Classic jokes

1. With you along the way, I am willing to suffer a little bit, but there is no need to talk about a lot of hardship. I finally made this decision. I don’t care what others say, but too many people say forget it. I am willing to go with you to the end of the world. If you don’t have a car, just leave it!

2. My friend and I were shopping and saw a lot of people lined up in front of a milk tea shop. For a taste, we also queued up and bought two cups. We walked around and drank. When I was about to finish the cup, my friend suddenly said: "This pimple soup tastes terrible!"

3. Chinese Valentine's Day is coming soon. Single friends, hurry to the supermarket and quietly buy each box. A note was stuffed in the chocolate: "Let's break up!;"

4. God, when I said "This day can't get any worse", it was just a simple complaint, not a provocation. , thank you!

5. A group of man-eating dragons hovered over the suburbs. The debate continues over whether to go to the city and eat city folk or go to the countryside and eat country folk. In the end, Toulong decided to go to the countryside because the food raised in captivity is not as delicious as the food raised in free range.

6. A cat fell in love with a sheep. The cat gently said to the sheep: "I like you the most. Please marry me! Meow." The sheep suddenly turned pink. , shyly said: "I hate it! My husband hasn't agreed yet!"

7. Some things in this life are reasonable, some things are uncontrollable, and some things are unsatisfactory. , some things are illogical, some things are unexpected, and some things are suddenly enlightened. Has the fool realized it?

8. An old farmer bought seeds and sowed them, and in autumn it turned out that There is no harvest because the seeds are fake. The old farmer was determined to die, so he bought a bottle of pesticide and drank it, but he did not die because the pesticide was fake. The family was thankful that the man was not dead and bought a bottle of wine to celebrate, but the whole family died because the wine was fake.

9. In this world, you are the most amazing person; you will not fight back when I hit you, and you will scold you; you will not pay attention to food and accommodation, don’t wear clothes in winter and summer, live in a circle all day long, and will not be impatient or impatient. , has a very handsome figure and can read short messages. I like you the most among the animals!

10. A single woman, who is not in good health and often catches colds. She also likes to watch some sad movies. After watching them, she sighs and sheds tears alone. She lives a very depressed life. Come and listen to others' advice, strengthen physical exercise, watch comedy jokes instead, your mood will be better, your body will be better, and you will no longer catch a cold. One night, when she just went to bed, she heard a sigh in the living room... "Alas... I've been in so much trouble recently..." She sighed as she drew a paper box in the living room.

11. The little rabbit and the little turtle were in love, and the little rabbit said: I want to love you forever. The little turtle said: I will miss you for a thousand years! Our hearts will be together forever. Unexpectedly, Master Rabbit heard it all and warned his grandson - "Don't be deceived! His father pursued his mother and proposed to him for decades." The little rabbit couldn't stand it: "Little turtle's mother is so arrogant..." Master Rabbit said: It’s not arrogance, it’s just pride, they can live ten thousand years.”

12. Upstairs in Xunyang, Song Jiang drunkenly wrote an anti-poem, and was kidnapped by the state government and sentenced to death. Chao Gai was restless after hearing this, but Wu Yong said calmly: "Brother, don't worry, I have ordered all the heroes to come to the rescue. As expected, it will rain on the mountain in time at midnight tomorrow. "——According to historical records, this is the earliest weather forecast in our country.

13. I want to hold you in the palm of my hand and serve you with all my heart; I want to hold you in my arms and serve you with all my heart. Raise; I will use all my body and mind to give you the best care: I will make you a cute little fat pig. 14. In KFC, a dinosaur sits across from you. Sitting there for a long time without leaving, I thought your aesthetic standards had changed! It turns out your legs were numb!

15. I made a pot of blessed nutritious soup for you. It has no coloring and no preservatives. Potion, all made with blessings, shelf life: a lifetime, after taking it, may you be surrounded by happiness and good luck all the time, forever!

16. Walking near the train station In the underground passage, I found someone writing a large mobile phone number on the wall, with the words "Looking for gays in this city" written on the back, followed by a line of very vague small words, "X, damn you, who knows if you are a man or not." "Female"...

17. The weather is hot. To prevent heatstroke, dig into the soil when it's time to dig into the soil, shed your hair when it's time, run naked when you want to, and bald when you want to be bald. . If you don’t do anything and don’t think about anything, congratulations, you have mastered the magical skill of "calmness and natural cooling".

18. Only people who are unable to live out their own life will spend a lot of time caring about the privacy of others more than caring about their own lives. What a miserable life form that is. You never truly live your life, live for your parents, live for your lover, and when you are older, live for your job and your children. Among all the "moral" excuses, you only lose the truth. The honesty and courage to live for yourself.

Nineteen. The baby elephant and his mother took advantage of the moonlit night to sneak out of the zoo. The two ran happily. When they ran under the viaduct, the mother elephant suddenly stopped and hugged the baby elephant tightly. head. The little elephant raised his neck and asked: "Mom, what's wrong with you?" Mom: "Be careful, baby, shoot the elephant's head!"

20. A few classmates and I went to a friend's house to play, and we talked about his house. The child was thin, small, with black eyes and small, round eyes. When we were playing with the child, he kept scratching his face with his little hands. I leaned close to my classmate’s ear and whispered: This little kid is too ugly. Come on! I don’t even know how to describe it. As a result, my classmate said directly to the child without thinking: Are you the monkey’s rescuer?

21. Female: I am the Mona Lisa, there is no need to smile at you all the time. !Male: Brother is LV, you would like to have it!Female: Are you the one who wants LV? Pinyin, right?

