the ground and cried and begged: "You can do whatever you want, I just ask you not to kill me. The man smiled slyly and said, "Really?" Then now you start chasing me.

”

44 At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy: Xinjiang singing and dancing, lift your skull! The whole place was silent and creepy!!! Cold~~~

45 If a tiger doesn't send a cat, you think I'm critically ill!

46 A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then he said a cold saying: If you drink too much, you will have too much wine.

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47 and my sister went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?" ”

48 Some time ago, someone came to my aunt’s house as a guest. I just walked in. My aunt happened to have to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said, “Sit down, sit down, I’ll go to the toilet and pour you some tea.” drink! ”

When I was 49 in college, a classmate and I were arguing about an issue. We were at a disadvantage for a moment. In desperation, he slammed the table and stood up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid! I spit on your face

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When I was 50, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream on a bicycle. Once, I heard an aunt in the house shouting: New ice cream, hot. (I guess the aunt used to sell fried cakes and dough sticks)

51 When my colleague was arguing with someone, he got anxious and said, “Do you think I grew up eating? "I've always wondered what he ate when he grew up."

52 Once when I asked for a song at a KTV, a girl shouted loudly: Please order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jielu.

One day in the 53 forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit ran from a distance. Seeing all this, he came over and said: Fox, fox, how can you smoke marijuana? It is not good for the body. Okay, look, the air is so fresh, come and run with me. The fox thought it was right, so he ran with the little rabbit. As they ran, they saw the elephant taking heroin. The little rabbit ran over and said to the elephant: Elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look. The air is so fresh, come run with me. The elephant was right, just the two of them were running together. While running, I saw the lion rolling up his sleeves and about to inject heroin. The little rabbit shouted to the lion from a distance: "Lion, lion, taking drugs is not good for your health. Look at how fresh the air is. Come run with me." The lion put down the syringe and rushed over, giving the little rabbit a slap in the face. The elephant tremblingly said to the lion: "Why did you hit the little rabbit? He didn't want us to hurt our bodies! How nice!" The lion said: Ever since the rabbit took ecstasy, he asked me to run with him every day!

In the summer of 54, a giraffe met a rabbit. She proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: Ah, little rabbit, do you know how nice it is to have a long neck? Do you know how fresh and sweet those top leaves are? Do you know what it feels like to drink water in the summer? The refreshing water slowly passed through her neck. Rabbit glanced at her and only said: "Have you tried vomiting?"

55 Once my brother hit me, and I got a bruise on my head. Bag. Later, my brother wanted to pack stuff and couldn't find the bag, so he took the bag on my head to hold the stuff.

56 Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who played ball for a long time. He said: I am so tired. I feel like my whole body has softened.

57 Once upon a time there were two snowmen. One said: I am so cold. The other said: I am also very cold. The other said: Let us hug each other, so they hugged each other. together. Guess what happened next? Then they were freezing to death.

58 When I was a kid, I was dishonest about eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: Sixty years of hard work, no food, and I never throw away the boogers I picked out

59 There was a rich man looking for a servant. The interview topic was to go to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands after using the toilet. The rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. But there was One day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today."

60 A man saw a big sale in a store and left. Go in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him and there was nothing he could do, so the man had to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought the dog food.

A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food and said, "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson, and the man spent another long time with her, but the result was still no result. I bought cat food without going home and bringing the cat with me. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it. He asked the salesperson, "What are you buying?" "You'll know when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in and said, "What is it?" "Yeah, it's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper." 61 A man went to visit his grandmother with his friends. While he was talking to his grandma, his friend started eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finished them all. As they were leaving, his friend said to grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts," and grandma responded, "Oh! Yeah. ! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck the outer layer of chocolate.

Some people like the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot". One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again, but the waiter told him that this dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. "Sir, it is really sold out." You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at the table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman had almost eaten his meal, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man He felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed at the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he was halfway through the meal. Suddenly he found a very small but full-furred one lying at the bottom of the casserole. The little mouse felt disgusted and vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was turning his stomach, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" It's the same..."

On the day of 63, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Can I give you a toothpick, boss?" "The boss sent him away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for toothpicks. The boss thought to himself, why did the beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He also sent him away, not too old, and again A beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said: "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat, and now only the soup is left." Can you give me a straw?

64 The eldest and second child were on a plane. The second child got airsick and kept vomiting. One bag was full of vomit, so the boss had to go get it. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting. The eldest asked the reason and the second said, "I saw that this bag was also full of vomit, so I had to drink half of the bag, and they all vomited."

65 A priest was playing golf. A nun was watching. The first shot missed. The priest cursed: "TMD, you missed the shot!" Another shot, and the priest cursed again: "TMD, you missed the shot again!" The nun said: "As a priest, you say God will punish you for swearing." As soon as he finished speaking, a thunderbolt struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: Why was it me who cursed, and why did he kill the nun? At this time, I only heard the voice of God from the sky: "TMD, I missed the shot too!"

66 The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would start. To win the World Cup, God said: South Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. God said again: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I can’t see him anymore. The Chinese coach quickly asked: Where are we? God cried loudly: I can’t see him anymore.

67 Three little white rabbits picked a mushroom

The two older ones asked the younger one to get some wild vegetables to eat together

The younger one said I don’t Go ahead and eat my mushrooms when I leave

The two older ones said they didn’t know how to do it, so they went and the little white rabbit went~~~

Half a year has passed. The little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The big one says it won't come back. Let's eat it.

The other big one said, "Wait a little longer~~~" A year has passed and the little white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The two big ones discussed, "No need to wait, let's eat." At this moment, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the jungle nearby and said angrily! I knew you were going to eat my mushrooms

68 We say that a bear without a tail is called a koala, then What do we call a bear without a penis? The answer is a female bear, because a female bear does not have a penis to begin with.

In the 69 music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven

Xiao Ming asked Xiaohua: "Do you understand music?"

Xiaohua: " Yes”

Xiao Ming: “Then do you know what the teacher is playing?”

Xiao Hua: “Piano.”

There was a man fishing in the past. Caught a squid.

Squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.

The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions.

Squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test!

Then the man grilled the squid

71 Xiao Ming lost one leg in a car accident,

Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident Leg

Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident

Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident

It screamed in pain Shouting and shouting~~~~~It’s very pitiful

In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog

72 One day, a black poop saw a white poop,

Black Shit asked: Why are you so white and beautiful?

Bai Shi was very angry after hearing this!

He said: I am not a poop! I am ice cream!!!

73 Once while playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy a candle to continue fighting. After half an hour, the heat was unbearable. One person said: "Let's turn on the electric fan, it's too hot." Another person said: "Don't turn it on. Turning it on will blow out the candle. Dizzy=="

When I was in college in 1974, a classmate of mine had just bought a mobile phone and applied for a mobile card. He called the 1860 manned desk to ask, and he was so excited: "Can I ask about your ground transmission service..." We actually heard from the speakerphone When the receptionist said politely: "Our local transportation business..." the whole dormitory burst into laughter!

75 One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountains to pick fruits.

He announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together, and we can eat them together after washing." ”

All the children ran to pick fruits.

When the gathering time came, all the children gathered.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked apples."

Teacher : "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are all great! Then Amin What about you?”

Amin: “I was washing my shoes because I stepped in feces.”

76 A mentally ill patient screamed: I am the president, you all have to listen to me. of!

The attending doctor asked him: Who said that?

Patient: God said so.

Hearing this, a patient next to him suddenly jumped up: I never said that!

There is a family in 77, and the whole family is very lazy. The father asked the mother to do housework. If the mother didn’t want to do it, she would ask the eldest sister to do it. If the eldest sister didn’t want to do it, she would ask the younger sister to do it. But the younger sister didn’t want to do it either, so she would ask the puppy to do it. One day a guest came to the house and found the puppy doing housework. It was very strange. surprise. Asked the puppy: "Puppy, can you do housework?" The puppy said: "No way, they don't do it, they ask me to do it."

The guests are even more surprised, you can talk!!! Puppy: Shhh! Keep your voice down, otherwise they will know that I can talk and ask me to answer the phone again!!

78 Lele will go to the zoo to feed them one day Monkeys... throw peanuts to monkeys to eat... but one monkey will stuff peanuts into his butt every time... and then take them out to eat... Lele felt disgusted and ran to ask the director... why did that monkey have such strange things? The move... The director explained: Last year, a person threw a big peach for him to eat. As a result, the big peach could not be smoothly discharged from the buttocks... He suffered miserably... So now he must put the food into his butt first. Measure it and make sure it can be pulled out before you dare to eat...

79 Demon King: "Princess, if you break your throat, no one will come to save you!"

Princess: "Broken throat!" "

Nobody: "Princess! I'm here to save you!"

Devil: "What the hell"

Ghost: "Who found me?"

Who: "What does it have to do with me?"

The devil is dead! !

80 Once upon a time, there was a white cat and a black cat. One day, the white cat fell into the water, and the black cat rescued it. The white cat said something to the black cat

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What is this sentence? Answer: Meow

81 The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, really Sorry, not that much."

"That's it." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

82 Fire Brigade : Where is the fire?

Caller: My house.

Fire brigade: Where is it?

Caller: In the kitchen.

Fire brigade: I mean how do we get there?

Caller: Don’t you have a fire truck? !