22. A wild cat broke into the hornbill cage in the zoo. The hornbill saw the wild cat and knew it. There was no hope for him anymore, so he closed his eyes and waited for death. But after waiting for a while and not receiving any attack, the hornbill opened his eyes and found the wild cat looking at him, as if thinking about a problem. "What are you thinking about?" the hornbill asked boldly. "I didn't expect you had a banana growing on your face. I was wondering if it should be used as an appetizer or as a dessert after the meal."

Twenty-three, Ahua said to Agou: "Today's exam is When it was time for the exam, A-hua kicked A-gou, and A-gou replied: "Meow~~~meow~~~"

24. The main purpose of this meeting today is to announce: From now on, we will focus on doing practical things, not engage in public support projects, and do not make false claims. We must base ourselves on society and serve the people! Okay, let’s finally announce a big thing: I have changed my mobile phone number. , that’s it, please remember to contact me if you have anything in the future! The meeting is over!

Twenty-five, in the park. Manager: Madam, walking dogs is prohibited in the park! The shrew argued: You see clearly! The dog is running in front, and I am holding the rope behind! This is walking, do you understand?

Twenty 6. What to do if the temperature is too high? Take a spin in the swimming pool. What should I do if it’s still hot after spinning? Give the ice cream a lick. What should I do if it’s still hot after licking it? Stand in front of an electric fan. What should I do if it’s still hot after standing? Take a look in an air-conditioned room. What should I do if I still feel hot after watching it? There is no other way. It seems that the only solution is to cool down naturally with a calm mind. May you fight the scorching heat and have a cool summer!

Twenty-seven, when will spring flowers and autumn moon come, Yuanfang, how much do you know?

Twenty-eight, one person The self-esteemed judge arrogantly said: Many people can’t figure out which is more important, the law or the judge. What do you think? The shoemaker said: Of course the judge is important! The judge happily tipped him more, and then asked: Can you tell me why? The shoemaker said: Because the law does not require me to polish his shoes for him.

Twenty-nine. A few days ago in the countryside, my cousin made a phone call using a Bluetooth headset. While talking, he looked at the old cow on the field ridge. My grandma saw it and called me over quickly. Go and see your brother. He stood there talking to the cow for half an hour, laughing and joking.

Thirty. That day, I wanted to go to the zoo to see the orangutans, and you came. I told you my arrangement politely, but unexpectedly you suddenly turned your back and shouted: "Didn't you see that I am right in front of you? You actually want to go to the zoo to see me."

Thirty-one. It is said that an inch of money cannot buy an inch of time. Well, today I will risk everything. I will sell all my time to you in exchange for all your money. Don't refuse, I am doing this voluntarily, prepare the money, and I will take my time to find you in the afternoon!

One day, my friend and I went to the building to do errands. We entered the elevator, but our friend who was standing next to the elevator control panel made no move. I asked: "Why didn't you press the elevator button?" My friend replied awkwardly: "The button on the 62nd floor is too high, and there were so many people and I was embarrassed to jump to press it.

”

Thirty-two. Wukong held the magnet and sucked it around on the ground. Sha Monk asked: Senior Brother, what are you looking for? Wukong: Hey! I dropped the golden cudgel on the ground, and I haven’t seen it yet. It’s too late to grow longer!

Thirty-three. Today I saw a little girl about three years old next to me. She picked out a piece of nose and put it in her mouth to chew. I was surprised: how could you chew your nose? Eat shit. Didn't your parents tell you that this stuff is dirty and inedible? She said, "I'll try it. They can't see me over there." I asked curiously, "What does it taste like?" She said, "It's salty, and it's quite chewy." . Auntie, why don’t you taste your own boogers?

Thirty-four, Xiao Ming always comes first in the exam, but this time he didn’t come first. His mother asked angrily: What happened this time? Didn’t get first place? Xiao Ming: I didn’t get first place and you are like this, so why don’t other people’s mothers get crazy?

Thirty-five, my wife and I went shopping on Valentine’s Day. Suddenly a little kid selling flowers said that big brother should buy a bouquet of flowers for his girlfriend. I said she is my wife and we are an old married couple, so there is no need. The little kid said that big brother only knows how to give flowers to his girlfriend. Buy flowers. I bought so many flowers just now, but I won’t buy them for my wife. Damn, I don’t know this little brat at all...

Thirty-six. Yesterday, I found out that I was very fat, and I made up my mind to lose weight. To lose weight, the coach said that you should wear loose clothes so that the threads will not be torn. If I have loose clothes to wear, why should I lose weight? Do you think he is sick?!

< p> Thirty-seven. The boss’s youngest daughter is 4 years old. Because the boss’ wife is traveling, the boss brings Loli to the office. The little Loli is happy, jumping up and down, and is a typical “problem girl” who asks questions about everything. The girl thought she spoke too loudly, so she hugged her and gently told her not to talk so loudly. The little loli was unhappy and suddenly said, "Then you screamed so loudly in my dad's room last night." "The office was extremely quiet for a moment...

Thirty-eight. Driver: "Hey, sir, didn't you see the 'No Smoking' slogan?" The passenger replied calmly: "Look. We arrived, but there was an advertisement saying "Please wear XX brand bra" next to it. Should I wear it too? So, I simply ignored it. "

Thirty-nine. "Our general manager's surname is Zhou. Once he called me while I was driving. When I was nervous, I opened my mouth and said. ""Premier Zhou..."" ""..."" "