83 The coffee cup and the water cup were crossing the road together. At this time, an old man shouted, "Be careful, it's a red light now." But after a while, the coffee cup passed smoothly. On the road, but the water glass was hit by a truck and water poured into it. Why? Because the coffee cup has "ears", the water cup does not.

84 Two tomatoes went shopping. The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked: "Where are we going?" The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again. Asked once. The first tomato didn't answer yet, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned around slowly and said: Aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk?

85 Xiao Ming and his classmates played and guessed "Andy Lau"

Xiao Ming shouted loudly: "He is one of the Four Heavenly Kings!"

Classmates He said confidently without hesitation: I know it is "Sun Wukong!"

86 Little Penguin asked his grandma one day, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you Of course it's a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong?" "But, why do I feel so cold?" /p>

87 Three college students were kidnapped.

The bad guys tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Where are you from?" If you don’t tell me, I’ll electrocute you! College student A: I am from Jiaotong University, College student B: I am from Peking University, College student C: I am from Radio and Television University (Electric Power University)! As a result, he was electrocuted to death~~~

88 Once upon a time, there was a horse. He entered a bar, sat at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The waiter said: Your face is so long. ...

Prison 89 was executed. Due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, please strangle me to death! It’s so fucking scary

90 Three people were competing in marksmanship, with a black man holding something as a target.

The first man placed an apple on the black man’s head, then raised his hand and shot the apple to pieces 10 meters away. He blew the gun and said: I 'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then, 50 meters away, he raised his hand and shot the cherry to pieces. He blew on the muzzle of the gun and said: I' m007

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man’s head, then raised his hand and shot the black man’s head 100 meters away, and he also blew The muzzle said: I'm sorry

91 Xiao Wang works in the personnel department on the 10th floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the 9th floor. Today, classmate Xiao Wang called the personnel department to find him: "Is Xiao Wang here?"

The colleague who answered the phone said: "Xiao Wang is no longer in the personnel department."

Classmate Xiao Wang: "Ah!?, when did it happen? , How come I don’t know, I haven’t had time to send him off?”

“It doesn’t matter, you can go find him below.”

92 My wife spent a lot of money to have plastic surgery, and a few days later Go home as a beauty! When entering the door, she said to her confused husband, "What? You don't recognize me anymore?" The husband was stunned for a moment, and then said in surprise: "Come in, my wife is not at home."

93 A woman She was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man walking toward her with his arms open, making a hug. He stepped forward and kicked the man, who fell to the ground and cried loudly, saying: It’s already a third piece of glass. Who did I offend? Take a piece of glass home with you. Is it so difficult?

94 I was chatting with a group of female colleagues this afternoon. Suddenly someone said that I was not a man. Well, there was one who was the most awesome. He said, "Please take it out and I took out my ID card."

95 A little boy went to the country to spend the holidays with his relatives. His relatives lived on a farm, and the children played happily and saw many things they had never seen before. When he got home, he told his mother everything. He said the one that impressed him most was a sow with her piglets.

What does a sow do? The child said: "The piglets chased the sow and then they turned the sow over and started tearing off the buttons on her belly."

96 Mom: "Son, son! Come on! 'It is too easy ! 'What is it?'

Son: "'It's too simple.'"

Mom: "Why don't you tell me it's simple?"

Son: " Ah, it's just too simple!"

Mom: "You think I won't hit you, right?"

After saying that, he gave his son a lesson.

Then, the mother asked:

"What do you mean by the word 'what'?"

Son: "'What'."

Mom: "What do you mean when I say: 'what'?"

Son: "'What'!"

After that, the mother taught her son another lesson...

After the punishment, the mother asked again:

"Okay, I'll ask you again, just tell mom and it'll be fine."

Son: "Yeah U_U~.

”

Mom: “I often hear people say ‘fuck’. What does it mean?” "

Son: "(Woo)"

97 Drifter said: "People call me Drifter, which sounds nice! "

The warrior said: "People call me warrior, which sounds nice! ”

The master said: “People call me Gaoren, which sounds nice! ”

The swordsman said: “You guys chat, I’m leaving first

A student from the 98 Normal College said: I am from the “Normal College”

From the Railway College The student said: I am from the "Iron College"

The student from the Vocational College said: I am from the "Vocational College"

The student from the Technical College said: You guys chat, I'm leaving first !

99 White Jade said: My name is Bai Yu.

The green jade said: My name is Biyu.

Red Jade said: My name is Hongyu.

Apricot Jade said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first

100 Zhang Liangying said: “The fans who admire me all say: My idol is named Ying”

He Jie said: "The fans who admire me all say: My idol is called Jie"

Zhou Bichang said "The fans who admire me all say: My idol is called Chang"

Li Yuchun Said: "You guys chat, I'm leaving first